i would die to hear this for the first time again

candy corn, blonde hair

AUDIO 1214TEST3

father

I use sound as a way to express my healing process, accept reality, and find beauty in life's unpredictability. In its raw and unfiltered form, sound serves as a powerful medium for conveying the complex emotions I experience while navigating life's chaos and uncertainty. By embracing disharmony and unexpected shifts in my music, I am not only accepting reality as it is, but also transforming it into something meaningful and intimate for me. This creates a space where vulnerability and acceptance coexist, allowing me to find love and beauty in the imperfect and even the disturbing.

Ouvre moi les yeux

Two sister-songs, with lyrics directly inspired by Dr. Ramani’s video “Narcissism: The Secondhand Smoke of Mental Health” (on YouTube)...

Why “secondhand smoke”?
* Even if you don’t have NPD, being around narcissists makes you sick.
* The harm spreads outward: family, partners, coworkers absorb the toxicity. 

Five recognizable patterns:
1. Malignant/toxic narcissist – sadistic, manipulative, close to psychopathy.
2. Grandiose narcissist – bragging, flashy, entitled.
3. Covert/vulnerable narcissist – “woe is me,” hyper-sensitive, passive-aggressive.
4. Communal narcissist – the #hashtag-do-gooder; public philanthropy, private cruelty.
5. Benign narcissist – vapid, superficial, not as cruel, but emotionally shallow.

Seven diagnostic hallmarks (the “big seven”):
1. Lack of empathy (the bedrock).
2. Entitlement.
3. Grandiosity.
4. Superficiality.
5. Chronic need for admiration/validation.
6. Rage when threatened.
7. Arrogance (dismissiveness, devaluation).

Other patterns:
- Gaslighting, projection, exploitation, jealousy, schadenfreude, manipulation.
- Comorbidity with depression, substance abuse, compulsive sex/love behaviors.
Impact on others:
- Creates learned helplessness: partners feel nothing they do makes a difference.
- Can devastate self-esteem, health, and careers.

Treatment:
- Narcissists rarely seek therapy voluntarily.
- Progress is very slow, at best moving them from toxic → tolerable.
- No medication cures narcissism.
- Empathy must be cultivated early; prevention is everything.

Hopeful note:
- Empathy is teachable in children. Parents should model and mirror empathy above all else.

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SIDE A EPx3: “Secondhand Smoke” 

[Intro] Step right up, darlings, don’t choke,
This song is called secondhand smoke. It’s about cocksure egos.
Ha. Ready? Down we go.

[Verse 1] No mirror inside, so they borrow your face, Validation’s the drug they chase. Shiny cars, hollow eyes, Charm that blinds, and charm that lies.

[Chorus ] Mirror, mirror, what do you know? Arrogant hearts all need a glow show. Praise me, praise me… but can you grow?
Like, can you flow and bow?
(Or just blow, blow?)

[Verse 2] Entitled thrones on borrowed ground, Their laughter’s loud, their silence profound. Grand illusions, paper crowns, Lift you up, then tear you down.

[Chorus ] Mirror, mirror, what do you know? Arrogant hearts all need a glow show. Praise me, praise me… but can you grow?
Like, can you flow and bow?
(Or just blow, blow?)

[Bridge] No empathy, no remedy, Woke ain’t like smoke, ain’t your enemy. Round and round, the blowers spin, And sorrow seeps through my skin.

[Outro] Step away, darling, break the spell, Breathe your own air, and breathe it well. Leave their circus, let them choke, 
On their own secondhand smoke.

---
SIDE B EPx3: "Arrogant hearts"

[Verse 1]
Step right up to the mirror maze, Where charm is cheap and love decays, They smile so wide while they cut you thin, Secondhand smoke seeps under your skin. 

[Chorus]
No empathy, no remedy, Entitlement is their melody, Grandiose ghosts on high ego stage, Arrogant hearts and their puppets cage. 

[Verse 2] Superficial saints with a selfie crown, Validation junkies shake you down, Malice erupts when masks won’t stay, Gaslight fever keeps truth at bay. 

[Bridge] “Ladies and gents, beware the show! They’ll promise excellence, deliver shadow. Communal halos, malignant schemes, Covert whispers, grandiose dreams!”

[Final Chorus]
Learned helplessness in smoky air, You breathe their poison unaware, The crowd applauds, the tyrant grins, But emptiness echoes where soul cannot sing. 


Side B [03] Arrogant Hearts - BLOWsutra Indie Cello MANTRA

https://open.spotify.com/album/1hqeGN8GwoqQPAcY2JuRRq?si=7mpwRiWVTrOL8YOoQygNwg&dl_branch=1

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