The social construction of Motherhood impacts us as individual mothers. This is the case even when we resist the ‘shoulds’.

In this episode I discuss what some of these impacts are and draw on the analogy of the ‘fish tank’ to help describe how we come to experience the social dimensions of Motherhood on an individual level, and why it is important to consider ‘culturally detoxing’ from intensive mothering ideology – and how much this process is even possible.

I point to the ways that guilt, mother-blame, and a ‘loss’ of self and identity are a consequence of living within patriarchal Motherhood, and the ways we are set up to ‘choose’ between binaries as women and mothers, such as that of the Madonna or the whore and the self-less or the self-ish Mother.

This episode covers research on mental health outcomes for Mothers as a result of living within the current cultural construction of Motherhood, and I share the process I’ve undergone in considering the purpose and direction of my work with my Liberated Motherhood group after reading this research.

While the experience of being a Mother is one that is so personal, changing the cultural construction of Motherhood that shapes individual experience is a public, social, political, professional, and cultural issue.

If you work with mothers and would like to be part of this change, consider enrolling in The Motherhood Studies Practitioner Certification online course, beginning April 12, 2021 - https://drsophiebrock.com/motherhoodstudies/

53. How the Perfect Mother Myth Impacts Individual Mothers

Have you ever felt judged as a mother based on the way your child has behaved?

In this episode I discuss the concept of the ‘good child’ and how it relates to the ‘good mother’ concept – also known as the perfect mother myth.

In the same ways that mothers experience social pressures and expectations around how we should act and behave, our children also live within social pressure, and this starts at infancy.

I reflect on the markers of the ‘good baby’ up until the ‘good teenager’ and share findings from my PhD research on the consistent 5 themes/traits of the ‘good child’ identified across my research interviews.

Both the ‘good child’ and the ‘good mother’ rely on compliance and people-pleasing, but they can also be what help us to foster a sense of belonging and social acceptance.

This is part of why such concepts can remain so powerful, and yet I argue that they actually fuel many of our maternal experiences of resentment, anger, and guilt. The connection between the ‘good mother’ and ‘good child’ actually sets up mothers and our children up to experience DISconnection – from ourselves, and each other.

Examining these concepts and how they show up for us and our children allows us to cultivate broader perspectives on the dynamics that are at play as we mother, as well as challenge correlations often made between our children, our mothering, and our worthiness.

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If you work with Mothers and want to support them further through integrating sociological understandings of Motherhood into your practice, consider The Motherhood Studies Practitioner Certification beginning April 12th. Find out more info here - https://drsophiebrock.com/motherhoodstudies/

54. The Expectations of the ‘Good Child’ and the ‘Good Mother’

What is maternal ambivalence and how can embracing ambivalence help us as Mothers?

I share what maternal ambivalence is and isn’t, whether it is something we can ‘escape’ in motherhood, and how ambivalence is connected to ‘Mum guilt’ and our sense of identity.

Ambivalence can be a way for us to shift and change our relationship to and experience of maternal guilt. In this episode I offer some suggestions for how you might ignite your own curiosity in exploring ambivalence further.

I explain the connections between ambivalence and the perfect mother myth, and why the version of Motherhood that is put on a pedestal in our society robs us of the opportunity to embrace ambivalence. This then shapes our capacity to feel the full potential of joy and depth of experience that may be available to us.

This episode invites you to reflect on your own experiences of Mum guilt, of where you’re being expected or asked to ‘choose’ in Motherhood, of how you construct your sense of identity and think about your 'self', and how you may be able to open yourself to the possibility of embracing ambivalence as a Mother.

55. Maternal Ambivalence

How do we navigate challenging the model of self-sacrificial motherhood to ‘find ourselves’ as Mothers, when our children need us so intensely and we lack adequate support?

What narratives do we attach to our identities and the ‘roles’ we occupy, and how do we foster connection with who we really are?

How do we move from acceptance of our circumstances, into action to claim a sense of agency, while maintaining mothering – and interdependence - as a high value?

These are some of the questions that Chasity and I discuss in this episode, covering the complex but foundational topic of ‘identity’ in Motherhood, while sharing how we each relate to our sense of ‘self’ as women and mothers.

Chasity from Momfully You is a licensed Therapist, coach, and founder of Momfully You Academy – an online community helping mothers reclaim their identity and fully love the authentic version of themselves. In her wisdom as both a therapist and Mother, Chasity shares the differences between ‘inadequacy’ and ‘enoughness’, why she embraces ‘practice over progress’, and how she implements into her own life what she teaches. 

Connect with Chasity @momfully.you or https://momfullyyou.com/

56. Identity Creation as Mothers

Maternal knowledge and the expertise we develop through the practice of mothering our children is often defined as being in the ‘private’ realm, while professionals are regarded as experts in the ‘public’ realm. 

