my first track for FAWM 2022  I hate my voice.

But here it is

FAWM 2022

Please Lend Me Your Car

My second track for FAWM 2022.  Lyrics from my dear fiend and spiritual advisor, the Bishop of Bantercurry.

This Is The Season

A song that might be about castles and vampires, or it might be about the toxicity in queer and leftist spaces.

But nah, it's probably about vampires, j/k lol.

lyrics:


there's blood in the water
in flyover country

a vampire castle
a figure of eight

I knew you were lying
I know what you're thinking

I tried not to scare you
it's prob'ly too late

the knives are all sharpened
it probably happened

who cares if she's bleeding
complicit in fate

the marys are bloody
in hangover country

the stakes have been sharpened
a figure of hate

the murky seas churning
the kraken awakens

the tidewater ripples
now throw in the bait

Vampire Castle

Track number four for FAWM.  Was warming up with some chords, and this came to me.

Yes, it's short.  Think Pigs on the Wing.  Think album closer.

You know I stole this chord progression
I hope you don't mind
Were you looking for an outside connection
To waste all your time

Forget about hearts
and states of the art
you can have some of mine
anytime

Tuesday

A two part exploration of nasty guitar sounds and weird feelings.  Lyrics and vocals from Grandbrother.

I'm throwing out my cel phone
I'm tired of all the bad texts
tired of all the plot holes
tired of being on read

Keep sayin' on the weekend
I'll drive myself to your place
Traffic on the 43
Shock all on your face

She's going on and on about her big things
I keep thinkin' I'm not ready
What's going on and on is such a mystery
She ain't speakin', I'm not ready

Stuck in my bed, my head is in a bad way
One more minute, I'm not ready
All these complaints I make are gonna fix things
No one hears'em

I'm not ready.

Complaints Dept. (ft. Grandbrother)

This thing fought me every step of the way.  Through a mushroom trip, stomach upset, hate, love and ghosts in my automation lanes.

Clearly owes a lot to Pretty Hate Machine.

(Special thanks to Grandbrother for support & the first line)

Lyrics:

I tried to trust you
But fangs are for incisions
I think you know 
I'm programmed for bad decisions

Am I awake
I feel I must be dreaming
Are you real
Or simple simply scheming

You turn on and off and on a million times a minute
What you haven't noticed is my patience has a limit

(it's time for you to disconnect me)

Take me offline
Bad time sunshine

I am the fly 
Caught up in your machinery
I see you smile
And disappear into the scenery

You've got me pinned
Now it's clear what you're intending
A sparkly void
where the pain is neverending

You turn on and off and on a million times a minute
What you haven't noticed is my patience has a limit

You're content to watch me dance around at your insistence
I invite you all to watch my act of last resistance

(Its time for you to disconnect me)

Take me offline
Bad time sunshine

Offline

Kind of an early 80s funk type of thing.  Giving my voice a rest after last night's excesses.

Quincy (instrumental)

In collabo with Grandbrother, who furnished the words & vocals.

Lyrics:

Heaven is a place
Hell is just rooms
Empty shelves and space
Cars that don't move 

Fires will not warn us 
Of the thieves and the concubines that creep
The struggling of Jacob. 
The Angels met on streets

Heaven is a place
Hell is just rooms
Empty shelves and space
Cars that don't move. 

Heaven is a place
Hell is just you
Thinking of what you say
Scars you won't lose 

Its awful and it's simple 
And its not so easily undone
The shade of a thimble
Against the ever present sun 

³³3×ŕ u⁷0 Pl

Hell

There is a feeling only trans women feel, when even their other trans siblings view them with suspicion and hostility

When a group of people instantly takes a disliking to you, then reads everything you do in the worst possible light, looking for a reason to have you disappeared.  If you know, then you know.

This song is for those people.

lyrics:

little girl big girl masculine faces
remove yourself at once from our feminist spaces

Riverwest

My dear friend Gordon Gauchat came to me with one of his tunes  Not a FAWM 2022 release, but we gave it the treatment in Studio Le Trash & came out with a Muppety folk-rock steamer.

Social Butterfly

If Aqua-Net and eyeliner became a real song.  

What's it about?  Goth words.  I worry that I accidentally wrote half of a Human League song, but I'm too afraid to Google.

Lyrics: 

The clock is ticking
you're barely old enough to fight
a way of living
are you prepared to make it right

you want an answer
written especially for you
the books are burning
and now you know what you must do

there is no spite
there is no pleasure
there is no love
there is no future

c'mon and dance with The Hanged Man

do you remember
before the people made you strange
the wine and roses
a friendship from a different age

another season
another one to take your place
a sterile eden
another empty fall from grace

The Hanged Man

NO, the OTHER MOON.

An alien love song.

