Bath Log Blasphemy

heavy metal muscle beach
i’m gonna rub myself down with some bleach
i’m kicking sand in yo face
and taking yo picnic basket full of mace

bacon bits for breakfast
and that’s it
and i’m sprinkling ‘em all over town
so you can track me down
and i’m gonna saw all of your logs in half
when your taking a bath

sometimes i gotta feel my own biceps..

i gotta tattoo of a snake 
on my leather couch
you better get out my house
i’m kicking you out
and i’m gonna smile
cause i gotta new hairstyle
you can’t even put out my fire with mountain dew

i’m running from the klu klux klan in Pakistan

i’m gonna slander you
i’m gonna frame you for a dirty little crime
you’re gonna end up on the cover of Time magazine
i’m using gasoline as sun screen

i’m looking for you
i’m gonna buy you a 3 wheeled Hyundai
and i’m gonna make you a chocolate sundae
with some speed stick and some Trix
i’m gonna put a flamingo on my head
and i think that i might be special ed

you sound like some crazy old lady
oh my god
you sound like some crazy old lady

sometimes i gotta feel my own biceps..

i gotta tattoo of a snake 
on my leather couch
you better get out my house
i’m kicking you out
and i’m gonna smile
cause i gotta new hairstyle
you can’t even put out my fire with mountain dew

© copyright and all rights ® reserved by Wicked Sissy ™ 
(Recorded at the Sissy Hive)

Bath Log Blasphemy (Tattoo of a Snake)

Comin’ at you with a raw chicken cyclone
i’m gonna look you up in my rolodex
and i’m gonna call up all the red necks i know
they’re going over to the Home Expo
to buy some sod
Busting out of the Wal Mart dressing room
i was trying on food
this little empanada don’t fit me so good
but it puts me in the mood

Chorus:
You’re gonna find me hog tied
in the middle of the mall
drowning in a fountain
cause i’m the mannequin murderer of North America

Bridge:
i’m a dirty little cheater
drowning in a fountain

It’s time to get some muscles
and boy you better hustle
you better get pumped
you better get some iron
i’m gonna put u in a pan
and i’m gonna surround you
I don’t care about nothing
but picking fights with mannequins
they threw me out of JC Penny’s
cause i punched out too many
mannequin heads gonna roll tonight
when i push them off their pedestals

© copyright and all rights ® reserved by Wicked Sissy ™ 
(Recorded at the Sissy Hive)

Mannequin Murderer Of North America

© copyright and all rights ® reserved by Wicked Sissy ™ 
(Recorded at the Sissy Hive)

Spicy Goth Paradise (Bats Re - Mix)

I go to bed with a butter knife in my hand
and a handkerchief over my eyes
so i get a little surprise when the sun comes up
in the morning
i got a little warning for you
there’s something that i need to tell you about
what i found when i was flossing my teeth with barbed wire
I was in Wyoming
slashing tires in the parking lot of Subway

And i got a grease stain right where my brain should be

And it made me see
Christmas lights on the prairie of love
baby there ain’t no lost and found on the campground of love
there’s just beef that fell out of my teeth
when you gave me a shove 
into the creek of despair

I’m up to my ankles
my underwear is still dry
not like the tears falling from my eyes
into a puddle of raccoon urine
that’s what’s happening in my heart tonight
the bears are raiding the cooler of love
and they’re leaving the ice chest broken
and no lunch meat in sight

i’m a brigadier general of love
i gotta tell you how i felt
when i saw all your cheese melt
all over my heart
now i’m back at start
on the checker board game of love
and you just gave my heart a shove down a cliff

And i gotta grease stain right where my brain should be…

© copyright and all rights ® reserved by Wicked Sissy ™ 
(Recorded at the Sissy Hive)

Campground Of Love

Sweaty Metal!!!
I got meatballs on my gas pedal
i’m gonna follow u home like Hansel & Gretel
I got some breadsticks
I’m gonna rub ‘em together and set you ablaze
I’m gonna put you in a maze
You’ll never find your way out
But you can go fishin’ n catch yourself a trout
(u get any bites yet? no, sir.)
Get your lunch box and get your pop rocks
We’re going out tonight
Hang gliding with a baboon
I’m staring at the moon drinking prune juice
I’m gonna bottle it and mail it to you
And I’m gonna make sure 
that it’s in some bubble wrap of passion
I’m flashing you some hand signals
to let you know it’s ok to come out and play

(chorus)
I got caught in a blizzard of passion
Solid gold- a truck load of love
(you better come on through)
Nailing you with my passion hammer

Snipers swiped my windshield wipers
I’m gonna build you a clubhouse made out of dirty diapers
and it’s gonna resist sustained hurricane force winds
I’m all packed and ready to wear rubber gloves
And I’m gonna be dancing a jig 
with and accordion made out of lasagna noodles
While you’re not looking 
I’m gonna smell what you been cookin’ on your breath
And it smells like BBQ’d death
You gotta brush your teeth
(i’m steppin’ on your poodle)

(repeat chorus)

Baby, i’m the game warden of love
And you’re my little turtle dove
I got a license to hunt you down
I’m creepin’ around the woods without a sound
I’m gonna bag you today
And I’m gonna rescue you..