When the two are brought together, there can be collision and challenge, and/or there can be the meeting of experience and expertise in a way that is powerful, transformative, and enriching for our children.

This conversation about this meeting point, is with Emily Adler Mosqueda, M.S., CCC-SLP who is a bilingual and bicultural pediatric speech-language pathologist, associate clinical professor, and mother of two.

Emily experienced postpartum depression late in her second postpartum, and has become an advocate teaching about parental mental health factors to her graduate speech-language pathology students.

In this episode we reflect on the intersection of knowledge, experience, and authority, and the claiming of maternal authority and utilizing of professional expertise.

Speaking of the experience of both being a mother, and working in supporting mothers, Emily also shares how the development of maternal thinking as mothers can inform and enrich our careers.

Connect with Emily at emilyadlermosqueda.com and on Instagram @emily.adler.mosqueda and her account @postpartum365 where she shares peer-reviewed research on postpartum and Motherhood Studies topics in an effort to shift the cultural understanding of how long the postpartum time is, and how to centralize mothers in their mothering and experience of motherhood.

Emily is also the author of the free children’s book My Big Feelings and The Big Bad Virus available at mybigfeelings.com in English and Spanish.

57. Embracing Our Maternal (and Professional) Expertise

Our ongoing journey through Motherhood can involve a process of letting go as much as of new learning and growth.

In this episode I reflect on the process of what it means to go on the journey of unpacking how we have internalised the ‘perfect mother myth’ and have been socialized into the expectations of what it means to be a ‘Mother’. 

The birth of a new awareness, and (re)creation of a new identity can feel alluring, exciting, liberating, and/or empowering.

But it can also feel really unsettling, especially at first. This episode speaks to this experience and on how we can build new models of what it means to be a mother.

I consider a model of ‘integrated’ motherhood, and invite you to reflect on some questions about your own sense of self and identity.

58. Alternatives to The Perfect Mother Myth

“We become mothers in the womb of society. A mother’s relationship with sex can’t be disentangled from how she feels about herself, how she feels about her partner, as well as how society impacts and constructs her worldview.” Sarah Forbes.

This episode is with Sarah Forbes, a curator, sexual culturalist and author who has been dubbed a ‘sexpert supreme’ by Cosmopolitan Magazine. Sarah is trained as an anthropologist and spent a decade as the Curator of the Museum of Sex in New York, captured in her memoir ‘Sex in the Museum’. She is now working on her second book ‘Mama Sex’, an anthropological look at motherhood and sexuality. 

In this conversation Sarah explains how modern relationships and the mental load placed on mothers is representative of an anti-aphrodisiac cultural tsunami. This dive into motherhood and sexuality is framed by both individual questions of self and identity, as well as broader sociocultural and historical questions about how context shapes individual experiences.

Sarah shares powerful insights into the potential that motherhood has as a pathway to sexual revolution. She speaks to the barriers and obstacles mothers face in their sexual fulfilment - leading to the ‘orgasm gap’ - and offers advice for how we can rebuild and strengthen our own relationship with our sexuality, without it having to be another thing on our to-do list.

Head to Sarah’s website  https://www.mamasexbook.com/ take the ‘Mama Sex’ quiz, and follow her at @mamasexbook and @curatorofsex

59. The Sexual Revolution of Motherhood

How do the pressures we experience both individually and contextually, shape the relationships we have with our partners, children, and ourselves, and what can we do to deepen our sense of connection?

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This episode is with Michaela Thomas, an experienced Clinical Psychologist, Couples Therapist and founder of The Thomas Connection. She is also a speaker and author of The Lasting Connection, about developing compassion for yourself and your partner.

Michaela has a special interest in perfectionism and parental mental health, and in this conversation we explore the interrelated ways that the pressures we experience and place on ourselves effect the relationship we have with our partners (if we’re partnered), ourselves, and our children.

Michaela shares what she sees as being the biggest challenges of early parenthood for couples, and explains the differences between sacrifice and compromise, and how these can operate for new parents.

We reflect on the disjuncture between our expectations of parenthood and the lived realities, and the tension between individual and structural responsibility for where we find ourselves, and how we move forward into change.

Michaela shares her ‘pause, purpose, play’ model to help guide us into self-compassion and challenging the perfectionist pressures that pervade so many of the expectations of partnerships and parenthood. 

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You can find Michaela on Instagram @the_thomas_connection and Facebook @TheThomasConnection as well as on the podcast Pause Purpose Play with Michaela Thomas. You can purchase her book The Lasting Connection here: www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/thelastingconnection   is the link for the book, and my couples and see her couples course here: www.thethomasconnection.co.uk/thecompassionatecouple

60. Perfectionism in Partnerships and in Parenting

“I know that women can remember the wholehearted ways of knowing carried deep in our bones to heal their own their own lives, and this work is the medicine needed to reweave the world.” Kamya O'Keeffe.

