welcome back to our regularly scheduled program, conor trying to defend his song's tenuous links to the original prompt

°lyrics°

another mumbled prayer
my thoughts rarely become actions
divine dissatisfaction 
that I've never learned to share

some nail has scratched down into 
the deepest thing inside
it's so hard to be kind

imitation dreams
beached on a traffic island
I want to give you diamonds 
but my garden never grows

if something doesn't come true
does it become a lie?
it's so hard to be kind

I've been thinking 'bout the man
back home that we all laughed at
it was a nice distraction
he thought that we loved him

we never once laughed with him
he didn't know or didn't mind
it's so hard to be kind

I want to share some warmth
with those I see are waiting
waiting like I'm waiting
on some heart's revolving doors

but even when I'm careful
even when I try
it's so hard to be kind

to be kind

°lyrics°

passing through see what your young eyes had passed over
a flower bed, a love letter hidden in a sign
red and blue familiar routes roll out to greet you
wonder what you'll finally notice the next time

tilt your head, imagine how sharp these short roads felt
where the blank colors of beginnings once were held
*bowser the cat meows*

pallet town

next time I'll do a funny song, promise

°lyrics°

I always wanted to be the wind
but I see I'm more like water
spill out into the space I'm in
I've been told I lack a fire

but I used to be so loud
this is an uninvited silence
when I heard the sound
I went running towards the sirens

I'm not in love with the tornado but I know I was

you bridged the sky and earth
before I reached you it was over
here's your ruined signature 
your only gesture towards closure

the whole world heard your roar
I imagined you were praying
I sang with you but you never heard my voice
our little game, however sad, still seemed to me to be worth playing

I'm not in love with the tornado but I know I was

the tornado

°lyrics°
come on in kid
take a seat
we haven't been introduced but I saw you at the United last month when Tommy got beat
a friend pointed you out, said you're the real deal
said you've been working real hard
he couldn't remember your name
but he liked what he saw
you're new here, aren't you?
how you like it?
it can be a cold place
Tommy wasted years knocking at the door
waiting to be let in
didn't matter how he moved, how he burnt the place down
no one would cut us in
I don't need to tell you that we got there
don't need to list everyone that Tommy put down
he's lost his last three but he'll never give up
spent ten years carving his name into this town
but you were there, kid
it looked close, but a guy like you has gotta know
the last fight was bad
Tommy's getting slow
I have to believe he knows those days are behind him
but he just can't help
getting back up
hoping for one more
that's where you come in
really think about it, kid
this could be good for you
share the stage with a lion
really hear the crowd crack
four or five steps forward
maybe one step back
a half dozen good rounds
give em a hell of a show
you know Tommy can still throw them
no one, no one, no one will ever have to know
I know you're hungry
I won't make you dance
skip the line, bring your people with you
don't leave it up to chance
Tommy is fading but everyone around here knows him as a king
you didn't come up here, kid
but you still heard his name ring
didn't you
didn't you
or 
you can just keep knocking
you can knock and knock 
and knock and knock and knock
maybe someone will hear you and come and open up
or maybe it's locked

a thick haze of cigar smoke

°lyrics°

I'm not a test
I'm a confirmation
a conversation at best
I'm an expectation 
I'm all the rules that don't apply to you
I thought I was your enemy
but I can see now that's not true

and I can feel the edges of an outline
an indifferent design that's not for me to know
I'm only real when you step into the room
and it's over too soon
yeah it's over soon

up there you're no one 
here you take control
the camera floats gently through the mist and brickwork
way down in the hole
I got a look at the numbers 
and I wish you all good health
there was never gonna be a winning combination 
with the hand I have been dealt 
and I can feel

the ordinary world

°lyrics°

On the car ride over 
no one said a word and that’s okay 
we checked in and I swapped rooms with Kate
pooled together one-word responses, rum and lemonade
killing off the plans we entertained

they’re flickering out
irrelevant now
one hit and they’re down   

at the Tulsa show
fucked up the hits to ‘wiretap me’ one last time
the rhythm escaped me but the line
in the second verse put notes to thoughts I can’t define
I wasn’t the only one , the only one who’s

 filtering out  
unwanted sounds 
you were always louder 
cancelling out 
indifferent crowds
now we’re strike-out looking bastards

Checked Out

°lyrics°

hidden in winter's weight
forgotten in summer's rays
buried in fall's deep shame
every spring renamed
over & over again

I'm embedded in 
my bed again
the clown's broken
starved for attention
I keep repeating myself
over & over again
all the time

every day I change
reconcile
estrange 
I wait
and I wait
the results are intangible
they're intangible
I keep repeating myself
over & over again
all the time
I keep repeating myself
over & over
all the time

over & over

lyrics

"if we subscribe to the idea that our anger and our fear 
are truths our hearts will never rid themselves of 
how have we learned to be their guide?"
we all shrink and reappear when the new guy volunteers
with the limp and the quick smile that never thought about making the trip to meet his eyes
he says 
"one thing you can do when someone stomps on you is pretend they're an old friend from school you didn't recognize. You think 'that's just how Matt gets.' It helps to forgive, OR to forget"
His smile widens
"Or you can blast rock radio hits from the turn of the century."
The guy starts singing
"I hate everything about you"
Now he's yelling
"Save me from the nothing I've become"
The counsellor politely coughs
The spell wears off
The new guy stops and sits back down
I keep humming

