I don’t want to, but I may have to
I want to stay, but I think I have to leave
You were my everything, and you still are
But a mind can only go so far
From comfort and into pain
To where I’m drowning in rain
In my head I feel sadness
My body feels weak
Whenever I come to think of you all I want to do is shake
We used to see each other all the time, but now weeks go by
You say I should be grateful that I can see you tonight
You want me to comfort you, but only when you please
Yet it’s I that needs comforting
I have to beg on my knees
You say that you do too much
You’re just tired and sore
I know that I am too, but I’ll be right at your door
When you need me
When you want me
I’m always there for you
But if I need or want you I know I’ll be alone in my room
Staring at the walls again
Waiting for a sign that you might want to see me
But it’s not as easy to find as it was back in the day
When everything was still okay
When it still seemed like you loved me, and you reminded me everyday
That you did
That you will
Always and forever
But I didn’t know forever went so far downhill
Does it change its shape?
It’s presence in my life?
Cause the love that you say isn’t the same to my eyes
It seems forced, pen to paper
But you ran out of ink
Now you had to think about everything
So you scribbled and you shook to get out that last drop
But all that you could write was a single fucking dot
It was a period
It was the end of our lovely pen
I hoped that we’d refill, but you had other plans
Instead of fixing all the issues you let them sit and rot
Now we have this letter and all of our empty thoughts
Why can’t I talk it out?
Why can’t I speak to you?
Cause I know it wouldn’t matter
What would I get from you?
An empty stare?
Projected blame?
Everything will stay the same
Cause you know I couldn’t leave you
You know that I hoped we’d find a way
Cause I told you forever and always, and you said the same
But I’ve always kept my promises
I can’t recall you’ve made a single one for me
Cause you’ve always said forever is a long time and I don’t know how it’d be
I watched you distance yourself for days, weeks, and months
To the point where I’m not the one that you’re waiting on
You have friends
You have buddies
You’d see over me
But I guess that’s just the way things go
Everyone leaves eventually
Everyone leaves eventually when it comes to me

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