This podcast episode traverses the the transitions we experience through motherhood, and their power and potential. While an emphasis on that initial transition into motherhood is so important, motherhood continues to be a portal through which we experience transitions as our children grow.

In this conversation with Kamya O’Keeffe, we explore what these transitions can mean, the intergenerational connections between women and mothers, the cloak of invisibility that can be part of elderhood, and the dismantling of hierarchy between women as our site of power and connection.

Kamya is a senior facilitator of Rites of Passage programmes and a mentor to women leaders. Kamya creates safety held rituals and circles through her presence and attention.  She listens for the whispers and songs of the underground stream of our inner knowing, and she names the harmful cultural narratives and value systems at the source of our wounding, to disrupt the cycle of our mother wounds. She designs experiences that honour women with joy and celebration. 

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You can connect with Kamya O'Keeffee further through her Instagram at @kamyaokeeffe or find out more about the Rites of Passage programs on Facebook @theritesofpassageinstitute 

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Find out more about Sophie’s group The Liberated Motherhood Membership and join the July special of $149 for a 6 month membership bundle - https://drsophiebrock.com/liberatedmotherhood/

61. Motherhood as a Rite of Passage

In this episode, Maha Al Musa, founder and creator of BellydanceBirth® and EmbodyBirthᵀᴹ shares her passion and advocacy for an expansion and reclaiming of what birth can mean, and how we as mothers experience and make meaning of our births. 

Maha is of Palestinian/Lebanese origin and draws on her cultural, ancestral, and mothering wisdom to teach her signature childbirth education and preparation programs for mothers-to-be and birth professionals. In the episode she shares part of her life story in being kidnapped as a baby and her connection to land and culture severed, and her amazing story of reconnection, right before she became a mother herself. 

Maha speaks about fear and patriarchy, the divisions that have been created between women when it comes to birth and motherhood, the rites of passage she has experienced through menopause and the powerful and revolutionary connections to be fostered between generations of women.

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Maha is the author of Dance of the Womb: The Essential Guide to Belly Dance for Pregnancy and Birth book, endorsed by Dr Michel Odent, Sheila Kitzinger, Dr Sarah Buckley and the creator of the follow on BellydanceBirth® Practice Video Series (Dance of the Womb: A Gentle Guide to Belly Dance for Pregnancy and Birth).

 
You can find her on Instagram @maha_al_musa 

Facebook at - https://www.facebook.com/mahaalmusabirthvisionary

Maha’s website: mahaalmusa.com

Online program: https://sales.mahaalmusa.com/embodybirth

Virtual training: https://mahaalmusa.kartra.com/page/virtualtraining

62. Awakening to the Possibilities of Birth

In this episode I share my reflections on how the ‘perfect mother myth’ is linked to notions of productivity and worth, and add some nuance to the conversation about self-sacrifice in Motherhood.

Sometimes, it can feel like there is a competition for busy-ness to try and prove how hard we are trying and how much it is we are carrying. At the same time though, there are tangible ways that make it feel like we can’t escape the weight of responsibilities, expectations, and demands that we face. It isn’t as easy as saying just ‘take a step back’. Sometime - if and when we do - there can be a lot of discomfort that arises, and in this episode I explore both what this can mean, where it comes from socially/culturally, and how we can use these experiences to open possibilities for rethinking what motherhood means. 

I offer a critique of individualism and explain some of the reasons why mothering work is so devalued in our society, as well as the ways our own internalization of martyrdom-motherhood can lead to feelings of resentment, anger and guilt. 

In this episode I rethink the common analogies we hear and use around filling of our ‘cups’ and placing of ‘oxygen masks’ on ourselves before others. This is with a view to disrupt some of the assumptions underlying what it means to be a ‘mother’ in our society, and challenge some of the beliefs we’ve internalized about our worth and value as women who mother. 

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Join The Liberated Motherhood Membership and get access to the members-only Liberated Motherhood podcast. Mini-episodes released every week.

Current course: Transforming Martyrdom-Mothering

https://drsophiebrock.com/liberatedmotherhood/

Ep 63. When Productivity in Motherhood is Linked to our Worthiness

We may recognise, acknowledge, and seek to explore biological, psychological, and sociological dimensions that are involved in the transition to motherhood and experience of being a mother – but what about the ‘environmental’?

Our environment and our relationship to the natural world is a critical lens through which we can interpret, explore, and understand our experience of Motherhood.

