Does this conversation sound familiar to you? “So-and-so is mad at me.” “Oh really, did she say she was mad at you?” “No, I can just tell.” Or what about this one? “So-and-so doesn’t want to hang out anymore.” “Oh really, why do you think that?” “Because he found someone else to spend time with so he doesn’t need me anymore.” Ah, assuming. You get to feel self-righteous by making someone else the bad guy while you’re the victim who did nothing wrong. It’s an excuse not to communicate. When you create a story about what someone else is thinking or feeling, it keeps you insulated from all those “bad people.” Instead of asking questions or seeking the truth, you drive a wedge between you and the other person. It positions you as the suffering victim with them as the perpetrator, which means you have no power.

In this episode I’ll show you why this is so damaging to relationships (you’ll never get close to someone this way), and how to catch yourself making up these stories. Because when you pay attention and catch yourself, you have a choice. You can take responsibility for your thoughts and seek the truth instead of assuming you know what’s going on with someone else. You can choose open communication that connects you to someone instead of made-up stories that create distance. Do you really want to make decisions based on assumptions that may not have a kernel of truth?

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Journey Of Attachment: I Know What You’re Thinking, So Why Ask?

The people in your life have heard you complain about the same problem over and over. It’s your relationship or your job or your money issues—whatever it is, you’re a victim. It’s someone else’s fault. You say you want to solve the problem, but you won’t “go there.” If someone tries to dig a little deeper to get to the root of it (a friend, a therapist, a coach, a partner), you get defensive. You’d rather steer the conversation away from anything emotional and focus on the problem you THINK is the real problem.

So what’s really going on? Something much deeper. Something attached to fear, disappointment, shame or some other ugly emotion that’s too hard to look at. Instead, you double-down on trying to solve the surface problem over and over. But it doesn’t budge. You’re not actually solving anything. This week’s podcast is about how we bury our problems so deep, we end up hiding them from ourselves. If you’re beating your head against the wall, trying to solve a problem that won’t go away, stop. Open yourself to the possibility of something deeper going on—something you don’t want to look at. When you keep trying to control the conversation to avoid what’s going on inside, you stay exactly where you are. Want the problem to go away? Start looking at what’s REALLY going on.

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Journey Of Attachment: What’s REALLY Going On?

Attachment issues are big among my podcast listeners; there’s a reason I have an entire series devoted to it! But there is a difference between those who are ATTACHED to their attached relationship, and those who truly want to let go. You need to honestly ask yourself: Are you more comfortable with the devil you know, or are you willing to do the hard work needed to make a change?

Deciding you have value and wanting to move out of a dysfunctional relationship is one of the hardest things to do. I remember being chained to a relationship I didn’t want, yet no matter how many times I broke up with him or refused to talk to him, it never made those attachment feelings go away. Fear keeps us stuck in these relationships, and it’s where I lived for a long time. I felt a total loss of control over myself and my relationship, like I couldn’t get a handle on either. Fear of commitment showed up too, as it often does. Attached relationships are perfect for those of us who don’t want to commit to ourselves because we never have to. I couldn’t see how much I was settling because I was more concerned with the safety of the familiar. I unconsciously hoped he would rescue me from the empty space inside, and I held onto that, waiting. It’s an illusion that keeps us stuck, not sure we’re ready to leave our emotionally comfortable, yet painful place. Because what if one day things magically change…

While deciding you truly WANT a healthy relationship is the first step, the next step isn’t necessarily letting go of your attached relationship. Sometimes we do this prematurely and jump right into another one because we don’t take the time to learn. Check in with your feelings, notice your reactions, see what triggers your partner hits and where they come from. It’s also important to honor the dysfunctional space you’re in without beating yourself up. You CAN have a healthy, happy relationship. But you have to truly want it. Do you?

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Journey of Attachment

Journey Of Attachment: The Comfort of Dysfunction (REBROADCAST)

In your sphere of relationships—partner, friend, colleague, family, acquaintance, etc.—how do you show up? Are you trying to fit in, be liked or be respected? Do you want to be thought of as nice, smart, strong, reliable and/or helpful? And to achieve those objectives, do you act differently with different people? You might perform the way you think somebody wants you to without even realizing it. Yes, perform. When you are playing a role that is focused on how you want to be perceived instead of who you truly are, you’re performing. And it not only depletes you of energy, it also robs your relationships of intimacy because you are not being your authentic self.

