This is my first recorded poem . Weirdy like obssesion . The caption is weird and i love the attention it will grab


● Weirdy like obsession 

Poem


● [ weirdy like obsession ]


This is how a weird like obsession feels
I am in a point in life 
A point in life where my feelings are heavier than my weight
Whereby my tears are louder than my voice
Whereby my existence is not appreacited 






I have alot of achievements 
At the same time i feel like they are valueless
No matter how much worth is given to me 
It seems like it's not enough 
My feelings are not appreciative
They will constantly remind me of how useless i am
Because of that one soul who can't notice me






I tried forgetting the him
But the situation becomes my everyday memory
Is it possible for feelings to have so much value
Or is it because i am a certified worthless soul?
I tried letting go
I swear i did 
I knew this was no longer me 
I was living my very own hell life







Suicide became my solution
Depression is my first name
Obsession i am
Controlled i am
What is my value?
Wearing a fake mask is my best  act




Don't tell me about getting rid if pain
I am a victim of swallowing pain killers everyday 
I wanna ask which pain does it kill
Got to my attention ,  pain killers couldn't do my work
Consumed alot of pillls to make them work 
As smart as i am i started overdosing 
Thinking the problem might be i was taking less painkillers
Whenever i called him
Tears came running 
I had shower 
So that none see my tears 
I had to stay there drowning myself
Until i felt i was perfect 
None of that got his attention 







The second solution was in hanging myself 
Like i said feeling useless wasn't my choice 
Like i said being worthless wasn't my choice 
So i had to hang myself 
Hang myself so that when the air comes in
I will be controlled by the air
It's not like i am not used to being controlled







Tried running from suicide 
Suicide came running back to me
I sleep alot to forget  
Cause ... Cause bruh
Bounced in this weirdy like obsession 
Ruining myself to prove my love
I swear if i could
I will surely erase this obsession 






Cause no matter how much i get rejected 
I still feel hope
In a situation where i should feel hopeless
I go back running to the very same person
To the very same person who ruins me everyday







His words hurts 
His rejection is powerful than a gunshot
I am highly dissapointed 
I am disgusted by the way i am being controlled on how to feel




If i die
Dear friends and family
Please let him be the one to let my coffin down
It wouldn't be the first time being turned down by him anyway 
If ever i die
Please ask him why i had to sufer soo much 
Yes i was walking
But my soul died a long time ago

ishita_Sindani