This conversation is with Dr Allison Davis, a researcher, writer, counselor, and educator of maternal mental health. With an ecofeminist-informed, strength-based developmental framework she helps mothers challenge and reenvision motherhood norms and practices in pursuit of personal and planetary wellness. She’s also affiliate faculty at Alliant University where she teaches in the Masters of Clinical Counseling Program.

Allison explores ‘mother praxis’, which is the possibility of a dynamic interplay between the THEORY and the PRACTICE of mothering, and in this conversation we explore what it means to bring in the environment through eco-therapy as a way of thinking about motherhood, and supporting Mothers. 

Allison invites us to consider a new way of thinking about the ‘motherwound’ through our attachment to nature, and we reflect on the ways our children can open up possibility for our own ecological awakening. 

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Follow Allison @motherpraxis

Want to explore whether you’re experiencing an ecological awakening, and learn more about the foundational mother wound? 

Then check out Dr Allison’s Free Mother Praxis Primer: www.motherpraxis.com/primer

If you’d like to book in a session with Allison you can do so here: http://www.motherpraxis.com/support/

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For more information on the next round of Sophie’s Motherhood Studies Certification program head to: https://drsophiebrock.com/motherhoodstudies/

64. The Ecological Awakening of Motherhood

In this solo episode I reflect on my own journey of coming to Motherhood Studies and what is has meant to study Motherhood before coming a Mother myself. 

I share important distinctions between Motherhood the structure, Mothering the practice, and Mother the identity, and ponder on the ways our socialisation has set us up for a particular perspective on what it means to be a Mother and how this is perhaps connected to experiences of the ‘maternal’ being devalued socially and professionally.

There is incredible power and potential in the practice of mothering and identity as a Mother, and we experience the complexity of our own matrescence journeys and rites of passage as Mothers.

But these theories are distinct from (but connected to) the social institution of Motherhood that I critique, and that produces the perfect mother myth and its associated consequences.

Making such distinctions allows us to be able to straddle the complexities and nuances that are so often necessary when discussing Motherhood, and supporting Mothers.

In this episode I explore this claiming of space for the maternal, and reflect on the ways that Motherhood is simultaneously valorized and devalued, and how guilt is often a byproduct of our internalisation of patriarchal motherhood.

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If you enjoyed this episode and would like to develop your lens as a ‘cultural assessor’ of Motherhood and explore more deeply the ways Motherhood is socially constructed, register for my upcoming free training.

“The Fish-Tank of Motherhood Model” is a free training I’ll be running live on September 10th, 2021 at 8.30pm AEST (Sydney time).

You can join me live on Zoom, or by registering you will also receive a replay of the training, available to watch for 7 days.

Register for free training here: https://drsophiebrock.com/freetraining

Find out more about The Motherhood Studies Practitioner Certification beginning September 20th here: https://drsophiebrock.com/motherhoodstudies

65. Why 'Motherhood'? Claiming Space in our Culture and our Work

What remains ‘under the surface’ in Motherhood and still so taboo to talk about directly? 

‘Mom-rage’.

Minna Dubin published two articles in The New York Times on maternal rage.

In this conversation we reflect on Minna’s experience of publishing on this taboo topic, as well as her journey in writing a book about ‘mom rage’ due out in 2023 (available for pre-order in 2022 through her website below).

Minna is a writer, workshop facilitator and occasional public artist, located in California. Her essays and reported stories on motherhood and identity have appeared in outlets like The New York Times, Parents, HuffPost, The Forward, Hobart, and The Philadelphia Inquirer. 

You can read Minna’s articles that we refer to in this episode here:

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/15/parenting/mother-rage.html?module=editors-picks&action=click&region=2

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/07/06/parenting/mom-rage-pandemic.html

I ask Minna about her experience of writing a book about such a taboo topic, and she shares some insights from those she has interviewed. 

We reflect on the cycles of anger and guilt, shame spirals, factors that exacerbate maternal rage, the privilege that is drawn on in order to talk about this topic, how ‘speaking things into existence’ can make them seem more real, and why we are working to resist pathologization while still acknowledging the linking of maternal rage/anger with maternal mood disorders.  

