NEW VERSION FEATURING GO:ESKIMO HERE:
https://unicornhole.bandcamp.com/album/hd-remakes-round-2

FULL CD AVAILABLE FOR FREE DOWNLOAD HERE:
http://kittyonfirerecords.bandcamp.com/album/the-return-of-the-revenge-of-unicorn-hole-the-sequel

For as long as I can remember, Pokemon has been a hobby of mine. But a lot of people lost interest once the quantity got so high. I assume these people would also turn down an enormous plate of bacon. They would say, "this plate overflowing with delicious bacon has too many types and moves and abilities to memorize! Waaaah!" More for me.

Lyrics:
so you think that the first generation
of pokemon are cool, but that's it?
sorry but i gotta say, that's just some tauros shit
pokemon is still the tits, maybe you just can't handle it
the games are as cool as shorts and they're comfy and easy to wear
they taught us how to love when we were only eight
they taught us murder, remember gary's raticate?
your mom-
requires a pokeflute to wake up every morning
has a heavy ball modifier of plus forty
ohhh, no he just ditten
this bitch be critical hittin

you had the only mew on the playground, you were the boss of middle school
but after that if you had pokemon at all you just weren't cool
how could you turn your back on the best friends you had?
they'd take a bubble beam for you, they are true comrades
if hating on pokemon is your goal
then YOU SUCK says rapidash/keldeo hole
harder than giga drain
you're so lame that it's insane
you blow my mind but you don't care
like a diglet sitting in a chair

"but every game is the same, played one you've played them all"
now remind me how you defend your precious football

but let's get back to your mom, yes let's discuss that ho
she bones more random things than the sluttiest of dittos
more trashy than garbodor, her cloyster dwarfs exploud's gap
she needs a hefty serving of double (pimp) slap
more people get lost in her vagina than in mount moon
no escape rope can save you, should have brought a harpoon
the thought of sex with her turns a thick club into a nub
it isn't even possible without a PP-Up
ohhhhhhh shit son
you're gonna need a burn heal for that one!

i've got 718 problems, but your mom ain't one

Big Money Cybergrind's first Grindoff Contest was to write a 30 second song. Long-time Uhole fans will know I've written dozens and dozens of such songs. Thanks to this, probably, I managed to squeak out a win!

Never Fotgotty the Shotty

The parasite inside
Has taken full control
So I replace the face
With an empty hole

The chainsaw engine
It screams

Bullets and blades fly
Under a rusted sky

Just before the teeth gnaw
They all withdraw

Never Forgotty The Shotty (30 Second Grindoff Contest Winner!)

The Kraken battle in Earthbound is memorable for a few reasons: the odd design of the enemy, the fact that Poo can turn into a Kraken himself, and maybe most of all that banger of a battle theme. Per the request of one of my awesome Patreon supporters, here's a remix of that theme!

Kraken of the Sea Earthbound Remix (Patron Request)

The prompt for Big Money Cybergrind's second Grindoff Contest was to make a wrestling intro that beats ass. There were only two entrants this time, but I managed to just squeak out another win. Don't sleep on the other track by I Killed Techno!

Lyrics:

Now entering the ring
Standing tall at 6’9”
And weighing 420 lbs
Behold Cybergrinder!
Let’s go!

When I hit that bass drop
To the mat your face drops
When I hit that breakdown
I’m gonna take you downtown

When I hit that blastbeat
You’re gonna get your ass beat
When I hit that double kick
Ya gonna drop like a bag of bricks

Reps as high as my bpm
Your dad rock ass better hit the gym
Slams as thick as my mighty limbs
Damn, your chances are looking grim

Big Money, big guns
Yo bitch you better run
Each arm weighs a ton
Yo bitch you better fuckin run

I’m gonna cybergrind you into dust

I hit that bass drop
I hit that breakdown
I hit that blastbeat
I hit that double kick

CYBERGRINDER

CYBERGRINDER (Wrestling Grindoff Contest Winner!)

