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Creamguide(Films) is back! Back! BACK!

No longer confined to print - finding new ways to write different things about Day of the Jackal and The October Man - join Chris, Craig, Rose and Jack for an adventure in critical evaluation and swearing as they watch Steven Spielydrawers' 1980s teatime classic 'INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF DOOM.' Turn the commentary on just as the Paramount logo turns to the gong and enjoy as much shady Orientalism as you can handle in one sitting.
 
THIS COMMENTARY IS RATED 'AA'
SPOILERS: They don't like it much.
 
CREAMGUIDE(FILMS) REVERSE FAQ
1. They married in 1991. Still married.
2. Douglas Slocombe was 71 (at time of writing he's 102.)
3. The Chenjeh kebab is the most popular Xianjing dish in China. Traditionally made with mutton or mutton fat it is often now made with pork or chicken. But not like this.
4. The Revenge of the Pink Panther
5. Next year's International Poultry Expo is in Atlanta. We don't know where it was in 1935.
6. Still alive, he's 69.
7. It was riding the elephants.
8. Apparently he practices entertainment law.
9. Willard Huyck.
10. She was a character in Prisoner: Cell Block H.
11. It's Roshan Seth.
12. Kenneth Williams' boss was Mr Robinson.
13. Didn't Gillian McKeith once pretend to faint to get out of doing her night?
14. Creamguide(Films) says: The middle film is always the best of a trilogy, except for Jaws and Indiana Jones (and Terminator.)
15. And his wife was Kate Capshaw's body double.
16. He plays a Gestapo goon in Indiana Jones and His Dad as well.
17. Amrish Puri. He died in 2005.
18. Jake Steinfeld did it this time. Dave Prowse sorted Ford out for Raiders. We read somewhere.
19. The A-Z of Cool Computer Games by Jack 'Railton' is still available on Amazon.
20. We recorded this back in April so that was a topical joke then.
Creamguide(Films) will return with SUPERMAN III

Creamguide (Films) Commentaries: Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom

Creamguide (Films) Commentaries: Prometheus

Creamguide (Films) Commentaries: Alien3

Creamguide (Films) Commentary: Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory

Ever said 'films ain't what they used to be'? Well, here's proof! John Chris, Craig and Jack as they suffer through the truly execrable RUN FOR YOUR WIFE from 2011. In the unlikely event you have a copy of this monster flop don't bother watching along with the panel; it's not worth it. It really is that bad. Indeed, there's probably a joke to be made about running for your life instead but we really can't be arsed thinking of it. Still, the commentary is fun! Honest! 

THIS COMMENTARY IS RATED 'R'

CREAMGUIDE(FILMS) COMMENTARIES will return with some ramshackle nonsense which is a real Winner!

Creamguide(Films) Commentaries

Creamguide (Films) Commentraries: Run For Your Wife

Huzzah it's almost Christmas and the three wise men of Creamguide(Films) have travelled the Internet far and wide to alight on a copy of the seminal Christmas text Minder on the Orient Express. In a move painfully reminiscent of a better podcast, we join the action as Chris and Jack cue up the beginning of the feature length edition, while Craig has no idea what he is about to watch.  The chat soon gets very Christmassy indeed, so pull a cracker along with us and grab your crappy Rover Assortment to munch-a-long-with-Minder.

THIS COMMENTARY IS RATED ‘R’

CREAMGUIDE(FILMS) COMMENTARIES will return at some point in 2017. Merry Christmas pals!

Creamguide (Films) Commentaries: Minder on The Orient Express

Flash, Flash we love you, but we only have 1 hour 45 minutes and eight seconds to wax lyrical about this stupendous cinematic offering.  From Ever Decreasing Circle's Howard's pervy relationship with Princess Aura, to the realisation that Brian Blessed doesn't actually SHOUT "Gordon's Alive!", this audio presentation is the first of a double-double bill.  We are in gratitude to the estimable Jonathan Wilkins who has hand picked both this and our next commentary offering (that's the first double). What's more - this is the first in our dualogy of films soundtracked by the archetypal music-isn't-just-for-you-c**ts band, the mighty, mighty Queen.