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You can connect with Minna through her website and be sure to keep an eye out for the release of her book - http://minnadubin.com/

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Access Sophie’s free training on her sociological model of Motherhood here: https://drsophiebrock.com/freetraining 

Learn more about the certification beginning Sept 20th here: https://drsophiebrock.com/motherhoodstudies/

Access Sophie’s free training on the anger-guilt-trap cycle in Motherhood here: https://drsophiebrock.com/anger-guilt-trap 

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*Anger can be both normal, and a feature of a postnatal mood disorder such as postnatal depression or anxiety, please contact a health professional if you feel overwhelmed by maternal anger or rage.
If you are experiencing anger or maternal rage that interferes with your daily life that you feel you cannot control, please make an appointment with your GP or trusted healthcare professional.
Normalising the spectrum of emotions women as mothers feel does not equate with condoning aggression towards or neglect of children.
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Support lines

Australia - https://www.panda.org.au/ - 1300 726 306

UK - https://pandasfoundation.org.uk/ - 0808 1961 776

USA - https://www.postpartum.net/ - Text “Help” to 800-944-4773 (EN)

66. Rage and Anger in Motherhood

Anyone who has had children or cared for children knows that they contribute to the creation of housework! But the work that goes into the domestic sphere of housework, is different from the work that goes into care-giving and mothering.

The two are connected, but conflating them as meaning the same thing, leads to huge pressures and ‘shoulds’ in Motherhood. This leads to feelings of guilt, comparison, inadequacy and overwhelm.

Conflating housework and mothering can also invisibilise the nurturance, love, maternal thinking, and emotional labour that goes into raising children. 

I explain some of the reasons why I think the two are conflated - by talking about the 'public' and 'private' spheres of 'work' and 'home'.

When mothering is devalued, and how ‘on top of’ the housework we are is connected with our value and worthiness as women and mothers – we can become trapped in never-ending cycles of never feeling ‘enough’. 

While unpacking these connections, I also explain why I caution against denigrating housework and seeing domestic labour as ‘lesser than’ other forms of work.

I explain why I think the conflation of housework and mothering-work is a function of patriarchal Motherhood and the perfect mother myth, and call for us individually and collectively to begin breaking this association and reclaiming our power, our worth, and our value.

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Watch 3min animation on Sophie's one-of-a-kind sociological model for understanding Motherhood - https://drsophiebrock.com/thefishtankofmotherhood

67. Housework is not Mothering

What have we been led to believe about the ‘mummy wars’ and how do they relate to patriarchal motherhood and ‘the perfect mother myth’?

These are the questions I address in this episode of the podcast, where I offer a new lens through which to understand ‘mummy wars’. This is with an intention of helping you develop an ‘antenna’ as a cultural assessor, where you can pick up, observe, get curious about, and assess instances where you see the ‘mummy wars’ either playing out OR being referred to. 

I describe the mummy wars as both a symptom of AND a product of patriarchal Motherhood – creating environments where we come to judge ourselves and each other. 

The sense of ‘competition’ that is spoken about in motherhood is also a reflection of the social narratives around competition and comparison between women – and mothers especially. I suggest that this priming into focusing on other mothers (and judging ourselves) is part of what dilutes our power and potential for changing the broader culture and systems that impact Mothers. 

I explain how and why the ‘mummy wars’ can only be sustained and produced if ‘boxes’ and categories of ‘types of mothers’ exist. Sometimes labels can be helpful tools to allow us to find a sense of belonging within community, and build identity. But sometimes the very tools we draw on to build our sense of identity and connection within motherhood, can shift into constraining limits. 

A deconstruction of the ‘mummy wars’ actually means reconstructing what it means to be a mother in our society and culture and reclaiming the fluidity and ever-changing nature of our identity.  

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I refer to my concepts of The Fish-Tank of Motherhood Model©, The Good Mother Bad Mother Binary© and The Care/Career Conundrum©

Find graphics and information on all of these here: https://drsophiebrock.com/conceptualmodels

68. A New Take on 'The Mummy Wars’

Hello and welcome back, or welcome for the first time! In this episode I share:

- where things have been for me as a mother, creator and business owner over the last 6 months or so
- why I took a step back from podcast recording
- what my purpose is in relaunching the podcast

All of my work is focused on examining the social structures and cultural narratives of Motherhood that individual mothers live within, and as a mother who lives within the very society and culture I'm critiquing, I'm of course subject to its challenges!

Also being a business owner, entrepreneur, and independent academic, brings with it experiences where I'm navigating what I call the 'care/career conundrum' in a way that allows me flexibility but also sometimes a lack of stability as a consequence of the 'piecing together of the puzzle'.

This navigation is also in the context of my experience as a single mother, and some health challenges my daughter has experienced recently. I talk through some of these challenges in the context of my own personal experiences as both a mother and professional.

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Join the waitlist for the 2022 round of The Motherhood Studies Practitioner Certification beginning June 20th - https://drsophiebrock.com/motherhoodstudies/

I'm back! :) And where I've been...

I'm often asked this question and in the spirit of relaunching the podcast felt it might be helpful to share the path I've taken to becoming a Motherhood Studies Sociologist - essentially a social scientist whose focus is Mothers and Motherhood.