This is the 8 bit version of track five from my second full-length CD, "the return of the revenge of unicorn hole (the sequel)" which can be streamed in its entirety and/or downloaded for free here:

http://kittyonfirerecords.bandcamp.com/album/the-return-of-the-revenge-of-unicorn-hole-the-sequel

let us never forget the grey jinjo family (8 bit version)

Andrew Griesemer lends his brootal vocals to help Uhole out in this fine little ditty, which describes exactly how lazy people work. Here's a hint- they don't.

lyrics:

this song goes out to those who are lazy as shit
you who remove the a from apathetic
the textbook opposite of energetic

you lost the tv remote, that tv's as good as broke
one channel for the rest of forever

you pave the roadsides with your trash
cause you don't want that shit in your car
and make sure that your houses match
cause the next room was just too goddamn far

got shitty frozen food
"turn the oven up on high?
that thing takes days, it's way too hard,
it's microwave or die!"

our sloth will be the death of us
we've got to make a change today
stand up and fight, take action
not right now, but like tomorrow maybe

if we were bees, within a couple weeks flowers would be extinct
if we were buttholes, we wouldn't give a shit enough to stink

when it comes to laziness, you have the ability
to give a tree a run for its money

the light burns out in your bathroom
"that's fine i'll just shit in the dark
cause i can't fix a lightbulb all by myself
what am i, tony stark!?"

(i didn't feel like writing a cool transition here)

lazy parents lazily raise lazy kids these days
who bone anyone or thing cause standards are just too hard
they shoot up pills and smoke ant poison, it's the latest craze
or maybe just sit around and become hoarders of lard

they will eat the cake, and then the frosting
icing the cake first would be exhausting

we've got to make an honest effort, we've gotta finish what we start
it's super important and blah blah blah and something about our hearts

chorus

some super hilarious and appropriate song title

A much grindier and heavier than usual Uhole track from the demo "some songs" which is available now via Kitty on Fire Records for FREE download! Good luck keeping up with the lyrics.

http://kittyonfirerecords.bandcamp.com/album/some-songs

Lyrics:
let's learn about egyptian religion, it should be fun
let's focus on horus, god of vengeance, war and the sun
his peepaw's penis was eaten by fish
pa used a gold strap-on to grant meemaw's wish
horus was fathered by a pimpin bling stick
too bad for them uncle set was a total dick
set fought hard against horus, but
he lost round one when he lost a nut
round two set shoots a blast of fire like a demon
did i say fire? because what i meant was semen
horus won't let pedo-incest-uncle deliver
he catches the man goo and throws it in the river
then horus finds a salad, and he starts beating it
adds his special dressing and tricks set into eating it
some gods use lightning bolts to strike down their foes
some jizz in salads, hey man, anything goes
round three horus is like "hey bro let's race some boats"
set's like "that's fine but they have to be stone so they won't float."
horus is like "fuck that" so he uses wood
set sinks and loses, as all idiots should
the moral here is cheat and you shall achieve
i'm serious, just look it up, this is what they believed

don't worry andrew, steev mike is me too

TO UNDERSTAND WHAT'S HAPPENING, WATCH THESE TWO VIDEOS IN ORDER! I promise you'll enjoy both of them, and then finally this song!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ybDCObQRRM4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZtMuzFA-URA

Lyrics:
now go
seashells that she walked a web
tri-knot to loose yoohoo
with every nuts to chafe
blistered is a badge to the
people don't want their freedom
i'll be away
steppin in shit, john

that thing is a word
just to wrap yo arms around meeargh
gypsies bit mah blood
you'll be the one to pay

willshire could be the one.
the wan-hoo in paradise
be the one eiffel stair
..maybe
i can up to the sky
..russia?
fighting in me was a whore
maybe.. ..maybe..

listen, one master disher
i just got gays around me
i got those gays around me
lip synch
i've got to masterba..
and goddamn today.
i guess i'd rather give up
my wheels to go, now
welcome to the fish i'll make a salad
with a sharted winter
shawtie fa sho

u-holey cover of unholy cover of unholy confessions

Unicorn Hole unveils its new sound at long last with the free demo "Songs Unsung." Check it out, and let me know what you think! Thanks!
https://unicornhole.bandcamp.com/
Unicorn Hole takes a long, hard look at Sonic's acclaim. Does he truly deserve his devoted following?

