Lyrics:

winter knows when I'm returning
endless snowfall ends my journey early
always early
I'm never learning

I won't take on 
what wont stay on 
like my ego
it leaves me so cold 
and lonely so lonely
I'm never learning

how many years will go by 
until the day I comply
all I ever wanted was to fly
but all that ever takes flight is time
yeah all that ever takes flight is time

in goes motive 
out comes failure
what makes their lie 
so much better
should I go with the flow 
like I've always known
always yearning

how many years will go by 
until the day I comply
all I ever wanted was to fly
but all that ever takes flight is time
yeah all that ever flies by is time

how many years will go by 
until the day I comply
all I ever wanted was to fly
but all that ever takes flight in life is time
yeah all that ever flies by is time
yeah all that ever learns to fly is time
yeah all that ever takes flight is time

time flies (Demo)

a brain dump I wrote today : 

LYRICS
It’s hollow as the wind came turning in 
Another night, my lonesome 
Do you wonder where I’ve been? 

It’s hard enough to recognize 
The person you’ve become 
Perhaps you’ve always been like this 
Your mind is always young 

But I’ve been wondering what you think 
Is that too much for me?
if your heart beats new for someone else 
remember what you need 

I find the blue in your eyes shiver cold 
But winter’s almost over, ain’t it dear 
The winter’s almost turning up 

I ain’t one to tell you how to run your life 
but remember who your loving 
and remember how you’ve lied 

I’ll hold the day that I came 
Crawling into your side 
There ain’t much now to talk about 
and what I said, never mind 

I’ve been wondering what you think 
If there’s so much to say at all 
If your heart made room for someone else 
Then who am I to call?

You when I’m alone and I can’t shake 
The way that I fall?
Every time I do 
Every time I do 

And I could hate the way that 
I could never really see it through 
oh, the days that pass on by  
Are all the days that always do 

And I could ask you how you’re doing
But we never follow through 
I could tell you what I’m thinking 
But I know I never do 

And this is me, wishing all I can 
For somebody like you
in time, you’ll find another one 
I know you always do 

Oh, I’m alone and I can’t ever shake 
The way that I fall 
Every time I do
Every time I do

every time I do

LYRICS: 

he said 
"they stole my keys from the countertop, 
my coat in the closet￼ I bought last month, 
for only $17 in the clearance aisle, 
for something I only wore once"  

“well ain’t it funny what people do for what they need?
they stole my favorite blanket, how else can I sleep?" 
she said, “whats there to love for material things, aren’t you worried?
worried to sleep?” 

so lock up the doors
before coming to bed 
"so this time there’ll be no one to break-in," she said 
and have the telephone line running 
just in case 
and “I don’t think they’re coming back around again, 
but what little I know how they’re getting in,
so i’ll lock up the door and the windows 
before I forget" 

and the next day the sun rose back up again 
she screamed from the dining room hall 
said, “my god how’s it possible? I blame who’s responsible, 
they’ve taken our things with them" 

“well you’re the one who said screw all the things we need, 
cause this life ain’t as full with material things" 
said, “get out of the room cause I'm losing it, 
and I don’t want to lose it with you” 

so lock up the door 
if you’re coming to bed 
so this time in the morning, we’ll be good again
and leave the telephone line running 
just in case 
and "I don’t think they’re coming back around again 
but somehow i don’t know how they’re getting in, 
i’ll lock up the door and the windows, 
before I forget" 

when she woke it was late in the evening 
“i’m hearing a noise out there” 
he said “darling you’re crazy, go back to bed, 
there’s nobody coming in"

did you lock up the door 
before coming to bed? 
it’s 1 in the morning, they’re breaking in 
is the telephone line running 
won’t you check? 
and out of the room, there was nobody there 
not a shadow or footstep creeping in 
and with the doors and the windows still locked 
he went back to bed

robbers

LYRICS:

I’ve been trying to find some words to say 
But for the second time, I just drowned away 
And on the drive back home I feel it’s getting pretty late 

I wind the canyon down, Topanga side 
I guess Mulholland ain’t the same 
I lived here all of my life 
And nothings changed 

But that’s ok, I don’t know why 
The seasons pass in longer days 
I wish I had someone to hold the weight 
And know you’re busy, I just hoped I’d be somebody that you’d need 
It’s been a long time coming, but I need you 

And though the timings wrong, your feelings drawn out
I’d go walking on my own two feet, to where you tell me I should be 
I know the world gets dark, in a thousand ways 
But the best things live in empty space 
I love the silence, some days 

But it’s ok, that brown in your eyes just 
seems a little off today 
that don’t mean I didn’t love you, 
But that feeling’s slightly changed, 
But I found faith in myself 
When I looked the right way 
But I tell you, kid, I loved you 
Every day 
But for the good of both ourselves, I’ll stay away 
And I’ll miss you most when August fades away 
Cause my favorite people always walk away 

I’ll take my flight, to Boston late 
Some apartment in the city sounds great 
And by the time, the winter caves 
I won’t remember you, darling, and I’ll be safe 
So baby, don’t you wait 
For me to say I just don’t feel the same
these days

August (Live)

a favorite :') 

LYRICS:
Do you ever get tired? 
Somehow I feel guilty speaking for your actions 
I paid my time and loved you like
a woman I just hated ever being to you 

You spend a week so entangled 
Every hour all about her ’til 
It’s Friday night, and time for someone new 
Don’t think love would ever tell you 
And it ain’t personal, but I hate you 

And I know this ain’t about me 
Never said it even was 
But I’m emptier than ever 
Guess that’s easier than love 
Say, you wanna talk it out sometime? 
Or forget it ever happened, that’s fine with me
You know you’ll never really find it 
Where you lose it every time 
I bet everybody tells you that 
But hear me out tonight 
You’ll never find the love in 
The places that you lose it every time

You know I stuck around this long   
Hoping there’d become a man out of all this 
And I know, that’s really selfish
And I blame myself for all that time I’ve spent 
And I never know what you’re thinking 
It’s like chaos in my head because of you 
And tonight I’m feeling angry 
And by morning I’ll forget it, just like you 

And it’s never been about me
I just wanted more for you 
‘Cause you’re emptier than ever 
Looks like that makes two
Say, you wanna talk it out sometime? 
I’d ask what even happened, if that’s fine with you 
You know you’ll never really find it 
Where you lose it every time 
I bet everybody tells you that 
But hear me out tonight 
You’ll never find the love in 
The places that you lose it every time

I’m aching, out of my lungs 
Hating just who I’ve become I’ve 
Messed up, what have I done? 
Summer, you moved on from us 

I’ve known it, all of this time 
Ignored it just so I could try and 
Fix this, what have I done?
The summer got away with us 

I’m drowning, out of my lungs 
Hating all that I’ve become for 
You, then, what have you done? 
You’ve always had me chained up, fuck 

I’m aching, out of my lungs 
Hating just who I’ve become I’ve 
Messed up, what have I done? 
Summer, you moved on from us 

I’m aching, out of my lungs 
Hating just who I’ve become 
For you, shit, what have I done? 
For nothing and I blame myself

The Summer

You’re tied in how the way you feel 
But who am I to tell you? fuck it if it feels too real 
get honest with yourself 
You’re hurting without me 

I laid in bed a while today 
My friends, they say I’m just fine 
Fuck it, I’m all out (of) my mind 
The day felt long today 
Been a while since anything 

The trouble you make  
Could you put it away? 
You’re the best thing and the worst 
Shit, I’m pulling the weight 
But it’s not my place to say 
You’re lying to yourself I think 

