i always find myself sifting through the photos scattered on our pink carpet floor
you always find the same damn one of me sitting on my kitchen floor
covered in temporary dragoon tattoos, hanging with pastel balloons
but it's not alright, sometimes the dragon would grow inside
and it's not alright, you made it so dark i could never see the light
i feel the panic growing inside, will you sit with me on my roof tonight
i always found myself with a book climbing high in oak trees just to feel alone
and now you decide to cut down my only home away from home
and it's not alright, i'll never let go of anything in sight
it's not alright, i'll assign meaning to the smallest things in life
i feel the sadness grow inside, will you lay with me in my tent tonight
i always found myself in a blanket fort playing games on a CRT
i would always honestly do anything to escape my reality
and that's not alright, i'll never face a thing in my life
and that's not alright, things have always been this way i think i'll never escape
i feel despondence grow inside, will you dance with me at a show tonight

balloons

i'm pinching everything with clothespins
i won't forget the pain of seeing you forget
we spend our whole lives building something
but it always comes to this
plastic straws and styrofoam cups
a voice in my head saying just give up
because you were wholesome and sweet, i am dirty and cheap
you were everything that i wish that i could be
so speak to me with violins
and bottle up all of your deepest regrets
the clouds in our heads are crushing
it makes it harder to exist
plastic straws and styrofoam cups
a voice in my head saying just give up
because you were wholesome and sweet, i am dirty and cheap
you were everything that i wish that i could be
so show me love and set me free
you were everything that i wish that i could be

where do you see yourself 10 years ago

clothespins

losing your voice (full band, demo)

swordtails (full band, demo)

i hope that you're good
or at least feeling the way that you know you should
because when all i wanted was a reason to stop believing
you were there for me in the freezing cold saying
"please don't leave, let's smoke another bowl"

its an l for an l let the pain unfold
theres a letter on the table signed with marigolds
i've been writing my retrospective on being constantly neglected
but now i know
it's just a matter of perspective and i'm finally letting go

like i know that i should
this year i wrote a stagnant storyline, it took a lot of time
to find a reason to live my life when you had disregard for mine
so whatever this is i don't know, but i finally feel like i'm the one in control

its an l for an l let me gain control
i never that that this feeling would ever lose its hold
i'm sick of being so deflective and holding in all of my affection
but now i know
it's just a matter of time and it's better tomorrow

warm shoulders

something better
you're always finding something better than me
i don't know whether or not if it is all of my fault
or just a clever way to say
"you'll never be in love and belong"
fuck
you didn't know this all along?
so i'll pull the sheets over my head
i guess i'm staying in my bed instead
it's not worth your time
sometimes time is worth more dead than alive
and i know that you thought that this was all of your fault
or that you always overthink
"a childhood that i can't recall"
fuck,
do i know myself at all?
i'll pull the sheets over my head
i guess i'm staying in my bed instead
i know that it's not you
i know that it's not me too
it's probably just the shit that we have been through
and it sucks that we have to face it alone
we've worn the same pair of shoes
it's broken all of our toes
it fucking sucks
i finally felt like home
and we'd continue to grow
but i'm back to all i've known
i know that it's not you

postponed

space heaters for cold souls
i've been replacing my house plants with plastic
deleting pictures off my phone
putting blankets and pillows deep into my attic
because all sense of comfort is fleeting
and this tape of your voice is in my head repeating
"patience is key, you'll be happy someday"
but look at me, with the wind in the trees
why can't that be today
"have faith that it will all be okay,
we'll just have to find some way to just find ourselves another way"
just think of what it was like before you met me
folded maps spread across my floor
i've been replacing my tap water with beer
no matter where i go i'll feel alone
turn my tv to static for atmosphere
because all sense of comfort is fleeting
and this tape of your voice is in my head repeating
"patience is key you'll be happy someday"
but look at me with the wind in the trees
why can't that be today
have faith that it will all be okay
we'll just have to find some way to just find ourselves another way
just think of what it was like before you met me
well shit, i guess i can try
i've been cursed with trauma early in my life
waking up and wondering why
constantly looking for flaws in myself
find a hint of meaning in somebody else
any connection i've felt has a predetermined time
that i become a bummer or a total bore
and talking to me becomes a chore
maybe time will heal but now i feel like i am stuck in a landslide
and i don't know how to cope
i'll take any distraction that i know
take me as i am and leave me how i was
you said a pit of snakes wouldn't change us
i thought that i was finally in love
you were everything in the world to me but i was never enough
you said it's nothing to do with me
i think that i have to disagree
i never loved myself and i won't forget this
and i won't forget this
and i won't forget this

before you met me

balloons demo

#1 (watermedown cover)

hey i record sad songs in my room on my phone
i just needed some kind of outlet
plz download a track and leave a holla

these are just my rough recordings for now

dingus