Too Much

2 years ago today I my hero passed. I never wanted to be anyone else or try to be like someone else, most people idolized musicians, athletes, even politicians. But I never did, don't get me wrong I appreciated certain people's work, or really like certain bands usually because I related to certain aspects the singers subject & I had in common. But the one person I did idolize besides my creator, was my Grandma, something time won't heal but only make a bigger void that grows and eats at me like a black hole slowly consuming anything I was or am. To know the only real & stable thing, the only home I ever knew, gone. One day the saint and within 3 months her house. To never be again. Life what it was will never again be, and it's not little either it's everything, a part of me died that day and is buried beside her. Everything I thought or ever wished to accomplish , all my hope,my reasons for living, every ambition or ounce of anything gone, swept up thrown out and into the wind it's spread to kingdom come. My grandma was a Chicago Cubs fan the biggest watched every damn game and if not on her cable she listened to on the radio. The last time I saw her August 2016 still, pale, dead lying beautiful and peaceful in her casket, sporting her Cubs t-shirt, I was late to her funeral because I was driving from San Antonio to Wyoming Illinois, 24 hours, and I stopped for a quick nap 3 hours away and over slept. When I arrived they were already taking her casket out a congregation of people I barely knew surrounding. Lucky I was able to go back to the funeral parlor and in a dark quiet somewhat classy open room. Almost as a library would feel 100 years ago. There I said my goodbyes alone her and I, no prying eyes no judgement, no tedious. Sorry or she was a great woman, I know she was a great woman I don't need anyone's damn approval to know. I kept thinking that on the drive all these damn people I don't want to see. But there her and I as my whole life just us two alone in the living room, not ten words spoken but somehow she knew and understood me as I did her. & Today as I write this no less sad indact a great deal more, everything now ses like garbage this whole world everyone I meet or see. Nothing matters and it's nothing personal to anyone but the one person that understood and never at least to my face made one damn judgement to me. Never once questioned who I was or why I did this or that. She let me be because she knew what I knew & she knew what knowledge I hid or what talents I kept you myself . Only her, she knew how I acted ignorant so no one expected much, or how I didn't care about being better than anyone and I didn't want the attention that comes with being the best. She knew I didn't need any certification from anything or anyone to be something. I just wanted to be left alone and not bothered or told what to do.  She knew the greater things in life I knew at a young age and I knew right from wrong. And she knew just to let me be or I'd upset easily. She knew soul sat 1000 years old in a 5 year old body. I'm in no way boasting or exaggerating this is just what it is the god honest truth. I'm more that a songwriter or poet, I'm those things because I'm a philosopher, a scientist, a historian, a consumer, a near perfect memory (I tried so hard to destroy but never could),  I'm a soul, a man of dark and light, a giver, a transient, an explorer, a sci-fi nerd, a mathmetician​, an observer, a light hand, a coordinator, an athlete, a warrior, a shadow, a seeker, a adventurer, I was many things above all I have endless inspiration because I have an endless amount of appreciation for every little thing of creation and how the most overlooked things are so complex when broken down. Cells, flesh, bark, plants, dirt, stones. And she was the only one for 20 1/2 years of my life, one other since but that's a separate story. But there it is a sacred part of my soul for all to see.

Too Much

Polr Stripe

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travis burgess

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