Read the original story here: http://noseriouslyblog.com/2017/02/composing-a-ransom-note-to-the-tooth-fairy/

I’m Jen. I am a mom, wife, daughter, friend and often times the bad influence your mom warned you about. I am good with words, numbers and dysfunctional people. I tend to find humor in situations that aren’t really funny and I laugh at my own jokes.

 I have a 5 year old daughter named Riley who is awesome (if you don’t believe me, you can ask her yourself) and a husband, John, who is a saint (again, if you don’t believe me…). I married well. He did not. We laugh a lot in our house, mostly at our own jokes.

Some fun facts about me:
I graduated from Michigan State University. If you yell “Go green!” at me I will respond with “Go white!” (especially if you are the guy in front of Whole Foods handing me a flyer about global warming)
I used to own and operate an independent record label. I learned a lot of things during that time of my life including how to survive on coffee and sarcasm.
I don’t drink, smoke or do drugs (anymore). As Ian MacKaye would say “I’ve gone straight edge”.
I love fast cars. “Gone in 60 Seconds” does for me what “Magic Mike” does for most middle aged women.
I am a CPA. Okay, so all of the facts were not really that fun.

Composing a Ransom Note to the Tooth Fairy - No, Seriously...Audio Blog

Read the original story here: http://noseriouslyblog.com/2017/02/cutting-the-chord/

I’m Jen. I am a mom, wife, daughter, friend and often times the bad influence your mom warned you about. I am good with words, numbers and dysfunctional people. I tend to find humor in situations that aren’t really funny and I laugh at my own jokes.

 I have a 5 year old daughter named Riley who is awesome (if you don’t believe me, you can ask her yourself) and a husband, John, who is a saint (again, if you don’t believe me…). I married well. He did not. We laugh a lot in our house, mostly at our own jokes.

Some fun facts about me:
I graduated from Michigan State University. If you yell “Go green!” at me I will respond with “Go white!” (especially if you are the guy in front of Whole Foods handing me a flyer about global warming)
I used to own and operate an independent record label. I learned a lot of things during that time of my life including how to survive on coffee and sarcasm.
I don’t drink, smoke or do drugs (anymore). As Ian MacKaye would say “I’ve gone straight edge”.
I love fast cars. “Gone in 60 Seconds” does for me what “Magic Mike” does for most middle aged women.
I am a CPA. Okay, so all of the facts were not really that fun.

Cutting the Cord - No, Seriously...Audio Blog

Read the original story here: http://noseriouslyblog.com/2017/02/dont-be-a-bergen/

I’m Jen. I am a mom, wife, daughter, friend and often times the bad influence your mom warned you about. I am good with words, numbers and dysfunctional people. I tend to find humor in situations that aren’t really funny and I laugh at my own jokes.

 I have a 5 year old daughter named Riley who is awesome (if you don’t believe me, you can ask her yourself) and a husband, John, who is a saint (again, if you don’t believe me…). I married well. He did not. We laugh a lot in our house, mostly at our own jokes.

Some fun facts about me:
I graduated from Michigan State University. If you yell “Go green!” at me I will respond with “Go white!” (especially if you are the guy in front of Whole Foods handing me a flyer about global warming)
I used to own and operate an independent record label. I learned a lot of things during that time of my life including how to survive on coffee and sarcasm.
I don’t drink, smoke or do drugs (anymore). As Ian MacKaye would say “I’ve gone straight edge”.
I love fast cars. “Gone in 60 Seconds” does for me what “Magic Mike” does for most middle aged women.
I am a CPA. Okay, so all of the facts were not really that fun.

Don't be a Bergen - No, Seriously...Audio Blog

Read the original story here: http://noseriouslyblog.com/2017/03/betty-crocker/

I’m Jen. I am a mom, wife, daughter, friend and often times the bad influence your mom warned you about. I am good with words, numbers and dysfunctional people. I tend to find humor in situations that aren’t really funny and I laugh at my own jokes.

 I have a 5 year old daughter named Riley who is awesome (if you don’t believe me, you can ask her yourself) and a husband, John, who is a saint (again, if you don’t believe me…). I married well. He did not. We laugh a lot in our house, mostly at our own jokes.

Some fun facts about me:
I graduated from Michigan State University. If you yell “Go green!” at me I will respond with “Go white!” (especially if you are the guy in front of Whole Foods handing me a flyer about global warming)
I used to own and operate an independent record label. I learned a lot of things during that time of my life including how to survive on coffee and sarcasm.
I don’t drink, smoke or do drugs (anymore). As Ian MacKaye would say “I’ve gone straight edge”.
I love fast cars. “Gone in 60 Seconds” does for me what “Magic Mike” does for most middle aged women.
I am a CPA. Okay, so all of the facts were not really that fun.

Betty Crocker - No, Seriously...Audio Blog

Read the original story here: http://noseriouslyblog.com/2017/03/pianist/

I’m Jen. I am a mom, wife, daughter, friend and often times the bad influence your mom warned you about. I am good with words, numbers and dysfunctional people. I tend to find humor in situations that aren’t really funny and I laugh at my own jokes.

 I have a 5 year old daughter named Riley who is awesome (if you don’t believe me, you can ask her yourself) and a husband, John, who is a saint (again, if you don’t believe me…). I married well. He did not. We laugh a lot in our house, mostly at our own jokes.

Some fun facts about me:
I graduated from Michigan State University. If you yell “Go green!” at me I will respond with “Go white!” (especially if you are the guy in front of Whole Foods handing me a flyer about global warming)
I used to own and operate an independent record label. I learned a lot of things during that time of my life including how to survive on coffee and sarcasm.
I don’t drink, smoke or do drugs (anymore). As Ian MacKaye would say “I’ve gone straight edge”.
I love fast cars. “Gone in 60 Seconds” does for me what “Magic Mike” does for most middle aged women.
I am a CPA. Okay, so all of the facts were not really that fun.

