12. I Love Being In Your Presence 20210212

Loosely laid out
All my insides
My mouth is full of lies

Mmmm

Spiritual bouts
My hip is broken
and burnt is my mouth


All of my callings
Did I accept them?
All my wanting
Did it ruin me?

I can't see the forest for the trees
Or hear the funk for the beat
I cant feel between my needs 
I cant breathe

Why did it end up this way
I want to scream
To let out my pain

I'm trapped in here.
I'm trapped in here

(too)


Loosely laid out
All my insides
they didn't sit well with the ground 
Spiritual bouts
My hip is broken
and burnt is my mouth
I'm trapped in the race
Like a mare on tranqs 
I'm stuck in my life
Like a stepford wife
Please give me the keys to freedom
I need
freedom
I 
need
To release
 myself

copyright:LAURKAR


Mmmmm (2023)

beat "Biscotti in the Air" [free] Juice WRLD x Kid Laroy type beat, by Sogimura.

lyrics:
the weather man lied
he said It would be sunny but All day I cried 
and the rain poured on me like the tide. 
the storms coming, take care

yea the news man lied 
he said you'd stay with me if I got my life right
but you hit your bong, changed the song, and swiped right 
the only hope you find is texting in the middle of the night. 

etc. 

Weather man lied (for promotional use only)

beat: "The memory" by Yondo (borrowed for promo)

4 
2
0
can I have sum 2?
cuz I'm the weirdo in the room
And everyone stares at me
 [...like I should just leave...]
And everyone around me hears voices in thier sleep 
Once I laid down and i felt you come into the room
I could swear that
it was REALLY you.
I ride a train in the dark
in my dreams
Inside my brain 
there is a shark 
No one hears my screams
And all along 
none of it was worth a thing 
Too bad reality is as shitty as it seems
Ohhhhh I'm a good girl 
I won't do that again
I tell myself 
that he is just a my fucking friend 
But I know
My heart is dying inside
It's longing for him
And deep inside my pride 
I know that I 
must begin again to bury it down 
So I dig around in the yard
But I have to tell ya no one has a bone as hard
So what am I to do
When everything reminds me of you
I'm floating out in the Galaxy
And it's not so sexy
Piss off fuck off get off me
I just want you out of my mind
But every time that you talk to me
I want more of your time
I'm like a addict shooting up your messages
Reading them over and over
You should start a fucking book club like your name was Oprah
I'm so interested you though I know I shouldn't be
I wish you could fly away

Un-drown me.

(c) laurel kardison 2023


B sings the blues (explicit) [for promo use only]

beat by nuages dreams (for promo only, not profit)

Loneliness loneliness alone in the bathtub
just like you taught me
 yet
I won't sin over you again
 no but
I'm so lost
I need you to mend it.

Trying to make coffee in the sewer
Down here with Penguin's screams 
You really let me have it this time 

My soul's plastered on the wall
All that remains of this subway wreck of a heart
I thought you were the soul I could find
now I wish I'd never taken part of it
but wait! there's more:

(Interlude) 

You can't tell my heart not to beat
And
You can't tell me I'm 
Not allowed to dream
 You back into me
You back into my life 
I like it,
You back into me

Loneliness
It never goes away
I confess 
You're my sexuality
I guess I'm frigid now you're gone.

Take the cup
From me
I don't want suffer
I've had enough
I need you
Like no other

But gone you're gone and nothing I can do will bring it back
Gone you're gone
So like Amy I go back to black

You can't tell my heart not to beat
And
You can't tell me I'm 
Not allowed to dream




You can't tell my heart (2023)

2.2017
Stopped time 
I love you solely
You're mine
I love you only 
If I
Ever feel lonely
I'll try 
But only you can console me

Quiet place
The look on your face
From beneath my waist
Sunlit guitar case
I feel complete
in this place

Oh I may have never have known love before I met you
You are the truth
Oh I may have never known myself before I felt you
You are the truth

You are like stopped time and I'm so high on your eyes
So high 
Your hands on my thighs
Stopped time
And I will never give into another lie

On fire
Only you know me
On fire
The flames overthrow me
Your eyes 
They look into my soul
And if I cry
It's only cuz I know

Oh I may have never known love before I met you
You are the truth
Oh I may have never known myself before I felt you
You are the truth

You are like stopped time and I'm so high on your eyes
So high 
Your hands on my thighs
Stopped time
And I will never give into another lie


Stopped Time (2016)

I couldn't see I was blinded by desire
You and me burnt down as in a fire
I've been waiting so long but I may be no one now
Where have I gone, love?
Love doesn't make me strong, it makes me sad, it makes me feel alone and makes me wish I had never known you