Lyrics:

I was looking at the moon.
No, the other moon.
Your egg sac was ripe
I took you by the tentacles
I really like your tentacles

I was looking at the moon
No, the other moon

no, no, no, no, no

I was looking at the moon
No, the other moon
when daylight comes
I'll speed to your planet

I Was Looking At The Moon

A collaboration between Grandbrother (lyrics and guitars) and I.  

Why should cis girls have all the twee indie fun?

Listen: I used to hate hate hate my singing voice.  And then I did February Album Writing Month.  And I don't hate it any more.

Follow your dreams, kids!

Lyrics:

Xanax
Paychecks
Clap backs
You
Xanax
Paychecks
Clap backs
You 

Girlfriends wondering where you are
Make up running like a foreign car
Tuesday mornings in the dark alone
Keep Forgetting where I left my phone
Staring out of a Volvo window.
Wishing I was somewhere else
Holding onto a certain angle
Just so I can see myself 

When I'm running around
Cool shades on
I got no regrets
All day long
When I'm running around
Cool shades on
I got no regrets
It don't last long 

Fuckin up my room again
Fuckin up my head
Fall asleep on the floor again
God I miss my bed
Fuckin up my room again
Fuckin up my head
Ill never sleep at your house again
Dont wanna miss your bed 

Xanax
Paychecks
Clap backs
You
Xanax
Paychecks
Clap backs
You


Shower speaker playing way too loud
Neighbors mad I need to turn it down
Checking my messages for something sweet
Gonna have to move next week
Pack up my shit and hold my breath
I'm Glad it hasn't hit me yet.
Closet full of vintage dresses
Brave face on, I'm such a mess. 

When I'm running around
Cool shades on
I got no regrets
All day long
When I'm running around
Cool shades on
I got no regrets
It don't last long

Xanax Paychecks

Lyrics:

Sky Bvtches

Wait
Don't go
I hardly said your name
You
Came here
Pale and underground

You can run
if you want

Sky Bvtches

Sky Bvtches

Written and performed by my dear friend Gordon Gauchat, with your humble narrator on bass, keys, backup vocals and hollow-eyed nautical terror.

Recorded March 11, 2022 at Studio Les Ordures


He comes in the water
He comes in the water
He comes in the water
For you

FISHMAN!

The Ballad Of Innsmouth

When I pound out chicken breasts, I always do it with too much bassist vigor, and bits wind up falling off.

I'm married to an academic.  So I'll offer him these bits if he's still hungry.  In academic language, of course.  Chicken Addenda.  Or Addendum if there's only one left.

The other part of this song is about how life is short and death is inevitable and quite possibly final.

The other part is also about alfredo sauce.  There's a connection there, but I haven't quite worked it all out yet.

Lyrics:

Chicken Addendum
Chicken Addendum

Burning out for all time
The alfredo sauce is mine

Chicken Addendum

A dream pop trans lament

Lyrics:

sorry I’m too masculine for you
I tasted your scorn on my lips
children don’t speak unless spoken to
so I bit out my tongue for the kids

They all seemed distressed
when you walked in the room
wearing that dress
if you caught them looking
just think of what they might do

they’re all swinging Dicks
Toms Harrys and Barbies
with perfectly smoothed-over parts

the rest of them looking
for a tall man to save them
as they sneak from their wives
in the dark

They all sound annoyed
when you have your moment
the girls and the boys
who won’t say your real name
no matter how many times you told them

Yeah you can look at me
I get it, I get it

Yeah you can look at me
I get it, I get it

Bass drums & guitar: Aubrey
Vocals, synth, lead guitar: Einmana.

Look At Me

Theme music for a friend's Fortean podcast, as yet unreleased but in production.

Charles Fort Discovering Things

I'm not even sure what this one's about, kids.

Lyrics:

Empty halls
Displeased with
The cat calls
allegiance
Go on keep
Your secret

These scuffles
One misstep
Repeated
When it bled
You tasted
What it meant

I'm not going through this again x 4

All hours
Staying in for some air
Circuits blowing
That cannot be repaired
As if you forgot to mention it
Did you think it was irrelevant

Phone dying
It was so badly planned
Someone's joking
And its at my expense
As if it was something menancin'
Did you think that I was delicate

Why don't you
Say something
Say something
Say something
Say something
Say something
Say something x2

Our quicksand
This one room
Your mission
Your God too
You're awful
I'll love you

No one knows
That won't do
In ribbons
I'll hold you
This program's
Control move

I'm not going through this again x4

(smash the control images, smash the control machine)

All hours
Staying in for some air
Circuits blowing
That cannot be repaired
As if you forgot to mention it
Did you think it wasn't relevant

Phone dying
It was so badly planned
Someone's joking
And its at my expense
As if it was something menancin'
Did you think that I was delicate

Why don't you
Say something
Say something
Say something
Say something
Say something
Say something x2 

Bass, guitar, synth, drum programming, vocals: Aubrey
Lyrics, lead guitar, arrangement, vocals, strange production ideas: Ein