The Pianist - No, Seriously...Audio Blog

Read the original story here: http://noseriouslyblog.com/2017/04/dont-poke-bear/

I’m Jen. I am a mom, wife, daughter, friend and often times the bad influence your mom warned you about. I am good with words, numbers and dysfunctional people. I tend to find humor in situations that aren’t really funny and I laugh at my own jokes.

 I have a 5 year old daughter named Riley who is awesome (if you don’t believe me, you can ask her yourself) and a husband, John, who is a saint (again, if you don’t believe me…). I married well. He did not. We laugh a lot in our house, mostly at our own jokes.

Some fun facts about me:
I graduated from Michigan State University. If you yell “Go green!” at me I will respond with “Go white!” (especially if you are the guy in front of Whole Foods handing me a flyer about global warming)
I used to own and operate an independent record label. I learned a lot of things during that time of my life including how to survive on coffee and sarcasm.
I don’t drink, smoke or do drugs (anymore). As Ian MacKaye would say “I’ve gone straight edge”.
I love fast cars. “Gone in 60 Seconds” does for me what “Magic Mike” does for most middle aged women.
I am a CPA. Okay, so all of the facts were not really that fun.

Don't Poke the Bear - No, Seriously...Audio Blog

Read the original story here: http://noseriouslyblog.com/2017/04/need-new-coat/

I’m Jen. I am a mom, wife, daughter, friend and often times the bad influence your mom warned you about. I am good with words, numbers and dysfunctional people. I tend to find humor in situations that aren’t really funny and I laugh at my own jokes.

 I have a 5 year old daughter named Riley who is awesome (if you don’t believe me, you can ask her yourself) and a husband, John, who is a saint (again, if you don’t believe me…). I married well. He did not. We laugh a lot in our house, mostly at our own jokes.

Some fun facts about me:
I graduated from Michigan State University. If you yell “Go green!” at me I will respond with “Go white!” (especially if you are the guy in front of Whole Foods handing me a flyer about global warming)
I used to own and operate an independent record label. I learned a lot of things during that time of my life including how to survive on coffee and sarcasm.
I don’t drink, smoke or do drugs (anymore). As Ian MacKaye would say “I’ve gone straight edge”.
I love fast cars. “Gone in 60 Seconds” does for me what “Magic Mike” does for most middle aged women.
I am a CPA. Okay, so all of the facts were not really that fun.

I Need a New Coat - No, Seriously...Audio Blog

Read the original story here: http://noseriouslyblog.com/2017/03/shes-crafty/

I’m Jen. I am a mom, wife, daughter, friend and often times the bad influence your mom warned you about. I am good with words, numbers and dysfunctional people. I tend to find humor in situations that aren’t really funny and I laugh at my own jokes.

 I have a 5 year old daughter named Riley who is awesome (if you don’t believe me, you can ask her yourself) and a husband, John, who is a saint (again, if you don’t believe me…). I married well. He did not. We laugh a lot in our house, mostly at our own jokes.

Some fun facts about me:
I graduated from Michigan State University. If you yell “Go green!” at me I will respond with “Go white!” (especially if you are the guy in front of Whole Foods handing me a flyer about global warming)
I used to own and operate an independent record label. I learned a lot of things during that time of my life including how to survive on coffee and sarcasm.
I don’t drink, smoke or do drugs (anymore). As Ian MacKaye would say “I’ve gone straight edge”.
I love fast cars. “Gone in 60 Seconds” does for me what “Magic Mike” does for most middle aged women.
I am a CPA. Okay, so all of the facts were not really that fun.

She's Crafty - No, Seriously...Audio Blog

Read the original story here: http://noseriouslyblog.com/2017/04/the-jerk-family/

I’m Jen. I am a mom, wife, daughter, friend and often times the bad influence your mom warned you about. I am good with words, numbers and dysfunctional people. I tend to find humor in situations that aren’t really funny and I laugh at my own jokes.

 I have a 5 year old daughter named Riley who is awesome (if you don’t believe me, you can ask her yourself) and a husband, John, who is a saint (again, if you don’t believe me…). I married well. He did not. We laugh a lot in our house, mostly at our own jokes.

Some fun facts about me:
I graduated from Michigan State University. If you yell “Go green!” at me I will respond with “Go white!” (especially if you are the guy in front of Whole Foods handing me a flyer about global warming)
I used to own and operate an independent record label. I learned a lot of things during that time of my life including how to survive on coffee and sarcasm.
I don’t drink, smoke or do drugs (anymore). As Ian MacKaye would say “I’ve gone straight edge”.
I love fast cars. “Gone in 60 Seconds” does for me what “Magic Mike” does for most middle aged women.
I am a CPA. Okay, so all of the facts were not really that fun.

The Jerk Family - No, Seriously...Audio Blog

Read the original story here: http://noseriouslyblog.com/2017/03/they-call-it-medicine-for-a-reason/

I’m Jen. I am a mom, wife, daughter, friend and often times the bad influence your mom warned you about. I am good with words, numbers and dysfunctional people. I tend to find humor in situations that aren’t really funny and I laugh at my own jokes.

 I have a 5 year old daughter named Riley who is awesome (if you don’t believe me, you can ask her yourself) and a husband, John, who is a saint (again, if you don’t believe me…). I married well. He did not. We laugh a lot in our house, mostly at our own jokes.

Some fun facts about me:
I graduated from Michigan State University. If you yell “Go green!” at me I will respond with “Go white!” (especially if you are the guy in front of Whole Foods handing me a flyer about global warming)
I used to own and operate an independent record label. I learned a lot of things during that time of my life including how to survive on coffee and sarcasm.
I don’t drink, smoke or do drugs (anymore). As Ian MacKaye would say “I’ve gone straight edge”.
I love fast cars. “Gone in 60 Seconds” does for me what “Magic Mike” does for most middle aged women.
I am a CPA. Okay, so all of the facts were not really that fun.

