a culmination of my experiences, thoughts, rambles in my teenage life, in audio form, i had a lot of stories to tell and i still will in the future :)

humongous thank you to joshwa, this record wouldnt be shit without him
@prodbyjoshwa

thank you to our amazing guests:
@vaeo-music
@dead4cf
@heartstopmiami

and everyone who inspired me along the way:
@mijaru
@coldspades
@saycarbine
@1s1dia
@angelus7k
@backlightorg
@g0reset
@failsafeisreal

may 2021-jan 2022 for all these songs

2004, the ep

spend the night

spend the night w/ midwxst

fall w/ braxton knight (heroinsick)

cha-cha (6ix feet)

self prod

come be honest babe tell me if u fuck w me no more
i been fucking up my throat, alcohol, man lifes a bore
i been steady thinking bout u, u been fuckin up my core
idk if u still like me do u love me anymore

n i get it u been getting rly distant
girl come thru, pls come tell me what ur pissed @
u say u love me n i thought that i could feel sum
man idk if u still think that ive been sum

say u got no time for me go n make some for ur friends
i been trying so much shit, i just wanna get love back
if u told me u didnt want me anymore i’d understand
but i cant forget all the times i said i wanna hold ur hand

ik i mean nothing, i can feel shit
say ur problems to me girl, yeah lets make it quick
tho i still remember all the time i waited, shit
n i still dk if u be fakin shit

and girl ik u dont wanna tell the truth
n i know its rly dumb i fell in love with u
but girl just tell me for a minute, cuz u kno i love u
n i wanna know if u feel the same, lemme slide thru

tell me u love me </3

@1mijaru
inspired by @funeral

if he got a problem ima shoot him at his neck
actin tough u gon get checked
shoot his body shoot his neck
bitch im with the set
we up next
beat the boy up leave his body like a wreck

u aint on shit idk why u talkin
beat his ass hard he cant even get to walking (pause.)
bitch i got da glicky ima shoot em wit a sticky bomb
u's a broke bitch i get cash u aint getting none

blade to ya face leaving dat a closed case okay okay
got da glock got da choppa got da gang ok ok
ask her if she wanna fuck she gon tell me k okay
spent a k on a k and im like ok ok

smoke exotic till i get fuckin faded
memories jaded i cant even think bitch
pour the codeine in my soda n im gonna get to drinkin
bitch i feel so high yet i feel like im sinking

all you bitches suckin dick lickin boots lickin boots
say u fucking wit ur crew but u steady pick n choose
and u act like i aint knew u a fake u a fool
i dont fuck with fake bitches i can read em like a book

problem (tsuyunoshi x mijaru)

@prodbyjoshwa

feeling dumb
dont wanna see u anymore, cuz its done
losing love
and u said hate me, shoot ur words like a gun

seeing straight when im bent
idk where i been
ive been losing my mind
only thing that i find

cuz i slept thru the night
baby i dont wanna fight
i think ur wasting ur time
cuz we aint getting it right

aint been sober babe im messing up n wasting my time
thought ur worth it babe, but u aint none u less than a dime
played my heart now ur tryna play me out of my mind
u know i hate you, all the times you been spitting lies

and ur wasting your time
looking for things u cant find
im thinking that u went blind
cuz u aint seeing the signs

i cant really blame u
but i dont wanna entertain u
cuz girl u know i hate u
i dont think that we were made to

fall in love, cuz that ended up dumb
and all we did was fight, and we ended up done
but i dont care anymore, problems, i wanna run
and i wait another day, just so i see the sun

sober (joshwa)

a more personal song 

@remghost made this amazing guitar <3
query came up wit the name

sitting on my bed str8 dying (shoutout @rouri404)
feeling everything go numb, im crying
system all fucked up n i cant lie
its all my fault since i fucked it up tonight
shoulda done it right

sitting on my bed str8 dying
everything is fallin apart, all flied away
i think that its my last day today
heart fucked up n filled wit hate
n its getting late

locking up my feelings in a cell
and im the type of person that depends on someone else
im dependent on shit, and im depended to live off of
taking everybody problems down up in my mental

i cant try and keep floating high
cuz its ups and downs, and im staying lying
righ down to the ground to the asphalt, i cant even act tall
when the ground is gonna crumble and i feel im gonna fall

sittin on my bed str8 dying
she said shes sick and tired of lying
and im sick n tired, of trying, trying
everybody fake, tryna act like they be right
i cant even put a fight up

and im done from the shit tonight
and im guessing u think ur right
i dont wanna spend the night

hysteria (remghost + tsuyunoshi)

it was never like that
@prodbyjoshwa

strolling down rolling down 
my windows, blow smoke air it out
do u hear that whats that sound
we just riding downtown
looking for shit we never found
feeling stuck, feeling bound
guess we gotta go and 

walk away with u, that aint a new fact
say u love me but we know its never like that

looking for some love then u better go n find that
theres no way that im getting all my time back 

times i spent with u, it aint like that
im so fucking sick n tired of getting sidetracked
and i got my own time u cant even fight that
i cant be a model, i cant be a nice act

phone on dnd i cant deal with hell
i dont want u anymore dont hit my cell
i said fuck u hope u doing well
now its not no time for clues this aint show and tell

and im not one to look up to
so dont act like im above u
ive been dealing with this shit its enough to
feel like i did this all for none

sidetracked (joshwa)