Oh,

And I know I told you not to change 
But it’s Halloween in a couple weeks 
And by then it’s been a year 
Don’t tell me how I’m tryna feel 
Oh 
Such a shame to tell you what to do 
And you’re fucked up, baby that makes two 
Oh what the hell will I do 
You’re the best thing and the worst, 
And still, I love you 

I’m freakin out you couldn’t tell 
I’m justified in action   
And hell, I can’t imagine 
What It’s like to keep me guessing 
Tell me how you really feel 

I laid in bed a while today 
My mother thinks I’m losing it 
Honestly, I might be 
It’s been so long since I have loved 
Someone who really  loved me 

And I know I told you not to change 
But it’s Halloween in a couple weeks 
And by then it’s been a year 
Don’t tell me how I’m tryna feel 
Oh 
Such a shame to tell you what to do 
You’re so fucked up, baby that makes two 
Oh what the hell will I do 
You’re the best thing and the worst, 
And still, I love you 

You’ll come around in time and I’ll 
Forgive you how I shouldn’t but 
I’d take you in love you, oh 

You’ll come around in time and I’ll 
Forgive you like I shouldn’t and 
I’ll take you in and love you, oh  
And maybe by tonight, you’ll drive me home

halloween in a couple weeks

LYRICS:
Who let me fall back in your nonsense? 
Passionate, yet violent, how this time with you has felt 
Like sunrise we wake up, by night the day is closing in on us 

And I’m sick of us 

Make up your mind, line your doubts neatly on the table 
Your halfway in then out, play your cards so close, but I’m cheating now 
It’s madness, I’m obsessed, with how this shit goes down for us  
‘Cause my interest is fading now  
What can you do? Nothing 
Nothing

A shame how this hidden affair ends 
A shame that you never pulled through 
Couldn’t man up for something so beautiful 
But farewell 
That’s all on you 

I already told you, a few times in hindsight 
I don’t mess around, but you do, and that’s fine 
You already showed me, more than I needed 
I’m better off leaving 
I’m better off being alone 

I loved you kindly, what the hell is this I got back?  
Passionate and quiet, never overstepped your boundaries 
It’s madness, and I’m upset, with how this went down for us 
‘Cause you’ve lost me, Darling 
What can you do? Nothing
Nothing

What Can You Do?

LYRICS:
I don’t understand you 
I’m sure that I never will 
And that’s fine by me 
It took one year to see it all clearly

I can’t waste my badges 
I’ve earned from the tragic 
Of letdowns and tantrums 
From chaos to calming down 
I couldn’t do it then, darling 
I can’t do it now 

How do I deal with losing you all at once? 
I was stupid then, I didn’t know how 
To love you like I meant, 
when I didn’t love myself 
I didn’t love myself 

I never could invite in 
A good thing for what it was for me 
Though you never made that easier 
I’d never fall asleep in peace 
I don’t think, did I?

You can’t blame only me, 
And the way that this seems is: 
A cascade of tragic 
Of letdowns and tantrums 
From lying to cheating ourselves 
And then falling asleep together 
Again 

And so how do you feel about that? 
You know how I feel about that 
I don’t need your explaining 
That’s more suffocating for me 

I don’t understand you 
And by now, that’s fine with me 
Cause I never will, and honestly 
It’s the clearest I’ve seen in a long time 

I love you for nostalgia 
And I’ve learned from the tragic 
Of letdowns and tantrums 
The chaos is calmer now 
I wouldn’t do it then, darling 
I won’t do it now

Calmer Now

LYRICS:
What you don’t know I’m sure won’t kill you 
And I’m damn well good at hiding 
I get restless with my own intentions 
But that’s something I can handle (to myself)

I’ve counted days since I started hating you
And even though I still do I still want 
The best of you, the worst of you 
Toxicity at its core 

I kinda like how it all starts burning 
‘Cause I know that when it cycles through  
We’ll start again anew 
Like I never resented you 

