Seasons one through four of the Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast.

The Bad Puns and Machine Guns Podcast: Seasons 1-4

Originally posted 11/18/2015

Hey, do you want to be a farmer? Well here's a couple of wise-acres talking about Last Action Hero! On the very first episode of the Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast, we speculate about the cause of Last Action Hero's financial failure, discuss the surprisingly-high body count of one of Arnold's most kid-friendly vehicles, debate Laurence Olivier's effectiveness as a Polaroid spokesman, and take full credit for Charles Dance's entire career.

Bad Puns & Machine Guns

Episode 1 - Big Mistake? (Last Action Hero)

Originally posted 12/2/2015

Don't touch that dial, we're back for another episode of the Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast! We haven't been podcasting long, but we're quick learners, and we're here to give the people what we think they want: our conversation about The Running Man. In this episode we try to make sense of the ever-shifting rules of the most popular television program in history, attempt to determine the mathematical relationship between sub-zero and plain zero, and discuss other heavy objects that Arnold might carry over his shoulder.

Episode 2 - The Great Grappling Governors (The Running Man)

Originally posted 12/16/2015

Nature and nurture are on a deadly collision course in the latest episode of the Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast, as we discuss Twins, Hollywood's most feel-good take on the subject of eugenics yet. In this episode we discuss Arnold Schwarzenegger's abilities as a comedic actor, marvel at the movie's similarities with 1988's Best Picture winner, and offer up our own rules for crisis situations everywhere.

Episode 3 - A Mixture of Action Und Comedy (Twins)

Originally posted 12/30/2015

Alright everyone, chill... the latest episode of the Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast is here! Tonight's forecast: we turn our icy gaze towards the Dark Knight's most lighthearted romp, Batman & Robin! Mike and Kevin examine Hollywood's polar-opposite approach to comic book movies in the 90s, give the cold shoulder to Alfred's choice in computer passwords, and examine the chilling year in film that was 1997, all while enduring a veritable avalanche of puns.

Episode 4 - We Just Killed the Franchise (Batman & Robin)

Originally posted 1/13/2016

Listen all of y'all, it's another episode of the Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast! Join us as we discuss Sabotage, a movie that asks: whodunit, and who cares? In this episode. Mike and Kevin attempt to make sense of one of the most senseless film in Arnold Schwarzenegger's filmography, ponder the effectiveness of the Sacagawea dollar as a death threat, and contemplate Arnold's most nefarious foe yet: Microsoft Excel.

Episode 5 - Forty-Eight Percent (Sabotage)

Originally posted 1/27/2016

We hope you brought your appetite for the latest episode the Bad Puns & Machine Guns podcast, because today’s main course is our discourse about Stay Hungry! We’ll be serving up our take on Arnold Schwarzenegger’s entree into Hollywood, as we stew over the social acceptability of giving and receiving high-tens, peel back the layers of our banjo-playing philosophizing bodybuilding hero, whip up comparisons between Stay Hungry and Caddyshack, until finally coming to a boil over the zaniest bunch of bodybuilders in Birmingham. Bon appetit!

Episode 6 - The Most Interesting Man in Mr. Universe (Stay Hungry)

Originally posted 2/10/2016

The latest episode of the Bad Puns & Machine Guns podcast is here! Today we take a look at Eraser, the film which caused Arnold Schwarzenegger's movie career to vanish before our very eyes. In this episode we discuss Hollywood's naive depiction of terrorism in 1996, marvel at the ineptitude of the Warner Brothers legal department, witness the arrival of film's CGI revolution in the form of some very poorly-animated alligators, and take an extremely deep dive into the very self-congratulatory IMDB biography of one of Eraser's most bit-part actors.

Episode 7 - The Wrath of Caan (Eraser)

Originally posted 2/27/2016

Come with me if you want to listen to the latest episode of the Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast, as we terminate our first season with the film that started it all: The Terminator! In this episode we discuss Arnold Schwarzenegger's first appearance in his most iconic role, view The Terminator through the lens of the slasher genre, speculate about the methods by which mankind discovered terminator halitosis, and witness the apocalyptic horror that is 1980s fashion.

Episode 8 - Kyle Reese's Day Off (The Terminator)

Originally posted 4/6/2016

In the latest episode of the Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast we take a break from our break to discuss McBain, the Christopher Walken action film that's in no way related to any cartoon caricatures of any Austrian action heroes whatsoever.

Bonus - Santos's Little Helper (McBain)

Originally posted 5/18/2016

The Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast returns for its brand new season by letting off some steam about Commando! On this episode, Mike and Kevin discuss the movie that set the template for many Schwarzenegger movies to come, pitch a Weekend at Bernie's sequel that never was, speculate about the nutritional content of Jenny's mystery sandwiches, and debate the usefulness of Speedos in combat situations.

Episode 9 - The Look of Chainmail, The Comfort of Macrame (Commando)

Originally posted 6/1/2016

The Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast completes its trilogy of rain-forest revenge tales with our discussion about Collateral Damage! In this episode we draw comparisons with Arnold's prior excursions south of the border, examine the implications of releasing a movie about terrorism five months after 9/11, and speculate about the contents of terrorists' junk drawers, all while struggling to recall the details of one of Arnold's least memorable films.