Lyrics:
Knuckles is strong- he can glide and he can dig 
Tails can fly- there's no machine he can't rig 
Shadow gets emo chicks and uses guns to cap some ass 
Sonic the Hedgehog, well he runs real fast 

I hate to say it, but it must be said 
Sonic the Hedgehog, everybody knows your name 
But I'm having trouble justifying your fame 
Your friends are better than you, yeah you should be ashamed 
It must be hard to be so lame, that you're the worst in your own game 

Tails and Eggman- both brilliant scientists 
Shadow has a dark past with some sappy twists 
Knuckles- the sworn protector as far back as the prologue 
Sonic's backstory is chili dogs 

Stranded on a desert island, 
I'd even choose Big the Cat over you 
His skill could feed a man for life, 
While a puddle on the beach has you subdued 
And remember that time you met that kid 
With down's syndrome a few years ago? 
And like a true asshole, the first thing you said to him was 
"You're too slow!"

Hedgehogs and Chili Dogs

This is an homage to my boy King K Rool. You deserve to be in Smash! I'm sorry Sakurai is herpist. :( David Wise is the best. DKC is the best.

DKC Gangplank Galleon Cover

This is an homage to, like, 50% of my childhood. Grant Kirkhope is the best. Banjo Kazooie is the best.

Banjo Kazooie Mad Monster Mansion Cover

This track was written for a Nintendocore comp called "Misunderstood Villains" where various video game baddies explain their side of things. Do yourself a favor and check out the whole comp- there's so much great content! (and more vocals and lyrics by yours truly as well!)

https://nintendocorelives.bandcamp.com/album/misunderstood-villians

And download my demo for free too!

https://unicornhole.bandcamp.com/album/songs-unsung-2

Lyrics:

Under a blistering sun we endured searing winds 
Which carried sand that battered us to no end 
And when the moon took to the stage again 
A frigid gale ensured our wounds would not mend 

Our culture cast out, our goddess banned 
The time had come for me to make a stand 

When atop their castle a Gerudo flag unfurled 
My new Hyrule would be known across the world 
As a sanctuary where we neglected no race 
And the royalty there currently would be disgraced 

I'm called The King of Evil- The King of Thieves 
How easily their king deceives them all 
If we're to be despised just because we're alive 
Then I'll give them a proper reason why! 

I won't deny that I was driven by my hate 
I did horrible things to get through that gate 
But I knew this was fate, and I would not cower 
I obtained the Triforce- the ultimate power 

But things did not go exactly as I had planned 
The Golden Power fractured in my hands 
My path had left me an unbalanced man 
So pure, brute force became my brand 

My strength was compelling- intoxicating 
I could not see that my vision was fading 
Fixed on the end, I lost sight of the fray 
Found myself behind that gate- and sealed away 

In a timeless state, in perpetual gloom 
Consumed by hate in that sacred room 
Sent by those kids to an eternal tomb 
I swore that I would be their doom 

And I did break free, and seek the Triforce again 
Pursued revenge fueled by the hate I'd grown within 
I crushed everything that dared stand in my way 
Gathered each golden shard but once again things went astray 

Despite my triumphs throughout the war 
I was denied of what I'd fought for 
The world I knew was swallowed by the sea 
Everything I loved was taken from me 
I had risen up, against all odds 
When their world failed to stop me, they sent their gods 
Fight for my people- my mission was succinct 
But I must live with the truth now- my people are extinct 

Lost in the blackness of the depths below 
It seems that misery is all their gods bestow 
Upon my race, seems failure is our lot 
Maybe I should just accept that.. 
..but I will not

The King of Evil

This is an homage to the countless hours spent on Mario All-Stars as a kid. Koji Kondo is the best. SMW is the best.

Super Mario World Castle Theme Cover

FREE DOWNLOAD OF THIS EP:
https://unicornhole.bandcamp.com/album/hd-remakes-round-1

Guest vocalist Dustin Elmore and Uhole show off how "midi instrument number 79 of time" sounds in Uhole's new style! Poopmaster joins the party to add a little something new as well. 

Lyrics:
Hey Link, get off your butt- grow a pair of Deku Nuts 
First save the Deku Tree, you tree huggin hippie 
Stop playing with your Deku Stick, and Raid that spider bitch 

Don't call me "fairy boy," you horsey whore 
Bitch, please! I've got the Master Sword 
Side-hoppin Hyrule Field, straight for Gannondorf 
Bitch, please! I've got the Master Sword 

Seven years pass... 
Link awakens, now complete with pubes 
Can't stop thinking about Zelda's boobs 
But they can wait, I'm going fishin
I would relax, but Navi won't stop bitchin
Back to work, slay the phantom and the dragon 
If I don't hurry those boobs will be saggin 
The water temple is full of Link's tears 
Because it cost him another seven years 
Shadow and Spirit, collect more hearts and shit 
Visit the Great Fairies, and their triangle tits 

Poopmaster, show us what you've got!
(1:45ish to 2:25ish 100% written by Poopmaster!)