This episode is another personal share where I talk about:

- how I first discovered Motherhood Studies
- what it was like researching this area before I was a Mother myself
- why I came to be interested in my subject matter - tracing back to my own family experience
- my journey of finishing my studies, becoming pregnant, going through a divorce and reorienting my career focus to lead me to what I do today

I hope this episode offers you some insight into my journey and leads you to reflect on your own evolving journey of your 'self' in the context of your broader relationships, life experiences, and motherhood. 

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If you'd like to join me for the Introduction to Motherhood Studies Webinar Wednesday June 1st 8.30pm AEST, register to reserve your place. If you can't attend live you will receive a replay to watch in your own time.

https://drsophiebrock.com/introductiontomotherhoodstudies

Content covered:
- What is Motherhood Studies?
- Where did Motherhood Studies come from?
- Why you likely haven’t heard more about Motherhood Studies yet
- What some of the key Motherhood Studies teachings are from a sociological perspective 
- The ‘missing pieces’ and gaps in current knowledge and practice
- An overview of Sophie’s conceptual frameworks and theoretical contributions
- How Motherhood Studies informed theory can help you and your clients

70. My Path to Becoming a 'Motherhood Studies Sociologist'

In this conversation with Fiona you’ll hear us both talk about our personal experiences of mothering our children and some of the challenges we’ve experienced (and continue to experience). Fiona shares how understanding information about temperament, sensory preferences, and connection-based, relationship-building parenting ‘tools’, can transform how we see our children - and ourselves. 


You’ll hear us discuss*:


- How to contextualise and understand our experiences of parenting, to support us in trying to see the world through our children’s eyes 

- What the 'goodness of fit' is and why it matters in our parenting

- How to recognise quirks in your child as temperamental tendencies, temperament traits or sensitivity traits

- Meeting our children not only where they’re at, but also as who they are 

- How to understand who your children are, with all of their temperament traits and sensory preferences

- The importance of how we perceive our children and why this really matters in how we parent them

- Why separation based techniques don’t necessarily work for children

- Giving yourself permission as a parent to hold that bigger, holistic focus in parenting in mind as we navigate day-to-day challenges 

- Why it’s more common than you think that parents feel resentment towards their child or baby

- What attuning to our children actually means

Founder of Mama Matters, Fiona is a Social Worker turned Infant Sleep Specialist. She provides attachment-centred, real-life parenting and sleep support to responsive parents and their renegade babies and kids. She is passionate about busting through the mistruths of the mainstream sleep industry and empowering parents to parent in alignment with their values, with evidence-based, biologically normal sleep advice and relationship-centred approaches to optimising sleep and wellbeing for families.

Connect with Fiona further - 

www.mamamatters.com.au
www.instagram.com/mamamatters.au/
hello@mamamatters.com.au
Podcast: Mama Chatters

Explore Fiona’s offerings: www.mamamatters.com.au/workwithme

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The Motherhood Studies Practitioner Certification 2022 begins June 20th. Enrolment is currently open, closing June 16th. Learn more and here - https://drsophiebrock.com/motherhoodstudies/

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*explicit language in this episode

71. Transformative relationship-based parenting tools - with Fiona from Mama Matters

A behind the scenes insight into my creation of The Motherhood Studies course, and an insight into the 2022 round of the program. Program starts June 20th, enrolment closes June 16th. If you'd like to talk through any questions you have before joining, book a discovery call here - https://calendly.com/motherhoodstudies/certification-consult-calls If there are no times left please feel free to email your query to info@drsophiebrock.com To enrol head to - https://drsophiebrock.com/motherhoodstudies/

72. Behind the Scenes of The Motherhood Studies Certification Training

In this episode I share 5 different ways that my understanding of the social construction of motherhood helped me to step into my power as a single mother. I wanted to share this episode as a lived-reality example of how theory, concepts, and understandings can come to unveil new possibilities for how we lead and live our lives as mothers. I talk about the nuclear family and how it is held up as an 'ideal' in our society, the pulling down of facades, how the 'family' is socially constructed and our capacity to create fluidity in what the 'family' means, and the opportunity in unpacking social scripts that we inherit about what it means to be a mother. In the episode I mention the Council for Single Mothers and their Children - https://www.csmc.org.au/ and the 3min animation of The Fish Tank of Motherhood Model - https://drsophiebrock.com/thefishtankofmotherhood

73. How understanding the sociology of motherhood helped me step into my power as a single mother

This episode is designed to be a little tonic; a moment of presence and space to breathe. 

I am talking with Sophie Burch (aka The Mamma Coach).
Sophie is a mother, an author, founder and leader of the Beyond Birth Collective, an executive director and trainer for Perinatal Mental Health Training CIC, hypnobirthing practitioner, baby massage teacher, holistic and pregnancy massage therapist, and more. 
Sophie is on a mission to bring mental health awareness and emotional wellbeing practices into the lives of all parents, and in this episode she gives us some amazing strategies, tools and perspectives to really support us in our everyday experience of mothering. 