So why work so hard to be a chameleon? Most people behave according to someone else’s expectations (real or assumed) to avoid abandonment. If you show up as the perfect friend, co-worker, lover, son/daughter, etc., you’ll preserve the relationship. But the consequences are many. In this week’s podcast you’ll see how much you sacrifice by being a chameleon, and that relationships are far more intuitive than you think. I’ll walk you through a reframing exercise that focuses on the purpose of your relationships so you can experience how it feels to show up as YOU.

Wisdom Nugget (#wisdomnugget)
Valuing yourself means what’s NOT okay IS okay, and sharing it with the world.

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Journey Of Attachment: I Want To Have an Authentic Relationship With Someone

Are you a unicorn hunter, chasing some magical fantasy as the answer to your problems? When you find your perfect mate, when you write your best-selling book, when you win the lottery. You think your unicorn is waiting for you “out there” somewhere, but it never appears because what you’re really searching for is what you lack inside: value, worthiness, acceptance, love, validation. You’re disconnected from yourself. As the saying goes, “Wherever you go, there you are.”

When you feel like a deflated shell of yourself, it’s easier to focus on the magical moments that will rescue you rather than what’s going on internally. You look for an exit to avoid those negative feelings, believing there is a place where only positivity exists. A place where someone else sees your magic because you don’t see it in yourself. Searching is no small feat; it requires a lot of work and suffering… to what end? Disappointment is the real destination because you never do find what you’re looking for. In this week’s podcast, you’ll learn the chase only ends when you decide to deal with yourself. When you look beyond the fantasy in your mind to accept your reality. And reality is not as ugly as you may feel it is. It’s where life is lived.

Wisdom Nugget (#wisdomnugget)
Chasing unicorns will keep you chasing as a life pursuit. Be in your reality now and accept all feelings. Love yourself now.

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Journey Of Attachment: The Search for Unicorns

From a small village in Holland to the international modeling scene, Jill de Jong led an adventurous but exhausting life. At 17 she moved to Milan, working long days and sleeping on planes. After four years of missed birthdays and weddings, she tried to settle down and leave modeling, but restlessness bubbled up. She moved to NY with her husband where modeling continued taking a toll on her physical, mental, and emotional health. Constantly depleted with a lot of uncomfortable body issues, Jill dove deep into health and nutrition.

“If you really need weekends to recover, you’re not implementing enough time to rest during the week.”
--Jill de Jong

As she healed her body, Jill’s relationship was falling apart. She lost herself while trying to “fix” her husband and make him happy. When the marriage eventually ended after 12 years, Jill saw an opportunity to design the life she wanted. She became a personal trainer and started sharing her knowledge of fitness and nutrition with others. Today she is retired from modeling, and happily married to the man she met just one day after she wrote down her goal to fall in love again. In addition to writing the book “Models Do Eat,” Jill hosts a podcast and coaches others on their health and wellness journey. Join me as Jill shares her thirst for life and adventure with an energy that’s palpable. Her life advice: Do one thing differently to spark a little bit of new energy.

You can learn more about Jill at https://www.jilldejong.com/.

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Moving On to a Healthy and Thriving Life! with Jill de Jong

Insecure attachment issues are very painful. Some may be familiar with John Bowlby’s attachment theory on childhood development. I talked about these in Podcast #63: Your Attachment Style, and encourage you to listen to it for an overview. Here I take the Anxious/Avoidant style a step further. Based on my own experience, and talking with hundreds of clients, the supposedly rare style of an Avoidant/Anxious/Avoidant is not so rare. This is when an independent person (avoidant) thinks they’ve found their soulmate in another avoidant, then becomes anxious that he/she will leave. This may manifest in choosing someone who likes you more than you like them (how could they possibly leave you?)so even if you have a lack of interest--it gives you something, or trying to rescue/fix someone (how can they leave if they need you?), or any number of different scenarios. The problem is, these relationships keep you avoiding YOURSELF and that’s not a place you want to live. Learn more about this style of attachment and how to break the pattern plus I also cover what true avoidant and true anxious behavior are in terms of characteristics--so you can find your style and do something about it. There’s a lot of info, so listen closely!

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The Journey of Attachment: The Not So Rare Avoidant/Anxious Attachment Type (REBROADCAST)

You just said something that pissed off your partner. But geez, you were only joking. Then your friend asked for your opinion about what they were wearing, and was hurt by what you said. It seems like you’re always stepping on landmines, then constantly defending what you said or going on damage control. Should you be honest or not? Why is everyone so damn sensitive?