They Call it Medicine for a Reason - No, Seriously...Audio Blog

Read the original story here: http://noseriouslyblog.com/2017/03/whats-my-age-again/

I’m Jen. I am a mom, wife, daughter, friend and often times the bad influence your mom warned you about. I am good with words, numbers and dysfunctional people. I tend to find humor in situations that aren’t really funny and I laugh at my own jokes.

 I have a 5 year old daughter named Riley who is awesome (if you don’t believe me, you can ask her yourself) and a husband, John, who is a saint (again, if you don’t believe me…). I married well. He did not. We laugh a lot in our house, mostly at our own jokes.

Some fun facts about me:
I graduated from Michigan State University. If you yell “Go green!” at me I will respond with “Go white!” (especially if you are the guy in front of Whole Foods handing me a flyer about global warming)
I used to own and operate an independent record label. I learned a lot of things during that time of my life including how to survive on coffee and sarcasm.
I don’t drink, smoke or do drugs (anymore). As Ian MacKaye would say “I’ve gone straight edge”.
I love fast cars. “Gone in 60 Seconds” does for me what “Magic Mike” does for most middle aged women.
I am a CPA. Okay, so all of the facts were not really that fun.

What's My Age Again? - No, Seriously...Audio Blog

Read the original story here: http://noseriouslyblog.com/2017/03/only-child-syndrome/

I’m Jen. I am a mom, wife, daughter, friend and often times the bad influence your mom warned you about. I am good with words, numbers and dysfunctional people. I tend to find humor in situations that aren’t really funny and I laugh at my own jokes.

 I have a 5 year old daughter named Riley who is awesome (if you don’t believe me, you can ask her yourself) and a husband, John, who is a saint (again, if you don’t believe me…). I married well. He did not. We laugh a lot in our house, mostly at our own jokes.

Some fun facts about me:
I graduated from Michigan State University. If you yell “Go green!” at me I will respond with “Go white!” (especially if you are the guy in front of Whole Foods handing me a flyer about global warming)
I used to own and operate an independent record label. I learned a lot of things during that time of my life including how to survive on coffee and sarcasm.
I don’t drink, smoke or do drugs (anymore). As Ian MacKaye would say “I’ve gone straight edge”.
I love fast cars. “Gone in 60 Seconds” does for me what “Magic Mike” does for most middle aged women.
I am a CPA. Okay, so all of the facts were not really that fun.

Only Child Syndrome - No, Seriously...Audio Blog

Read the original story here: http://noseriouslyblog.com/2016/12/ask-and-you-shall-receive/

I’m Jen. I am a mom, wife, daughter, friend and often times the bad influence your mom warned you about. I am good with words, numbers and dysfunctional people. I tend to find humor in situations that aren’t really funny and I laugh at my own jokes.

 I have a 5 year old daughter named Riley who is awesome (if you don’t believe me, you can ask her yourself) and a husband, John, who is a saint (again, if you don’t believe me…). I married well. He did not. We laugh a lot in our house, mostly at our own jokes.

Some fun facts about me:
I graduated from Michigan State University. If you yell “Go green!” at me I will respond with “Go white!” (especially if you are the guy in front of Whole Foods handing me a flyer about global warming)
I used to own and operate an independent record label. I learned a lot of things during that time of my life including how to survive on coffee and sarcasm.
I don’t drink, smoke or do drugs (anymore). As Ian MacKaye would say “I’ve gone straight edge”.
I love fast cars. “Gone in 60 Seconds” does for me what “Magic Mike” does for most middle aged women.
I am a CPA. Okay, so all of the facts were not really that fun.

Ask And You Shall Receive - No, Serously... Audio Blog

Read the original story here: http://noseriouslyblog.com/2016/11/down-with-the-sickness/

I’m Jen. I am a mom, wife, daughter, friend and often times the bad influence your mom warned you about. I am good with words, numbers and dysfunctional people. I tend to find humor in situations that aren’t really funny and I laugh at my own jokes.

 I have a 5 year old daughter named Riley who is awesome (if you don’t believe me, you can ask her yourself) and a husband, John, who is a saint (again, if you don’t believe me…). I married well. He did not. We laugh a lot in our house, mostly at our own jokes.

Some fun facts about me:
I graduated from Michigan State University. If you yell “Go green!” at me I will respond with “Go white!” (especially if you are the guy in front of Whole Foods handing me a flyer about global warming)
I used to own and operate an independent record label. I learned a lot of things during that time of my life including how to survive on coffee and sarcasm.
I don’t drink, smoke or do drugs (anymore). As Ian MacKaye would say “I’ve gone straight edge”.
I love fast cars. “Gone in 60 Seconds” does for me what “Magic Mike” does for most middle aged women.
I am a CPA. Okay, so all of the facts were not really that fun.

Down With The Sickness No, Seriously... Audio Blog

Read the original story here: http://noseriouslyblog.com/2017/01/growth/

I’m Jen. I am a mom, wife, daughter, friend and often times the bad influence your mom warned you about. I am good with words, numbers and dysfunctional people. I tend to find humor in situations that aren’t really funny and I laugh at my own jokes.

 I have a 5 year old daughter named Riley who is awesome (if you don’t believe me, you can ask her yourself) and a husband, John, who is a saint (again, if you don’t believe me…). I married well. He did not. We laugh a lot in our house, mostly at our own jokes.

Some fun facts about me:
I graduated from Michigan State University. If you yell “Go green!” at me I will respond with “Go white!” (especially if you are the guy in front of Whole Foods handing me a flyer about global warming)
I used to own and operate an independent record label. I learned a lot of things during that time of my life including how to survive on coffee and sarcasm.
I don’t drink, smoke or do drugs (anymore). As Ian MacKaye would say “I’ve gone straight edge”.
I love fast cars. “Gone in 60 Seconds” does for me what “Magic Mike” does for most middle aged women.
I am a CPA. Okay, so all of the facts were not really that fun.

