Looking at the evening clouds 
It seems the rain is past us now
I guess the weather break’s a welcome change
Trying to find a place to go
This coffee shop is bound to close
The music’s nice but he can’t stay here all day

Getting out’s supposed to do you good
This cup’s been empty longer than it should

He don’t know the words to say
They wouldn’t matter anyway
He’s pretty sure she won’t pick up the phone
It’s a hell of a day to have to 
Be alone

As the night strains Neath the weight of the day
Blue transition’s into grey
the colors of the sky break one by one
It’s a beauty that he cannot see
Staring down watching his feet
There’s a weight pulling his eyes down 
To the ground

He’s never had the faith to understand
The power that sunsets have upon a man

He don’t know the words to say
They wouldn’t matter anyway
He’s pretty sure she won’t pick up the phone
It’s a hell of a day to have to 
Be alone

He walks the block again and again
The dogs so tired he can barely stand
He don’t know why he cannot walk away
The lonely bedroom light is on
His phone is hand but he can’t call
She deserves much better anyway 

Just right then as he looks up at the sky
The beauty strikes as tears fall from his eyes

He don’t know the words to say
They wouldn’t matter anyway
He’s pretty sure she won’t pick up the phone
It’s a hell of a day to have to 
Be alone

Hell Of A Day To Be Alone

I try my best to keep my mind
I keep it aimed between the lines
But I grow tired and drift  
From time to time
I can not keep control
There’s so much you cannot know
Between my thoughts of love and hurt
That I can’t bind 

Though I’ll miss your breath so sweet
I just feel so incomplete 
This anchor drags me drowning down below
As I clutch and claw my chest
I feel the heaving of your breast 
And these fears of mine just seem to up and go

I need to tell you please
All the things that bother me
I’ve been damaged
Like a hammer on a stone
I’m afraid though that you’ll go
So my dear you’ll never know
And I’ll show you only kindness
Till you walk out of the door. 

I touch your elbow and a lean
And I whisper something clean
And the smile upon your lips 
It lights your eyes
the hairs dance on your arms 
As I give way to your charms 
Lightly drenched with sweat 
on summer nights

But there’s something buried deep
And you feel it when I sleep
I’m so restless and my flesh shakes as I stir
I walk the floor to shake free
There is no consoling me
And you spend your nights alone though I am here  

I need to tell you please
All the things that bother me
I’ve been damaged
Like a hammer on a stone
I’m afraid though that you’ll go
So my dear you’ll never know
And I’ll show you only kindness
Till you walk out of the door.

There is no other way
I will love you till the day
That my soul departs and two hearts become one
All the distance that I’ve made
Through my lonely promenade 
As I try my best to say what I have done

When the soil consumes my flesh 
Years and years past my last breath
Only then will my time on this earth be done
And the stone that marks my name
It would be a goddamn shame
If it didn’t mention you, it’s carved for one

Walk Out Of The Door

Neath the stars and the moon
In the cold of the night
I drift off to dream of a long distant life
And in my dreams there’s no one
I’m standing all alone, 
Amid the rocks Upon the tide 
as the waves crash on the stones

And as the water hammers on
I stare into the sky
And I scream out in the nothing
As the ships they pass me by
And although no one can hear me
My voice is loud and clear
My lack of words should not be 
Misconstrued as insincere 

Just my breath on to your neck 
Before the sun rose
The hair is standing on my arms
The curling of my toes
The warmth of all your curves 
As they fit neatly into mine
If only you had ever knew 
the terrors in my mind
Now I lay me down 
So I can drift off to my sleep
I pray today that sleep will come
I hold you closer next to me
Cause in my dreams I’m broken 
And I’m sinking like a stone
But when my eyes are open 
I still have you to hold

Sleep it should be restful 
Sleep it should bring peace
But when I close my eyes my mind
Just brings me where I shouldn’t be
It’s like a wolf who waits for me
To walk out all alone
Stalking so that it can feed
Upon my flesh and bones

Another Sleep Song

Seated on a bench he taps the cracked screen of his phone
waiting for a call that just won’t come
It’s been a long time coming but it all came down at once
And the swirling feelings left and he’s now numb

There isn’t anything he could have said
She woke up with this feeling in her head

Now he’s out there looking for 
An answer for himself
And she’s at home 
With someone else

A bus stop is a hell of a place Dirty and a bit unsafe
But it’ll have to do just to sit and rest his bones
Looking in it might be true that maybe all this distance grew
But at the time he never would have known

When he walked out the door he couldn’t know
That would be the last time he’d see home

Now he’s out there looking for 
An answer for himself
And she’s at home 
With someone else