KISS FM

waiting on a train
I'm not going nowhere
but I know someone who is
smoking in the square
I'm allowed to smoke in 
I begin to make a list
of the things I'd rather be doing
of the places I'd rather be

it's you and me, babe
it's you and me, babe
it's you and me, babe
it's you and me

double checking scores
of games that I was there for
to be sure I had it right
digging through old drawers
you write to say the train's late
I flick through my favorite fights
like you leave every light on
all the lights seem to follow you around

but it's you and me, babe
it's you and me, babe
say it's you and me, babe
it's you and me

you & me

what did we learn, class?
never, never record snippets of vocals on different days as you finish the lyrics to a song
the different vocal takes from different days will never ever sound the same
the difference will be jarring

~lyrics~

the year after you left
(that is the term I guess I landed on)
I bought several pieces of furniture 
I think you moved out west but I can't be sure
it's been spiraling into a silhouette
some bottled lightning escorted off the premises
competing lenses to sort all this through
fantasies of reaching out to you

but I can't anymore
no I can't anymore  
those forms we signed
they were all legally binding

on the streets of this dream I had
you were a fire fighter fighting fires
that looked a whole lot like people I knew
we all agreed not to listen to you
maybe they're braver out west 
I selfishly need this to be true 
none of my imaginary dialogues 
have broken through 

and they can't and they won't
I don't deserve what I want
I could've raised my voice
instead we buried your findings

and there's a paper with my name
some signatures some quiet shame 
I made a choice
and it was legally binding

mother's not one who would ask for a favor
she's quick to give and she's loathe to take
our mother wept on the banks of the river
we set seven stones for mother's sake

she had the strength the bear the weight and the drums of the river
the burden of grief and of seven young sons
there was love on the other side we couldn't give her
so we laid her a path with these stones
one by one 

but you're always careful
you're wary of wishes
sweet smelling lies that we'd all like to hear
but mother, please hear us, there's no shame in comfort
one stone at a time
we will we always be here
one by one

seven stones

ben's just excited to see you
it's been a while
he knows you've been really busy
ben plays a song from the 90's
he warns you it will stick in your head for a year
you play a song about longing
hopeful words sung with a shaky tone
you worry that music is selfish
ben thinks you're wrong
next week ben and some people are camping
it sounds really nice but all june you'll be knee-deep in work shit
ben notes that you seem distracted
you accidentally start on a rant about the evils within you
and ben starts laughing 
and you start laughing
you start listening
you weren't listening before
ben got a new job
ben how is your new job?
ben talking about the things he's thankful for
ben puts on that stupid song again
you'll try your best to remember
you'll forget but you'll try anyway
when you get home you start cleaning
cleaning up the mess you made

small songs

~lyrics~

imagine my relief when you started moving
it had been a week and I was getting scared
I could hardly speak
you started emerging
as this new glorious thing you had become in there

your wings - they gathered strength
you flew off into the distance
I crawled up next to your shell
I'm waiting here in your tree
I marked the way that you left
I'll follow you when I'm able
this half done thing that I am is not all I will be

I can wait 
I can wait
it's okay 
I can wait

my coming transformation

put it on repeat, close your eyes, and pretend you've left a jrpg from 2001 running in the other room. maybe you couldn't find a save point!

embers

~lyrics~

in the museum where unspoken plans and your father's car keys landed
next to a small mountain of small change
shelves of borrowed books and empty offers line every wall here
you don't see any exits within range
or good places to hide
so why not take your time?

enjoy the wide selections of discarded clothes and malnutrioned friends on tap
there's a low hum of whispers
you can hear your name

a camera sings some scenes you fear
why save the things collected here?
the theme's becoming clear
you try to run away

your ghosts have unionized
their accusations harmonize
now they're shouting questions that you can't hear

you say 
this is not the whole of me
sure I can be kinda shitty
have mercy
I am sorry
go away

your museum

Stefan on the drums. Thank you so much, Stefan. 

there was a beautiful point during the process of making this song where I was like
 "wait! 

this doesn't have to be perfect or even very good!

it can be ridiculous!"

and man, after that it was a blast

~lyrics~

I woke up backwards
you had left for your work
my dreams went all sideways
old panic emerged
suddenly senseless
following crumbs
lost my connection
with where my rivers flow from
but I'm paid by the hour
so I don't call in sick
two minute shower
conjure light
bottle it
work through the lunch break
so that I can come home
forget that it's wednesday
sort through old shit alone
(throw it away. throw it away. throw it away. throw it away.)
I've got to the S's 
by the time you come in
how nice to see you 
where the hell have you been
if you don't need me
could you please let me go
suddenly desperate 
for the rivers I know
you know it's trying
you know I try
I know I love you
and some days I go blind

first pass

"love left over from lovers leaving," I hope to god someone was around when Jeff Tweedy came up with that and he immediately got a high five

laminated cat (jeff Tweedy Cover)

a roadtrip in which one person is not one hundred percent present
bass by Pierre
cello by Tabea