@glumboy69 @lincolnminaj @jdollla-productions

thanks for 2k on hysteria :)

shoutout @evvls <3

bitch yuh ima get my money back
count it up and i run it real fast
uh huh, gaf nah nah
make my cash uh huh, and i dash out

yuh post up undercover, ima get paid and-
(that song was fucking garbage soz 800)
and i get it back, get it back
spend it cuz i know i make it back, make it back, bitch im doing it

all u bitches tire me
choppa get u running
posted up outside
got yo bitch my side

sippin n smoking the pack
getting the cash and im doin the dash
choppa gon catch u n u finna lack
dgaf if she got a man yuh

easy to say u getting bands
switching to bitches cuz u is a lame
come to your spot yea we come to ur place
taking u out cuz we know that u fake 

woah huh, uh huh, yea you dumb as fuck
nuh uh, nuh uh, you aint touching us
post up, post up, yea im with the squad
i dont, i dont, idgaf

dash out! (glumboy + jdolla + lincoln)

@kawaisprite
prod by me :p
huge thank you to @hokoi @manmelter and @1mijaru
inspos are @dltzk and @kmoethekid bc homeswitcher is a banger
art by @mustntrunaway

kawaisprite:
take a break to exist
gloss was covering lips
another room for a kiss
i accept the idea
when the dollars come in, would you stay or wrestle with it
pray for a change, would you count all the pennies?
i’m done acting like i don’t want more
all alone feeling like i don’t belong
i’m lost but you had the left the light on
when i come back into your arms

tsuyunoshi:
and u dont know shit about me
for all the times ur speaking proudly
we know, that aint the truth
thats why i look down up on you

i been sippin on some peroxide
its the end ima take my life
i dont care nah i dont mind
u dont want me then i wont mind

fuck me over n over again
i dont ur love i dont wanna be friends
run away from problems that i done made
then i smoke a blunt so shit can fade

don't want more w/ kawai sprite

self prod
guitar by me :)
on my punk2 shit shoutout @brakence
thanks for 2k follows, love you

it’s kinda funny seeing how shit changes 
seeing all ur idols turn nameless
times change, life’s quick and i’m feeling shit
running from the problems that i never fix

and it turns in to a comedy
seeing ppl who hate me want a song with me
never chase clout, keep ur honesty
thinking to myself what’s wrong with me

makeshift love i never felt shit
hate shit cuz im apathetic
i live out of spite, i cant help it
care more about this than academics

and they’re saying i’m switching up
in reality i’m changing now

tryna get me to go back
do the shit i did in the past
i wanna be myself
cuz it’s better for my health

and you never knew me
so who are you to chew me up
i don’t give a fuck
so keep ur lips shut

makeshift

prod me
guitar by me as always
thank you to @billsburyjoeboi for some help
shoutout @t0rr

lost my mind and i fucked up
we talked but i lost ur trust
say ur fine but ur not
and it’s gone it’s all my fault

nvr been good for the longest
fucked up and im worried bout the wrong shit
and im anxious as fuck, keep on losing my luck
worried i chose the wrong love

grown ass kid, with some made up dreams
and i never been shit, from the things i’ve seen
and there’s no doubt that it’s jealousy
don’t know if you’re my friend or an enemy

let my heart sing, let my heart swing
coping mechanisms, make me feel like shit
all the shit in my head i think im used to it
walking on a tightrope, i wanna end this shit

never been smart bout love, i ain’t know that
as a way to part, i gotta own that
when i said i liked u, know that it was no cap
wish i could’ve done shit, but it went all bad

bitter

fighting a losing battle

produced and performed by me
heavily inspired by @t0rr
thank you sm for helping me @angelus7k <3

i been holding long
and i suck at telling feelings, from my songs
never had the proper mental, i been feeling gone

i remember all the times u just did me wrong
and you put me down for way too long

and its gone in a moment's notice
im so jaded, i can't focus
writing songs, to make an opus
i been feeling lost, for way too long

take me by your hand
fore it all just fades to black
insincerity, runs past me
and it's karma, karma, karma