Growth - No, Seriously... Audio Blog

Read the original story here:  http://noseriouslyblog.com/2016/12/someone-has-to-be-in-charge/

I’m Jen. I am a mom, wife, daughter, friend and often times the bad influence your mom warned you about. I am good with words, numbers and dysfunctional people. I tend to find humor in situations that aren’t really funny and I laugh at my own jokes.

 I have a 5 year old daughter named Riley who is awesome (if you don’t believe me, you can ask her yourself) and a husband, John, who is a saint (again, if you don’t believe me…). I married well. He did not. We laugh a lot in our house, mostly at our own jokes.

Some fun facts about me:
I graduated from Michigan State University. If you yell “Go green!” at me I will respond with “Go white!” (especially if you are the guy in front of Whole Foods handing me a flyer about global warming)
I used to own and operate an independent record label. I learned a lot of things during that time of my life including how to survive on coffee and sarcasm.
I don’t drink, smoke or do drugs (anymore). As Ian MacKaye would say “I’ve gone straight edge”.
I love fast cars. “Gone in 60 Seconds” does for me what “Magic Mike” does for most middle aged women.
I am a CPA. Okay, so all of the facts were not really that fun.

Someone Has To Be In Charge - No, Seriously... Audio Blog

Read the original story here: http://noseriouslyblog.com/2016/11/gratitude/

I’m Jen. I am a mom, wife, daughter, friend and often times the bad influence your mom warned you about. I am good with words, numbers and dysfunctional people. I tend to find humor in situations that aren’t really funny and I laugh at my own jokes.

 I have a 5 year old daughter named Riley who is awesome (if you don’t believe me, you can ask her yourself) and a husband, John, who is a saint (again, if you don’t believe me…). I married well. He did not. We laugh a lot in our house, mostly at our own jokes.

Some fun facts about me:
I graduated from Michigan State University. If you yell “Go green!” at me I will respond with “Go white!” (especially if you are the guy in front of Whole Foods handing me a flyer about global warming)
I used to own and operate an independent record label. I learned a lot of things during that time of my life including how to survive on coffee and sarcasm.
I don’t drink, smoke or do drugs (anymore). As Ian MacKaye would say “I’ve gone straight edge”.
I love fast cars. “Gone in 60 Seconds” does for me what “Magic Mike” does for most middle aged women.
I am a CPA. Okay, so all of the facts were not really that fun.

Gratitude - No, Seriously... Audio Blog

Read the original story here: http://noseriouslyblog.com/2016/11/its-vegas-baby/

I’m Jen. I am a mom, wife, daughter, friend and often times the bad influence your mom warned you about. I am good with words, numbers and dysfunctional people. I tend to find humor in situations that aren’t really funny and I laugh at my own jokes.

 I have a 5 year old daughter named Riley who is awesome (if you don’t believe me, you can ask her yourself) and a husband, John, who is a saint (again, if you don’t believe me…). I married well. He did not. We laugh a lot in our house, mostly at our own jokes.

Some fun facts about me:
I graduated from Michigan State University. If you yell “Go green!” at me I will respond with “Go white!” (especially if you are the guy in front of Whole Foods handing me a flyer about global warming)
I used to own and operate an independent record label. I learned a lot of things during that time of my life including how to survive on coffee and sarcasm.
I don’t drink, smoke or do drugs (anymore). As Ian MacKaye would say “I’ve gone straight edge”.
I love fast cars. “Gone in 60 Seconds” does for me what “Magic Mike” does for most middle aged women.
I am a CPA. Okay, so all of the facts were not really that fun.

It's Vegas Baby - No, Seriously... Audio Blog

Read the original story here: http://noseriouslyblog.com/2016/11/morning-rituals/

I’m Jen. I am a mom, wife, daughter, friend and often times the bad influence your mom warned you about. I am good with words, numbers and dysfunctional people. I tend to find humor in situations that aren’t really funny and I laugh at my own jokes.

 I have a 5 year old daughter named Riley who is awesome (if you don’t believe me, you can ask her yourself) and a husband, John, who is a saint (again, if you don’t believe me…). I married well. He did not. We laugh a lot in our house, mostly at our own jokes.

Some fun facts about me:
I graduated from Michigan State University. If you yell “Go green!” at me I will respond with “Go white!” (especially if you are the guy in front of Whole Foods handing me a flyer about global warming)
I used to own and operate an independent record label. I learned a lot of things during that time of my life including how to survive on coffee and sarcasm.
I don’t drink, smoke or do drugs (anymore). As Ian MacKaye would say “I’ve gone straight edge”.
I love fast cars. “Gone in 60 Seconds” does for me what “Magic Mike” does for most middle aged women.
I am a CPA. Okay, so all of the facts were not really that fun.

Morning Rituals - No, Seriously... Audio Blog

Read the original story here: http://noseriouslyblog.com/2016/10/karma/

I’m Jen. I am a mom, wife, daughter, friend and often times the bad influence your mom warned you about. I am good with words, numbers and dysfunctional people. I tend to find humor in situations that aren’t really funny and I laugh at my own jokes.

 I have a 5 year old daughter named Riley who is awesome (if you don’t believe me, you can ask her yourself) and a husband, John, who is a saint (again, if you don’t believe me…). I married well. He did not. We laugh a lot in our house, mostly at our own jokes.