THIS COMMENTARY IS RATED 'R'

CREAMGUIDE(FILMS) COMMENTARIES will return cruising for a piece of ass

Creamguide (Films) Commentaries: Flash Gordon

Here they are, born to be kings - it's Chris, Craig and - to a fuller extent - Jack, to discuss what any 13-year-old boy would agree is the greatest directed film of all time.  Ably guided, by Creamguide (Films) listener Jonathan Wilkins (it was he who nominated this movie for commentary treatment, don't you know?) Our trio of immortals neatly sidestep the usual chat about inappropriate accents for a loving reminiscence of the greatest film in the entire Highlander canon. What does incompetent mean?  Listen to this and you will surely find out!

CREAMGUIDE(FILMS) COMMENTARIES will return with another listener choice very soonish

Creamguide (Films) Commentaries: Highlander

By the finest scissors in all of Aragon, the Creamguide (Films) Commentary team go Bakshi insane with a detailed (and we do mean detailed), exhaustive (and we do mean exhaustive) journey through the intricate world of Tolkein.  Discover at last the difference between a fantasy and a space fantasy, and learn which characters from history are good guys - just not THE good guy.  Special bonus feature:  Does the Balrog have wings?  The definitive answer is inside.  Please feel free to comment on our various factual inaccuracies, but you are wrong, all content in this podcast is factually accurate. Warning lots of swears.

CREAMGUIDE(FILMS) COMMENTARIES will return to rake only moons.

Creamguide (Films) Commentaries: The Lord of the Rings

Recorded on the evening of Monday 22 May, here's our unintentional, but nonetheless fulsome, tribute to the mighty Sir Roger Moore. We've added a new bit at the beginning - a Bondian pre-title sequence, if you will where we reflect on one of Britain's greatest ever film stars - but the rest is as it was recorded. 

So consider this your re-entry into the urbane world of Sir Roger Moore.  Relax in the company of Chris, Craig and Jack as they rank the best Bond baddies, rank the best Bond haircuts and - of course rank the best Bond Bonds.

THIS COMMENTARY IS RATED 'R'

CREAMGUIDE(FILMS) COMMENTARIES will return...

Creamguide (Films) Commentaries: Moonraker

Diamond and Williams (and Kibble-White) have been assigned.  Yes our very own triumverate of transuranic heavy elements who may not be amused where there is life, celebrate the 35th anniversary of the finale of Sapphire and Steel. Join the wide-ranging chat that examines the function of Access ("your flexible friend"), reminiscences over Border Television's studio in Carlisle and celebrates ITV's greatest ever show (fact). Plus another gratitious mention for Pam Early.

THIS COMMENTARY IS RATED 'R'

CREAMGUIDE(FILMS) COMMENTARIES will return...

Creamguide (Films) Commentaries: Sapphire and Steel

The shadowy cabal of Chris, Craig and Jack is joined by Aliens in the Family expert, Martin, for a right old chat about the 10th best film in the Alien series.  There is fingering aplenty as the team try to get to grips with the film's internal logic and lack of consequence and struggle to make any sense out of the musical instrument scene.

THIS COMMENTARY IS RATED 'R'

CREAMGUIDE(FILMS) COMMENTARIES will return on 24 February to celebrate a silver anniversary...

Creamguide (Films) Commentaries: Alien Covenant

After a short break Chris, Craig and Jack are back Back BACK.  And what better way to celebrate than anything other than the Cannon and Ball laff-fest that is The Boys in Blue? Hear the full unexpurgated back story behind the rise of the comically comedic duo and rejoice in the return of Creamguide (Films) commentary. We've almost forgotten how to write these billings.

THIS COMMENTARY IS RATED 'R'

CREAMGUIDE(FILMS) COMMENTARIES will return next Monday with a bloody good show

Creamguide (Films) Commentaries: The Boys in Blue

Chris, Craig and Jack alight upon the oeuvre of Vincent Price, via the incomparable "Theater (although we insist upon spelling it "Theatre") of Blood". Come for the chat about what an excellent man Mr Price was and stay for the dissection of Antipodean cookery show, "My Kitchen Rules: Australia".