when all is lost, what can you do?
pack it up, and say it's screwed
left in the past tense, and i'm confused
say u hate me, was i misconstrued

all the stepping stones
and i broke my hope
feeling lost and feeling hopeless
i guess karma's got a hold of me

karma

hope you're happy :) 
@prodbyjoshwa
soundcloud exclusive (this cap its on streaming soon)

get up out my mentions
i dont want, nothing to do with u anymore
broke it all, and its all ur fault
dont give me a text, dont give me a call

what am i supposed to do with the shit u told me?
suck it up, believe that u wanna hold me?
fuck that u just wanna get with ur homies
fuck that, i’d rather get back to being lonely

wanna tell me that it aint like that
too bad i can see through it like that
get back with em, idec
i dont want a word with u, not a spare

that’s a lie i still kinda love you
but at the same time im feeling fucked in the gut uh
uh i need to work on myself
i cant blame anybody else

and i always was the wrong one, and i know im not a strong one
shit aside, im still pissed off
im sure u know what u did wrong.

life's a bitch (joshwa)

crisis with who i am
@prodbyjoshwa @heartstopmiami

i got double visions
feeling sick and twisted
blood rushing thru my veins i feel addicted
lost my motivations i dont need it

and i think that i lost it
mind went off like a switch on a socket
i haven’t been too strong for the longest
i’ve spent more time to lie to be honest

mirror on the wall
tell me whats going on
tell me what im doing wrong
why am i still holding on?

intentions sick and twisted
try to get ur point across but i missed it
tell me i stopped giving love but u put me second
calling me a ghoul, acting like ur sickened

am i supposed to give a fuck about that?
u the one who gets shit from the past
make that your first point keep it to ur last
fuck u hoping that u burn and crash

gwen:
and im looking at the floor, six feet down
so when i come back home, dont speak out loud
lost my shit in class, i cant breathe now
i tried to write a song about it, but it turned into a speech

but i don't wanna think about it
or else i'm back inside the hole that i dig, when i seek,
answers to my problems
soon or later, my problems will end up 
in a drink or two
i'm fully sure, i grew
into an immature 
costume, of the mirror that dislikes me
i'm trying to not be

encompassed by these feelings
of envy, self loathing
and insecurity

STREAM

mirrors w/ heartstopmiami (joshwa)

if you see this song please don't hit me back up 
@prodbyjoshwa

yuh, im back, where the hell i been?
running out of things to say, losing oxygen
got stuff that i’m dealing wit, i know that its feeling grim
my mental went down, don’t know how to live

you so two faced baby
need attention lately?
and you asking why i’m mad? tell me how you've been
and you wonder why i wanna leave you down in a ditch?

can you shut your mouth just for once?
cuz you never seem to hear me out

and you’re curious as to why i hate you
letting everybody go and fuckin play you
and i’m tired of giving u breaks
when all these second chances never have been shit

and you fail to see the problem
cuz you’re so fucking stupid
how many times can you get so clueless?
can you be real, before i fucking lose it

i’m tired of making songs about you
you’re never sorry, was i ever really wrong about you?

twofaced (joshwa)

@kawaisprite:
i slept too much
im thinking
im not enough
im cold

if they want one thing than they got it
if you dont wanna listen just stop it

tsuyunoshi:
if u dont wanna listen just stop it
if u dont wanna listen just stop it
i dont get what the problem is

kawaisprite:
if they want one thing then they got it
if you dont wanna listen just stop it

its for us
and im holding on the best i got
and im gripping on my cup
how many hungover days i got left
“this hangover cure is really floppin”

ran a couple weeks and the numbers was low
but i still got money i dont need any more
yall be talking to me with no honor in speech
so if anybody ask thats why im hard to reach

tsuyunoshi:
got my problems coming b2b
got my problems coming b2b
if u gotta problem tell me wya
can u tell me now, wya

kawaisprite:
if they want one thing than they got it
if you dont wanna listen just stop it

tsuyunoshi:
got my problems coming b2b
got my problems coming b2b
if u gotta problem tell me wya
can u tell me now, wya

kawaisprite:
ran a couple weeks and the numbers was low
but i still got money i dont need any more
yall be talking to me with no honor in speech
so if anybody ask thats why im hard to reach

b2b w/ kawai sprite

fun lil song brought to you by #goreset :)
@vaeo-music @4cfear @prodbyjoshwa @goreset

i been thru hell with the mood shifts
killing shit with my bros, with a new clique
living good and im chillin wit a new bitch
went to the mall n gotta new fit :)

vaeo:
and everytime i'm good you gotta fuck it up, 
going insane it's all i feel, it's hard to feel the love. 
i solve my issues with drugs, addict to turning up, 
and every nigh is the same, i'm face down throwing up. 
this adderall got me tweaking i need a prozac, 
rolling up some blunts taking every shot i can throw back, 
coulda bought you anything you wanted fuck a price tag, 
my existence got me so mad

can u run it back, let it go again?
and its fuck you too you a fake ass bitch
and u getting mad that we gettin rich
seeing us on top, can u learn to live?