Some fun facts about me:
I graduated from Michigan State University. If you yell “Go green!” at me I will respond with “Go white!” (especially if you are the guy in front of Whole Foods handing me a flyer about global warming)
I used to own and operate an independent record label. I learned a lot of things during that time of my life including how to survive on coffee and sarcasm.
I don’t drink, smoke or do drugs (anymore). As Ian MacKaye would say “I’ve gone straight edge”.
I love fast cars. “Gone in 60 Seconds” does for me what “Magic Mike” does for most middle aged women.
I am a CPA. Okay, so all of the facts were not really that fun.

Karma - No, Seriously... Audio Blog

Read the original story here: http://noseriouslyblog.com/2016/10/the-starter-house/

I’m Jen. I am a mom, wife, daughter, friend and often times the bad influence your mom warned you about. I am good with words, numbers and dysfunctional people. I tend to find humor in situations that aren’t really funny and I laugh at my own jokes.

 I have a 5 year old daughter named Riley who is awesome (if you don’t believe me, you can ask her yourself) and a husband, John, who is a saint (again, if you don’t believe me…). I married well. He did not. We laugh a lot in our house, mostly at our own jokes.

Some fun facts about me:
I graduated from Michigan State University. If you yell “Go green!” at me I will respond with “Go white!” (especially if you are the guy in front of Whole Foods handing me a flyer about global warming)
I used to own and operate an independent record label. I learned a lot of things during that time of my life including how to survive on coffee and sarcasm.
I don’t drink, smoke or do drugs (anymore). As Ian MacKaye would say “I’ve gone straight edge”.
I love fast cars. “Gone in 60 Seconds” does for me what “Magic Mike” does for most middle aged women.
I am a CPA. Okay, so all of the facts were not really that fun.

The Starter House - No, Seriously... Audio Blog

Read the original story here: http://noseriouslyblog.com/2016/09/goodnight-sweet-child/

I’m Jen. I am a mom, wife, daughter, friend and often times the bad influence your mom warned you about. I am good with words, numbers and dysfunctional people. I tend to find humor in situations that aren’t really funny and I laugh at my own jokes.

 I have a 5 year old daughter named Riley who is awesome (if you don’t believe me, you can ask her yourself) and a husband, John, who is a saint (again, if you don’t believe me…). I married well. He did not. We laugh a lot in our house, mostly at our own jokes.

Some fun facts about me:
I graduated from Michigan State University. If you yell “Go green!” at me I will respond with “Go white!” (especially if you are the guy in front of Whole Foods handing me a flyer about global warming)
I used to own and operate an independent record label. I learned a lot of things during that time of my life including how to survive on coffee and sarcasm.
I don’t drink, smoke or do drugs (anymore). As Ian MacKaye would say “I’ve gone straight edge”.
I love fast cars. “Gone in 60 Seconds” does for me what “Magic Mike” does for most middle aged women.
I am a CPA. Okay, so all of the facts were not really that fun.

Goodnight Sweet Child - No, Seriously... Audio Blog

Read the original story here: http://noseriouslyblog.com/2016/09/bravery/

I’m Jen. I am a mom, wife, daughter, friend and often times the bad influence your mom warned you about. I am good with words, numbers and dysfunctional people. I tend to find humor in situations that aren’t really funny and I laugh at my own jokes.

 I have a 5 year old daughter named Riley who is awesome (if you don’t believe me, you can ask her yourself) and a husband, John, who is a saint (again, if you don’t believe me…). I married well. He did not. We laugh a lot in our house, mostly at our own jokes.

Some fun facts about me:
I graduated from Michigan State University. If you yell “Go green!” at me I will respond with “Go white!” (especially if you are the guy in front of Whole Foods handing me a flyer about global warming)
I used to own and operate an independent record label. I learned a lot of things during that time of my life including how to survive on coffee and sarcasm.
I don’t drink, smoke or do drugs (anymore). As Ian MacKaye would say “I’ve gone straight edge”.
I love fast cars. “Gone in 60 Seconds” does for me what “Magic Mike” does for most middle aged women.
I am a CPA. Okay, so all of the facts were not really that fun.

Bravery - No, Seriously... Audio Blog

Read the original story here: http://noseriouslyblog.com/2016/09/i-can-do-hard-things/

I’m Jen. I am a mom, wife, daughter, friend and often times the bad influence your mom warned you about. I am good with words, numbers and dysfunctional people. I tend to find humor in situations that aren’t really funny and I laugh at my own jokes.

 I have a 5 year old daughter named Riley who is awesome (if you don’t believe me, you can ask her yourself) and a husband, John, who is a saint (again, if you don’t believe me…). I married well. He did not. We laugh a lot in our house, mostly at our own jokes.

Some fun facts about me:
I graduated from Michigan State University. If you yell “Go green!” at me I will respond with “Go white!” (especially if you are the guy in front of Whole Foods handing me a flyer about global warming)
I used to own and operate an independent record label. I learned a lot of things during that time of my life including how to survive on coffee and sarcasm.
I don’t drink, smoke or do drugs (anymore). As Ian MacKaye would say “I’ve gone straight edge”.
I love fast cars. “Gone in 60 Seconds” does for me what “Magic Mike” does for most middle aged women.
I am a CPA. Okay, so all of the facts were not really that fun.

I Can Do Hard Things - No, Seriously... Audio Blog

Read the original story here: http://noseriouslyblog.com/2016/08/demons/

I’m Jen. I am a mom, wife, daughter, friend and often times the bad influence your mom warned you about. I am good with words, numbers and dysfunctional people. I tend to find humor in situations that aren’t really funny and I laugh at my own jokes.

 I have a 5 year old daughter named Riley who is awesome (if you don’t believe me, you can ask her yourself) and a husband, John, who is a saint (again, if you don’t believe me…). I married well. He did not. We laugh a lot in our house, mostly at our own jokes.

