LYRICS

I'm looking at my phone and you're looking appalled.
You're looking at my world like it's gotten fucking small.
Who are YOU to talk? All you do is sit inside the walls
of your lower floors, miss knocks at your doors and ignore your calls
Checking not but Channel 1 to 4 to find some awful
broadcast of bullshit to bawl from the corner of your hall
at full volume urging you to consume
accept all the false news, vote for all the wrong groups
What has it cost you? What do you care?
You've less than seven years in creature comfort left to spare.
Nothing to give the world now but your out-of-window stare
and your world-resenting, dim, dismissive view you get nowhere
but from in your chair. But all the young that you must share
each election with must be wrecked to shit when you dare
ignore their arguments, concerns and needs just to declare:
"The shit the country's in? The f0r£!9n£r$ put it there,
so where is the song of pride this nation used to shout?
Where is the vigilance that would make Churchill proud?
Where is your vote to kick the 6\@[k 6@$t@rd$ out?"
It's here in the fist heading at your MOUTH.

You want the black to die?
You want the brown to die?
You want Asians to die?
You want Muslims to die?
Africans must die?
Indians must die?
Only YOU should survive?
You are white and 85!
YOU DIE!

Only leaving the house to vote one more mindless racist vote.
Our homeland goes up in smoke, the youth must choke and you just joke
that you'll croak before you breathe it. Doomed future? You won't heed it.
Contempt in print: you read it then repeat it. WE DON'T NEED IT.
You don't dream of surviving through what happens next
so why should you stay alive if all you'll do is elect
the worst possible choice: to force the youth all to exit
the use of their voice? We would have had your necks slit
if we knew you'd destroy us! Now no-one will employ us.
Home and school's too expensive. How is THIS future joyous?
Joy is when you have cash (seven noughts with no tax)
systematically hacked-and-slashed from the most threatened class.
Now we can never move past this state of fighting for scraps
cuz you empowered a scammer the day the ballot was cast
but you're glad because "they'll kick out the 6\@[k$?"
HAH! Fucking STUPID white twats...
A global market invites a working-class that ain't white
among you fools. It's the rules of economies in full-flight.
Want non-white gone overnight? Right-wing won't help you, a'right?
They'll give white black to attack so poor don't give rich a fight.
Those at the heights of affluence get less tax from the tie bluest
including news institution owners who use their influence
to paint the foreign as problems and votes for blue the solution
but they won't solve this non-problem! They just want you in the booth-

Wanting the black to die
Wanting the brown to die
Wanting Asians to die
Wanting Muslims to die
Africans must die?
Indians must die?
Only YOU should survive?
You are white and 85!
YOU DIE!

Lockdown Version

You Are White And 85 - Lockdown Version

LYRICS

Never have I ever made love not-naked
Never had an orgasm when penetrated
Never been penetrated un-lubricated
Never been disappointed when fellated
Never have I not-hated men who are whiners
Want a sucked dick but they won't eat vagina
Never wanted men who are trying to
have a body like Scott Steiner
No body shame though, never has that been ingrained
in my brain. Never has it drove me insane
to spend painfully-long stretches refraining
from sex. Never will I mention to strangers
the names of my past lovers. Cum stains
on the covers? Never have I ever! Mother's
never spotted me playing with myself. My brother
did once, but that's when I was twelve.
Want me to delve any deeper?
Never have I been tailed by a creeper.
But it feels like you're all trying to peep when I sleep
When I speak these secrets to you perverted people.

If you're playing, drink up now!
If you're playing, drink up now!
If you're playing, drink up now!
If you're playing, drink up now!