Maybe it’s not them. When you don’t own what you say, and instead blow it off by saying, “I call it like I see it!” or “That’s just how I was raised,” or “Can’t you take a joke?” you invalidate the other person. You’re not able to see beyond your own perspective to realize the impact it has on others. If you want to have relationships that you’re not constantly repairing, take a deeper look at what you say and why. In this week’s podcast you’ll be challenged to look at the motivation behind the way you communicate. What are you trying to achieve? Is it working? What negative beliefs are at play? This self-examination will keep you from running on autopilot so you catch yourself before putting your foot in your mouth. It’s a relationship saver.

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Journey Of Attachment: Did I Say Something Stupid? Examining Your Communication Style.

The same dance happens all the time in unhealthy relationships between an anxious and an avoidant. The anxious struggles with self-value so they perform: see me, pay attention to me! This neediness causes the avoidant to run. But then, when the avoidant is away, they miss their anxious partner. They want to feel that “closeness” again so the avoidant returns and the whole cycle goes on repeat with the anxious clinging and the avoidant running.

The anxious partner tends to blame the avoidant for problems in the relationship because THEY did the leaving. Anxious see themselves as the emotional ones while their avoidant partners are robots. In truth, the anxious person is avoiding too. They are avoiding their feelings and avoiding responsibility. Both parties want control, blaming the other person so there is a winner and a loser. Where is the love in that?? In this week’s podcast we’ll dig into attached relationships driven by fear and anxiety. There are no winners and losers here—only losers. Whether you are the anxious or avoidant partner, learn how to break the cycle by focusing on yourself so you change the way you show up in relationships. There IS a better way!

WISDOM NUGGET (#wisdomnugget)
Whether you are anxious or avoidant, it is about YOU, not the other person. And since it IS you, you can change your relationships NOW.

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Journey Of Attachment: Breaking the Toxic Anxious-Avoidant Relationship Cycle

Someone makes an off-handed remark and you bristle. Or they criticize you and you go into full-blown defensive mode before you dissolve into a million pieces. Why does this happen? Why are you so sensitive to some things while others slide off your back? You react when there is some truth in what was said; a truth you don’t want to admit to yourself, let alone have it pointed out by another person. When they call it out you become awash with shame. Shame is a VERY uncomfortable emotion to deal with so instead of feeling it, you deflect, attack, avoid or blame.

Maybe your friend says you can’t be alone, which is why you’re always jumping from one bad relationship to the next. If that’s not true, there would be no reaction. Nothing would be triggered inside of you. But if you strike back and/or want to crawl into a hole… that’s a sign. Shame is talking and it’s time to listen. In this week’s podcast we’re talking about how to deal with criticism and shame. It’s hard to see the unsavory or unlikeable parts of yourself, but acknowledging those parts is the road to self-love, self-acceptance and emotional freedom. When you own your actions and feel the shame, you open the door to healing. No one likes criticism, but it can be an incredibly powerful tool for growth.

WISDOM NUGGET (#wisdomnugget)
Put on your cape and open yourself to all sorts of criticism. Own what’s yours and let it flow through you. Remember you have your magic cape!

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Journey of Attachment: Feel Criticized? How To Let It Go and Be Happy

“I’m like Bewitched with a lot of vodka!” Meet psychic medium Marilyn Alauria. From the age of three she had psychic experiences, but she didn’t know that’s what they were. As a kid she was constantly told it was just her imagination and she was overly sensitive. Those messages, coupled with childhood abuse, led Marilyn to push her abilities aside. She turned to drinking and drugs in her early teens to quiet the feelings, voices and confusion she experienced—not knowing how to deal with it. It wasn’t until after college that she connected with a medium who encouraged her to use her gifts, which opened up a whole new world to her. Marilyn had finally come home.

“I fell into my soul. I fell into my alignment. I fell into who I am—my home.”
–Marilyn Alauria

Today Marilyn is a healer, instructor, coach and world-renowned psychic medium. Through her Soul Finder Academy and Membership for your Soul programs, Marilyn helps people live a practical, meaningful and joyous life (no unicorns, flying carpets, or impossible routines required!). Join me as she shares the low and high points of her journey—from watching her dad shoot a gun at her mom to winning an Emmy award—to finally arrive at a place of alignment with who she truly is. Marilyn leaves us with three simple yet powerful exercises to connect with your soul that I encourage you to try!

You can learn more about Marilyn at:
Website: marilynalauria.com
Facebook: facebook.com/marilynalauria1
Instagram: instagram.com/marilynalauria

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Moving On to a Healthy and Thriving Life! with Marilyn Alauria

Your partner is a narcissist or an avoidant or emotionally unavailable… or some other label you have assigned to him/her. You’ve read up about how to deal with people like that, and have taken it upon yourself to fix them. You want to show them how they can be better, so you as a couple can be better. But why is it their responsibility to change? What about your role? Beating them up for your relationship problems won’t solve the issues between you. So what’s the answer?