Some fun facts about me:
I graduated from Michigan State University. If you yell “Go green!” at me I will respond with “Go white!” (especially if you are the guy in front of Whole Foods handing me a flyer about global warming)
I used to own and operate an independent record label. I learned a lot of things during that time of my life including how to survive on coffee and sarcasm.
I don’t drink, smoke or do drugs (anymore). As Ian MacKaye would say “I’ve gone straight edge”.
I love fast cars. “Gone in 60 Seconds” does for me what “Magic Mike” does for most middle aged women.
I am a CPA. Okay, so all of the facts were not really that fun.

Demons - No, Seriously... Audio Blog

Read the original story here: http://noseriouslyblog.com/2016/08/frenemies/

I’m Jen. I am a mom, wife, daughter, friend and often times the bad influence your mom warned you about. I am good with words, numbers and dysfunctional people. I tend to find humor in situations that aren’t really funny and I laugh at my own jokes.

 I have a 5 year old daughter named Riley who is awesome (if you don’t believe me, you can ask her yourself) and a husband, John, who is a saint (again, if you don’t believe me…). I married well. He did not. We laugh a lot in our house, mostly at our own jokes.

Some fun facts about me:
I graduated from Michigan State University. If you yell “Go green!” at me I will respond with “Go white!” (especially if you are the guy in front of Whole Foods handing me a flyer about global warming)
I used to own and operate an independent record label. I learned a lot of things during that time of my life including how to survive on coffee and sarcasm.
I don’t drink, smoke or do drugs (anymore). As Ian MacKaye would say “I’ve gone straight edge”.
I love fast cars. “Gone in 60 Seconds” does for me what “Magic Mike” does for most middle aged women.
I am a CPA. Okay, so all of the facts were not really that fun.

Frenemies - No, Seriously... Audio Blog

Read the original story here: http://noseriouslyblog.com/2016/08/family-vacation/

I’m Jen. I am a mom, wife, daughter, friend and often times the bad influence your mom warned you about. I am good with words, numbers and dysfunctional people. I tend to find humor in situations that aren’t really funny and I laugh at my own jokes.

 I have a 5 year old daughter named Riley who is awesome (if you don’t believe me, you can ask her yourself) and a husband, John, who is a saint (again, if you don’t believe me…). I married well. He did not. We laugh a lot in our house, mostly at our own jokes.

Some fun facts about me:
I graduated from Michigan State University. If you yell “Go green!” at me I will respond with “Go white!” (especially if you are the guy in front of Whole Foods handing me a flyer about global warming)
I used to own and operate an independent record label. I learned a lot of things during that time of my life including how to survive on coffee and sarcasm.
I don’t drink, smoke or do drugs (anymore). As Ian MacKaye would say “I’ve gone straight edge”.
I love fast cars. “Gone in 60 Seconds” does for me what “Magic Mike” does for most middle aged women.
I am a CPA. Okay, so all of the facts were not really that fun.

Family Vacation - No, Seriously... Audio Blog

Read the original story here: http://noseriouslyblog.com/2016/07/party-etiquette/

I’m Jen. I am a mom, wife, daughter, friend and often times the bad influence your mom warned you about. I am good with words, numbers and dysfunctional people. I tend to find humor in situations that aren’t really funny and I laugh at my own jokes.

 I have a 5 year old daughter named Riley who is awesome (if you don’t believe me, you can ask her yourself) and a husband, John, who is a saint (again, if you don’t believe me…). I married well. He did not. We laugh a lot in our house, mostly at our own jokes.

Some fun facts about me:
I graduated from Michigan State University. If you yell “Go green!” at me I will respond with “Go white!” (especially if you are the guy in front of Whole Foods handing me a flyer about global warming)
I used to own and operate an independent record label. I learned a lot of things during that time of my life including how to survive on coffee and sarcasm.
I don’t drink, smoke or do drugs (anymore). As Ian MacKaye would say “I’ve gone straight edge”.
I love fast cars. “Gone in 60 Seconds” does for me what “Magic Mike” does for most middle aged women.
I am a CPA. Okay, so all of the facts were not really that fun.

Party Etiquette - No, Seriously... Audio Blog

Read the original story here: http://noseriouslyblog.com/2016/07/hello-world/

I’m Jen. I am a mom, wife, daughter, friend and often times the bad influence your mom warned you about. I am good with words, numbers and dysfunctional people. I tend to find humor in situations that aren’t really funny and I laugh at my own jokes.

 I have a 5 year old daughter named Riley who is awesome (if you don’t believe me, you can ask her yourself) and a husband, John, who is a saint (again, if you don’t believe me…). I married well. He did not. We laugh a lot in our house, mostly at our own jokes.

Some fun facts about me:
I graduated from Michigan State University. If you yell “Go green!” at me I will respond with “Go white!” (especially if you are the guy in front of Whole Foods handing me a flyer about global warming)
I used to own and operate an independent record label. I learned a lot of things during that time of my life including how to survive on coffee and sarcasm.
I don’t drink, smoke or do drugs (anymore). As Ian MacKaye would say “I’ve gone straight edge”.
I love fast cars. “Gone in 60 Seconds” does for me what “Magic Mike” does for most middle aged women.
I am a CPA. Okay, so all of the facts were not really that fun.

Hello World - No, Seriously... Audio Blog

Read the original story here: http://noseriouslyblog.com/2016/11/doppleganger/

I’m Jen. I am a mom, wife, daughter, friend and often times the bad influence your mom warned you about. I am good with words, numbers and dysfunctional people. I tend to find humor in situations that aren’t really funny and I laugh at my own jokes.

 I have a 5 year old daughter named Riley who is awesome (if you don’t believe me, you can ask her yourself) and a husband, John, who is a saint (again, if you don’t believe me…). I married well. He did not. We laugh a lot in our house, mostly at our own jokes.