Never have I ever played
"Never Have I Ever" aided
by mates who have *never* made
me ever say how I get laid

Never have I ever played
"Never Have I Ever" aided
by mates who have *never* made
me ever say how I get laid

Never have I not been a blast in the sack
Except when my girlfriend had me on my back
She was on top and her long hair kept dropping
in my eyes, my nose, my mouth, my throat, STOP!
...Never stuck my cock in a sock
when I masturbate. Never got a rock-on
before I turned eight. ...Beyond then, never speculated
I might in fact be straight.
Never 'til the age of twenty-eight though did I
identify as pan, not bi.
But only cuz bi never took as much time
to define to the binary-minded kind
Mildly lit from the side? Mid-sex
lighting? Never is that never exciting.
Mid-sex, never been wild about biting.
Never found shower sex untantilizing.
Never not-found belly-button rings sexy.
Other piercings? Never have they impressed me
sexually. Never wanted anyone to dress me
in gimp gear. S&M? NEVER. Next please.

CHORUS

Never have I ever said "you suck dick"
to insult someone like I can't just pick
an insult that's not in fact homophobic
or shames any woman who would just so lick
an erect cock. Why should oral sex get mocked?
Is it best to be a hetero wet crock?
So insecure that he's sexually deadlocked?
How could THIS fossil-prick make a bed rock?
Never said "prostitute" when I mean "sex worker"
Once I learned that the word's a
derogatory term: as much undeserved as
whore, hooker, harlot or ho. The burden
of sex work in a world that stigmatizes the job,
whose law criminalizes the job,
leaving worker's means of being safe robbed
is bad enough without YOUR ignorant gob.
Never thought that the throb
of my penis had importance that preceded 
the well-being of any citizen of Venus.
Never thought porn-acting was a grievous
choice of career. Never believed that
my partners in bed should ever seem equal in
how they behave to any sex scene in a
movie. Never thought getting nudes leaked is
the fault of anyone except the leaker.
Never thought a nude-leak doesn't reek of
a sexual assault, given all the seeking of
consent involved. Never when they speak in
school about sex do they ever say ENOUGH.
Never does religion in any way discuss
sex beneficially. May it never gain your trust.
Adam and Steve? I never gave a fuck.

CHORUS

And if you're nothing like me
You should be WASTED by now
And you stopped listening to me
Because you had to lie down

Never Have I Ever - Lockdown Version

Fixed the volume. The rough preview was a little quiet.

LYRICS

It takes too much to strengthen my heart
but it doesn't take much to tear it all apart.
One encounter... One rude choice of words
and you won't believe just how much my soul hurts.
"You don't deserve to live a nice life"
my mind insists with how it twists the knife.
"Fuck being liked! You haven't even earned 
the right to be tolerated. Get it burned
to your brain 'til it drives you insane.
All you do is bring pain
to everyone around you, gushing like rain,
their spirits all drowned and encircling the drain
whenever they think of your name."
This deeply am I disturbed
and it all came from a rude choice of words
but I now know that the world prefers
that I stay out the way, unseen, unheard.
The nerve of a person like me
to decide I qualify for the right to speak
as freely as those you know whose lives meet
a level of worth you'd define as elite.
The cheek of me to think you should treat
my life like theirs, worthy of equal
respect, attention, time taken from your week
and regard as one who's company you'd seek
at a later date. I'm afraid the case
is that in my spite of my efforts, I'm a waste of space.
I'll leave behind nothing but disgraceful tastes
in your mouth, so allow me to erase my face
from your surroundings. I can't take the poundings
in my heart anymore, nor the shouting
in my mind "Just die right now" rebounding 
all the time. Should I bother announcing:

I have lost the will to fight.
My suicide
is happening tonight.
Please do not tell anyone...
since their response
will be "Thank God. Be gone."

