some silly little fiddling from when we went camping this summer. with the new year approaching, i’ve been reflecting lots over what this last year has meant to and for me. i remember my goal at the beginning of last winter was to write one complete song by the end of it. instead my guitar journey took me to a place i thought i was miles and miles and light years and eons away from. i played guitar live for the first time; last january. and then again, and again and again and again! 7 times - the first few just miguel and i, and then the following as a complete band! never in a million years would i have told you confidently that i’d be ready to play live within years if you had asked me one year ago today. i never did “finish” any of my songs though.

that’s not to say i haven’t been experimenting, writing, messing about, locking up melodies. but i haven’t broken the second barrier, i haven’t come back to something and pushed myself to bring it further. flushing things out. 

through all this i discovered one of my favourite things to do. to sit outside with my black joe strummer acoustic and just fiddle. doodle about. play to the wind, to the voices around me, to the sounds of the green grass and wooshing leaves on the trees. i had a sweet night with the C & F chord in majors hill park this summer, playing to the late night low tone conversations and the twinkling stars. 

i feel the need to say that this is by no means a flushed out song or even idea. it’s simply a capture from a time in which i was doing just what i just mentioned - when hannah and i went camping at Murphy’s Point. i love how you can hear the peace of the moment; crackling fire logs, deep breaths, the rush and excitement of some kids playing nearby.

perhaps, in a way, this is me proving my goal of putting something i did out into the music universe. but it doesn’t feel that way - and when i first heard this back a few weeks ago, i knew this was something i’d love to share somewhere even if it reaches no ears but my own, because it’s a stamp in the world outside of my mind saying “this is me”. whenever i speak about my guitar playing, i am constantly prefacing it with things like “i’m not where i’d like to be yet” or “i’m still learning”. i never feel quite worthy. i try to save myself from the fear of mistake that is bound to come every time i play. i’m learning to be proud of where it is that i am now. and to be confident in that. and know that that is enough for the right now of my life. of course i’m still learning. of course i’m making mistakes. of course i have goals. it doesn’t mean i don’t have to love where i am now!

what made me smile the most - and ultimately influenced me to be proud of putting something like this into the music world is this.

if you had sat me down three and a half years ago, when i decided i was going to save up for for my first ever guitar, and played me this “song” - i may just have thought what it is i find myself so often thinking whenever i find a new favourite song; “this. this is exactly what i want to be able to do with guitar”

thank you, if you’ve stumbled upon this and decided to give it a listen. you’ve made one of my millions of dreams come true :)

some guit in d major while hannah starts the fire and the kids begin playing.m4a

orange i see through my eyelids when im laying in the grass and the sun is on my face

ryden