We all know too many stories of women having to leave abusive relationships, especially during the pandemic, and the shame and blame they are made to feel, the loss of hope, and loss of self. The damage in the moment seems unbearable and unconquerable as the emotions are so “raw” and painful… but it is possible to come out the other side stronger than before and feeling whole and hopeful.

Raw
By Maria Bourgeois

She ran away because she had to
Where they don’t know her name 
And the dangerous game she was forced to play
She ran away because she had to
To hide her shame
To avoid the blame
For the dangerous game
She was forced to play

And in the morning 
the light shines through the un-curtained window
on the bags of clothes
and the boxes in rows and the torn sleeping bag 
on the cold hard floor
(and) she’s reminded that she once had more
she’s reminded that she once had more
will she ever have more?
She feels like a library book that’s been left on the shelf
Never to be read again
It feels like the very end
Maybe she should have stayed

Cause it feels so raw
Unfiltered
Unaltered
Smashed my soul
Raw and un-whole
Smashed my soul
Smothered voice
And taken choice
And raw and bleeding
Always needing

Behind closed doors
They don’t really know what’s happened
Cause he presents so well
My dirty down man
With his dirty down plan 
Says I should take his hand
and he’ll lead me to the afterlife

So, I just ran 
and I’ll run forever if I have to
where they don’t know my name
and the dangerous game I was forced to play

Song composed during an artist residency with the Fredericton Arts Alliance, 2021. Guitar music performed and composed by Bryan McDaniel. A song about the resiliency of the human spirit.

Glacial Melt

V1: Down by the Labrador
Icebergs, 10,000-year-old glacial giants
Snow white to deep aquamarine
Floating down the current to the warm gulf stream

Icebergs are edges of glaciers
Broken off and slipped into the ocean
90% below the surface of the sea
As deep and as hidden as a secret me

V2: Down by the Labrador
Icebergs, frozen giants, compressed snow and water
Crevasses a deep blue
and volcanic eruptions encased in ice cold.

Ocean currents hold me, waves forever blow me
As long as I am deep blue
Try to stop explosions, wind forever blowing
Ocean currents growing too.

V3: Far from the Labrador
Icebergs run aground and begin to start melting
Growlers by the shore
The water that is melting innocent and pure

I feel the force of currents,
my inner momentum
Ice bergs are unstable
but that’s not my story

Melting ice is stronger
Melting ice no longer
I become the ocean
By a warm gulf stream.

Glacial Melt

Just in time for Valentine's Day! Dedicated to those who choose healthy, fulfilling love. This is for you.

No Lovers

The fragility of the possibility of love. It can be difficult to come out of ourselves and share ourselves with another and finding the right balance to know not to trust something too good on the one hand, and on the other hand, not to be afraid of our own fear and to learn to comfortably match to each other's rhythm.

Thank-you to Roberto Bohrges for offering up this composition for me to put lyrics and my voice to, and to Bryan McDaniel for the guitar.

Fragile Heart - Roberto Bohrges, Maria Bourgeois, Bryan McDaniel

I am the Butterfly
Lyrics: Maria Bourgeois
Guitar music: Bryan McDaniel

In my silk cocoon
I’m on the moon
beautifully bracing 
for the storm

Slow unseen 
destruction of things
these things that we 
cherish in our lives

CHORUS
I can’t wait to get outta here
I can’t wait to get outta here
I can’t wait to get outta here
I can’t wait to get outta here 

I’m like a moth 
attracted to a screen of light
I use the light 
To navigate in the night

Though I’m small
I’ve got wings to fly away
Can’t capture me in your glass
I live another day

CHORUS

Can’t keep me in the darkness
Or incandescent light
I’m always heading for
The lighter side of life

I can’t wait to get outta here
I can’t wait to get outta here

I am not a moth
I am the butterfly 

Live life on the wing
And sing and sing 

In my silk cocoon
I’m on the moon
Beautifully embracing
its silver light 

Light
Light 
Light

I Am The Butterfly

Song composed during a Fredericton Arts Alliance Residency. Joint composition with Bryan McDaniel. Guitar Bryan McDaniel.

Let Me Into Your Game

Being strong doesn't require you to be rough and tough, loud or mad.

It can be gentle, silent; soft as a feather.

Some people don't recognize this as strength.

They believe you are falling 
when you have actually taken flight.

Maria

Feather Falling

A song about resilience and the ability to transform. This is meant to be a companion piece to my last song: "Feather Falling".