......FUCK THIS.
Get a goddamn grip. You're not slicing your wrist!
What am I thinking? Why do I insist
in my brain each day that I should not exist?
I let down way too many people, yes...
I cause too much stress.
I always hope for and intend the best
but everyone I meet, I always leave unimpressed.
Maybe they're unhappy and they're hard to please.
Maybe life is so full of suffering, disease
and unstoppable problems that nobody sees
the point of looking for joy in my pedestrian deeds.
But that's just it, you see...
You're all miserable enough without talking to me
so surely, it's my responsibility
to not add to your sadness… to never be
the last nail in the coffin, the reason why
you finally decide that you would much rather die
than survive through ONE more second of time
with me alive, worsening this fucking grind.
You see through the smiles I provide.
Like the mildest smile can reverse the night-to-night
sorrows you fight! Why patronize your plight?
All I have left to try is to empathize with
your nightmares. See, I can't help trying
to take all the rough shit that keeps me crying
as it tightens deep inside my heart, sealed in a bind,
analyze it and mine it dry
for some insight of any goddamned kind.
Some truth to pain on which light must shine.
A truth that can brighten your mind and enlighten
on why life is so pacifyingly frightening.
I politely describe my findings.
You tell me I can piss right off for reminding you
of why shit's agonizing, reciting
such reminders like it's advice worth memorizing?
I have nothing left to reply with.
I can't help you. I'm simply not qualified and
all you feel for me in the end is justified in
despising me… Knife, please?

I have lost the will to fight.
My suicide
is happening tonight.
Please do not tell anyone...
since their response
will be "Thank God. Be gone."

Be Gone

LYRICS

First job: sit and read this three-hour story
I'm the audience, I've never seen this before
Don't know what to expect
So what's this story doing for me?
Read between these diary lines of a gothic teen
[Script] "Fear cracks through my sleep like a stone-lump of indigestion"
Over-translated mess by an academic with too much on his chest
[Script] "Creation rushes to a great scream as justice thirsts for it's furious blood"
Ten minutes in, it's clear there's a chain here
between humankind and the Gods they revere
Gods that don't appear, never interfere
and in every fucking scene justify a life lived in fear
Justify the sacrifice of youngest born
Your child dies or an invisible threat will spawn
That's a choice no parent would struggle to decide
But in this tale, it's all too clear what is right
[Script] "She recognizes her killer and screams his name: FATHER"
Obey your master in this order
God-Father-Son-Estate-Mother-Daughter
Recognise the strong ones in this order
God-Father-Son-Estate-Mother-Daughter
Strength is a man the land owes it's laws to
God-Father-Son-Estate-Mother-Daughter
Weakness a woman and man must ignore her
God-Father-Son-Estate-Mother-Daughter
Wisdom at last [Mother kills Father]
Voiced by the Mother when Father departs
[Mother] "Let Heaven's rule be forgotten.
Let man make his own law, define his own doom"
[Men] "Evil woman defiled by hate"
Response by the men the Gods have got prostrate
"Like a true woman ensnared by passion
your senses twitter until madness is fashioned"
Two hours in, it's clear this is unfair
The Son in this family falls to persuasion
to hate his matriarch as God's population
dismisses her as creation's abomination
Trapped by the paranoid people at his father's tomb
he is pressured to renounce the womb he was born from
Praying to Heaven to let the storm come
to sink the scornful woman in catacombs of blood
and as thick as it runs in the Son's veins
it's his duty and his alone to subject pain
as punishment to mummy-bear for man's murder
Eight pages later, her throat wound squirts up
[Son kills Mother]
[Men] "We the people weep for your triumph
You are justice itself
God has guided your blind steps to peace"
Obey your master in this order
God-Father-Son-Estate-Mother-Daughter
I'm sick of this play, it does nothing for ya
God-Father-Son-Estate-Mother-Daughter
You couldn't feed this to a modern-day audience
God-Father-Son-Estate-Mother-Daughter
Obey fuck-all that encourages hatred
And then came the Backlash
[B] "Son of the Earth, butcher of the womb
We are the epidemic retaliation
To a hate-infested nation"
The broken dregs of women trapped within the bowels of Earth who have nothing at all
[Son] "What are these vile creatures?"
Screaming out against injustice for the weakened and accursed who have nothing at all
[B] "You Gods are tricksters of man's children"
Summoned now to tear down Heaven by a mother put to sleep
and I'm cheering them on
[Mother] "Raise Empyrean to the ground"
Those with nothing know the value of the things they get to keep
so I'm cheering them on
[B] "You have no right to a voice raised against us"
Obey your master: that's an order
I and all of us have been told since the dawn of time
and all of us know crime when we see it
know a lie when we unsheathe it, a good tale when we read it
The secrets of corrupt authorities when we're greeted
by the truth when it seeps out, justice when the people
have the courage to speak out for what they believe in
and all this is truth that the Backlash is speaking
but by the last scene the Backlash is beaten
Though the Son's reduced to a blind assassin through Empyrean's Gods written as mere deceivers
the fear of the people perseveres
They keep to their knees, appeal to Heaven for the Son's release
Naming the vengeance of his Father an obedient deed
The Mother's justice to her Daughter cannot supersede the kingdom of men as defined by deities
(Damn 4000 character limit!)

