Do you believe that movies about the old west are all true?  Well, if you're a kid reading dime-store novels back in the period where dime stores existed, then yes.  Yes, you do.  If you're anyone else at all, probably not.  But regardless, we're here to dispense the REAL truth, anyway.  That's right:  We occasionally dispense ideas other than legal advice.  It's rare, but it happens.

Episode 367 - The Old West Ain't What It Used to Be

Whomb amongst us hasn't wondered if our lives couldn't be improved with a little sex magick?  Why did they put that 'k' on the end, you ask?  Because cult leaders intentionally misspell and misuse words in order to rewire your brain into something that obeys them unthinkingly.  And because it looks cool.

Episode 387 - Scientists Sometimes Dabble in a Little Sex Magick

Enough fartin' around.  We've spent enough episodes "getting to know" the contestants already.  Let's get to the elimination episode.  That's what everyone watches these shows for.  Who's staying, who's going home?  That's what people want.  And that would be great if this were a competition reality show, but it's not.  Instead, it's a courtroom drama, and this is the big trial scene.  You wanted Survivor, but you got The Verdict.  At least this one has Paul Newman punching a lady square in the face.

Episode 388 - And Then There Were Three

Episode 389 - ...But Now There Are Four Again

Matt just has too damn many cold opens happen to him.  Basically nothing ever happens to me, so I have no cold opens to share.  Stuff is constantly happening to this guy Matt, though.  Sharing these happenings once per week is just not enough, and it's piling up.  He's in danger of a cave-in at this point, so he's got to spend a week to let them all loose.

Episode 390 - Oops!  All Openers Again!

Today we watch an entire 90-minute movie in 10 short minutes.  How do we do that?  By skipping all of the inessential parts.  How do we know which parts are inessential?  All 90 minutes of this movie were inessential, so it really doesn't matter what we watched or what we skipped.

Episode 391 - 10-Minute Movie Blitz

Ben went with another rambler this time.  Big shot, thinks he's so great, Mr. Doesn't-Have-To-Come-Up-With-A-Topic, ooh, look at me, I'm Ben, I can just show up and start talking.  Some bullshit, right there.

Episode 392 - Audio Assortment

Can you believe it?  It's the return of silly pitches!  If you listened to my brothers make fun of me a few episodes ago, I bet you can believe it.  Did it turn out to be a bad idea, just like they said?  You'll have to listen to find out!  But yes, it did.

Episode 393 - Eighteen Holes of Wackiness!!!

To traverse the landscape, learn to read the signs and signals.  The landscape, in this case, is the city, and the signs and signals are the various things you hear and smell in the city.  Especially the things you smell.  And basically all of them are bad.

Episode 394 - Aragorn, but for Your Daily Life

Every single successful thing (and many unsuccessful things) will inspire rip-offs.  Since the dawn of time, there have been people copying other people's ideas, but pretending they're brand new creations.  Even the Olympics have apparently inspired a rip-off event, which is what we discuss this week.  I wonder if in ancient Gaul they created their own ripoff of the ancient Greek Olympics?  I just answered my own question:  Of course they did.  And they were surely called the Gaulympics.  And they surely sucked.

Episode 395 - The Legally Distinct Summer Oh-limpix

If you have any familiarity with the Insane Clown Posse, it probably relates to the universally yearned-for answer to the greatest question of our age:  Fuckin' magnets, how do they work?  It should not surprise you in the least to learn that we do not answer that question in this week's episode.  That question is unanswerable.  We do answer some others, though, and to see if we answer something useful for a change, give this episode a listen.

Episode 396 - Fuckin' Podcasts, How Do They Work?

Are you a victim of work-related ennui, melancholy or mesothelioma? Free Legal Advice Podcast is here to serve YOU!

Episode 367 - The Old West Ain't What It Used to Be

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