Start with compassion. Subconscious patterns are hard to break. If you are working on yourself, you know this to be true. Your partner isn’t bad or broken. They are human, just like you. Putting energy toward telling them what they need to do differently is energy better spent on yourself. Maybe they don’t want to be “fixed.” And if they do want to change, it’s their journey… not yours. In this week’s podcast we will focus on acceptance and compassion—for yourself and your mate. And really, this applies all relationships, not just intimate ones. This shift will move you from a constrictive space where you feel powerless, to a loving and expansive place that brings you peace.

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Journey of Attachment: Instead of Trying to Fix People, Try This Instead

Go ahead, buy that car. You’re worth it. Your well-earned promotion will finally show people you have arrived. How do you measure your worth? Is it by what other people label as important, or what you feel inside? Will chasing money, fame and success make you feel worthy and valued? Of course not. Some of the most successful people in the world have an enormous sense of lack, believing more accolades will eventually fill them up. Intellectually you know fulfillment doesn’t work this way, yet your subconscious still searches for validation over the next mountain.

So where does your internal value come from? Much of it is learned in childhood from your parents’ feelings of worthlessness. Yep, it’s passed down, so to speak, through the generations. Of course you didn’t know this as a kid; you simply modeled their behavior and emotional responses. And instead of seeing the problem as theirs, you believed something was wrong with you. In today’s podcast we’ll look at how we search for worthiness externally, and how to cultivate it internally. Everything you avoid takes away your worth, so start by accepting where you are right now—even if you feel utterly worthless. Then, let resistance be your guide. What you most resist is often the pathway to a more fulfilling life.

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Journey of Attachment: You Are Not Worthless. How To Change Your Tune!

You may think boundaries are set for the benefit of others, and get angry when they aren’t followed. But you probably go against your own boundaries all the time without realizing it. People take their cues from how you treat yourself, so if you’re upset about putting in extra effort despite expressing your need for help and you keep doing it, look at how you continue to pick up the slack. If your partner is constantly making plans with you at the last minute, despite you asking him/her to plan ahead, you have to ask why you stay in a relationship with yourself where you are disrespecting you which is then reflected in this relationship where you don’t feel like a priority. Even if you yell at them or punish them for their unacceptable behavior, you’re still allowing it to happen, because you are not respecting you.

Boundaries are not the responsibility of others, they are yours. If your boundaries aren’t being respected, look at whether YOU are respecting them. Telling someone what you want or what is acceptable is not enough; you need to back it up with action in how you treat yourself. Show them, don’t tell them. If you have to tell someone you have to ask yourself again, “What am I doing here?” Start treating yourself the way you want to be treated. And if your actions DO support your boundaries but someone isn’t respecting them, it’s probably time to make a new choice in that relationship.

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Journey of Attachment: Setting Boundaries (REBROADCAST)

How often do you look for the enemy in your life? Whether it’s a partner who can’t commit, a condescending boss or an entitled rich person, labeling them as the bad guy can make you feel better about yourself. After all, if they are the bad guy, that makes you the good guy, right? And when you’re the good guy, you don’t need to do anything differently; the responsibility to change or be different is all on them. But people and situations are not inherently good or bad—it is only your perception.

Passing judgment on others is also a way to hide from your emotions and remain a victim. If everything is their fault, you don’t have to look at how you are contributing. Instead, perhaps you fantasize about what life would be life if your partner finally committed to the relationship or your boss started respecting you, but that fantasy does nothing to change your reality. In this week’s podcast I invite you to look at things from a different perspective. By dropping the labels and looking at what you’re avoiding (i.e. your feelings), you’ll be able see the situation a lot more clearly. Then you can take action based on reality instead of holding tightly to your hero/villain fantasy.

Journey of Attachment: Why Does There Always Have To Be a Bad Guy?

If you can’t live without someone, and are knee-deep in soulmate territory where you need them to “complete” you, you are very likely stuck in attachment. You have a picture in your head of what you want your life to be and how you want to feel, so you’re trying to fit them into it, regardless of how things really are. So you push and pull, trying to mold them into what you want. Perhaps you cherry pick the good moments to convince yourself they’re the one. But where are their feelings in all of this? Are you in this relationship together, or are you just focused on getting what you want? And are you even getting it?