Empyrean

Empyrean - Obey

WATCH MUSIC VIDEO FOR THIS SONG AT LINK BELOW

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x7o5y02

Another goddamn rap song from the perspective of a pervert.

It's a known fact, from the moment we roll that
hand down our trousers, we'll never go back
to leaving it be. As long as we can always see
a naked girl in our heads, we'll always get head for free.
Don't have to worry about AIDS or HIV
Don't have to worry about dates or pregnancy
We can get to the sex consequence free
Don't matter how unappealing we appear to be
Doesn't matter if her mind's something we can't read
Don't have to worry about the world the way women see it
As long as she's here in my head, she wants me.
As long as she's here, she'll do anything.

Anything if a man can masturbate
Anything if a man is master. Wait-
What you say? If a man can masturbate
Ain't a thing that a man can't master. (Hey!)

Anything if a man can mass-debate
Anything if a man is master. Wait-
What you say? If a man can mass-debate
Anything but a man ain't master.

I wanna see that girl on the men's magazines
I wanna see that girl on the women's magazines
I wanna see girls read those women's magazines
and try to look like the girl of my dreams
I want girls to look that way in the workplace
I'll only give a pay rise to ones with a perfect face
I only want that girl to think "I want boys"
And if she don't want me, I won't give her a choice
I won't talk to her without authority in my voice
I won't give her a body that's not full of steroids
And if all men look this way, girls won't say
they've got a way to escape. Fuck it, I'll even rape.

Anything if a man can masturbate
Anything if a man is master. Wait-
What you say? If a man can masturbate
Ain't a thing that a man can't master. (Hey!)

Anything if a man can mass-debate
Anything if a man is master. Wait-
What you say? If a man can mass-debate
Anything but a man ain't master.

Anything
Allow Anything
Allow Anything
Allow Anything
Allow

Anything that a woman would need to do
It don't matter if she don't please you
Any right that a woman's entitled to
It don't matter if she don't please you
Anything that would give a girl reason to scream
Doesn't matter cos it doesn't happen there in your dreams
So now every girl knows that wherever she walks 
If any man looks at her, they only have one thought

Anything if a man can masturbate
Anything if a man is master. Wait-
What you say? If a man can masturbate
Ain't a thing that a man can't master. (Hey!)

Anything if a man can mass-debate
Anything if a man is master. Wait-
What you say? If a man can mass-debate
Anything but a man ain't master.

Anything if a man can masturbate (Allow)
Anything if a man is master. Wait-
What you say? If a man can masturbate (Allow)
Ain't a thing that a man can't master. (Hey!)

Anything if a man can mass-debate (Allow)
Anything if a man is master. Wait-
What you say? If a man can mass-debate (Allow)
Anything but a man ain't master.

Get it straight.

M Debate

LYRICS

How wrong is too wrong?
Not wrong enough if it don't last long
Not wrong enough if it don't hurt anyone
And even if it does, wrong can be fun
Wrong can be fun, let's enjoy
Wrong can be fun, let's make noise
Wrong can be fun, let's kiss boys
let's kiss girls, drink, get the neighbours annoyed
I'm liking this disturbance
This corruption
This emergence of destruction
Violent urges slowly touching my senses
Dear lust, come cloud these lenses
We've laid down our defences
From this point out, pretend it's
not God's wish for our repentance
We live, we sin, we die
and through that time we never try
To listen to that voice inside
that speaks right through the noises, like

This this this is gonna fuck us up
Do we want this this this to come fuck us up?
I said this this this is gonna fuck us up
Should we let this this this come to fuck us up?