Storm into Gannon's castle, sword into Gannon's asshole 
I am the king of Hyrule, my name is Link and I rule

The King of Hyrule (with Dustin Elmore and Poopmaster)

A couple days ago a long-time fan asked me to remake these old jams in my new style. Anyone who's put up with my shit for that long deserves whatever they want! These songs originally appeared on "squadilah, we are off!" I wrote them when I was 17, so don't judge!

13) pink robot dinosaur penguin toaster (you're gay)
warning, warning, dumbass alert
you hate my music because it's fake
you say my music is "a piece of cake"
well it is easy, and fun to do
but guess what. your mom is too.
pwn'd

19) 3 millions bc - the wheel, 1928 sliced bread, 1998 loz oot, bitch!
unicorn hole and mothman skull 
step upon rainbows, 
but rather enjoy monarch butterflies

Download the original release:
https://archive.org/details/kof072UnicornHole-SquadilahWeAreOff_860

Love you guys! I do take requests! :3

Olden Goldies (Retro Uhole Remakes)

To download this EP for free, click here!
https://unicornhole.bandcamp.com/album/hd-remakes-round-2

Guest vocalist Go:Eskimo joins me in shouting our love of Pokemon to the world. Glitch City Café butts into this classic Uhole track with something  unexpected and awesome. HD Remakes Round 2 will be released next month!

https://soundcloud.com/goeskimo
https://soundcloud.com/glitchcitycafe

Lyrics:
So you think the first generation
Of Pokemon is cool, but that's it?
Sorry but I gotta say, that's just some Tauros shit
Pokemon is still the tits, maybe you just can't handle it
Shorts aren't as rad as Pokemon- and they're comfy and easy to wear
Gen one taught us love when we were only eight
It taught us murder- remember Gary's Raticate?

His mom-
Requires a Pokeflute to wake up every morning
Has a Heavy Ball modifier of plus forty
Ohhh, no I just ditten
This shit be critical hittin

You had the only Mew on the playground, you were the boss of middle school
But after that if you had Pokemon at all you just weren't cool

How could you turn your back on the best friends you had?
They'd take a Bubble Beam for you, they are true comrades
If hating on Pokemon is your goal
Then YOU SUCK says Rapidash/Keldeo Hole
Harder than Giga Drain
You're so lame that it's insane
You blow my mind, but you don't care
Like a Diglett sitting in a chair

"But every game's the same; played it once, you've played em all"
Now remind me how you defend football

(About 1:55 - 2:45 by Glitch City Cafe!)

Let's get back to Gary's mom, yes let's discuss that ho
She sees more random dongs than the busiest of Dittos
Trashier than Garbodor, easier than Pokemon Snap
She needs a hefty serving of Double Pimp Slap
More people go missing in her Cloyster than in Mount Moon
Escape Ropes are as useless as fighting with a Kakuna
The sight of her turns a Thick Club into a puny knub
Gary only exists thanks to a trusty PP-Up
Ohhhhhhh shit son
He's gonna need a burn heal for that one!

(FREE NEW EP LINK) MissingNo Problems (w/ Go:Eskimo and Glitch City Café)

UPDATE: CD NOW AVAILABLE FOR FREE:
https://unicornhole.bandcamp.com/album/legend-of-the-light-gem

Uhole is finally putting out a new full-length? You gotta be shittin my big-girl britches! And yet, no shits shall be shat. For the first time, I'll also be releasing physicals. If you want to help me fund this endeavor in exchange for some rad perks, click the link below, yo!

https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/unicorn-hole-physical-cds/x/2402354#/

Which Witch Won? (LINK TO NEW, FREE FULL-LENGTH!)

Track 3 from Unicorn Hole's long awaited third full-length! This CD also launches the NCU- a massive fantasy story told by several N-core bands over many different releases. Check it all out FOR FREE here:

https://unicornhole.bandcamp.com/album/legend-of-the-light-gem

Another Adventure (NEW, FREE FULL-LENGTH LINK)

New track Arcana Profane from Uhole's fourth full-length of the same name, which is also chapter four of the NCU. Nab the full release for free here:

https://unicornhole.bandcamp.com/album/arcana-profane

Arcana Profane (NEW, FREE CD LINK!)

