[Verse 1 – Her]
I slipped past the curtains, heels on the hush,
Feathers all fluffed and a lipstick blush.
There’s a man at the bar with a crooked grin,
He says, “Come sit close and let sin begin.”

[Verse 2 – Him]
She glides like a rumor through the smoky din,
Got a flask in her garter and mischief in skin.
Says, “The law don’t know what the night has planned,”
I say, “Speak easy, baby—just take my hand.”

[Chorus – Together]
Speak-easy, baby, don’t say a word,
Let the trumpet cry and the sax be heard.
Whisper your secrets in syncopated time—
When lips do the talkin’, it oughta be a crime.

[Verse 3 – Her]
I said, “Careful now, sugar, they’re watchin’ close,”
“The mayor’s wife’s peepin’ behind her toast.”
He said, “I don’t mind trouble, I came prepared—
With charm in my pocket and gin in my hair.”

[Verse 4 – Him]
She leaned in soft with a molasses drawl,
“I play by no rules, and I kiss like a brawl.”
I said, “Tell me your name, or lie if you please,”
She said, “Speak easy, baby—I’ll bring you to your knees.”

[Chorus – Together]
Speak-easy, baby, hush your sigh,
We’ll dance through danger with a whiskey high.
The night’s too young for regrets or rings—
So come whisper low, and let the siren sing.

[Bridge – Instrumental Break]
Clarinet solo slinks through cigarette smoke… a lazy trumpet sighs... tap-tap-tap of a snare mimics a heartbeat

[Final Chorus – Whispered, then full]
Speak-easy, baby, don’t make a scene,
Let the rhythm slip where the silence leans.
If the coppers knock, we’ll vanish like steam—
But ‘til then, baby… we’ll live like a dream.

[Outro – Her, whispered]
“Keep your voice low... and your hands right there.”

Speak-Easy, Baby

[Verse 1]
Well I rolled outta bed with a shoe on wrong,
Had a hangover hummin’ a gospel song.
Checked my coat, checked my soul, checked my name—
Found one nickel and two dames playin’ the same game.

[Verse 2]
Miss Ruby got sass and a real tight curl,
Miss Blanche got a look that could ruin your world.
Both said, “Baby, you’re the cat’s pajamas,”
But all I got’s this coin and two kinds of drama.

[Chorus]
One nickel, two dames, no sense at all,
One wants champagne, one wants to brawl.
I said, “Girls, I’m rich—in potential and charm!”
They said, “Buy us both lunch or you’ll lose an arm!”

[Verse 3]
Took ‘em down to Louie’s for a soda and fries,
Told the waiter, “Charge it to my alibis.”
Ruby said, “I don’t split my time,”
Blanche just laughed and squeezed lemon in my eye.

[Bridge – Spoken, frantic]
Now Blanche’s got a pistol, Ruby’s got the check,
And I’m sweatin’ through my collar down to my neck.
I said, “Hold on, sugarplums, let’s be mature—
Can’t we all just jitterbug and keep it pure?”

[Chorus]
One nickel, two dames, I’m caught in between,
One’s a flapper queen, the other’s mean.
They both swing wild and I’m the fool—
Tryin’ to buy love with pocket change and cool.

[Breakdown – Instrumental Hijinks]
Honking clarinet solo, kazoo cameo, slapstick drum fills while our hero ducks flying shoes and broken plates.

[Verse 4 – Half-spoken, resigned]
So if you find a coin on a moonlit street,
And two gals wink at you sweet…
Take my advice, skip the charm and games—
Or you’ll wind up flat broke... with three dames.

[Final Chorus]
One nickel, two dames, lesson learned,
Play with fire, you're bound to get burned.
I’ll stick to jazz, leave love alone—
Cheaper to play solos and dance on my own.

[Outro – Lazy banjo and clarinet waltz]
“Ain’t nothin’ wrong with a little third-wheel swing… if you’re the wheel.”

One Nickel, Two Dames

[Verse 1]
Woke up late with a trumpet in my bed,
A feather boa hangin’ off my head.
Coffee’s cold, but the skillet’s hot—
Got jazz on the stove and a whole lotta plot.

[Chorus – Call & Response]
Hot biscuits! (And jazz!)
Get ‘em while they last!
Pour that swing on thick! (Real fast!)
We don’t tiptoe, we don’t pause—
We serve it loud with zero laws!

[Verse 2]
I got grits on the snare and jam in my chords,
My toast’s got rhythm and butter that roars.
I fry my notes in bacon grease,
And blow that horn like a jazzed-out beast.

[Chorus – Call & Response]
Hot biscuits! (And jazz!)
Drop the beat in the pan!
Whip that groove up good! (Like bam!)
We don’t simmer—we ignite!
Crack that cymbal like an egg in flight!

[Bridge – Slower, sultry swing]
Ohh sugar, your hips swing like a ladle,
You got syrup in your soul and a jitterbug cradle.
Come stir my band with a wooden spoon—
We'll be burnin’ up brunch past high noon.

[Verse 3]
Said the preacher, “What’s that smell?”
I said, “It’s salvation, served with rebel shell!”
We baptize sinners in bourbon glaze,
With a tuba sermon that’ll set ya ablaze!

[Final Chorus – Full band, choir harmonies]
Hot biscuits! (And jazz!)
Stack ‘em sky-high, sass and pizzazz!
We serve joy with a side of brass—
And we never say grace, we just raise our glass!

[Outro – Spoken, over slow fade]
"Mmm. You taste that? That’s swing, baby. Spicy, buttery, illegal-in-eight-states swing."

Hot Biscuits and Jazz

[Verse 1]
He pulls up smooth in a big ol’ Packard,
White suit crisp and a tip like a dagger.
He don’t say much, just opens the door,
And I strut in like I own the floor.

[Verse 2]
I ain’t his wife, but I wear his rings,
And I only kiss when the phonograph sings.
He calls me “baby,” I call him “rich,”
And together we make one helluva glitch.

[Chorus – with backup singers]
That’s my sugar daddy! (Yes he is!)
Gives me pearls with a side of fizz.
I blow him kisses from the stage—
And when the check comes, I say:
“Keep the change!”

[Verse 3]
He says, “Doll, what d’you need?” I say, “More of the same—
More fur, more shine, more boys to tame.”
I don’t fake love, but I sure sell dreams,
And I look real fine in limousine beams.

[Bridge – Sultry, spoken]
I told him once, “Don’t buy my heart, just rent it.”
He said, “What if I throw in a diamond pendant?”

[Verse 4]
I ain't no fool, but I play one divine—
Pop my gum while I sip his wine.
He wants my laugh, he gets my pose—
I leave him swoonin’ and strike a prose.

[Final Chorus – big band shout!]
That’s my sugar daddy! (Ain’t no shame!)
Champagne tastes and a well-bribed name.
If love’s a hustle, I’m center stage—
And when I strut off, I say:
“Keep. The. Change!”

[Outro – Whispered with a wink, clarinet fades out]
“Buy me dinner, baby. But don’t ask for seconds.”

That’s My Sugar Daddy, Keep the Change (bonus track)

"Let Me Just Say This" is a brutally funny, no-holds-barred comedy album featuring seven comedians from Scotland, Mexico, Germany, Canada, Africa, Japan, and Britain—each delivering raw, unfiltered rants about what pisses them off most. It’s foul, furious, and weirdly noble, with every cent going to help end world hunger. We tried to get comics from more countries, but they all refused—probably because we let the German yell about IKEA and the Mexican call his boss a “cum goblin.” Their loss. Your ears. Humanity’s gain.

Hot Biscuits and Jazz

TW/SK

Related tracks