Should the wrong thing be ignored?
Why do I care? I'm too damn bored
Why should I grasp the consequence for?
My pleasure makes more sense than the law
Just break my boredom. I don't care how
Break my boredom. Do it right now
Break my boredom. All shit outside
this breaking, I'll just phase out
Can't sit in one place for too long
Can't listen to you drone on and on
Can't listen to the beat without leaping
out my chair and screaming 'til you're scared of this song
It breaks my patience,
breaks my fucking concentration
breaks my body, breaks your bones and
breaks the building down, roof to foundations
But it breaks my boredom
Those feelings of regret? Ignore them
It's exhausting being ordered by
that voice that won't stop warning me:

This this this is gonna fuck us up
Do we want this this this to come fuck us up?
I said this this this is gonna fuck us up
Should we let this this this come to fuck us up?

Nod your head... Nod your head...
Nod your head... Nod your head...
Nod your head... Nod your head...
Nod your head... Nod your head...

It's on your screens, it's in your songs
It's in the laughter coming from everyone
It's on the pages, it's in the cheers
What's to question? It's what I wanna hear

Nod your head...
But it don't make no sense
Nod your head...
Build up some tolerance
Nod your head...
It's hard with open eyes
Nod your head...
Don't let 'em realize

This this this is gonna fuck us up
Do we want this this this to come fuck us up?
I said this this this is gonna fuck us up
Should we let this this this come to fuck us up?

NOD. This this this is gonna fuck us up
Do we want this this this to come fuck us up?
I said this this this is gonna fuck us up
Should we let this this this come to fuck us up?

This Is Gonna Fuck Us Up

Something different and comfortingly nerdy while I'm trapped on lockdown. =)

LYRICS

Self-isolation ain’t nothing new
It was my means of survival in a bullying school
I’ve been an introvert for life and a nerd to boot
I wanna leave this hostile world on mute
Thus computer worlds became my retreat
The lands of Zelda and Final Fantasy
See, when I’m here, none will hassle me
And I’m able to end the world’s catastrophe
But I don’t travel these virtual landscapes to
rack up a death score and vent my frustrations
but as meditation, searching for places
so majestic in their splendour that despair dissipates into
vapour. Take Majora’s Mask.
Every time I played through it, I would always bask
in the otherworldly beauty of that gorgeous astral
observatory. How the walls miraculously
drift in an amethyst stellar haze...
The crystalline floor in ethereal shades
of lilac, violet and neon bathed
in a soft, warm glow… Pure magic blazing
a trail in my soul. Amazing to stroll
up a staircase in hues rich as a rainbow...
Whenever I’m scared and must make the pain slow
I close my eyes and this is where my brain goes, so

Why can’t we move to Termina?
The real world is hurting ya
I feel less doomed in Termina
What is the real world worth to ya?

And if it’s not Termina that I explore
Then it’s Memoria (Final Fantasy IX, Disc Four)
A towering city world built from scores
of memories from every being, now here stored
for all eternity… Full of wondrous sights
like the great swinging pendulum, colossal in height
inside the coiling curve of an ancient flight
of stairs marble, masked in a jade-green light
or the half-collapsed bridge that somehow still stands
between tall towers that around you dance
so far above ground that a downward glance
yields a bird’s eye view of a pink gargantuan
moon. ...No, it’s far too soon
to return to reality! Let me swoon
before the view of worlds merging in celestial fumes
or the crystal from which a whole universe blooms...
I could picture this place all day...
Maybe once or twice I will wander astray
to the edge of the Discworld PC game
beneath the palm trees, stars and the rainbow’s rays...
This is my escape from a heinous society
At least until I can escape from sobriety
Say what you want about games, say that I’m a geek
But this is how I cure anxiety, so

Why can’t we move to Termina?
The real world is hurting ya
I feel less doomed in Termina
What is the real world worth to ya?