4cf and me:
Keep up bae, uh, like what it yo problem like?
Used to have love but now that shit distant
You not sounding right 
taking up all my time and now you’re tryna take my mind tonight 
u be acting up so why u tryna hit my line tonight?
Ok you wylin you super childish
All you gon get from me is dry texts and awkward silence
I hope you like it
and it’s different now from when we talking from the back ends
and u werent shit u was a bitch u is a has been
You is not shit to be baby I hope you know that
Hey yuh
and i never been better from cutting off like its severed
From all my love straight to nothing I’m treating this like whatever baby
from all the times that we shared regretting it til forever again
No this ain’t my bad you switching up positions 
Getting sidetracked 
hate to break up your heart but i put that shit on a platter
So long as shits getting better I guess that it’s alright
i learned to stop acting up on shit that never mattered

run it back w/ vaeo + 4cf (joshwa)

i wish you never lied to me
@prodbyjoshwa
intro to my ep, 2004, with joshwa

and it’s late at night, i’ve been thinking about you
you lead me astray, want to get without you
but the connections were there, you coulda peeped thru a stare
thought we coulda been something baby i was prepared

and it’s times like that fuck me up
thoughts to recollect and i had enough
we could be strangers again, but i have the love
shit’s been getting worse, and it’s getting rough

dont know if i got the heart to leave you
cuz im always up at night, baby girl i’ll leave you tonight
i dont need you tonight, i dont need u tonight
and it’s crazy how you’re stuck in my mind

i guess i need love for consolation
and im feeling really stuck with this information
and its crazy how u lied, put me in the pavement
my emotions acting up, feeling sick with hatred

and i want something real for once
don’t want no lies i know that shit aint fun
problems i face, i cannot run
but if i leave u now, it’s said and done

astray (joshwa)

this song got botted :(

see you next year :p
i'll be missing in action for now
art by @cyberspit prod @prodbyjoshwa you knew the drill

missing in action
you want attention? so you beg for interaction
and a fake smile on my face that is plastered
you the talk of the town, people look at you in laughter
hide in plain sight, but im missing in action

cuz you wanna be someone you're not
so you gonna take your leave or what?
looking down the barrel of a gun (shoutout @sc0ttryan)
things change, guess things just go and come

and its so hard to act like yourself
and you wishing that yo bestie doing well
but you lookin on they soul, that you ready to sell
hoping that they fell, think i couldn’t tell?

stop your acting, cuz we looking back
looking past the cracks, seeing what you lacked
you always acted what you said was fact
then you left it at that, leave it all in the past tense

put your words into practice
let it sink down, let it mold with the malice
if you wanna see me soon, then you better ask this
where ya at?

yeah im-

m.i.a (joshwa)

i still wonder if you're okay
@prodbyjoshwa

staying in the backseat of the car
chained up tied up, baby where do i start
heh, where do i start? when it fell apart?
when u said i was nothing, nothing

i saw it all, and it’s all my fault cuz i fucked it up tonight
all the times i hold, in my mind and i know, that i cant get back tonight

baby i know the truth
whats gotten into u?
in a snap all our love
turned down to memories

whats gotten into u?
whats gotten into u?
switching up like that for what? for what?

and everything we had is gone
time to say goodbye, so long, so long, so long,
now we solo, now we solo
cuz i fell in love but it’s done

and i guess it was dumb
feelings wrapped round a thumb
shouldve been thinking twice, but i wasnt strong
and i wasnt strong, i wasnt a soldier
never kept my composure

what's gotten into you? (joshwa)

lately i've been wishing it was over
@prodbyjoshwa @jades714

i’m tired and getting jaded
you’re never real i hate it
from all the words you’re saying
just a lie up in the shade

tryna keep up my head in the clouds
but what can we do if we fall?

i aint picking up, nah, if you call back
say you want my love but i know that i’m just a fall back
say your words to me, i know that u never meant all that
wasted all my time and wish that i could get it all back

making it so complicated
seeing shades of green and jade
when im staying down, the bed i lay
im floating but im sinking in

its sad that its a bitter end
its sad that we cant be friends
we cant go where we began
i lost the help that i can lend

but it’s not my fault and you know that
you’re the one in the wrong, for the longest
you’re the one who’s been moving on
while i been stuck writing all these songs

tsuyunoshi

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