Please recall me like a memory 
Kid yourself back into loving me 
Put me there in all your fever dreams 
Bring me back on your team 
See me in your future standing 
Like the woman I know you wanted 
From just the first night in winter night time 
Just because 
Some fever dream that was 

What’s it all for if it don’t align? 
I get pessimistic sometimes 
But when my intuition doesn’t listen 
To my own advice 
I can’t tell who’s seems right

I’ve counted nights since missing you 
And even though I still do I just want 
The best of you, the worst of you 
Let’s rewind it like new 

Please recall me like a memory 
Kid yourself back into holding me 
Put me there in all your fever dreams 
Put me back on your team 
See me in your future standing 
Like the woman I bet you wanted 
From just the first night in winter night time 
Just because 
Just because 

What you don’t know I’m sure won’t kill you 
And I’m damn well good at lying 
I get restless with my own intentions 
But that’s something that I’ll handle myself

fever dreams

the edge of my twenties 
words and music by Natalie Del Carmen 

Dollhouses, tiny kitchen 
Fine China, paper dolls 
7 years old on a Monday day off 

Mother and father off to work 
and I wonder  
Will growing up feel this long? 

Friends and laid plans 
Dropped off at the movies 
Picking my best friends 
Wisely I’m choosing 
Wrong crowds, falling outs 
Crying home from school 
And I wonder 
Does growing up feel this blue? 

Sleepovers, adolescence 
Mistakes and accidents 
Long days and band practice
Awkward School dances 

A permit, some practice 
A new drivers license 
And I wondered 
Is this growing up yet?

Friends and first dates 
Make a good time for heartbreak 
At seventeen you’ll think that you know everything 
Happy tears for all you knew 
Graduate in June 
And I wonder 
Did I grow up too soon? 

Dollhouses, tiny kitchen 
Fine China, paper dolls 
7 years old on a Monday day off 

The edge of my twenties 
Looks a lot like I thought it might be 
The start of forever’s a long road ahead, it’s looking 
Getting older by day is quite overwhelming, you see 

But set onward my dear, count people not years  
And watch who you love, and see how you treat 
Everyone that you meet, stand in good company 
Cause you’re everything I thought you’d be

the edge of my twenties

I always thought you’d be a let down 
Faking me out and then coming around 
You’re toxic waste I can’t replace 
So now I’m just complaining 

You’re a 8/10 on a good day 
And the worst decision I ever made 
You wait four hundred and ninety one days 
To finally walk away? 

Cause you’re a child, and I’m a woman 
And kid, I don’t speak bullshit 
Tangled up in painful longing 
And we’re circling the drain 
I’m sick of my complaining 
And your indecisive thinking 
Glad I dodged this one while I can 
And I’d choose myself again, 10/10 
I’d choose myself again, 10/10 

I did better for you then I did by me 
Defended you while you diverted me 
Kept distance shoved right in between  
Your lethal thoughts and feelings 

All that I wanted was honesty 
You’re selfish, don’t you pity me  
It took the longest year for you to see 
There’s nothing there with me 

Cause you’re not a man, and I’m a lady 
And kid, You know I’m laughing 
It’s called temporary passion 
And that shit is ending faster 
Than my feelings for you lately 
I don’t know what i was thinking  
Glad I dodged your ass, I’m leaving 
And I’d choose myself again, 10/10 
I’d choose myself again, 10/10 

I always knew you’d be a let down 
I’m blaming myself that I stuck around  
We’re toxic, more than anything 
And I’m tired of complaining 

All that I needed was honesty 
Don’t bother trying to pity me  
It took the longest year for me to see 
Forgiveness starts with me 

Cause love is hard, and love is messy 
And kid, this one it wrecked me 
But resenting you won’t change things 
So I’m acting like a lady 
And I’m sick of this complaining 
And letting love define me 
We’re fine, I wish you good things 
But I’ll choose myself again, 10/10 
I’ll choose myself again, and again 
I’ll choose myself again, 10/10

every time I do

Natalie Del Carmen

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