The first "single" from The Storm- Uhole's fifth full-length and chapter six of the NCU. Things aren't going to be easy for the gang this time! Grab a free download of the full album here:
unicornhole.bandcamp.com/album/the-storm

*You'll also notice a singing track is absent in this version, and some drums have been changed in the final release. Ohh, beta content! :0

The Calm Before

Lakitu's super rad track Zora's Domain with guest vocals provided by ya boy, just for funsies. Check out more music by Lakitu here:
https://soundcloud.com/chidorimusic/tracks

Lyrics:

Follow the river from the east field
A holy hollow will be revealed

A brisk mist breezes, welcomes me
As I am mesmerized by all that I see
A sense of serenity takes hold
A sense of grandeur to remain untold

But I must focus on my mission here
I have been guided by the sacred seer

Oh Lord Jabu Jabu, what's gotten into you?
I vow I shall find the cause and renew

Your curse I shall reverse
What they have done to you
To them I shall do worse

I venture into the belly of the beast
I endure monsters, turn them into things deceased
Along my way I rescue royal Ruto
I feel we'll meet again beyond tomorrow

But I must focus on my mission here
I shall be guided by the sacred seer
I feel that today everything will change
When I place these stones my life will be rearranged

I know that everything will change
My destiny is preordained
So for just one moment I remain
Here in Zora's Domain

Zora's Domain (Lakitu Vocal Cover)

Dark Clouds Converge is track four from The Storm- Unicorn Hole's fifth full-length, and chapter six of the NCU. For the full, free album:
https://unicornhole.bandcamp.com/album/the-storm

Dark Clouds Converge

REMASTERED, NON-MIDI VERSION HERE:
https://unicornhole.bandcamp.com/album/hd-remakes-round-2

FULL CD AVAILABLE FOR FREE DOWNLOAD HERE:
http://kittyonfirerecords.bandcamp.com/album/the-return-of-the-revenge-of-unicorn-hole-the-sequel

Welcome back to the midicore mayhem you know and hate!

Lyrics:
i have given less love to my fans
than a chinese girl gets from her dad
but i swear on her shallow grave that it won't happen again
that's right i'm back, i know you've heard it before
along with jokes about how your mom is a whore
but i'm serious, this time i mean it
she's as easy as taking candy from a baby quadriplegic
i'm like the terminator
without the swollen muscles and the shrunken sack
when i'm gone you can rest assured, I'LL BE BACK

just like the repressed memories
of that one time with your uncle steve
when you least expect me, there i'll be
the source of your suffering
and i know i've been gone for way too long
but i'm a little bit north of an asscrack
i am the only safe man at the gay parade
what i'm trying to say is i'm back

uhole was born in 2007
over the years it died and went to heaven
now all my time is spent doing boring adult things
a car to bring a job, a job to bring the bling
cause i'm a grown ass man with my own house and shit
if i want to run around screaming naked i can do it
like i said, adult stuff

i've been GONEorrhea, but i've become herpes
i've been syphiLOST but now you can't get rid of me

so i'll just keep pumping out songs with stupid lyrics about
how stupid my lyrics are but this is metal, and stupid is par
alright, so to recap i'm back and i still rock
and there's really nothing more
no wait, just one last thing- your mom's a whore

chorus

the return of the revenge of unicorn hole (the sequel)

To celebrate the Area 51 Raid, I made a cover of Aliens Exist from Blink-182's Enema of the State. This album helped steer me down the weird musical path that eventually lead to Uhole, and this song always had an  eerie vibe I couldn't quite articulate. Hope ya have as much fun listening to it as I did making it!

Aliens Exist (Blink-182 Cover)

AWESOME REALISTIC VST COVER BY FALCON PAWNCH!!! HERE:
https://soundcloud.com/falcon-pawnch/some-shit-i-better-talk-while

BADASS NON-MIDI COVER BY TYLER HENDRICKS HERE:
https://soundcloud.com/tylerhendricks/unicorn-hole-some-shit-i

FULL CD AVAILABLE FOR FREE DOWNLOAD HERE:
http://kittyonfirerecords.bandcamp.com/album/the-return-of-the-revenge-of-unicorn-hole-the-sequel

Special guest Mitch Boyett teams up with Unicorn Hole to expose the horrors of a certain group living among us normal humans.