Sophie takes us through a beautiful process that can be used at any time which can create a sense of safety and calm. She also shares what to do when self-care feels like just another thing we have to add onto our to-do lists, and some ways we can tend to our nervous systems. 

You’ll hear about what Sophie has observed in mothers within her work, and the massive load they’re carrying. We look at what modern parenting means to us, and the significant shift in consciousness she has perceived recently. Sophie shares the one wish that she has for all parents in the world right now, and the importance of fostering self-connection and agency in our lives.

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Connect with Sophie: 
https://themammacoach.com/about
https://www.instagram.com/themammacoach/

Sophie's book, 'Beyond Birth: A Mindful Guide to Early Parenting': 
https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B08VYBPNKL?ref_=pe_3052080_397514860

Sophie's Mental Wellbeing Practitioner Certified Training:
https://themammacoach.com/beyond-birth-sign-up

74. Resourcing ourselves to carry the load of motherhood with Sophie Burch

This podcast episode is an unpacking and discussion of the recent Netflix production The Lost Daughter, based on the novel of the same name by the pseudonymous Italian novelist Elena Ferrante and directed by Maggie Gyllenhaal. The film explores the textured, complex, nuanced, challenging parts of the mothering experience and positioning of motherhood culturally. The themes explored shine a light on the shadow side of being a mother, the boundaries of maternal ‘transgressions’, and the experience of maternal ambivalence. 

To reflect on the film, I’m joined in conversation by Julianne Boutaleb, a passionate and highly experienced perinatal psychologist who has worked for over 15 years in the NHS and private practice with parents and parents-to-be and their babies. Julianne and I discuss the importance of this film in exploring the complex and raw portrayal of motherhood on our screens, something we so rarely see examined in such a demanding and articulate way. 

We look at mothering and the experience of maternal violence, peacemaking and repair, and explore the gap between the idealised version of motherhood versus what is real. We ask and explore questions such as - what do we do with the loss of the imagined future we had before having our children? What are ‘maternal transgressions’ of the ‘bad mother’ and who defines these? Who decides which are acceptable and which ones aren't? What stories and rules have we internalised as mothers, and where have these come from? What standards are we holding ourselves to as mothers? 

We look at the possibility of self-erasure and self-surveillance, and explore why it could be helpful to start with the basic premise that we are never going to always meet our child's emotional needs, and why perhaps that's not our job. 

This is a powerful episode full of interesting discussion on the cultural, social and deeply personal experience of mothering and the sacrifice, tension and fierce love involved. Acknowledging that this film can raise challenging, fraught, and sometimes painful responses in viewers, if you find aspects of this podcast conversation raises difficult feelings for you, please reach out for support.


Support lines
Australia - https://www.panda.org.au/ - 1300 726 306
UK - https://pandasfoundation.org.uk/ - 0808 1961 776
USA - https://www.postpartum.net/ - Text “Help” to 800-944-4773 (EN)


Podcast notes: 

Cultured magazine: ‘In the lost daughter mums are people too’ - Mariah Kreutter. 
https://www.culturedmag.com/article/2022/01/13/in-emthe-lost-daughter-em-moms-are-people-too
The Guardian: ‘How The Lost Daughter confronts one of our most enduring cultural taboos’ - Adrian Horton https://www.theguardian.com/film/2022/jan/05/the-lost-daughter-elena-ferrante-maggie-gyllenhaal-motherhood
Winnicott’s theory of A Good Enough Mother
Sara Ruddick; Feminist philosopher and the author of Maternal Thinking: Toward a Politics of Peace
Foucault and Jeremy Bentham’s panopticon 
Melanie Klein;  Austrian-British author and psychoanalyst known for her work in child analysis.

Who is the 'bad mother'? Unpacking The Lost Daughter with Julianne Boutaleb

Welcome to the first episode, where I share my vision and passion for this podcast. I explain the purpose behind The Good Enough Mother and give you 3 insights into how this podcast came about, why you may be interested in listening, and what aspects you will be able to connect with. I also answer the question of what IS a 'good enough mother'?

1. Welcome

What does it mean to be 'birthed' as a mother? I give a brief overview of the literature around the transformation of motherhood - one of the most significant transitions physically and psychologically that a woman will go through. I share with you some of my own story about transitioning to motherhood that happened in unusual and challenging circumstances.

