I’m not very good at many things, but there is one thing that I may potentially be the best at- avoidance.

For example, I used to think that I hated competition. It always made me nervous, so I just thought I didn’t have a competitive nature, and have consequently avoided athletics like the plague.  However, that’s only partially true. I don’t like competition, but not because competition itself is what I am uncomfortable with. I am uncomfortable with losing, with failure. Actually, uncomfortable is far too gentle a term- it’s more like I am wholly opposed to failure. So, I tend to avoid things that bring risk. It’s only recently that I’ve begun to see that I may be losing something really valuable when I run away. 

So, I’ve taken a few risks over the past two years. I moved to Singapore. I started a program to get my teaching certification in social studies. In order to pass the exams for the program, I needed to study up on economics, and there is a term that I have learned that I think is very applicable, even in non-financial situations. It’s called opportunity cost. It basically means "the loss of other alternatives when one alternative is chosen”. For example, I could have meat and potatoes for dinner, or I could have a bowl of frozen yogurt with chocolate drizzled on top. If I choose the yogurt with the chocolate drizzled on top, the opportunity cost (the next best or missed opportunity) would be the meat and potatoes (aka, actual nutrients for my body). 

I think that avoiding things that make me afraid feels good in the moment- kind of like that frozen yogurt with chocolate drizzled on it that I really prefer to have for dinner. It’s comforting. But, what’s the cost of consistently taking the easy route that? What do I lose long term?

Conflict management skills. Honest conversations. A little bit of myself.

For several years now, I have been avoiding writing music. I’ll start a song here or there, but I’ll never quite finish it. Why? Because sharing music that I have written, and in my own voice nonetheless, is very hard. It requires vulnerability that I do not always want to give. Sharing lyrics is a risky business- I mean, someone might tell me that they think my music is cheesy! (My worst fear is not being taken seriously. Yeah, I know it’s dumb, but it’s the truth!)

But, what do I lose if I don’t take the risk? I lose the opportunity to develop a gift that God has given me. That would be a shame.

This song is about the pain that comes along with failure or losing something, and the way that we tend to avoid further pain after that. But, it’s also a song about healing and opening up again. 

Here is to not avoiding the things that I’m afraid of and facing them instead- hopefully this encourages you to do the same.

Chelsey

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