Attachment is self-absorption in many ways. Not because you’re self-centered or a bad person—not at all. You are simply reacting to your pain, which can be all-consuming. It’s an emptiness that needs to be fed, so you are constantly looking for ways to fill it. The quicker the better because you’re in scarcity land and it may disappear in a blink. Attachment like this can be an out-of-body experience where you are completely disconnected from your deeper feelings. In this week’s podcast I challenge you to look beyond yourself to see the other person for who they truly are—with empathy and compassion. This will help loosen that tight grip of yours so you ease anxiety and see your relationship a little more clearly.

Wisdom Nugget (#wisdomnugget)
Self absorption is attachment. Feeling your real feelings will help you connect better with others.

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Journey of Attachment: When You’re Attached, There’s Only Room In the Relationship For You

People think “selfish” is a dirty word, so there’s a lot of fear around it. They’ve had it beat into them that being selfish is bad, which leads to people-pleasing. When you succumb to people-pleasing, you’re constantly at the mercy of the rest of the world to validate you. You think if you don’t give to someone else or do what they want, you’re being selfish. And being selfish makes you feel guilty! You become so focused on not wanting to be selfish you walk on eggshells, over-doing to avoid the label. Try as hard as you can to be a saint and it won’t matter—when you try to compensate for your negative beliefs, it comes back to bite you.

The thing is, you’re never going to feel good when you go against yourself. You end up in this pattern of giving, thinking you’ll be seen as a good person and eventually get something in return. But when that doesn’t happen, you end up resentful… and then you try even harder. It’s a vicious cycle that’s not only painful, it also stops you from getting close to people. I know you’re afraid you won’t be likeable if you’re “selfish,” but if someone only likes you when you’re catering to their every whim, ask yourself if that’s really a two-way relationship. What are you getting out of it? Is it worth it?

Taking care of yourself doesn’t make you selfish, but giving to get does. Yep, when you give out of obligation, you’re not coming from a genuine place. You’re manipulating to get something—be it attention, validation, acceptance, etc. That’s actually more selfish than taking care of yourself. So, if you want to feel good and stop putting others before yourself, embrace being selfish. You’ll find that when you allow it rather than resisting, you’re able to own it. Make “selfish” a positive word in your vocabulary; it means you’re taking care of yourself instead of always prioritizing someone else. Take care of yourself first and foremost. Only then can you truly give from your heart.

Journey of Attachment: Selfish Is Not a Four-Letter Word (REBROADCAST)

Guy Finley is a best-selling author of more than 45 books and audios on self-realization, including his newest release, “Relationship Magic: Waking Up Together” which explores the purpose of relationships. His journey began when he was 12 or 13 years old, upon hearing a voice whose message formed the path of his entire life. Since then he has experienced a series of blows to who he was and who he thought he would be. In our riveting conversation, Guy shares his views on suffering, letting go, triggers, resistance, identity and so much more. He also talks about what he calls “peephole consciousness,” and how it limits our perspective of reality.

Guy challenges us to ask what we can learn from each moment instead of focusing on what we tell ourselves about the moment. And also to stop thinking about what we are, and work to see what we are. He is full of wisdom, and I always enjoy talking with him.

“Resistance is the revelation killer. You cannot resist anything in the moment, and hope to learn that lesson in the moment at the same time.” –Guy Finley

You can learn more about Guy Finley, including his free online classes, at www.guyfinley.org.

Moving On to a Healthy and Thriving Life! with Guy Finley

In this episode of “Surviving to Thriving: Overcoming My Darkest Moment” I talk with Sarah Prout, co-founder of the Manifesting Academy and host of the Journey to Manifesting podcast. Sarah was the victim of domestic violence in her 20s, but it was actually her husband’s destruction of her clothes and other possessions—not his physical abuse—that led her to finally call the police. Once on her own, she and her two children lived below the poverty line. Sarah, however, found gratitude in every blessing, from putting dinner on the table to having a pillow to sleep on.
Gratitude through adversity allowed the next steps of her life to unfold. While on welfare, she built a community online organically and learned about the power of abundance… something you can have without a penny to your name. Now she combines abundance with manifesting to help millions of others create magic in their lives. Sarah believes that you manifest through your connection to The Universe and empowering your emotions. Learn more about her work at https://sarahprout.com/

Surviving to Thriving: Sarah Prout

In this episode of “Surviving to Thriving: Overcoming My Darkest Moment” I talk with author, podcaster and intimate photographer Jen Rozenbaum. After a miscarriage and life-threatening ectopic pregnancy, Jen needed to direct her energy into something creative, so she picked up a camera and taught herself photography. When a client asked for a boudoir photo, Jen really connected with it, and later learned that many women who seek out intimate photos are suffering from infertility or other issues around femininity. These sessions were healing, both for Jen and her clients. And she didn’t know it at the time, but it was all practice for her real darkest moment… a breast cancer diagnosis in 2017. Something she found, ironically, while noticing a shadow on her self-portrait.