Follow me on Twitter @TransCougarGirl

Bonus Track

Let's Move To Termina

Follow me on Twitter @TransCougarGirl

LYRICS

...I dunno.

For fuck sake…

Why didn’t I take advantage of the lack of corrective measures
enforced in my school for the children who at their leisure
started too many fights? Why didn’t I take more pleasure
in the chaos of the playground while such chaos was there to treasure?
Why didn’t I smash my every bully’s teeth right down their necks?
Looking back on it now, I doubt it'd be something I’d ever regret
Why didn’t I tell the teachers who showed my achievements so little respect
Your job is to help me progress. You wanna act like it, you fucking dick heads?

Shouldn’t be dwelling on all that I shoulda done
but this is the way that I waste my day. Wanna give me another one?
Shouldn’t be dwelling on all that I shoulda done
but this is the way that I waste my day. Wanna give me another one?

Why couldn’t I just watch GoldenEye
and openly say that I was gay for James Bond at age nine?
And in the face of hate for bi, pan, queer or otherwise...
why didn’t I smash those faces in and weaponize my pride?
Why couldn’t I frighten those who frighten me?
Instead of being blighted by anxiety?
When, from the threat of this pandemic, we are finally free
If I meet you hateful fucks, I’ll slice and BLEED YOU DRY

Shouldn’t be dwelling on all that I shoulda done
but this is the way that I waste my day. Wanna give me another one?
Shouldn’t be dwelling on all that I shoulda done
but this is the way that I waste my day. Wanna give me another one?

Why did I get so scared of friendship?
The slightest ascent in the pressure I feel in a friendship is when I just end it
Not even a friend to myself. Self-hate is a failing I’ll never see mended
but I type a message to you every day… All I must do is just send it
But what if you then get offended? What if what I say to you hurts?
That’s what I’m really afraid of. Doing nothing but making shit worse...
Why am I so scared of being a jerk?
Everyone else seems happy to be one.
Fuck it.

Shouldn’t be dwelling on all that I shoulda done
but this is the way that I waste my day. Wanna give me another one?
Shouldn’t be dwelling on all that I shoulda done
but this is the way that I waste my day. Wanna give me another one?

...Christ.

Dwelling

Finally finished mastering this track.

VIDEO HERE - https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x7slrev

LYRICS FOR VERSES THREE AND FOUR BELOW (WATCH THE VIDEO FOR THE VERSE-ONE-AND-TWO LYRICS - SOUNDCLOUD ISN'T GIVING ME MUCH SPACE TO WRITE!)

Question about the laws I'm enforcing:
Is having to hear or follow them exhausting?
That's a sign your mind needs unwarping.
You might have let an uninformed culture's claws sink
into your head, wanting it dead to extort it
of empathy, 'til you're endlessly supportive
of the thought that: "Everyone else is the source of
my problems... No other thought's worth exploring!
So stop your talking and start resorting
to toxic psychological brawling.
All about y'all I find foreign, boring
or a turn-off, I'll turn into skin-crawling
insults for non-stop cheap-shot-scoring.
The fuck do I care if my maturity falls in?
When I'm through, y'all are gonna know who's appalling!"
Yeah, it's you, DICK. ...Rule FOUR then!
Don't shame, attack or show hate
for how consenting adults sexually operate.
Sex itself is FINE to celebrate.
If you disagree, check your ideals. They're outta date.
Don't look at someone's image and then state
they're a slut like A: it's fact, no debate
B: sex is the only thing motivating
how they look and C: you have the right to dictate
the "right way" to look and what's "frustratingly"
sexual. Incorrect, miseducated
view, so FUCK YOU, GET LOST and elevate
your pathetic perspective. Accommodate
all the human ideas, experiences and traits
you never face in the pit your thinking populates.
See the apathy your mind must vacate
but do it later. Now? The exit awaits.

