THE TRUE STORY BEHIND THIS TRACK (You Just Weren’t Supposed to Know):
Avril Lavigne. Berlin. 2004. Techno. Betrayal. Reptilians. Bagels.

It was the spring of 2004, and Avril Lavigne had just finished her second world tour and was absolutely done with being a pop-punk princess. “Why is everything so complicated?” she screamed into a half-eaten banana while backstage in Milwaukee. Her manager, Carl — a talking lemur with a coke addiction — knew what had to be done. "You need to go home,” he said, lighting a cigarette through his elbow. “To Berlin.”

Avril, confused but vibing, nodded. She had never been to Berlin. But that didn’t matter. The next thing she knew, she was on a Ryanair flight sitting between a Slovakian DJ named DJ Tinnitus and a man in a full Shrek costume who whispered in binary. When the plane landed, Avril stepped into a city lit only by strobe lights and existential dread.

Berlin 2004 wasn’t like now. Every club was underground — literally — like 16 levels below ground, with doors guarded by chain-smoking philosophers and dogs in Matrix sunglasses. Avril wandered through the rave catacombs in search of “The Bassline Oracle,” a 9-foot-tall man named Dieter who only spoke in reversed Scooter lyrics. He told her, “If you want to uncomplicate your soul, you must surrender to the BPM.”

So she did.

What followed was a four-day non-stop rave. Avril shed her pop-punk shell like a lizard reborn. She wore a full pink camo jumpsuit, sunglasses that showed alternate timelines, and raved so hard her lip-sync tattoo turned into a QR code linking to a LiveLeak video of a hamster driving a BMW.

She danced with eurotrash vampires, made out with a guy who turned out to be two raccoons in a trench coat, and battled a sentient subwoofer that screamed "DROP THE BEAT, EH" in perfect Canadian. Somewhere between hour 37 and hour 89, Avril ascended musically and emotionally. The melody of Complicated began to echo around the room — but faster. Harder. More transcendent. The offbeat bassline vibrated reality apart like a cheap IKEA shelf.

This track is the only surviving artifact from that night. It was smuggled out on a USB stick hidden inside a bratwurst by a time-traveling German producer known only as Uberan Mino. Everyone else? Gone. Trapped in a 156 BPM loop dimension. Still raving. Still glowing.

So next time you say “Why’d you have to go and make things so complicated?” remember: maybe she had to.

For the rave.
For Berlin.
For the Lemur.

Avril Lavigne - Complicated (TRANCE REMIX by Uberan Mino)

Meet the producer who once got into a heated beatboxing battle with a confused FedEx driver who turned out to be three raccoons in a trenchcoat (they won, but only on a technicality). Legend has it that this absolute menace learned music production from a wise old vending machine that exclusively spoke in early 2000s pop lyrics and would only dispense wisdom if you fed it expired fruit snacks. The machine now works as a part-time lifecoach for squirrels with commitment issues. Producing beats from a studio that might actually be a portal to another dimension (still waiting on the inspection results, but the ghost that lives in the microwave swears it's legit). Sometimes the beats make objects float, but only on Tuesdays, and only if Mercury is in retrograde while wearing Crocs.