Going through surgery and chemo wasn’t the darkest part of her journey, however; it was post-treatment. Jen didn’t trust life and mourned the person she was prior to cancer. She wasn’t that person anymore. There was a lot of shame associated with both her fertility struggles and cancer, worried people may think she had done something to deserve it. She now shares those difficulties openly and authentically via her podcast, and through Instagram self-portraits. She also continues connecting with women through intimate photography, helping them be shamelessly feminine. Learn more about Jen at https://jenrozenbaum.com/ and https://www.shamelesslyfeminine.com/. Follow her photography on Instagram: @jenrozenbaum.

Surviving to Thriving : Jen Rozenbaum

Are you in a relationship or dating someone who’s more robot than human; someone who intellectualizes everything and doesn’t show any warmth? Or what about someone who makes big promises all the time and never, ever follows through? Or maybe you’re with someone who appears and disappears without warning, pretending it’s normal, making you think YOU are the crazy one? These are signs of an Avoidant relationship. If you find yourself in one, you have to ask yourself… why are you there? Is it because you mistake those butterfly feelings for real love?

Those feelings actually stem from a fear of abandonment. You’re trying to get the other person to cooperate with you and see your value, fearing they will leave you at any moment. It’s chemistry mixed with anxiety. There is also zero consistency in these relationships. So if you’re in a situation like this, realize it’s not healthy and look at how you got here. You made the choice to be with an Avoidant… which means you are also an Avoidant. Or an Anxious Avoidant. Securely attached people do not, I repeat do NOT, engage with people like this. Nobody who loves and accepts themself will put up with someone who is inconsistent and won’t emotionally commit. Period. In this episode I’ll show you how to identify what blocks you from giving to yourself and showing yourself love. Because this lack of self-love is what leads you to seek it from people who are unable to give it.

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Sick of being insecurely attached? Click here to get my free meditative insecure attachment release: tracy-crossley.mykajabi.com/pl/140617

Journey Of Attachment: Help! I’m Dating an Avoidant!

People who have attachment issues aren’t just attached to other people… they are also attached to ideas. They are attached to how they are seen by others, and how they want things to look. This narrow window of possibility is born from lack—that feeling there is not enough. That THEY as humans are not enough. And if they don’t get what they want, the answer is to work harder for their piece of the pie. The focus is on the negative: what’s missing or not enough or unlikely to work out because of X,Y and Z. And yep, you guessed it, control plays a major role in this limited outlook.

We actually create this sense of lack and scarcity by believing there is only one way to do something, so we struggle to make it happen. And then what? If you do achieve your goal, are you happy? Is it actually what you want? Probably not because the lack is still inside you. There is a lack of self-love, lack of self-worth, lack of trust in yourself. That doesn’t go away when you get the thing you’ve been struggling so hard to get. In this week’s podcast I’ll share how I let go of struggle, stopped leading from fear and opened myself to abundance. It really is magical what you can create when you let go and ALLOW.

Join my FREE Facebook Group for free monthly challenges and ongoing support from me and my coaches: bit.ly/2WRdKBt

Want to submit a question? Click here: bit.ly/AskTracyCrossley and watch live on Facebook every Thursday at 9 am PST.

Sick of being insecurely attached? Click here to get my free meditative insecure attachment release: tracy-crossley.mykajabi.com/pl/140617

Journey Of Attachment: Your Sense of Lack is What Keeps You Struggling

In this special series, Tracy will be answering your questions around emotional baggage. This week she dives into the hot topics of emotional hunger, letting go of a relationship, and patterns in relationships.

Join my FREE Facebook Group for free monthly challenges and ongoing support from me and my coaches: bit.ly/2WRdKBt

Want to submit a question? Click here: bit.ly/AskTracyCrossley and watch live on Facebook every Thursday at 9 am PST.

Sick of being insecurely attached? Click here to get my free meditative insecure attachment release: tracy-crossley.mykajabi.com/pl/140617

Emotional Hunger Vs. Love

What do you think you need to finally feel good? Do you believe you haven’t earned it yet? Haven’t suffered enough? Waiting for permission or a sign from the Universe? You may think feeling good (happy, content, joyful) is something bestowed upon you after you prove you deserve it. Once you hit that salary milestone or kiss 100 frogs. But when you wait for something outside of you, you give up your birthright to feel good. Yes, feeling good is a birthright. And it’s a choice that is always available to you.

