Years ago, I stopped believing in happiness for myself. Months ago, I stopped trying to achieve it. Days ago, I began thinking about what it would mean if I was killed for walking through life as my authentic self...

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I Must

It's like I pulled in the threads of a detached fabric and stitched them into the core of my heart. 

My Sister My Responsibility

One year ago, I was drowning in the deepest part of the ocean.

I’ll never forget when I first got thrust in, caught by a riptide at 14 years old. Ever since that day, I only knew the ocean. Some days definitely had rougher waves than others, but ultimately, even on the best day I was still navigating an expanse that I could see no end to. I was always fighting the ocean for my life; it was the enemy.

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The Ocean Inside Of Me

As a child, I couldn’t understand why adults would act like it was impossible for them to try to learn their dream skill.

I understand why now. My limited childhood consciousness gave me the ignorance necessary to be unburdened by stressors that could potentially hinder my learning.

I feel them now. I’m weighed down by the jealousy, shame and paranoia that I feel when I try to learn.

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Learning My Dream Skill As An Adult

I didn’t know it was ‪#‎SuicideAwareness‬ month, but I really think I want to participate in breaking the silence surrounding that sort of thing.

I’ve noticed that people are often genuinely surprised by my willingness to casually talk about suicide and the times that I have been suicidal. In fact, around the beginning of the semester, I was having a casual conversation with one of my close professors in his office, and we were talking about how I was doing emotionally as opposed to how I was doing when I was very suicidal in March. At some point in our conversation, the professor who was in the nearest cubicle actually interrupts us to let us know that she thinks that our conversation wasn’t one that we should be having in the office. I finished up the conversation with my professor who I could tell was seething on the inside at the audacity of the other professor, and I walked back to my dorm.

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Suicide Awareness Month

I am always amazed by how confident adults are when they tell me that I should be grateful for being brought into this world, but I don’t always bother to tell them just how wrong they are. The truth is that if I had been able to say no to life, I would have...

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If I Had A Choice

When I look at you, I see a future.
I see a happy marriage consummated with two beautiful children.
But, this man, I’m not exactly sure I know him...

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My Dream Me

I'm a black queer trans guy who has celiac disease, as well as, everything I thought I could never be

CalebG_18