THIS COMMENTARY IS RATED 'R'

CREAMGUIDE(FILMS) COMMENTARIES will return next Monday with a Halloween special

Creamguide (Films) Commentaries

Creamguide (Films) Commentary: Theatre of Blood

The third and final part of our tinselly TV-athon finds Chris selecting a vintage festive show for Ian and Graham to watch.

Today's instalment includes: "It has been said, maybe I said it myself, or somebody... I've possibly read it somewhere."

Merry Christmas one and all!

TV Cream's Podcasts

What We Just Watched For Christmas 2019 - Part Three

BONUS EPISODE (which won't appear on the TV Cream site)! This is the 'pilot' edition, recorded at the start of lockdown. And, in it, Jack Kibble-White stays indoors in Glasgow, watches the first episode of Phil Cool's 1985 debut comedy series, Cool It (https://bit.ly/TVCIndoors19a), and then tells TV Cream all about it.

Jack Kibble-White watches Cool It

Samira Ahmed stays indoors in suburban south west London, watches an episode of The Tomorrow People (https://youtu.be/nuoxFcPyZvE - mistakenly labelled series one, episode one; it's series two episode one!), and then tells TV Cream all about it.

TV Cream's Podcast

Samira Ahmed watches The Tomorrow People

This week - two guests! Chris Hughes and Ian Jones stay indoors in (respectively) Hampton Hill in TW12 and  Harrow, north London, to revisit Trouble at the Top: Bucks Fizz: Making Your Mind Up [https://youtu.be/B2dAMA3R4pA].Then they tell us all about it.

Chris Hughes and Ian Jones watch Trouble at the Top: Bucks Fizz

Nick Abadzis - writer and illustrator of the fantastic Laika, among other things - stays indoors in New Jersey, across the Hudson River from Manhattan - to watch a 1989 episode of the Channel 4 arts series Signals, entitled The Day Comics Grew Up (which you can view at https://bit.ly/TVCIndoors16) – and then tells TV Cream about it. This episode was recorded in May 2020.

Nick Abadzis watches Signals: The Day Comics Grew Up

Jill Phythian (this is she: @redfacts) stays indoors in Walthamstow, north London, to watch the feature-length pilot episode of Manimal (which you can view over two instalments here https://bit.ly/TVCIndoors17a and https://bit.ly/TVCIndoors17b) – and then tells TV Cream about it.

Jill Phythian watches Manimal

Puzzle author, games consultant and format developer David Bodycombe stays indoors in south west London and watches a playlist which gathers together instances where quiz shows are put under stress (you can see it here: https://bit.ly/2TVCIndoors18)... and then he talks to TV Cream about it.

TV Cream Stays Indoors

David Bodycombe watches quiz shows under stress

In the final episode of this run - we'll be back for Lockdown II - Steven Moffat stays in his study and watches the penultimate episode of Patrick McGoohan's The Prisoner (titled 'Once Upon a Time', which you can see here) and then tells TV Cream all about it...

...and in this bumper-length goodbye edition, he also tells us about the advice he wishes he'd followed in writing for Doctor Who, how one goes about scripting a scene in which your hero averts a war by making an angry speech, and alights upon the handful of good things that have come out of these last, strange few months.

Be seeing you!

Steven Moffat watches The Prisoner

BACK, BACK BACK! Chris, Graham and Ian are reunited - via [Clive James voice] the latest, cutting-edge Sinclair satellite technology! - to look at a trilogy of Christmas TV shows. There'll be one a day over the next three days.

Today’s instalment includes: Cutting oneself a sandwich, chevron chat, concerns about spending an evening at Ronnie Scott's and - yes! - a stay under an assumed name at a posh hotel.

What We Just Watched for Christmas 2020 - Part One

It's the last part of our festive trilogy of podcasts. Today, Graham dials up Chris and Ian, as they watch one final selection from a Christmas TV past.

Today’s instalment includes: Wogan.

What We Just Watched for Christmas - Part Three

Day two sees Ian, Chris and Graham sit at the end of their various fat pipes to discuss another Christmas TV show of yore. 

Today’s instalment includes: A squashed pudding, VT vs film, Audrey's randy friends and the difference between pronouns and proverbs.

Popular tracks by TV Cream