A redux of something I made in 2013. I'll probably add vocals and other stuff to this.

NGC 7635 (remake)

Instrumental from BattleBlock Theater

feat. Thomas Draper

LYRICS

Hello!
Have you ever been having protected sex
And thought "what if this experience was tailored to my one true unique pecker?"
Well now it can be

It's the new custom condom company, The Shoe That Fits
For a small fee, you get a custom hat for your D
Go online, to The Shoe That Fits "dot com"
Design the protection that you'll use when you feel like a CD-ROM 

We got all colors, shapes, flavors, and sizes
A miracle mile of massive to tiny prick houses
Even upload your own company logo
Pass 'em out at your business lunch, yes homo

Don't you know bro? This Co, is so, ahead of the time
Even my rhymes can't keep up, now they're falling behind
If you are falling in behinds, you best not be daft
Wear a rubber with Mike Pence's face on the shaft

Land lubbers and band clubbers, we gotcho back
We even have a product for those who don't have a sack
Come one, come all, no matter what we'll fit em
It's the Vistaprint for your dick, let's get em

The Shoe That Fits
Except it's a shoe for your dick
Fitted to your measurements

The Shoe That Fits
Everyone could use something like this
So check us out, I insist

HEY TOM
uh hey man
DO YOU OFTEN HAVE SEX WHILE WEARING A CONDOM, AND WISH THAT YOU COULD OWN CONDOMS THAT PERFECTLY EXPRESS YOUR PERSONALITY AND ARE PERSONALLY FITTED TO YOUR PEEN"
what do you mean?

ITS THE SHOE THAT FITS

We got a designing page on our site
Even send you a sample to make sure it feels right
And if you're feeling like you need to breath
We also have internals that can fit in between

We have EVERYTHING that you could EVER WANT
Use ANY IMAGE or ANY FONT
Even dip it fondue, I wouldn't but do you
I wouldn't do you if you weren't wearing our condoms

They start at a simple 5 dollars a piece
If you order more than ten, you can get em for three
We supply the Boris's Johnson for top dolla
They're perfect inside an orifice or a piñata

When shit is getting hotta, and your partner is botha'd
By boring old plain-colored lame cock collars
Get yourself a custom contraceptive, knowledge is power
And knowledge is a weapon hope that you all learned your lesson

Custom hats for your dick
Yeah thats right, it's the shit
We got the studs, got the ribbs
I don't know what that is (but we got the)

Hats for your dick
Yeah, you know what it is
It's The Shoe That Fits, our new business
Hey Tom, do you have questions?

*something about self-defense condoms, idk*

The Shoe That Fits
Except it's a shoe for your dick
Fitted to your measurements

The Shoe That Fits
Everyone could use something like this
So check us out, we insist

The Shoe That Fits™

After breaking the alliance with Gorlois, Uther Pendragon and his men battle at the doorstep of Cornwall's castle. Uther is wielding the mighty Excalibur, a legendary sword that Merlin had received for him only days before from the Lady of the Lake. Amidst the battle, Uther catches sight of Igrayne, the Duchess of Cornwall, high in the castle. Upon seeing her, Uther convinces Merlin to use the Charm of Making on him, to make him appear as the Duke so he can fornicate with the duchess. Merlin grants the request, but only if Merlin can obtain what becomes of the affair. A few years later, Merlin returns to take the child as promised. Uther (now Duke of Cornwall), chases Merlin through the wood, trying to obtain back his heir to the throne. After a magical confrontation, Merlin kills Uther, whose last act was slamming Excalibur into stone. Merlin gives the child (Arthur) to a family nearby where he will be safe, knowing someday he will claim the sword.

A Story of Excalibur: Part 1

Prologue: Charm of Making

Prologue: Charm Of Making

Arthur has now grown into a young adult. He is close with Merlin and his adopted family. He attends the local jousting tournament where the victor will receive a chance to pull the sword from the stone, resulting in kinghood. Arthur enrolls, feeling nervous, yet, confident from his years of training with Merlin. He wins the duel and tries his hand at moving the sword from the stone. Upon doing so, he feels the sword begin to move....

The Tournament

Arthur pulls the sword from the stone, instantly making him king of the land. Merlin explains to him how it was previously his father's sword and it his destiny to serve his duty as king. Arthur is nervous and anxious at first, but quickly realizes it is what he must do to fulfill his destiny. The crowd watching the spectacular has a very clear divide, those who support the new king, and those who do not. An argument ensues among the people as Arthur runs into the nearby forest to discuss his future with Merlin.
Additional chorus vocals by Joey Small, Maura Sullivan, Haley Wright-McGivney, and Bri Lidon

The Rightful King

Uriens attacks Leondegrance Castle after Leondegrance publicly accepts Arthur as king. Merlin tells this to Arthur and they quickly hurry to the castle to aid Leondegrance. A very tough and bloody battle is fought. Arthur encounters Uriens and fights him alone. He defeats Uriens in battle. Upon doing so, Arthur offers Uriens his life if he joins Arthur and his men help unite the land. Uriens refuses to bow down to a boy that is not even a knight. Arthur then hands Uriens Excalibur so he himself can be knighted by a fellow knight. After intense thought, Uriens knights Arthur and acknowledges him as king of the land. All rejoice and travel back to Camelot for a feast of peace.

Siege Of Leondegrance Castle

There is a feast held in Camelot following the siege at Leondegrance Castle. Uriens and his men are there to make peace with Arthur and Leondegrance. A large dance is held after the feast. During this, Arthur meets Leondegrance's daughter, Guinevere. Arthur immediately falls in love and wants her to be his queen. Merlin does not think this is a good idea and advises Arthur to just focus on being king. Arthur does not listen and pursues the girl anyway. She quickly falls for Arthur as well and the two are inseparable.

Guinevere vocals by Haley Wright-McGivney

Sweet Guinevere

A few months pass. Many battles have been fought and won. Arthur is close to achieving his goal of uniting the land. The only thing lying in his way is a crucial trade bridge owned by the lone knight, Lancelot. Arthur is forced to take the bridge by force in a duel with Lancelot. Lancelot has never once lost a duel before. Ultimately, Arthur defeats Lancelot. Expecting death, Lancelot is surprised when Arthur offers him his life if he helps join his cause now that the land has been united. Lancelot graciously accepts, and the two ride back to Camelot together as new found friends.

Lancelot voiced by Joey Small

Lancelot's Duel

Arthur and Guinevere are married at Camelot since the land has been finally united. After the glorious service, Leondegrance (Guinevere's father) gives Arthur a special wedding gift. It is Leondegrance's family owned round table. Arthur accepts and uses it as such, inviting all of his knights and their families to eat with him at the round table every night in Camelot. Here they can tell of battles and be jolly, and most importantly, treat each other as family.

Marriage at Camelot

Lancelot discovers that he has immense feelings for Guinevere. He tries to suppress these feelings but cannot help letting them show, well knowing that this could revoke his place as one of Arthur's knights.

Lancelot vocals by Joey Small

A Hidden Love

Just a little low-quality iPhone recording of me singing a sad song in the rain

The Shoe That Fits™

joey small

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