That means misery and struggle are also a choice, and they don’t go away with wishful thinking. Feeling good requires you to allow those uncomfortable emotions you’re sitting in; to accept everything as it is. It’s not about pretending everything is perfect. You can choose to be with all your feelings, or constantly beat yourself up trying to get to a false nirvana. When you no longer try to shield yourself from negative feelings, you can just be. Listen to this week’s podcast where I help you identify your obstacles to feeling good, and how to feel your way through it.

WISDOM NUGGET (#wisdomnugget)
Feeling good is a choice, even if it is uncomfortable. Start small and smell the flowers, eat the dessert, smile at the stranger and open your heart.

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Sick of being insecurely attached? Click here to get my free meditative insecure attachment release: tracy-crossley.mykajabi.com/pl/140617

Journey Of Attachment: Feeling Good Is a Choice

In this special series, Tracy will be answering your questions around emotional baggage. This week she dives into the hot topics of healing, toxic relationships, and how to not stop yourself from feeling your feelings.

Join my FREE Facebook Group for free monthly challenges and ongoing support from me and my coaches: bit.ly/2WRdKBt

Sick of being insecurely attached? Click here to get my free meditative insecure attachment release: tracy-crossley.mykajabi.com/pl/140617

What is a Toxic Relationship?

You create whatever you focus on. If someone says, “Think about anything but a pink elephant,” what comes to mind? A pink elephant, of course. So why do you focus on your “flaws” or what you perceive to be negative about yourself? By feeding into what you don’t do well or don’t like about yourself, you constantly react to it… and just create more of it.

If you believe you’re an ogre, you’ll constantly try to prove you’re not one. It all stems from childhood limitations and the stories you told yourself: Because I’m an ogre I’ll never amount to anything in life. Because I’m an ogre I’ll never be worthy of love. You don’t want this to be true so you work very hard to convince other people (and yourself) otherwise. You try to control their perception of you. But of course, by focusing on NOT being an ogre, you just perpetuate that story.

In this week’s podcast I invite you to explore your own limiting stories and how you react to them. Where do they come from? Why do they exist? How do you keep them alive in your daily life? Once you’re aware of your negative story, and how you react to it, you can stop creating it. The problem isn’t being an ogre—we all are at times. The problem is disowning that part of yourself and trying to prove you’re not one. If you accept the ogre inside and stop focusing on it, it will sit quietly and leave you alone.

WISDOM NUGGET (#wisdomnugget)
You convey a medley of confusion by trying to control perceptions. Instead, let go, be aware and align with your true self.

Join my FREE Facebook Group for free monthly challenges and ongoing support from me and my coaches: bit.ly/2WRdKBt

Sick of being insecurely attached? Click here to get my free meditative insecure attachment release: tracy-crossley.mykajabi.com/pl/140617

Journey Of Attachment: I’m an Ogre! Creating What You Focus On

Someone says something to piss you off. In your head you think, “What a jerk!” In that moment, when you’re triggered, you can’t see how you’re responsible for your reaction (not the person who triggered you). You can’t see how you’re responsible for your choice to either strike back or shut down in response. In your head it’s a zero-sum game with a winner and a loser. If you blame the other person, the point goes to you. If you accept what they say, they have the upper hand. There is no space for communication based in grace, love or self-responsibility.

Communication goes awry when there is defensiveness and a reluctance to accept responsibility. A fear of loss is also at play. Fighting dirty might feel good in the moment, but guilt and shame often follow, leading you to feel even worse. You ALWAYS have a choice in how you respond and what you say. In this week’s episode, we’ll look at how to change your communication goals from being the winner (which creates distance) to being vulnerable (which brings people closer). It’s a game-changer.

WISDOM NUGGET (#wisdomnugget)
Communication can be challenging when you fear loss, but the thing you keep losing is yourself. Be open, honest and courageous—the rewards will come.

Join my FREE Facebook Group for free monthly challenges and ongoing support from me and my coaches: bit.ly/2WRdKBt

Sick of being insecurely attached? Click here to get my free meditative insecure attachment release: tracy-crossley.mykajabi.com/pl/140617

Journey Of Attachment: Communication Isn’t About Winning

You are hanging on by a thread. On the one hand, you have this amazing connection to someone. It feels almost unreal sometimes. On the other hand, you don’t see each other very often and you know he/she is probably dating other people. Seeing their profile all over dating apps is driving you crazy. BUT, he/she has been hurt in the past (or some other excuse), which makes getting into a relationship scary. You understand that and want to be patient because you see a potential future together. Part of you wants to confess your feelings, but you’re scared of pushing this person away. Meanwhile, you’re in anxiety hell.