People grow and people change
And feelings never stay the same
But he never thought that he pushed her away
Maybe she’ll be happy now she deserves it anyhow
I guess he’ll have to find a place to stay

They say that time is supposed to heal it all
And pride is supposed to come before a fall

Now he’s out there looking for 
An answer for himself
And she’s at home 
With someone else

At Home With Someone Else

Try so hard to fix myself
But there’s no telling where 
The cracks begin
And goodness ends but then
I get a picture for
The best of friends to hang 
For when there’s times that 
They’ll remember me 
just for what I am

There’s no sound
Like when the thoughts bang round
And they’re chipping at your brain
I want to tell you that you’re beautiful
But I’ve lost the words to say

I’ll chew my nails and chase my tail
All for hopes of getting back
My childish dreams, my sobriety
And the confidence that I might lack

Oh no, I can’t take it back
Oh no, I can’t take it back

Oh the western winds
Are blowing in
And I don’t have a sail 
Oh well
Maybe I’ll just let the breeze 
Fall over me
And take my breath away
Just take my breath away

I Can't Take It Back

Zoning out is kind of just a thing 
That seems to happen
You just fall into a trance
Deep in your thoughts 
And people laughing
Snaps you out your little haze
And you remember where you are
At the corner of a shitty downtown bar

But thinking now objectively
There’s noting that’s been wasted
There’s a calm about the evening
And in many other places
You’d be chomping at the bit to get
Your feet from beneath the table
And head out toward the door
That’s not the case here
Things seem stable

And in a million nights
When we’re all just dust and bone
And there’s little evidence 
That we were ever here at all
No one will remember 
That a man sat here alone
And took pity on himself
While he stared down at his phone
Wishing that he had a hand to hold

His beer is getting warmer
As the bubbles rise and settle
And it’s just fifty cents a shell
The cheapest shit on special
As he sits and watches people
So he feels like he’s a part of
Someone else story
just not one that he’s the heart of

So much silly prattle
Really it’s just idle chatter
Small talk makes your eyes bleed
But it just doesn’t matter
It’s another way to pass the time
When you’ve got time to waste
Another reason to be sick 
Of this goddamn place

A music man walks in
And he tunes an old guitar
And he sings a few sad songs
And empties out the bar
And it’s just a goddamn shame
Because he’s really rather great
Those daytime drinkers 
don’t appreciate him

But you order up another shell
Prepare to settle down
This might what you’ve needed all along
You hum along he strums along
You pass the night away
This is the ending of a perfect day

A Million Nights

In the wide open
In the coming of the rain
The earthy smell
And the goosey flesh
Is a feeling you can’t replace
Teeth are gritting hungry
As they gnaw upon themselves
Blood runs cold
From what I know
I’m anxious from this hell

I’d like to take it back 
To where it all went wrong
But I don’t know
And so I just keep trying to hold on
I’m guessing there’s a tipping point
Where the river meets the tide
And once it pulls you under
You come out the otherside

Oh cold rain 
Wash way my woes
And hide these loathsome tears
So nobody knows
That I just want to cry out
In my anger and my pain
But if I did what would it fix
Not one damn thing would change

I can feel the first drops coming
And the dust is kicking up
And the sweet release of tension
breaks like startled buck
I stand and let the coolness
Cleanse me as it falls
It won’t fix my life
but I feel strong

Oh Cold Rain

It’s a pity that I squeeze
Every bit of anxious energy
From deep inside the heart of me
I wish I could feel free
But there’s an enemy that’s standing there
Harassing sensibilities

Take away my pride
And all that’s left is 
Jealousy and angst for me to hide behind
It’s sure been a wild ride
Holding all my insecurities
Like a banner they can march behind

I’ll just shut my mouth and sober up 
And go back home

And won’t you pretty please
Promise that you’ll tell me
When emotions get the best of me
It scares the shit for me
To give someone all of myself
With this kind of honesty

If I can’t take my time
Then I know I’ll fuck this up
Just like I in every other try
And it might be a line
But you look perfect in that dress
I can’t get you off my mind

I’ll just shut my mouth and sober up
And go back home

And what else could I do
When my gears have seem to broken
And they’re spilling out in front of you
Nothing is more true
Than the fact that I just wish my broken parts
Were good enough for you

There’s nothing on my mind
But trying to block out the sun
To keep the weeds running wild
And that would work a while
But it would also choke the goodness
Of the beauty that we have in life

I’ll just shut my mouth and sober up
And go back home

Go Back Home

I try my best to bide my time
But all I find is that my mind
Will wander away with me
That’s when I’m fucked you see
The voices carry away
And poison the guards 
Who have been guarding the walls
Soon they will open it all
And the gates will fall