First things first, you've got to know
I LAY DOWN MY LAW
This is how we start the show
I LAY DOWN MY LAW
Not the laws of your po-po
I LAY DOWN *MY* LAW
Government enforced? Fuck no!
I LAY DOWN *MY* LAW

Just like nobody is "too sexual,"
no *body* is "too UN-sexual."
No body owes a thing to your sex drive
So don't body-shame (and that's rule number FIVE).
Rule SIX: If you get your kicks
mocking the differently-abled, you're just a sick
fucking prick! So through the door or the bricks
in the wall, you'll be thrown out on your coccyx.
What's next? Rule SEVEN-of-ten:
DON'T BE TRANSPHOBIC EVER AGAIN.
If the world says the world's just "women and men"
FUCK THE WORLD. Trans ain't threatening, friend!
The only thing to threaten you, besides hate,
is when a stranger (or a mate) violates
your space without waiting for you to state
they've got permission. So DO WAIT! That's rule EIGHT.
Rule NINE: Never put online
any photos or videos of shows of mine
unless you've got my approval ahead of time.
If not, take that shit down or get fined.
Now for the FINAL rule: Don't block the view
of someone shorter than you.
THESE RULES ARE NOT GRUELLING TO ADHERE TO.
Just don't be a dick if you're still needing a clue.

First things first, you've got to know
I LAY DOWN MY LAW
Not the laws of your po-po
I LAY DOWN *MY* LAW
Government enforced? Fuck no!
I LAY DOWN *MY* LAW
This is how we start the show
I LAY DOWN MY LAW

Grown Adult Failure

Lay Down My Law

Follow me on Twitter @TransCougarGirl

- LYRICS -

I bite myself and I bite myself
And I bite myself and I bite myself
And I bite myself and I bite myself
Til through my arms, pain shoots

And I punch myself and I punch myself
And I punch myself and I punch myself
And I punch myself and I punch myself
Til my skull is aching all through

And I whip myself and I whip myself
And I whip myself and I whip myself
And I whip myself and I whip myself
Til my skin is blazing and red

And the thoughts repeat and the thoughts repeat
And the thoughts repeat and the thoughts repeat
And the thoughts repeat and the thoughts repeat
And it’s pulverizing my head

And I can’t trust my brain ever again
My brain’s betrayed me
Can’t say I’m not insane ever again
Cuz sane’s escaped me
Is that OK?

And I bite myself and I bite myself
And I punch myself and I punch myself
And I whip myself and I whip myself
And these thoughts won’t disappear

And they're hounding me and they're hounding me
Yes, they shout at me. Yes, they shout at me
Yes, they scream at me. Yes, they scream at me
I hear nothing else in my ear

And I want to run and I want to hide
and I want to run and I want to hide
and I want to run and I want to hide
But they never leave me alone

And I want to scream and I want to scream
and I want to scream and I want to scream
and I want to scream but I cannot scream
One more scream and I lose my home

And I can’t trust my brain ever again
My brain’s betrayed me
Can’t say I’m not insane ever again
Cuz sane’s escaped me
Is that OK?

They say nothing can address this problem
Thoughts like this, no professional can stop them
I’m stuck living with what triggers my mind
Can’t earn enough to leave these triggers behind

I’m a threat to myself and my loved ones
It’s bad enough I got leukaemia in a cousin
I can’t get nor do I want the right treatment
Doctors? Pandemic victims need them.

So I bite myself and I bite myself
And I punch myself and I punch myself
And I whip myself and I hate myself
And I want to scream but I cannot scream

And the thoughts repeat and the thoughts repeat
And they’re hounding me and they shout at me
And they scream at me and my skin is bleeding-
Oh, thank God. They’ve stopped…

For now...

And I can’t trust my brain ever again
My brain’s betrayed me
Can’t say I’m not insane ever again
Cuz sane’s escaped me

...And now the thoughts are back.