It’s also about embracing your own power…not letting yourself be taken up by the wind and blown around, but instead becoming the wind and controlling your own direction.

Become The Wind

Song composed during a Fredericton Arts Alliance Residency. Joint composition with Bryan McDaniel. Guitar Bryan McDaniel.

There is nothing wrong with you because you are different. Everyone is different.

We do not have to be homogeneous; we do not have to be the same. There is distance and difference between even the closest of human beings. We do not have to walk the same path to share the same vision: that all view points are valuable; except for hate, which is not a viewpoint at all but a dark glass some people see through… losing all clarity and beauty.

We do not need to stand above someone. We can stand side by side and not be in each other’s shade…so that we all receive the same amount of sunlight. 

Two great things we can do in life: Have the courage to be yourself, your unique self and embrace what is different about you; and the second thing is to embrace what is different about everyone else …what is their unique contribution to the world?  (And maybe doing the second will only come from doing the first. Maybe you can’t accept everyone else’s differences unless you accept your own). 

Every power struggle, abuse, and essentially all inequity in the world is related. We need to solve the inequities in our own lives in order to impact the world’s inequities and essentially set a good example so that others will follow, not you; but your behaviour, by making changes on their own.

Differences are very important. We need them to understand things…without differences we cannot compare, understand, and get perspective. We wouldn’t even have a concept of time without differences! Differences create understanding if we embrace them and only difference can create change and growth…the concepts of change and growth are also not possible without differences! 

The ironic thing is that humans sometimes think that rejecting differences and striving to be the same will create unity. But the opposite is true: only through accepting all our differences and celebrating them can we truly unite and move forward. 

Maria

Difference

Dedicated to the memory of a dear friend whose “heart was a valley deep” and “mind was a mountain steep.”  There are many references in this song to the play “Waiting for Godot” by Samuel Beckett, which I directed in the 90’s. In that production my friend embodied the character of Estragon perfectly and taught the world something through his presence both on and off stage. His big heart, intelligence, and laughter forever lives my heart and the hearts of many.

This piece was created during a Fredericton Arts Alliance Residency. Guitar music composed and performed by Bryan McDaniel.

Mountain Among All Men

A nostalgic look back at childhood…memories of visits to my Acadian grandmother in the Acadian village of Kippens, NL. Honouring the memories of grandmothers everywhere…

This piece was created during a Fredericton Arts Alliance Residency. Guitar music composed and performed by Bryan McDaniel.

Strawberries

Sliding down with my shovel and pail
Off in the distance I see a whale
Time to see grandma 
to be nourished and fed

Bread and drizzled honey
Homemade bread and homemade cream
And strawberries

Morning awake, soft dreams fill my head
Perhaps today I will be fairy led
The smell of wild clover
Over and over, it is spread

The grass has grown a mile above my head
I can make it dance and never be seen
You’d think you watching inside of a dream
Now home to grandma in her strawberry bed.

Bread and drizzled honey
Homemade bread and homemade cream
And Strawberries

It’s so sweet that you want repeat
It’s so sweet that you want to repeat

Bread and drizzled honey
Homemade bread and homemade cream
And Strawberries

Bread and drizzled honey
Homemade bread and homemade cream
And Strawberries

Strawberries

"A wall of air between us". When it seems like love should work but it just doesn't...

"Air"
By Maria Bourgeois

So close and yet so far
A wall of air between us
A connection in our stars 
The elements have seen us

But I can’t love you 
Though I know how to
‘Cause I’m only touching air

And you can’t love me
If you’ve not free to be
You’re more distant than your near

So close and yet so far

Chorus: 
Far, da da da da da
da da da da da
I’m only kissing air
Far, da da da da da
da da da da da
I’m only kissing air

You forgot to tend the fire
Or maybe I’m to blame
For not nurturing our desire
Taking care of our flame

And I’ve got my rhythm
And you’ve got my rhythm
But you’re dancing over there

And you’ve got your rhythm
And I’ve got your rhythm
But I’m dancing over here

So close and yet so far

Chorus:

I know how to love
I know how to care
But I can’t love you
Though I wanted to
I can only touch the air

And my hands can reach
But they can’t touch
It really isn’t fair
How my lips can part
But it’ll never start
‘Cause I’m only kissing air

And I don’t love you
Though I wanted to
And I’m only touching air

And I don’t love you
Though I wanted to
And I’m only touching air

Where there should be words
And it should be clear
Instead, there’s only kissing air

Chorus: 

I’m only kissing air 

Air

Guinevere 
(Maria Bourgeois: Lyrics, vocals. Guitar music composed by Bryan McDaniel)

I am a fair, good girl
I do whatever everyone wants
But what do I want for myself?
It’s hard to ask and harder to know.