2. Birthed as a Mother

What does empowered mothering mean and how do you become an empowered mother? I provide you the answers to this question, and offer tips and strategies for how we can embrace a practice of mothering that reclaims our strength, power, authenticity, and agency. I talk about feminism, privilege, and reveal some shocking statistics about the position of mothers in Australia today. This episode will demonstrate how embracing the practice of empowered mothering not only benefits individual mothers, but also their children and our society.

3. Empowered Mothering

Separating the science from the cultural constructs, and judgements from the lived reality, this episode dives into attachment theory as setting the building blocks for human development and relationships. But rather than giving a one-dimensional account of attachment, I examine some critiques that will challenge your thinking and have you questioning what you really believe to be true about attachment-style parenting. I offer my own response to these critiques and share a story about my own relationship with attachment parenting. I encourage you to break out of set mothering-boxes and enjoy nuanced discussion about the realities of mothering and attachment theory.

5. Attachment: Separating Science and Culture

Big emotions from our little humans can make this season of motherhood so challenging, and parenting from a place of respect and self-awareness can often feel like an uphill battle. In this episode I dispel some of the myths of toddlerhood to give you insight into neurologically typical, ‘normal’ developmental capacity for young children to regulate their emotions. I reveal why ‘tantrums’ are purposeful and why you might like to actually encourage them! I critique some of the ‘peaceful solutions’ sold to mothers that buy directly into the ‘good mother’ myth, while giving personal insight into my greatest ‘discipline’ challenge as a mother. This episode is designed to alleviate guilt, lessen feelings of stress and anxiousness around disciplining, and give you some step by step tools you can try out to ground you on a path of connection with both your child, and yourself.

11. Toddler Tantrums

This conversation is with Dr Oscar Serrallach, GP and author of the ground-breaking book, The Postnatal Depletion Cure. In both his clinical work, and as a father to his three children, Oscar has witnessed the enormous stress of modern motherhood and the health implications experienced by mothers. He has dedicated his career to addressing what he terms ‘postnatal depletion’. In this episode we discuss what postnatal depletion is, what causes it, as well as treatment and prevention strategies – which are both physiological and social. Dr Oscar discusses neuroinflammation and challenges mainstream understandings of maternal mood disorders, relaying important findings on how postnatal depression is distinct from depression experienced by those who are not mothers. He discusses the changes that happen to a mother’s brain during pregnancy and postnatally, and how our stress response system is impacted. Dr Oscar importantly frames these changes as a ‘superpower’ and highlights the critical importance of mothering-work. We talk about matrescence, why motherhood continues to be devalued, and what our hopes are for the future of maternal advocacy and change.

34. Postnatal Depletion as the Physiological and Social Cause of our Exhaustion

In this solo episode I reflect on the cultural construction of Motherhood as a ‘mask’ that we are expected to wear. We recognise, internalise and perform what it means to be a ‘good mother’ in our society. The power of this mask of Motherhood is that we are expected to wear it as our ‘natural’ state. It is supposed to come effortlessly, without complaint. We can convince ourselves while holding up the mask, that this is not only who we ‘are’ (or who we’re striving to be) but that holding up this mask is actually what is best for our children and families. We justify the pain and struggle by saying it is for them. I challenge this self-sacrificial narrative of martyrdom motherhood and talk about the process of revealing, discovering, and connecting with who we are, underneath the mask of Motherhood.

42. Revealing the Mask of Motherhood

In this episode I address what I believe are some misunderstandings about the concept and application of the ‘good enough’ mother as an approach to parenting. I recognise the subjective, complex, and changing use of language – as it is attached to meaning – and share some of the challenges involved in actually enacting a theory like this in our everyday lived reality as mothers. This involves defending the value of good enough mothering as an approach, and describing some of the benefits that it can offer to us and our children. I also discuss some of the costs of subscribing to intensive mothering ideology – or the ‘perfect mother myth’ – as motivation for us to consider integrating a ‘good enough mothering’ perspective. I share my own interpretation of what I see ‘good enough mothering’ to mean, which guides both my work with Mothers, and my own mothering of my daughter.

50. Addressing Misconceptions about Good Enough Mothering

The role of being a Mother offers us the potential for incredible expansion, growth, and power, while also being one of – if not THE – most challenging, undervalued, and taken for granted roles in the world. Motherhood Studies Sociologist, researcher, and single Mother, Dr Sophie Brock hosts The Good Enough Mother (TGEM) podcast with an aim to change how Motherhood is culturally defined and individually experienced. TGEM draws its name from a theorist and pediatrician Winnicott, who highlighted the ways ‘good enough’ parenting is actually what is best for our children – not perfectionism. The podcast centres the Mother as the starting point for conversations with experts and change-makers who are passionate about seeing social, cultural, and institutional change to better support Mothers and therefore our families, and communities.

The Good Enough Mother

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