And as I watch it crumble 
It never seems to fail
As more and more pours out the door 
I just can’t keep it back

And I don’t think I can stop myself
doing the things that I do
But I know what I do
Oh I know what I do
I don’t think I can hide my self
feeling the way that I feel
And I know that it’s real
Oh I know that it’s real

I know I’m getting nervous
And I know it’s getting late
these chemicals can’t keep 
the hordes of beasts asleep
I tiptoe through the pillars 
And I try not to awake
The hell inside of me
Avoid the great stampede

I Know What I Do Remix

Trying to forget the things 
That made me feel ashamed
You push them hard to block them out
But up the pipe they came
Like a toilet overflowing
When you’re trying to be discrete
Panicking you almost cry
As it flows down to your feet

I suppose you do the best you can 
to push out all those things
Whiskey helps a little
But they come back just the same
And in the times
When your mind
Is quiet after all
That’s when those feelings
Surely come to call

And when you’re laying in your bed
On later and lonely nights
Remember me and the way
I used to hold you tight
Because the quiet times are better
When I have you near
And I hope forty year from now 
you still feel the same my dear

Switching now to solemn things
Not memories of the past
But all the insecurities 
that good times cannot last
And looking at your picture now
I don’t want this to end
But someday we will die or tire
And we will part my friend

Forty Years

I crossed a line today
I went from safety to concern
I marched an army through my mind 
and climbed a hill to watch it burn

and I’m alive
I am alive but I’m not well
raze this city to the ground
and cleanse my self of this living hell

I want to sleep For weeks and weeks 
Chemicals to help me keep
The memories like stinging rain
Another whiskey kills the pain

And if I die before I wake
Be sure I have a proper wake
Let them say what they will say
Another whiskey kills the pain

I crossed a line today
I marched to battle and on my way
it’s just a memory
but feels like it’s all happening again

and I’m alive
but I can assure you not for long
we only rent this space
and turn to dirt as soon as we are gone

I want to sleep For weeks and weeks 
Chemicals to help me keep
The memories like stinging rain
Another shot to kill the pain

And if I die before I wake
Be sure I have a proper wake
Let them say what they will say
Another shot to kill the pain

Another Shot

SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK

These Six Bottles

I try my best to bide my time
But all I find is that my mind
Will wander away with me
That’s when I’m fucked you see
The voices carry away
And poison the guards 
Who have been guarding the walls
Soon they will open it all
And the gates will fall

And as I watch it crumble 
It never seems to fail
As more and more pours out the door 
I just can’t keep it all

And I don’t think I can stop myself
doing the things that I do
But I know what I do
Oh I know what I do
I don’t think I can hide my self
feeling the way that I feel
And I know that it’s real
Oh I know that it’s real

I know I’m getting nervous
And I know it’s getting late
these chemicals can’t keep 
the hordes of beasts asleep
I tiptoe through the pillars 
And I try not to awake
The hell inside of me
Avoid the great stampede

I Know What I Do

He wakes up to face the day
Puts on his shirt 
gets on his way
There’s miles to go
And that’s not going to change
Grabs his dog
Puts on his pack
Feels it’s weight upon his back
And knows that all he has
But that’s not strange

And no one says goodbye 
As he shuts the door
His footsteps sound so hollow 
on the floor

He looks down and checks his phone
He’s so damn tired of being alone
There’s no one left to call him anyway
These are lonely days
These are lonely days

The streets alive It’s quite a day
But he doesn’t see it In that way
He digs into his pocket for some change
Enough for toast and a cup of joe
his fingers circle round it slow
Maybe just the coffee who’s to know. 

He isn’t eating all that much these days
There’s no one there to talk to anyways

He looks down and checks his phone
He’s so damn tired of being alone
There’s no one left to call him anyway 
These are lonely days
These are lonely days

He puts some miles behind him now
He’s got to get out of this town
What’s the difference between there or here
She’s never ever coming back
There’s no point in looking back
Moving on there’s nothing left back there

Just as something ends something begins
The dog licks the salty water from chin

He looks down and checks his phone
He’s so damn tired of being alone
There’s no one left to call him anyway
These are lonely days
These are lonely days

Lonely Days

Bending weak down at the knee
I wipe my eyes so I can see
The sweat just seems to pour from me
Though my heart it only races as I
Find myself down in this hole
A common sickness of my soul
I cannot do this on my own
I’m down to my last nerve

There was a time of tougher men
With fisticuffs and whiskey blends
I fear we can’t go back again 
Though maybe we’re much better off with
All the problems looming here
Drowning them is insincere 
It never kept me from a beer
I drop into a tavern oh