~lyrics~
sign the road
watch it pool behind us
if we go maybe I won't find us
your sunlight creeps into Chesapeake 
and then I shutter the doors
kill the coast with kindness
if you know why would you try to bind us?
heaps and heaps of autumn leaves
dead winter trees
their barren branches point out to me
discrepancies in our offbeats
and they won't let me go

all my broken tools
well-meaning fool who just wanted to protect me
laying tracks and landmines that nobody else can see
but the way you speak 
it's a recipe
stray gifts like these, how did hell did they get to me?
fell my family tree
trace the coast to see wherever this goes

branches

Recorded with my friend, Dr. Professor Tobi Breier, with his 4 track tape recorder. I feel like a more legitimate musician, now that I can say I made a cassette with a friend.  Prompt: Skin

acoustic guitar, vocals, and keyboard - conor
bass guitar and electric guitar and recording - tobi 

~lyrics~
peter, I'm not saying I'm sorry, but I am gonna miss you
I know my thoughts will wander in your direction when the trails grow cold
you never thought that I could shed my skin
never believed that I'd be born again
well me and my angels got tired of diminishin

oh I'm red hot now
boilin A5 Stau
better angles
brand new strangers my new stripes allow

peter I'm not saying I'm sorry

Precious Twin

prompt: something about missing candy

partially inspired by my roommate's incredibly controlled candy consumption 

°lyrics°

chain the phone
wasting in the living room
searching for something to chew on
I find it in our empty loop
reaching like a kid in a costume

I'll be your monster, I'll answer the door
mending all the broken strings
let's play pretend when you come back home
home
home
home

we can slide
basking in some simple gift
Am I alone when I call this home?

background grumbles courtesy of jomez pro

chocolate & jelly beans

it's important for me to say that Iñigo, my friend who is a spanish native speaker, thought it'd be possible that 'yo nunca español' could be interpreted as somehow against spanish people. If he's right, please, please know that that line was meant to make fun of myself.

°lyrics°

there are men and women who plant scores of trees
run marathons to help fight disease
we've launched people into space and gotten most of them back
developed agriculture
we made men in black
these feats inspire and they sting
I understand, on paper, I can do great things
but there are herculean tasks which I'll never manage
I'm too stupid to learn spanish

you could bake me a cake 
you could erase all my doubts
you could fix my knee so it stops popping out
you could promise to erect a marble statue of me that's better looking than I really am
you could put a gun to my mom's head
please don't do that 
do something else instead
but nothing's gonna drag me to that promised land
where I overhear some spanish and I understand

°the duolingo man loses his patience while trying to explain something to me about a sandwich°

my days are canyons which I'd love to fill
and yeah, spanish's not the cure to existential chill, but still!
right now I've got time, maybe later I won't
every day I say I will
but I don't
I know most of the colors now! (Fair enough!)
Iñigo: 'Conoces algún número por encima del quince?'
shutupshutupshutup
so mozart wrote sonatas at the age of five
I've got a bachelor's degree and I am still alive

yo nunca español

ten day streak!

so terrified that he'll hear this song

°lyrics°

There’s a giant of a man 
named Will Perdue 
just two inches short of seven foot two 
 you won’t find his name in any hall of fame 
but in the early 90’s for thirteen minutes each game  
he was a backup big man for the Chicago bulls 
I’ve been going through his stats 
‘cause I’d really like to know 
why the Spurs traded for him back in 1995 
will, teach me your ways 
teach me how to survive  

Will Perdue  you’re a champion
like a tomato’s a fruit
 somehow traded straight up for Dennis Rodman 
four years go by, he gets a ring again 
Will Perdue  I wanna be like you  

So kick back and relax 
you’ve earned it, Will 
you fought through 13 long seasons
 on such a meagre set of skills 
y’all spanked the Pistons so hard they sucked for ten years 
you hit one single three pointer in your entire career
 against Seattle in December ’91  
without your 13 points the bulls wouldn’t have won
 but wait 
basketball-reference’s “Wins Over Replacement” gives you a negative ranking 
you had a hell of an agent, Will  

you’re like the blue, blue sky
 reflecting and refracting better lights nearby  
Will Perdue, you played your cards right
 22 million career earnings on 4.7 points a night 
Will Perdue  I wanna be like you

  old figures cast aside
 the game marches on 
we may have forgotten Will
 but he has as many rings as Lebron  

there’s nothing here to learn 
there’s nothing we can do 
 if you’re hearing this song
 you’re not as tall as Will Perdue 
his is a template no one else can use 
his is a path I would kill to choose  
punched by Michael Jordan 
coached by Phil Jackson and Pop
 millionaire and family man 
couldn’t get free throws to drop 
extraordinary 
 and unremarkable, too
 former NBA center
 Will Perdue

Former NBA Center

Conor posts stuff here when he doesn't post stuff elsewhere
email: cobri12455@gmail.com
twitter: https://twitter.com/cobri12455
more music from conor + friends: https://soundcloud.com/classicbrian

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