I was lost in the scene
Tried to smile through all my screaming
I was waiting but I was impatient 
Sp I deleted my screen
I don't need a history of us 
I'm jaded
Trying to discover my reasoning
My purpose, it's all the same You know, it's all the same to me
Stay or go I don't care as long as I still have my dreaming 
Baby you outta know I couldn't go on without u so I left myself behind.


left behind

beat by BeesandBirds called "Mother" 
Billie eilish type 
for promo only and not for profit here. demo. original 

who thinks I should buy this beat? comment
lyrics:

I hate you but
guess what???
I hate myself too, you know
cause I loved you once 
but guess what??
 you never let me know you loved me too, did you?
Did you????
did you turn off the lights 
so I couldn't see inside? Cuz now
you're making me a criminal. 

I try but no matter

I was thrown for a loop
but hey, baby I got the scoop from your friend 
guess I was a little aloof but who can tell anybody what they can or can't do?
I know how to Google all your aliases
and while you're using women's names I guess we both know:
we're just a little out there 
we just a little bit of sun with a ton of snow

I-
you don't know 
oh, half of what I do

I'm not YOUR problem
but I could be 

I hope.







so I Google him and guess what? there are what seems to be girl names under "known aliases.." and I always wonder why. 
but I will never ask.
but I bet we are both up to no good in our own rite. 

Guess what?

beat: borrowed and NOT FOR PROFIT!!! Spaceouters' "Going Home" 

PAGES (original)

beat 
not for profit, promo only- "Before I Die" Billie Eilish type beat by Sourabhb Kr

for promotional use only and NOT FOR PROFIT

06302023 and dead inside half the time.

lyrics:
I'm fun. 
Fine [with] floating away.
And the wind takes me
 into colors 
or whispers "I don't remember you, no"
it's just a hologram (illusions, really)
and burdensome I am 
to everyone around me
Depression comes in like betrayal:
my [good old] friend ...
Makes me want to end it all
and I'm still here. 
half [of it]'s over (half of my life is over now)
and half in clovers. (an Etta James ode to At Last)
over here: pieces of me
 pieces of me you can't see

I'm silent scream 
what a dream it was knowing someone as messed up as me
what thing I've done: scaring him away
now I'm alone
but still with everybody: a smile
all that I can give
and an emergency comes my way everyday
we solved each other's problems or don't you recall them?
cause you said I was the problem. you said you didn't need "it" [me] anymore
the same day that you told me I was "the love of your life"! 
what a Lie you would tell a broken hearted girl like me
you're guilty [of that at least]

you know, I just wanted wanted to believe in you

I just wanted to believe

Broken Hearted Girl

Pages Remix (20230705)

BORROWED musical track NOT FOR PROFIT AND DEMO PURPOSES ONLY!!! Marvin Scheffold- Diese Art von Zweisamkeit 

talking to ai.

Talking to AI (Demo)

beat borrowed 

I love u and sometimes I wish it weren't so but you know. there's nothing I can do except let it show and you should know ..
the bomb dropped on our minds and we got frozen in time and I have been trying to make it die but it won't be put away. my heart is still over there with you and you're running away and I can see its true: I scare you off and there's nothing I can do but stay away. 
but I want you to know the truth the sky is blue and only the clouds are gray. I feel your pain and I'm not aloof to the way you are and I love you oh I love you yes its true.
I really love you and there's nothing I can do about it. we're connected in some way and maybe someday you'll see me but
but all these years it's been a side thing
and I don't know how to stop the pain, so show me show me
20230705

THOUGHTS ON A GRASSY KNOLL

beat borrowed, not for profit, by J U A N "in love with you" Billie eilish type beat

Feeling waiting thinking saying whatever it takes
Don't leave me now
Don't stall on the punch line
Don't touch me 
I'm papemache and I'll break down 
Dealing hoping gleaming taking my time
I don't want you to leave me behind

We only exist in memories
And I know you're not all for me and my mistakes
I pushed you away too many times
But feeling the same isn't easy to let go of, so whatever it takes
I'm going to hold you in my heart

I feel you and I can't deny
I feel you
Through joy and pain and pride
I need you so don't go away

Friend or lover
I'll take whatever I can get
There is gold in these walls 
Rhier watching 
Yet I can't forget

And I'll I've done deserves to be inspected I know 
I just can't let you go

(20230705)

Petty Mistakes

Welcome to my little weird world, and boy oh boy, is it weird. just therapy and processing rejection. got some Christian songs, too. I love God and I am imperfect, which I why I believe in Christ. 

I just make music because I love it, and I am CURRENTLY NOT MAKING ANY PROFIT FROM IT. these are rough tracks, demos, experiments until I can learn to build a studio. 



Laurel Kardison

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