Lyrics:
let's talk about the walking dead
jowls hang down from their heads
angry, slow, and unclean
and it's old people we mean
wake at 4AM and skip the shower
drive a solid 25 mph
still manage to hit a few cars
but who cares cause bingo's about to start!
bingo, where old folks play
bingo, home of the gray
grampimps get funky with grannies
cause they got ten times the crannies
by noon bingo is dead
that's fine, it's time for bed
mostly already dead

we're all infected, science serves only to delay
none unaffected, one day we'll all be grays
we're all infected, and it comes much to my dismay
none unaffected, one day we'll all be grays
we're all infected, kill yourself before it's too late
none unaffected, kill yourself before it's too late

sunday, scrape off the crust
go to church, check on jesus
other days they mix up the mix, just stay home and watch their soaps
the neighbor wanted a nap, but today there is no hope
brave some stairs if you're feeling tough
oops you've fallen and you can't get up
just a broken hip, so worth it
lunch at the cracker barrel, hard candy for dessert
dressed in their nicest pants that eat almost all of their shirt
or maybe just sit and stare at the phone as they grow numb
waiting for a call from their grandkids that will never come
they've forgotten about you, but you forgot their names too

"what if your grandparents hear all of your awful words?"
that isn't possible; i'm not releasing any vinyl records
"but what if they find these lyrics and they read them all?"
that isn't possible; this text is way too small
"but what if someone tells them the things that you had to say?"
well that just won't matter at all, cause they'll forget anyway

some shit i better talk while i still can

HORSE the Band are the eccentric, bastard fathers of Nintendocore. I pay them tribute in my HORSE the EP release, which also features full covers of Bunnies, Birdo, Murder, and Arrive. Download it for free here:

https://unicornhole.bandcamp.com/album/horse-the-ep

Lyrics:
That little bastard
With his tricks and vile forms of play
Hacking, shaving, slicing, mutilating
All that gets before him or that gets in his way

Coming around down the stairs
The wood cracked beneath my feet
My hand slid across the rail
Collecting dust on my fingertips

Then I came into a dark room
That smelled of wet stone and many years
And there was a robotic retard
With a blank empty stare

It was a little android man
Half the size that I am
Scissors on his head
Scissors on his fucking head

Little android man
Born without a soul
Without that force of reason
The scissors took control

Little android man
Born without a heart
If he's in your vicinity he'll cut you apart

Here he comes
There's no time
It's just a game
Don't look back he's right behind
And here's your piece of mind

Cut! Cut! Cut Cut!

Little android man
Born without a soul
Without the voice of reason the scissors took control

Little android man
Born without a heart
In his vicinity he'll cut you apart

Robotic retard
He counts his fingers
One, two, three, four

Little android man
Never, never, never trust a
Little android man
He'll cut cut cut cut

(These covers have never and will never earn any profit.)

Cutsman (HORSE the Band Cover)

DOWNLOAD THE FULL ALBUM FREE:
https://unicornhole.bandcamp.com/album/froggy-chair

Ten days before the world would be blessed with Animal Crossing: New Horizons, GO:Eskimo and Unicorn Hole discovered their mutual love of Froggy Chair. Ten days is plenty of time to write an album, right? Yeah well, we did it any damn way. Talking points include that very good chair, the infamous Brutus the Bulldog, Nook's unsavory loss prevention (or retribution in this case), and how much Joey the duck sucks shit. If you love Animal Crossing and bomb ass Nintendocore, FROGGY CHAIR is exactly what you didn't know you wanted!

Lyrics:
When I need a sit
Froggy Chair, I choose you
When I need a pick me up
Froggy Chair always comes through

Fuck standing up, actually
With Froggy Chair, I’ll get atrophy
And a square ass too
Froggy Chair, I think I love you

I love that good, good chair
Forget the Toad Stool with Froggy there
That smile warms my heart
I’m never taking it apart

Put the chair over there
I don’t care where you put it or place it
We can always erase it

I swear to god I will murder a frog
I will prime steak Angus, bacon grill the hog

If I don’t get my comfort throne
The first day when New Horizons comes to my home

I will bitch and I’ll shout
Little Mac and punch out
And then I'll stay in and sob
Because my chair ain’t a frog

Where would I be without you?