(bridge)
It’s time for a few rock n’ roll words
I’m gonna go out and catch me some birds
With some duct tape and a screw driver
I’m a survivor 
Because I held my breath in the pool for 10 seconds
And I thought I was gonna die
I got out and drank a milk shake
And looked up in the sky
The sun burned my eyes
But I can feel a little tingle in my thighs
When I eat bacon

I’m putting u on a diet
You can’t have no more triglycerides
You’re only getting watermelon and gummy bears

Hey what are you doin’ over there?
Hugging fat people in the mud
Baby, you know that makes me a stud…

(repeat chorus)

I’m the next in line for a happy meal
And I’ll smash it with a hammer…

(Outro)

© copyright and all rights ® reserved by Wicked Sissy ™ 
(Recorded at the Sissy Hive)

PASSION HAMMER (Featuring Scott Travis on Drums)

i’m square dancing my way to your heart
so you’ll buy me hot dogs
I never seen cavities like yours before
you better keep your teeth clean
Stikki, honey! It’s my new routine
I’m making paper air planes
and writing down my dreams

I gotta samurai sword
and I’m cutting open your blisters 
in the middle of the grocery store
that’s all you can afford
i’m gonna push you around in a shopping cart
right off a cliff into a little kiddie pool full of cool whip
cool whip is running down my legs
just fix me some eggs 
and give me a tulip

Dumping taco sauce in your aquarium
all over your lizards
i’m a wizard of love
i got on my spurs and chaps
and i’m ready for mishaps
you can come along if you like
i got some jingle bells hanging from my armpit hair
rocking the vending machine until it falls right on me
and all my guts are splattered on the Fritos
my shorts are full of cream corn
and i’m blowing my French horn
out in the back of the 7-11
and i’m playing Stairway to Heaven for nickels
I want you to melt all my fudge sickles
Axl Rose done took my garden hose again
to water his dandelions he hands out to his friends
at the girl scout meetings
Axl, bring back my hose!!
so my plants won’t die
and i’ll even buy you some french fries..yeah!
© copyright and all rights ® reserved by Wicked Sissy ™ 
(Recorded at the Sissy Hive)
Texylvania

Rawhide Rose

Take a Chance on My Glands

backflips of passion in the afternoon
you’re kicking me in the shins of love

i’m shaving with mashed potatoes
and i’m saving you some for later
baby you want some butter
i’m gonna rub you down like no other
like you was my little pancake
all my jewelry is fake
but it’s so glittery, shimmery and shiny

prechorus:
I gotta little tiny Valentine’s Day cake for you
i’m gonna blow it up with fireworks
(and you're gonna get frosting in your eye)

chorus:
Take a chance on my glands
i got mayonnaise all over my hands
if something doesn’t come out right
i’m gonna fax all my memories tonight

Do you want some candy?
do you want some salad dressing?
you don’t know who yo messing with boy
i’m taking my brass knuckles to the nail salon when everyone’s gone
cause they don’t need to see me creepin’ in 
with the Vietnamese women
put on that mask baby 
and get your airbrush pumpin 

bridge:
Death metal salad bar
their lettuce is from the underworld 
I know it was brought in by a devil girl waitress
you got the ranch dressing boiling in my blood…

Take A Chance On My Glands

Chicken Thigh Tide (Sunset 2 the Unknown)

I like to go on vacation
with people i don’t know
there’s a kindergartener punching u in the ribs again

u just thought u were gonna get away
surf off into the sunset
with a bunch of sardines
but there’s a storm of coffee brewing

 baby u can’t fight my cellulite
but if u wanna try that’s alright tonight
cause the fat rolls are rollin’ 
and i’m really swollen
it’s like waves on the ocean
which is music to my eyes

baby don’t put herpes in my slurpee
i saw u stirring it up with your tooth brush
little man in sandals
u get in front of my car again
you’re gonna find out that it’s a sin
i’m gonna wipe u out with a shark fin
i had mounted on my wall
i caught myself
i cut it off with a butter knife 
and stuck it on a shelf..

 baby u can’t fight my cellulite
but if u wanna try that’s alright tonight
cause the fat rolls are rollin’ 
and i’m really swollen
it’s like waves on the ocean
which is music to my eyes 

surf into the sunset
and ride the wave into the great unknown
where i can find my home…

i’m gonna pull down your bathing suit
there’s gonna be a stench
of seagulls poopin’ all over your picnic

swinging from a vine
just in time
i got a little itch in my spine
for some nacho cheese dip
spread in my hair

nudity and croutons
baby i got a heart of teflon
and ya done slid right out a long time ago

i got a snow cone melted down with laser beams
i’m puttin’ butter in your sunscreen
everybody knows just where my lettuce grows
and that’s alright
we’re gonna electrocute some fried chicken tonight…

Chicken Thigh Tide [Sunset 2 the Unknown]

Holy Diaper

baby you're leaving skids marks on my heart  
i'm sneakin' things in your shopping cart
i'm ringin' u up in the grocery store of love
check your list and know that i've been dismissed from my job
as a nudist milkman with a pogo stick in my hand
bouncin' around delivering dairy you little fairy
drippity drip

i'm your fudge fantom
haunt u in your rectum

baby you're getting too big to wash
baby look at these
they're biceps of iron
from doing push ups in the park
high baby high
i wanna be your fudge fantom
you betcha i do
yes i do
haunting you...

The Gay Grandads

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