I lift my glass and raise a toast 
To the father, son and holy ghost
Though they never comfort in my time of need
I sure wish I was a sure of myself
As some of you seem to be
But that’s not me
Oh I tell you that’s not me

The feeling of just blending in
The whiskey and the oozing pains
Of sitting in this stool and trying just to fade
Into the scenery
The old men they all talk their game
about pretty girls and coming rain
And babble like a gossip page
of a bygone day

The night draws on my life persists
And all the things that go with it
And you are on my mind and this 
Is all that I can think of truly
I step outside, I’ve had enough
I use the wall to hold me up
I’ve calmed down but can’t stand up 
The irony never eludes me

That's Not Me

My heads a mess I text you but 
You don’t hit back I call you up
But who even does that bullshit anymore
A forty and a half a pint
I walk the streets and I just might
Find the courage I never had before

For several hours I walk the road
Just to wander, I just can’t go home
every mile keeps me out of sight
I need a place to stop and think 
I go into a bar for a drink 
It’s not my scene but I guess I will tonight

I don’t have the faith I had before
And you don’t have the eyes for me 
You did when we were seventeen
I don’t have the stomach to keep 
My shit together every day
But that’s ok
I hope I’m still a good man anyway

And these Old men sit and tell their lies
By the light of a broke beer sign
The stale beer and the memories of the damned
The juke box plays a Motown song
I don’t look up but I hum along
My empty glass says “here be broken men"

It’s way to late it’s time to go 
I have to leave but can’t go home
I walk along the river for a time
I watches the bridges raise and lower
The ships they come, and then they go
My souls too heavy I stop to sit a while

Good Man

I wish that I could tell you 
But you probably can’t relate
So I’ll just bite my tongue
I know these things can wait
If I had a friend to understand
Would I say I'm doing fine?
Maybe I can tell myself
Some time 

Buy the boys down at the bar a round
Tell them that we’ll whoop it up 
The next time I’m in town

And if you see that son of a bitch 
Just tell him I’m doing fine
I know that that’s a lie
It’s hard to tell sometimes

It sucks to be tossed out in the cold
With nothing to call your own
Without a plan 
and your dick in your hand
To try and figure it out alone 
They felt they did right by you
Even though it felt all wrong
You know some day the reckoning 
Will come along

So go ahead and put your white dress on
Your mother says that you can’t do that
But your mothers always wrong

And if you see that son of a bitch 
Just tell him I’m doing fine
I know that that’s a lie
It’s hard to tell sometimes

They never really knew you 
The way they treated you was a shame
Cause they always tried to 
make you hate yourself 
While you shouldered all the blame
Even though it pains you to say
They loved you in their own way
Which is why you still ain’t been back
To this day

Try to think about me while I’m gone
Go turn on the radio
And find a dancing song

And if you see that son of a bitch 
Just tell him I’m doing fine
I know that that’s a lie
It’s hard to tell sometimes

I'm Doing Fine

From the first time that I saw you there 
Your ballet grace and your long blonde hair
I wanted you to want me just the same
I didn’t know or understand 
I was just a boy, not yet a man
Couldn’t look you in the eye 
when I spoke your name

I could write a thousand love songs
But I’m sure the words would come out all wrong
And I’d never really say what I mean to say
I’ll be here if you’ll just let me
If not, just don’t forget me
I’ll keep your picture with me every day

Stupid kids breaking all the rules
I was immature but I was no fool
I swore I’d love you in each every way
I’d trade skateboard shoes and a boutonnière
For these desert boots and a bandolier 
And promised I would write you every day

Now I’m loaded down with all my dreams
They weren’t the same when I was 23
A boy he left
when he breaks and becomes a man
Twenty years on and nothing’s changed
My fear is gone but just the same
And when I lay awake 
it’s your heart I want to tame

Thousand Love Songs

Come sit down by the fire
And warm your hands in mine
This winter’s cold
And truth be told
I just want you near by
Through all these years
My only fear is that 
your love grows cold
So come and warm 
your hands in mine
I only want you close

I can’t make the sun rise
Or pull the moon across the sky
But what I can do I’d do for you 
Any place or time. 
If I had to move a mountain
One stone at a time
For you I’d move those stones
Every day Until I died

I regret that all I have to give
Comes from these two hands
I know it’s all been said before
But I guess I’ll just say it once again
You’re my best and only friend
And you will be till the end

For all these years
I haven’t been the strongest 
I can be
Sometimes I’m an island and 
I’m distant in the sea
I promise you can use me 
to weather any storm
So take my hands 
I swear my love 
I’ll keep you warm

Best And Only Friend

Lo-fi tracks made for fun. Sad songs are like a good friend. They keep you company in the darkest times. 

I like hearing whatever sounds good. Share your journey with me.

Mad Beard

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