Until I Wake

Nightmares

Below

Hell Of It

Cold Like War

Wasted Age

[Verse 1]
I freeze when I’m supposed to speak,
Every word feels razor-thin.
I learned to swallow what I feel
Before it ever reached my skin.

While others cry, I lock my jaw,
Turn every ache into a scar.
I wasn’t raised to say “I’m hurting,”
I was taught to make it far.

[Pre-Chorus]
I feel it all but never show,
Like screaming underwater, slow.
If love is language, I was never shown
How to say it without breaking bones.

[Chorus]
I don’t feel like a normal person,
My heart speaks in a broken tone.
I want to say what’s tearing me open,
But my past won’t leave me alone.

I don’t feel like a normal person,
I learned to survive, not explain.
Every feeling gets stuck in my throat,
And turns into pressure and pain.

[Verse 2]
I confuse silence for control,
Mistake numbness for being strong.
If I don’t open up at all,
Nothing can prove me wrong.

I flinch when kindness gets too close,
Like it’s hiding something sharp.
Love feels like a loaded question
Pointed straight at my heart.

[Pre-Chorus 2]
I want to say “I need your help,”
But my pride is a locked-down cell.
I don’t push people away on purpose—
I just don’t know how to let them in.

[Chorus]
I don’t feel like a normal person,
My emotions don’t come out right.
I feel everything at once inside,
Then nothing at all at night.

I don’t feel like a normal person,
I speak in wounds and defense.
I’m not cold, I’m not heartless—
I’m just built from consequence.

[Breakdown]
I WASN’T TAUGHT HOW TO FEEL—
I WAS TAUGHT HOW TO LAST.
HOLD IT IN.
DON’T LOOK BACK.

LOVE FELT DANGEROUS,
TRUST FELT WEAK.
SO I BURIED MY VOICE
SO I WOULDN’T BLEED.

[Bridge]
If I stare at the floor when you ask what’s wrong,
It’s not you, it’s the war in my head.
I’m scared if I open my mouth,
I’ll relive every word I never said.

I want to learn how to feel again,
Without fear, without armor, without shame.
But healing feels like stepping into fire
When fire’s all you’ve ever known.

[Final Chorus]
I don’t feel like a normal person,
But I’m trying to be someone real.
I’m learning slowly how to breathe
Through emotions I was never taught to feel.

I don’t feel like a normal person,
But I’m more than my past mistakes.
If my voice shakes when I finally speak—
That’s not weakness.
That’s me trying to break.

[Outro]
I’m not empty.
I’m just learning how to open the door.

Armor Where My Heart Should Be

Dedicated to the nurse anesthetist and anesthesiologist, my colleagues  whose skill, vigilance, and compassion bring comfort in uncertainty and safety in the most critical moments.

Nightmares

Until I Wake

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