I Am

Spoken word poetry about lockdown during Covid-19

Lockdown

Vulnerable

Who I Am Matters

Widening Access Matters

Widening Participation draft recording.m4a

What happens in those moments where you are forced to stop and face things as they are.

Transcript: 

Crash!
And your world is shattered.
You thought you were made of steel
but now you’re exposed, 
in truth fragile goods.
Wrapped securely in that bubble wrap stuff,
protecting yourself from everything, even yourself
tip toeing about, 
but it’s bare feet on glassy floor.
Because secretly that’s what you wanted. 
Tired of appearing strong but feeling vulnerable,
longing for an encounter, a collision, a crash,
 something to remind you that you are real. 

Crash! 
And suddenly you’re falling.
The stairs you were climbing so steadily have ended abruptly, 
and you’ve just gone over the edge.
Free falling, 
waiting, 
falling.
Waiting for that second crash to come
but it doesn’t. 
Instead, you float down into soft consoling arms
and for a moment it dawns on you,
maybe I don’t have to do this alone.
No. 
No. 
How foolish,
that moment’s gone
and you kick yourself back into gear,
your internal gong resounding
willing you to press on ahead
this life is a race and there is only be one winner.
Running. Striding. Leaping. Bounding
Winning, struggling, fighting
Crashing
Hit the side of the curb
Maybe I’m not Mr incredible.
and maybe my hull is not so impervious  
Almost you let go.
No,
Grace is too soft, 
How foolish
and again you’re off,
appearing strong but feeling vulnerable,
Appearing strong but feeling vulnerable.

Who will save me from this body of death?
Save me from this cycle of destruction,
I’m trapped 
and need to be instructed.
Who will provide me with the rest my very core so longs for
yet my heart despises?
What is this dichotomy?
One part of me so strong, one part so weak,
one part struggles on, the other desperately seeking
Rest.
Rest.

Crash!
And your world is shattered.
But this time it’s different,
you put yourself back together
only to find there’s a piece missing. 
A sinking feeling 
as you realise 
all your pursuits couldn’t fill that gap.

And.
Suddenly you’re falling,
the stairs you were climbing so steadily have ended abruptly 
and you’ve just gone over the edge
Free falling, 
waiting, 
falling.
Waiting for the crash to come
but it doesn’t. 
Instead, you float down into soft consoling arms
but something’s changed. 
You can’t go back to running like you did before,
you need more,
to find that thing, that one,
that will calm life’s storm
who cries out “Be still”.
And here you see, 
that piece you so longed for 
was waiting patiently, 
until you’d just take notice,
until you’d give up your struggle,
until you’d come to the One,
and simply find rest.

Emmanuel Oladipo

Popular tracks