E D (HolyEvaDedd)

foolish (prod. jonahbru2)

AI


I feel everything but show nothing.
I smile when I want to scream.
I push people away then beg them to stay.
I want closeness but I'm terrified of it.
I blame myself for everything.
I don’t know who I am.
I say I’m fine when I’m not.
I fear being a burden.
I fall apart in silence.
I punish myself for needing love.
I hate being seen but hate being invisible more.
I don’t trust anyone fully.
I expect abandonment even when I’m loved.
I second-guess every word I say.
I isolate to feel safe but feel worse when alone.
I crave connection then feel trapped by it.
I apologize for existing.
I feel guilt for things I didn’t do.
I downplay my pain so no one leaves.
I remember every rejection.
I replay every conversation.
I absorb other people’s moods.
I pretend I don’t care when I care too much.
I want to disappear without being forgotten.
I keep quiet so no one hates me.
I fear being too much and not enough.
I fake stability to stay accepted.
I feel broken but act put together.
I never ask for help but wish someone would notice.
I survive by staying silent.




Quiet

Another track I made back in the 2000s on Reason 3.5,  converted from wma. to MP3 

Galactic Shut down

Another track I made 20 years ago on Reason 3.5. I had a friend who worked in pest control at the time and we nicknamed him " Pigeon man " . All vocals are my own , I did put on different accents . This one is for you Craig ❤️🐦

Galactic Pigeon Man

Another old one from the 2000s thought I should share 

Solar

Galactic storm

Galactic Snare

Galactic Surf

AI

Start again

Allow Me To Introduce My Fucking Self

If anyone
Truly knew me
What they'd see isnt very nice
Although I'm very pleasant
And I often give good advice
But often I notice
No matter what i fucking said
Most of my fucking words
Go straight through others heads

Sometimes I wanna say
I'm fucking through
So allow me to introduce
My fucking self to you

I'm the type
Who likes to be adored
And I've had fucking friends
Who literally are whores
Maybe shocking to
But really to me
Entertaining conversation
Delightful company
And I knew all along
We joked,  fucking funny
If I really wanted to fuck them
It was gonna cost me money
And my drug dealers
Were never my fucking friends
I knew this every time
And yet they'd always fucking pretend

If there is
Any point of it
I see too fucking quickly
Through most all forms of bullshit
I've noticed so fucking much
I no longer fucking care
Because I see the fucking bullshit
I see it everywhere

Mostly fucking people
In every thing they do
And if we were to meet
I'd probably see the shit in you
In an instant I'd determine
If I'm through with you
If there was a purpose
See the purpose through

Doesn't matter
If you understand
What I say
The reason
I'm fucking writing this
Today
Is to make it well known
And pretty fucking clear
That If you stick around
What you're gonna fucking hear
Are the sounds
Made from a machine
With my fucking words
To let you know
Exactly
What i fucking mean

And if you
Ever figure out
Who I am
Someday
Do me and you
A favor
And stay
The fuck away

If you like it
Play it loud
That'll make my fucking day

And don't be fucking weak
Think before you speak

Oh,.yeah
I know I use a female voice
But I'm a man,.mother fucker
The lady voice is my choice
Its the one I choose
For all the shit i gotta say
Now you can
Make the choice
On whether to go
Or stay

I don't give a fuck
Anyway

Though itd be nice
If I can get paid
Cuz I just do this shit
Every fucking day

I got a lot of shit to say
It isn't necessarily pretty

But life doesn't work that way

Allow Me To Introduce My Fucking Self

Time Machine [DEMO] .

▪️▫️◼️◻️⬛️⬜️⬛️◻️◾️▫️▪️

E D (HolyEvaDedd)

MrDjBigHouse