This is not a relationship—it’s a game. You try new strategies, but still end up losing. You may even be pissed at him/her for “doing this” to you, not realizing you’re here by choice. It’s a painful attachment you’re afraid of losing. So why do you prolong your suffering, settling for breadcrumbs from someone who is clearly not willing to commit? In this episode I’ll talk about this painful hell many insecurely attached people find themselves in, along with some hard truths to separate fantasy from reality. I’ll also share two important steps that will give you the strength to realize you can move on. But first, your desire to feel better has to be stronger than the pain you’re in.

Join my FREE Facebook Group for free monthly challenges and ongoing support from me and my coaches: bit.ly/2WRdKBt

Sick of being insecurely attached? Click here to get my free meditative insecure attachment release: tracy-crossley.mykajabi.com/pl/140617

Journey Of Attachment: Are We in a Relationship… or Just Dating?

Anxiety is painful enough, but hiding it from your mate makes it even worse. Maybe you worry about where they are, or when they’re going to call, or why they ignored you. But instead of expressing that, you hide behind a façade of “everything’s just fine.” You’re afraid if your partner knew about these thoughts, he/she might freak out. Maybe you have even shown concern in the past, but he/she felt you didn’t trust them so you shut it down. How often have you asked yourself, “What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just be ok with the way things are?!” It’s scary and lonely to feel you have nowhere to turn. And that your feelings are unacceptable.

As a kid, if you were shamed for how you felt or told you were too sensitive, you carried that over into adulthood. Now it creates problems in your relationships because you’re always holding back. In this week’s episode, learn to make friends with your anxiety and allow yourself to be what you fear. I’ll walk you through it. Anxiety won’t disappear overnight, but if you want to be connected to your partner instead of suffering in silence, you have to acknowledge what’s going on and work through your fears. Stop driving yourself crazy.

WISDOM NUGGET (#wisdomnugget)
Holding it in hides it from no one. It makes you act weird. Let it blow, then let it go without blame. You deserve it!

Join my FREE Facebook Group for free monthly challenges and ongoing support from me and my coaches: bit.ly/2WRdKBt

Sick of being insecurely attached? Click here to get my free meditative insecure attachment release: tracy-crossley.mykajabi.com/pl/140617

Journey Of Attachment: I Need To Keep My Anxiety a Secret From My Mate

Joel Primus is an author, speaker, filmmaker and serial entrepreneur. His first success, however, was as a runner, representing Canada at the World Youth Games. His identity as a runner was everything—then he blew up his achilles and that life was over. Trying to fill a void, he hitchhiked across Canada to make a movie—until his camera fell off a cliff. Third time’s a charm? While traveling in Peru, Joel found underwear that was so much better than anything he had worn before. His company Naked was born. Over the course of the next decade, Joel put everything into growing Naked. He raised $10 million and eventually went public, but he also suffered from terrible anxiety and depression. His marriage was on the brink. He knew he needed to make sweeping changes because, as it turned out, he never really stopped running.

”The journey begins with vulnerability. When we don’t allow ourselves to be vulnerable, we don’t allow ourselves to do the work.” –Joel Primus

Once Joel stood still and focused on his inner journey, he noticed the same negative belief surfacing: I’m not good enough; I’m not worthy. He realized it framed his decision-making, and it started with his parents’ divorce. So he began questioning his choices, and why he cared what other people thought. As his self-awareness grew, his anxiety and depression lessened their grip. He reconnected with his wife. Listen to my inspiring conversation with Joel as he shares his path to letting go, and the opportunities that have come as a result. He reminds us that everything starts to unfold when you let go of the outcome. Today Joel lives on a farm with his wife and two daughters. His book “Getting Naked” was released in January 2021.

Learn more about Joel at:
Website: https://joelprimus.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/joel.primus/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Primusblog

Join my FREE Facebook Group for free monthly challenges and ongoing support from me and my coaches: bit.ly/2WRdKBt

Sick of being insecurely attached? Click here to get my free meditative insecure attachment release: tracy-crossley.mykajabi.com/pl/140617

Moving On to a Healthy and Thriving Life! with Joel Primus

A lot of us live in our head, disconnected from our feelings and intuition. This podcast touches on releasing insecure attachment, accepting your authentic self and getting “unstuck” by connecting to how you FEEL instead of how you THINK. I’ve been there, and discuss sensitive subjects using my own experiences with a lot of laughs and even more empathy… because we’re all flawed humans.

Deal With It! Podcast

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