Chorus 1:
I am a ghost, a phantom of myself. Not real
Like a magical elf
You want to capture, contain my soul
Somewhere in between
A holy thing and evil and base
My body you think unclean 
But you say I have an angelic face

Ch 2: Ahh Ahh Ahh Ahh Ahh Ahh Ahh 
Ahh Ahh Ahh Ahh Ahh Ahh Ahh
Aaa Aaa Aaa Aaa
A white shadow, white wave
Aaa Aaa Aaa Aaa
A white shadow, white wave
Ohh, Ohh, Ohh, Ohh Lost
Ohh, Ohh, Ohh, Ohh Lost

V2: There’s no way I cannot fall
If I let you be in control of it all
I cannot see what is clear
The mists surround. I stumble in fear.

I will fall down in the mists
I prefer to be on an even plain 
My battle of Camlann
A war in myself
Strong waves within.

Chorus 1:
I am a ghost, a phantom of myself. Not real
Like a magical elf
You want to capture, contain my soul
Somewhere in between
A holy thing and evil and base
My body you think unclean 
But you say I have an angelic face

Ch 2: Ahh Ahh Ahh Ahh Ahh Ahh Ahh 
Ahh Ahh Ahh Ahh Ahh Ahh Ahh
Aaa Aaa Aaa Aaa
A white shadow, white wave
Aaa Aaa Aaa Aaa
A white shadow, white wave
Ohh, Ohh, Ohh, Ohh Lost
Ohh, Ohh, Ohh, Ohh Lost

Oh, the mists surround her
Oh, the mists confound her 

Oh, the mists surround her
Oh, the mists will drown her.


Guinevere

This song was composed during an Artist Residency with the Fredericton Arts Alliance. It's a song about the inner fire of life, transformation, and growth.

Something in the Sun

There were around 40 million deaths during the First World War and the Spanish flu took the lives of around 50 million people. Private William Carson of New Brunswick married Maude Cornish on Dec 22nd, 1917. On May 6th, the following year, William returned with his war bride to settle with his family in Holtville, New Brunswick. By November 4th William’s father had died with the Spanish flu. The whole household was then struck with the influenza. Maude had the flu when she gave birth to their son on November 6th.  On November 12th her husband William died and 2 days later Maude herself died leaving her son Jim as an orphan. The voice in this piece represents Christina Plume, the Aunt that raised Maud's son, Jim.

War and Pestilence

Dorrit Hacker was an Austrian Jew born in 1923. 10 years later the Nazis received 37% of the votes in the German parliament elections and Hitler became Chancellor of the coalition government. By 1938 Dorrit was expelled from school. And by 1939 Dorrit escaped via Kindertransport to join her mother in London, England. In 1944 she met soldier Hedley Nash who was an African Canadian man from New Brunswick. They met during a dance competition at the Trocadero. 6 Months later they were married. In 1946 she landed at Pier 1, Halifax with her daughter Diane, eventually to make it to New Brunswick. Hedley and Dorrit Nash were one of the first interracial couples in Fredericton and the first war bride interracial couple in Fredericton.

Why Can't We Love Out Loud

Song composed during an artist residency with the Fredericton Arts Alliance. This song is now part of the repertoire of a duo I am in with Bryan McDaniel called the Reversing Rabbits. Guitar music composed and performed by Bryan McDaniel.

Edge of the Dock

Rooted

Song composed during an artist residency with the Fredericton Arts Alliance. This song is now part of the repertoire of a duo I am in with Bryan McDaniel called the Reversing Rabbits. Guitar music performed and composed by Bryan McDaniel.

Unspoken Voice

Free to Be Me

From my collection of very short songs. If you have ever felt like sometimes the earth might fall out from underneath you...this song is a musical embrace.

The Earth, It Will Hold You

Maria Bourgeois is a multi-disciplinary artist known for telling the stories of people and place and their history. She is currently focusing on music as a singer/songwriter. She is a member of Reversing Rabbits; a collaborative music project with Bryan McDaniel.  She has been awarded three music artist residencies…one with the Fredericton Region Museum and two with the Fredericton Arts Alliance. She is a graduate of the Sir Wilfred Grenfell College of Fine Arts Theatre Program and has been a performer for many years.

For now these recordings are only demo quality.

Maria Bourgeois

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