Some fun facts about me:
I graduated from Michigan State University. If you yell “Go green!” at me I will respond with “Go white!” (especially if you are the guy in front of Whole Foods handing me a flyer about global warming)
I used to own and operate an independent record label. I learned a lot of things during that time of my life including how to survive on coffee and sarcasm.
I don’t drink, smoke or do drugs (anymore). As Ian MacKaye would say “I’ve gone straight edge”.
I love fast cars. “Gone in 60 Seconds” does for me what “Magic Mike” does for most middle aged women.
I am a CPA. Okay, so all of the facts were not really that fun.

Doppleganger - No, Seriously... Audio Blog

Read the original story here: http://noseriouslyblog.com/2017/05/parking-wars/

You know how when you have a new car it is a magnet for every bad driver on the road and in parking lots? My car is three years old and still attracts every bad driver within five miles. There can be thirty open parking places in the Target parking lot and some boob will park so close to my door that I have to crawl in through the passenger door. This inevitably happens when I am wearing my tightest pencil skirt and 5″ heels. Sometimes there is even a gaggle of construction workers nearby to witness my graceful decent into the driver’s seat. Seeing me perform this move, one would never believe that I was, in fact, a gymnast.

This morning was no exception. The only difference is that the offender parked on the passenger side of my car. This meant that my daughter had to climb in through the driver’s side of the back seat and climb over all of her coloring books and art supplies to get to her seat. She was very vocal about her displeasure in doing this. As she was stating very loudly and with conviction “That person doesn’t know how to park their car!” said person came walking out of the building and over to her car. I looked up to see if she heard what was being said and I can only guess that she did based on how quickly she got into her car and drove away. I have to say I was impressed with her ability to squeeze into her car while holding her door open approximately six inches. She backed out quickly while cranking her wheel and almost hit the back end of my car on her way out. As I settled into my seat and fastened my seat belt I responded to my daughter by saying “No honey, she doesn’t know how to drive her car either.”

Parking Wars - No, Seriously... Audio Blog

Read the original story here: http://noseriouslyblog.com/2017/05/sarcasm-second-language/

I don’t know how my husband puts up with me, I really don’t. I was having a conversation with my daughter this morning about how many bows in her hair were too many and I realized that nobody can really take me seriously since I speak fluently in sarcasm. When I say something looks great, I am usually being sarcastic. When I say someone is smart, I am usually being sarcastic. And when I say I totally agree that I am being a giant A-hole, I am most definitely being sarcastic. That is because I don’t see my sarcasm as anything but really funny. Well, it’s funny to me at least.

There is a downside to being as hilariously sarcastic as me. Your child picks up on it and also becomes fluent in the language by the time she can walk. As she gets a little older she learns to use it against you. At age six she says things to me like “Wow Mom, that dress looks GREAT!” Luckily she doesn’t have a very developed taste in clothing yet so she says that about most of my dresses just to be funny. But I already see my future and it is not looking like it will be full of authentic compliments. I’ll chalk this up to you reap what you sow and try to watch my mouth!

Sarcasm Is My Second Language - No, Seriously... Audio Blog

Read the original story here: http://noseriouslyblog.com/2017/05/six-going-sixteen/

My daughter came home yesterday and informed me that she is going to need braces. She deduced this after looking at one of her only two adult teeth. It isn’t even all the way in yet! She had been worried about it all day. She told her Dad how she had a conversation with a friend at school about her need for braces.  I told her it was probably coming in crooked because she always has her hands in her mouth. She looked at me and said “you put your hands in your mouth a lot when you were little huh?” Well played mini-me!

Six Going On Sixteen - No, Seriously... Audio Blog

Read the original story here: http://noseriouslyblog.com/2017/05/smile-like-you-mean-it/

I am bad with names. When I am telling a story to my husband I usually have to go into great detail to explain the characters involved instead of just saying “Bob.” This makes my stories exceptionally long. Well, that and the fact that I have a hard time getting from point A to point B without hitting Z, Y and X while veering off track through the other “points” to the story. Yesterday I was attempting to tell my husband that I found out a talent that a Mom of one of my daughter’s classmates has. As per usual, I started at point A and started working my way to point B. Somewhere about mid-alphabet I said “You know, the Dad that looks like he could be an underwear model…”

Of course my husband just gave me a blank stare. So I continued on “I don’t know if he would look good in his underwear or anything. I mean he looks like he has a nice enough body, but he has really nice teeth. You know, like an underwear model.” Yes, this is how my brain works. Nice teeth equate to underwear model. You could weigh three hundred pounds and if you have nice teeth you should strip down to your skivvies and take some photos because you are ready for a Victoria’s Secret runway! After all of these words escaped my mouth I felt like I had to explain that I wasn’t checking out my kid’s classmates’ parents and imagining them in their underwear. I don’t know why. My husband has had enough conversations with me to know that I say weird stuff like this all the time. As expected, he didn’t even flinch. Instead, he continued washing his hair and said “Oh yeah, I know who you’re talking about!” So now I am left wondering have I rubbed off on him or has he been perusing the mens underwear ads in GQ. That or the natural image in everyone’s head when they see a nice smile is Marky Mark circa 1991. I guess I’m not as weird as I thought!

Smile Like You Mean It - No, Seriously... Audio Blog

Read the original story here: http://noseriouslyblog.com/2017/04/the-natural/

I have been recording my audio blogs over the past several weeks with the help of my husband. He has a studio in the basement. When we first moved into our house his studio was the size of half of the basement. As our daughter grew and her toys got bigger and more abundant, she required more space. What was once a studio was cut in half to become a playroom with a studio attached. Once the Barbie Dream House and air hockey table made their way into the playroom, the studio wall was moved back even further. My husband’s space is now the size of a New York City apartment. In this studio he has his audio recording equipment as well as his photo/video equipment. Needless to say, it’s a little cramped.

When we first started recording, there was a microphone in the middle of the room. A few days later there was the beginning of a sound booth with part of a frame, sound-proofing foam and some blankets. It has grown over the prior few weeks and there is now a full blown sound booth, completely enclosed. The first night I walked in there he said “welcome to my kill room”. I guess he has changed his mind about killing me in my sleep.