Episode 10 - El Gringo Grande (Collateral Damage)

Originally posted 6/15/2016

The Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast is back to discuss Maggie, the movie that dragged Little Miss Sunshine down into the darkness. In this episode we witness Arnold Schwarzenegger's acting career rise from its grave, discuss the similarities between Schwarzenegger's and Stallone's careers in 2015, and speculate about the usefulness of Columbo's detective skills in a zombie apocalypse.

Episode 11 - Pushing Up Daisies (Maggie)

Originally posted 6/29/2016

Verhoeven a wonderful time on the latest episode of the Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast! Join us as we discuss Total Recall, the movie that finally proves the adage that if you don't stop making that face, it's going to stick. Mike and Kevin discuss the similarities between Johnny Cab and Siri, speculate about the details of the Rekall Corporation's alternative travel packages, and decide what is and is not an appropriate time for corn flakes, all while trying to avoid getting distracted by repeated sidebars about NBA basketball. Mars! It's FANtastic!

Episode 12 - Hauser? I Hardly Richter! (Total Recall)

Originally posted 7/13/2016

The Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast is back to discuss Red Sonja, the sword-and-sorcery "epic" which held the power to destroy an entire movie genre by storm and earthquake. In this episode, Mike and Kevin split hairs about the definition of "scenic route", note the similarities between Hyborian wizards and children's show co-hosts, and suggest a list of alternative killing machine ideas, all while making countless comparisons to Game of Thrones. Ciao!

Episode 13 - Kalidornication (Red Sonja)

Originally posted 7/27/2016

You can hear our talk, but you cannot watch it on the latest episode of the Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast! Join us as we endure Hercules in New York, Arnold Schwarzenegger's first movie, and by some miracle, not his last. In this episode we discuss the remarkable feats of athleticism that Hercules performs entirely while off-screen, critique Zeus's ineffectual managerial technique, scrutinize Professor Camden's motives for wanting to get to know Hercules better, and shower praise on the most committed hot dog vendor in the history of New York. I have spoken!

Episode 14 - Bears Who Wear Shoes (Hercules in New York)

Originally posted 8/10/2016

This week's lesson plan for the Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast is an in-depth analysis of Kindergarten Cop, the movie which proved to the academic community that no number of textbooks will ever equal the teaching power of a single deafening whistle. On this episode, Mike and Kevin debate the semantic differences between a one-way mirror and a two-way mirror, marvel at a five-year-old child's remarkable grasp on the finer points of the banking industry, and discuss John Kimble's investigation (or lack thereof) into the nefarious crime of hamster poisoning.

Episode 15 - Bears Who Go Shopping (Kindergarten Cop)

Originally posted 8/24/2016

In an insane world, the Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast is the sanest choice, so join us as we discuss the crown jewel of Arnold Schwarzenegger's filmography, Terminator 2: Judgment Day! On this episode we debate whether T2 is the rare movie sequel that's superior to the original, speculate about the T-800's off-screen flower-shopping excursions, measure human casualties using decimals, and witness the apocalyptic horror of dayglo-orange Zubaz.

Episode 16 - The Greatest Action Story Ever Told (Terminator 2: Judgment Day)

Originally posted 10/5/2016

Accept no substitutes in the latest episode of the Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast, as we discuss the Schwarzenegger-less direct-to-video Kindergarten Cop sequel the entire world was clamoring for: Kindergarten Cop 2! In this episode we give the screenwriters a failing grade, we present our comparative analysis in relation to the seminal 80s classic Mac and Me, and we take a field trip to the land of bad impressions.

Bonus - P Is for Pineapple (Kindergarten Cop 2)

Originally posted 10/19/2016

The Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast returns for a brand new season, and jeez we've got a big episode! Jeez we've got a big episode as we discuss Predator, the movie where the handshakes are as explosive as the hand grenades. On this episode, Mike and Kevin play favorites with Dutch's crew, discuss Jean-Claude Van Damme's lucid performance, and speculate about the Predator's possible anti-American sentiment, before finally dropping themselves into the movie meat grinder that was 1987.

Episode 17 - The Great Gatling Governors (Predator)

Originally posted 11/2/2016

The Cold War heats up in the latest episode of the Bad Puns and Machine Guns podcast as we discuss Red Heat, the Arnold Schwarzenegger movie where destruction is always mutually assured. In this episode, Mike and Kevin give a local perspective on Red Heat's depiction of Chicago, marvel at CPD's casual attitude towards their Soviet interlopers, learn about the nefarious crime of currency speculation, and scratch their heads over the state of motel pornography in the 1980s.

Episode 18 - A Game of Chicken Kiev (Red Heat)

Two friends attempt to determine once and for all which action star has the highest body count in movie history -- currently, by watching every Sylvester Stallone movie one at a time. Formerly the Bad Puns and Machine Guns Podcast.

The Bad Puns and Machine Guns Podcast: Seasons 1-4

Arms Race Podcast