Six feet underground
In acre five of my home town

Froggy Chair is everything to me
I sit back and replay my day
I think of things I'd love to say, like

“I’m glad you’re wearing your diaper
I’m about to slap the shit outta you
Joey the duck, you goofy fuck
Did you eat a little too much glue?”

FROGGY CHAIR

Feelin' Froggy (Go:Eskimo and Unicorn Hole)

REMASTERED, NON-MIDI VERSION HERE:
https://unicornhole.bandcamp.com/album/hd-remakes-round-2

FULL CD AVAILABLE FOR FREE DOWNLOAD HERE:
http://kittyonfirerecords.bandcamp.com/album/the-return-of-the-revenge-of-unicorn-hole-the-sequel

Julian Vaughan lends his mouthparts to assist Unicorn Hole with this wonderful track about old-school video games. How many of the games referenced can you name? All of them: you're awesome! Any amount less than all of them: find a time machine and retry your childhood jackass.

Lyrics:
let's start with the SNES
a giant turtle took your not-quite-wife, so you take his and his babies' lives
wear raccoon skin so that you can fly, now ride a dinosaur, this dude's got to be high

whip medusa in her floppy tits, that severed horse head just don't give a shit
whip that skeleton's bony dick, eat some meat you found under a brick

this one's about pounding beavers if you know what i mean
smashing large rodents with overgrown front teeth
your girlfriend looks like a hooker but you won't get a peek
but if you time it right she'll blow a kiss to your butt cheek

there's a fighting game with a panther lady with banana tits
and a futuristic racing game where you can choose from almost five whole ships

retro gaming is so surreal, brings back all those childhood feels
just give the cartridge one good blow and you're ready to go

and the N64
this game's about taking pictures of cute little creatures
which is almost as fun as the peg-them-in-the-face feature
you could slowly progress to the end, but that's kinda lame
just get a shot of jynx flashing you to instantly win the game

all 120 days of the year you'll find me workin my hoes
i've got a stable full of chicks, and they're all lined in rows
and all the girls want me, but i could never last all night
cause time doesn't pass whenever i'm inside

and there's the wise cracking gecko stuck inside the tv
and no i don't mean the one saving you insurance money
turtle stole the mustache's girl once again, but this time the action is paper thin
just ball his ass up, or even better- drop that bitch into a paper shredder

with devious nanner placements i'll give you hell
the only thing i've got to worry about are blue shells
and if you don't like karting, we could always just party

in this game strategy takes a back seat to luck
yet still makes all your friends competitive as fuck
the party's over, and everyone's trashed
a fight breaks out, everybody's gettin smashed
a gorilla gets killed by a cute, pink balloon
then she finds god's hand and she murders it too

no scope is for boys, men play no warp pipes

A cover I slapped together of Goldenrod City from Pokemon G/S several years ago and just kinda had sitting around. Enjoy! :0

Goldenrod City (Pokemon Gold/Silver Cover)

Download 2👌2👌 - the new, free album from Unicorn Hole and Weekly Words and Grammar now!

Blue Version:
https://unicornhole.bandcamp.com/album/2-2

Red Version:
https://weeklywordsandgrammar.bandcamp.com/album/2-2

Is that really bark?
Is that really bark?
That is rare if it shines
A bitter avocado hanging heavy on the tree
Or eat its leaves and become slaves of the dust
I feel that something is circling
Like a poop from the past

Your grandma takes (she takes)
My pair of shoes (my best shoes)
But my feet are mine
I just shouldn’t be here
The only gain is losing the taco

I fell in love with a NASCAR dance floor slut
Come inside the NASCAR shelter
I know where your sister stays
Well the middle East came after me
With NASCAR guard and jets

But then in the mirror I saw him
Mario was never there for me

Beaver broke his feet on foreign roads

If my dad could see me right now
He would never understand my pain

Gladly I shall see you again
That’s the sound of despair

My sandwich was so old
My feet were oh so cold

Alright motherfuckers
For this last part we’re gonna throw down
So let’s crank up the fuckin pan
Ah shit, that’s my fuckin shit

Eastern Maple Egg Bag (NEW FREE ALBUM LINK)

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https://www.patreon.com/unicornhole

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