Say Something

lyrics:

come inside
this plastic tampering 
physical 
and essential struggling

nothing wrong
with my circuitry
run defiant
again uncomfortably

die sad about it
die sad about it

brightwork thoughts
i hear a middle place
coffee glance 
don’t look to glyphs to explain

headache quiet
miles to painted lights
forehead up
until i flinch inside

die sad about it
die sad about it

Die Sad About It

A lament about letting go.

lyrics:

writing billets-doux
day to day to day
a flash i cannot chase
a light i wish to stay

scribbles in the clouds
a scale i mean to sway
i won't push too hard
please don't run away

ley lines heart to heart
pulling me your way
dragging me across
tar pits of delay

scribbles in the clouds
a scale i mean to sway
i won't push too hard
please don't run away

escalator face
evening's slow decay
empty cups and plates
stifling cold dismay

scribbles in the clouds
a scale i mean to sway
i won't push too hard
please don't run away

sleepwalking through life
dreaming i once may
share this ride with you
ride it all the way

scribbles in the clouds
a scale i mean to sway
i won't push too hard
please don't run away

Aubrey: music
Devon Jurassic: words & vocals

Billets - Doux ft. Devon Jurassic

Lyrics:  
"She is exactly what this place wants her to be. In this way, she is free. "

Who shook you down
at the dadaist rally
sourly obstinate
eyes full of panic

you’re crawling backwards
perpetually backwards
everpresent pinpricks 
the mantra you’re ignoring

watch the scene play out
watch the scene play out
watch the scene play out
watch the scene play out

maybe I hurried
it’s all so involuntary
they-state variety
with the small messy symbols

it’s all so idyllic
accessorized longings
curiously different
betrayed little changeling

watch the scene play out
watch the scene play out
watch the scene play out
watch the scene play out

Obedience is black and white. You listen or you don't.
Obedience is black and white. You listen or you don't.
Obedience is black and white. You listen or you don't.
Obedience is black and white. You listen or you don't.

princess attrition
it’s a lucid formality
such visibility
such a messy location

every command 
is paralytic freedom
clutching dispassionately
with pinpoint precision

life is impermanent
but this is forever
we disobedient
thwarted and hungry

you know what happens
your shame and your struggle
the dark and her blinkered
thwarted and hungry

Obedience is black and white. You listen or you don't.
Obedience is black and white. You listen or you don't.
Obedience is black and white. You listen or you don't.
Obedience is black and white. You listen or you don't.

"our every move is the new tradition"

Thwarted And Hungry

If you know, you know.

Lyrics:

You could be so happy here, if you let yourself
You could be so happy here, if you let yourself
You could be so happy here, if you let yourself
You could be so happy here, if you let yourself down

So Happy Here

First tune of FAWM 2023

it doesn’t take much
no it doesn’t take much
I could stand all you have to give
but it doesn’t take much

I do it all the time
yeah I do it all the time
you can stab this heart of mine
but you know i’ll be fine

in my final estimation
it’s all bile and alienation
I take that back 
I’m doing fine

and if it’s any consolation
I can’t see a destination
only the one dividing line

it doesn’t take much
no it doesn’t take much
I could stand all you have to give
but it doesn’t take much

I do it all the time
yeah I do it all the time
you can stab this heart of mine
but you know i’ll be fine

It Doesn't Take Much

From the Movie Title Challenge!

Honestly, it wrote itself.

his name is Kevin
his hair is all greasy
he bumps his crotch 
into the women in line

and then there’s Desmond
he thinks he cute but
he’s trying to slip
a pill into your wine

they all play football
their dads are lawyers
they laugh and try 
to run you over with their cars

this one’s older
he say he doesn’t see well
he grabs your tits every 
time he’s at the bar

NIGHT OF THE CREEPS
NIGHT OF THE CREEPS

this one’s a generic
version of rick james
he can’t help but 
stare at your toes

they dress like students
they dress like husbands
well represented among
the downtown bros

he can’t stop screaming
he says you look disgraceful
shorts tented 
as he’s watering his grass

and don’t look now but
here comes professor murphy
can’t keep his hands off
the kids who take his class

NIGHT OF THE CREEPS
NIGHT OF THE CREEPS

Night Of The Creeps

Electroshart

(hey look I'm Dilla)

I always wanted an MPC, so I programmed one in Reason.

(as usual, this is a demo)

the snub steez beez files

tick-tock

This has been kicking around as a demo for a while - but I'm calling it finished.  Reason 10, CR-78 drum machine, plywood alvarez guitar

In The Air Tonight

"We gotta bring the real indie grrrl intensity here." 

Post-bops for distraught tops.  One-woman band.  Queer revenant.  Self-made cyborg.  

"...couldn't afford voice training, but she had a soldering iron and no natural fear of death or pain."

Aubrey Van Gelded

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