I have sixty three audio blogs to record as of today. I can usually record three or four in each session, depending on the length of the piece and how tired I am. My husband has had me take part in the editing process as well after he realized just how many times I have to retake some lines. I wrote the stories, so one would think it would be easy to read them. One would be wrong. Sometimes it’s like I am reading a foreign language. While recording I hold onto a little device that makes a clicking noise. Every time I make a mistake and want to redo a line I click the device so the sound spikes and it is easier to find in the recording. I reread the line and continue on after the click. Some readings sound like there is a metronome playing in the background there are so many mistakes. At one point my husband asked if I was possibly having a stroke after I repeated the date of the post four times. It was after that reading that he insisted I be a part of the editing process. I am a decent public speaker. I can get up in front of a group of people and ramble on for quite some time. Give me something to read into a microphone and I develop a speech impediment so severe that I can hardly read my own name.

My daughter on the other hand is a natural in front of a mic. Last night her Dad took her down to record a song. She told him she wanted to run through it once on the karaoke machine to practice it. She then jumped up on the chair in the sound booth and proceeded to belt out her song and get it recorded in one take. She is six and already a pro!

We estimate that it will take about six weeks to record all of my older blogs and get on a schedule to release the new audio blogs within a week of the written blogs. I am now thinking if we just had my daughter read instead of me, we could wrap this up in six days!

The Natural - No, Seriously... Audio Blog

Read the original story here: http://noseriouslyblog.com/2017/05/the-natural-2/

Last year my daughter took her first dance class. It was a tap and ballet class after school for an hour one day a week. Most of the girls in her grade were in the class so it was an easy sell at first. Then she realized it involved work. My daughter is a little like me, she does not like to overexert herself or sweat. She took a soccer conditioning class a few years ago that had her ready to file a child endangerment claim against me. She literally sat down in the middle of the field several times because she was too hot from running around for two minutes. She raised her hand every time the coach asked if someone wanted to sit out for a stretch. She even raised her hand a few times while she was already sitting out! I suspect her time in dance class was similar.

I was not surprised by her lackluster reaction to her after school activity. What I was surprised by was her reaction when the time for her recital came along. She developed a minor case of stage fright. This was shocking to me since my kid will literally push people out of the way to get in a photograph or video. She is one of those rare children who is comfortable speaking to a large group of people of any age. She thrives on attention. So for her to be experiencing an aversion to being on stage with hundreds of eyes on her was a new experience for all of us. After several weeks of coaxing, she finally relented and gave a stunning performance. At the end of the recital I asked her if it was as scary as she thought it would be and she exclaimed “No! It was fun!”

When the time came to sign up for dance class this year, I guessed there was a 50/50 chance that she would want to sign up. At first she declined but after a reminder that she got to wear make-up, she very enthusiastically agreed to take another year of tap and ballet. She was clearly getting better this time around too. When she came home and demonstrated what she had learned, I could actually differentiate between the tap and the ballet. She danced around the kitchen singing her recital songs under her breath for weeks before the recital this time. She was clearly excited having long-outgrown her stage fright.

The afternoon of the recital was spent primping and preparing. It took me three tries to get her bun done properly since she was moving around like she had ants in her leotard. After seeing that I had not painted her face like a 1950’s pin-up girl she took matters into her own hands. After she put on her body’s weight in eye shadow and powder, and I wiped off half of it, we were off to the big dance.

One of the great things about having your child in a small school is that the performances are short and you don’t have to wait long to see your kid on stage. It also helps when the man in charge is a musician who has traveled the world touring. He runs a tight ship and keeps things moving along. This night was no exception. My daughter came strolling out onstage after approximately seven minutes for her first number. My mother, who was sitting next to me, asked where Riley was onstage and I almost laughed as I said “second from the right”. I wanted to say “the only one doing jazz hands throughout the whole dance!” Once the routine was complete all of the dancers quickly exited the stage. All except my daughter who strolled off at a leisurely pace while waving to her fans. I’m glad she is over that stage fright!

Her ballet routine was at the end of the recital, or twenty minutes later. She was no less energetic for this dance. She had replaced the jazz hands with a pouty “ballet” face as she directed the girls around her when they weren’t moving quickly enough for her. At the end of this number she actually stopped before walking off the stage to wave to her friends in the audience. I’m surprised she didn’t stop and wait for someone to throw roses up onstage for her...

The Swan - No, Seriously... Audio Blog

Read the original story here: http://noseriouslyblog.com/2017/05/video-killed-radio-star/

We started filming today. This has only been a few weeks in the making but it feels like the equipment has been sitting in the living room for years. I don’t know if it’s because this idea has been percolating in my head for awhile or if it’s because my husband has been walking in and checking the lighting every ten minutes since it was set up. Who knew it took two cameras, two microphones and three lights to properly capture my essence. I would have had a few minions following me around with the proper lighting years ago if I had known this.

The past month has been spent working on audio blogs and now we are filming videos. My husband is doing a lot of the work on this and I have to say it has changed the dynamic of our relationship just a little. I am starting to see just how much he enjoys bossing me around! I am also starting to regret being such a little miss bossy pants for the last thirteen years of our marriage. You know what they say about karma… well this form of it came equipped with a microphone and says “RETAKE!” a lot. I can only pray that he doesn’t recruit an assistant in the form of my little mini-me to help bark orders. I may actually have to find a hiding place in my own house if this happens.

Video Killed The Radio Star - No, Seriously... Audio Blog

I’m Jen. I am a mom, wife, daughter, friend and often times the bad influence your mom warned you about. I am good with words, numbers and dysfunctional people. I tend to find humor in situations that aren’t really funny and I laugh at my own jokes.

No, Seriously...

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