Can't Say I'm Not Insane

WRITTEN IN DECEMBER 2019

LYRICS

Home shouldn't alienate us
but I live where everyone is of a certain age and racist.
Can't say if it's real hatred,
but ask them to empathize with the marginalized and they will fake it.
They see such empathy as time wasted.
"It's either us or them, this only ends in conquest, not co-operation.
Disagree and you disgrace us...
and you'll know it when you show your face in any situation in this nation."

The United Kingdom...
A place I can't see...
All I see is a Divided Patriarchy...
There's no United Kingdom now...
God damn the crown

How the FUCK are we united? None of us are the same!
Who's a leaver who agrees with those who want to remain?
Who's a boomer? Who's millennial? And who isn't saying
the other generation's got the nation straight in the drain?
Who is not-straight, not-male or not-white
and in any place don't feel even SLIGHTLY
threatened by they who start too many fights?
Out of all of Britain: who isn't rude, impolite
and, in response to what you value, wouldn't act like shite?
Why would I ask that if we were in fact united
with no-one frightened of being opposed
so resolutely and brutally by leagues of closed
-minded D-holes? West coast to east coast,
we treat those we disagree-with fatally gross.
A national compassion is what we need most
(like that'll fucking happen beyond your leave-votes).

(CHORUS)

We're not a kingdom unless our land's run by a king.
We're not a monarchy if monarch-rule isn't a thing.
We're not a tyranny if we're not run by tyrants.
We're a COUNTRY ...because we're ruled by CUNTS
who govern by bullshitting constituents
with false promises and cheap publicity stunts and once
the votes are cast and they stay intact in power
these classless bastards rot the masses sour,
so how are we ALL a witness to this shit
but there's such a rift between the ones who resist it
and they who dismiss resistance as a hissy fit?
You're swinging to fix the system but your fists hit
the wrong face. Disdain aimed in the wrong place:
Not at the charlatans in Parliament or beyond the gates
of Downing Street... Somehow your ceaseless complaints
are only aimed at the nation's weakest compatriots:
They who you label the laziest,
the most irritating, entitled or mangiest
among the poor... all wrongly thought more dangerous
than leaders whose actions ACTUALLY endanger us.
They wreck the poor and there's proof, just take a look,
but in that wreckage you would leave your neighbours stuck.
"A welcome loss of they who make this nation suck."
Is that united or inhumane as fuck?

(CHORUS)

So tell me why do we divide and never unite?
So many say the UK is "meant to be white"
But I would say "FUCK YOU, RACISTS, CELEBRATE DIVERSITY"
and they turn to me with venomous eyes
like I'm a traitor. But just who is it who made your
"great nation?" It was your Roman invaders.
They came from the way of Greece and THEY
originate from EGYPT's civilization
and you say we should pay some respect to our elders?
Respect the BLACK race then! Respect that they're welcome
as this land's inhabitants, not made for your cells or
to be tabloid-massacred but ACCEPTED with bells on.
...But tell none who are nationalist this
unless you want to socially brandish a slit wrist.
A global point of view they will easily dismiss,
but black or white, if your home is here, YOU'RE BRITISH.
Relinquish the thinking that's been passed down
in propaganda post-World-War to right now.
There's no UK, there's no invaders, slow the divide down
between us cuz THE PEOPLE MATTER, NOT SOME EXPIRED CROWN.
Home should not indoctrinate us
into thinking only in ways that are Nazi, white and racist.
Perhaps a Nazi claim is heinous...
but selectiveness among a populace initiated the Holocaust.

United Kingdom...
This is what you can't see...
All you are is a Divided Patriarchy...
There's no United Kingdom now...
God damn the crown...

@TransCougarGirl

There Is No United Kingdom

Traumatized aro biflux aceflux trans fem. On break from doing rap stuff. All these tracks are from before I came out as a woman. She/Her

Freya Wolf (Formerly Lena Ray)

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