from one, many

playlist

is this it?

best songs(playlist)

rot (sped up)

just another ambient song. if you want to hear my music with alot more to it, please check out the 21 different "nothing is real" albums <3
https://soundcloud.com/tidecruz/sets/the-nothings

my best playlist

everything would have been different

no one wants to be themselves

loss of self

nothing is real, part 21.1

my head is empty

all songs like this

shadow of my former self

this song was written during treatment in a particularly bad time. right now things are worse, but this was different. whenever i get new lesions in my brain, they attempt to close them using a powerful steroid called "prednisone". no, not like steroids body builders use, these target cuts in my brain that form and essentially singe them closed. after 30+ lesions i stopped counting them and stopped asking. i don't even want to know how trashed my brain is at this point. but anyways, they give me a very high dose of this. usually 1250mg. all i can really say is, it feels like you just drank 10 cups and coffee and a couple redbulls in one sitting. it feels like your blood is made of battery acid. its pretty much impossible to sleep, and i have to take these dosages for several days. sometimes for 25 days straight, at 25 pills a day gradually reducing the dosage by 1 pill a day. anyways. in these times, my insomnia becomes much worse. i already cannot sleep, but during these treatments sleep is out of the question. ill go a bit insane from sleep deprivation. in these times im looking so desperately for a sense of calm. a sense of peace or serenity. all i could really do is try to make a calm or beautiful sounding song to give myself something. not something id already made, but just exactly what i needed to hear at that time, and i guess this was that song. i never released this one, but things have been especially bad lately again, and i heard this track again and realized it helps me just as much now as it did then. maybe its time to share it, and maybe someone out there will feel the peace i do, when listening <3 big love to you all. thank you for reading, and listening .

nothing is real, part XVI

album

prednisone song

thanks for listening<3 i hope you'll check out more of my music like this song.
this song + all my ambient tracks on my playlist here
soundcloud: soundcloud.com/tidecruz/sets/my-head-is-ambient
spotify version: open.spotify.com/playlist/4IB4U1ieSUcEor3LQkOAIy

who will save us

i wish i had more time

no real job for months
no attempts to look for one
playing nature videos on the tele
no friends to see today sadly
dear diary did you miss me ?
pages turning yellow
me temper cooling mellow
outside the rain falls
inside i put my jacket on
jasmine tea with milk and honey
i sure do miss my family

diary

diary

familyphotos

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