I'll see you soon

Finally Broken
I never really liked me
Most days I hate how I look 
And that reflects how I feel
From the hairs on my head
To the toes on my feet
I’m told how handsome I am 
But that means nothing to me
I can’t stop judging myself
So I watch what I eat
I exercise everyday
Cause in my mind I am weak
And it just builds up inside
Until there’s no place to go
You say an eating disorder more like existence disorder
Each time I’m leaving the shower
I see my hair in the drain 
It won’t stop thinning on top
While on my face it turns gray
These are the thing that I see
All the stuff that’s wrong with me
And now that’s just on the surface
as my depression just worsens 
You see I tell all my friends
That I wish I was dead
And though it seems like a joke
I have it planned in my head
But one day it will come
When I actually do it
Forgive the choice that I make
I have to stop all this pain
It’s not just my appearance 
That I hate about me
I hurt the ones that I love
Because the ego I feed
A self destructive life cycle
That I can’t seem to shake
Over and over again
I need to seal my fate
I’ll start cry for no reason
Then I give myself one
Remember times that I had
With someone who is now gone
Never to see them again
And I miss everyone
This happens too many times
How fucking often I cry
When I wake up tomorrow
That’s when the nightmare begins
It’s this fucking mundane routine
That has me going insane
You know I feel so worthless 
that there’s nothing to gain
Tomorrow, tomorrow repeat 
It’s all the fucking same

There was a time when I could hide this
Before I met you, but then you showed me
the type of person, it’s created
I don’t know if I was better off that way
I had armor I was confident
I was able to ignore the things wrong in me
I’m never happy I’m always working
Distracted and starving
This feeling is blinding, 
I can only see the ugly inside me
And the outside reflects my inside
I don’t know who it is looking back at me

Tired and weak 
I check my phone everyday
I hope to see you pop up
Just to know your okay
If I can’t be there for you
It makes me feel like shit
I wish my brain would just stop
But my heart it won’t quit
I keep on filling my schedule
To keep me constantly busy
If I don’t have to think
Then there’s no time to hurt
This candle burns at both ends
With a wick in the middle
We used to love the hot wax
But now its just a sad lyric
Being stripped of emotions 
That sounds like heaven to me
Never to feel again
Or have you haunting my dreams
No more inferior complex
No more pain in my life
No more love and devotion 
FUCK MY HEART WITH A KNIFE

Dysmorphia

Disguise it’s what I always wear
Any place I ever go I can never share
I gotta hide who I am from most people
They will never understand and how I feel

Too weird to live, too rare to die. X4

I’m not enough of this to fit in with that
And I’m not enough of that to fit in with this
There’s no place a creature me
What they call inhuman being

Too weird to live, too rare to die. X4

It’s sad world 
and everybody’s fucked
We all got different problems
And we’re outa luck
I only share who I am with select few
Some are dead and the others you

Chorus
CREEP

You know we’re all getting sick of the Rat Race
History it repeats every dam day
And they ask you every time you know the routine
We all know the fucking dam line “living the dream"

Too weird to live, too rare to die

every time I say it I die little more inside
Sometimes I wish I could share this hell with another
But I don’t want to fall in love FUCK Love
It’s a weakness it’s the shortest straw

Too weird to live, too rare to die

A lot of days I wanna end this
Is it worth it Short circuit
I always try and look at things on the brighter side
So here’s some good news everybody dies 

Chorus
CREEP

Dirty Monkey - D.M.S.

My brains a fog
My eyes are red
I feel like I’m the living dead
I feel possessed 
I need release
Can’t help myself from this disease 
Cause I’m on it
This single track
My thoughts proses 
I need it, and it’s coursing through my vein
Not heroine, but like drugs the same
I’m not dying just paralyzed 
Flat on my back toes to the sky
Please help me
You’re the only one
I need relief unload the gun


I’m changing everyday 
I’m changing everyday
There’s something wrong with me
There’s something wrong inside my head


Can’t focus this parasite
Infects my brain effects my life
To often this happens to me
It removes my tongue so I lose my speech
Can’t move right
What I sense and see
They’re different things like fantasy 
Get a grip man
This life a joke
Release the poison it’s time to choke

Aberration

I can’t stand this fucking world today
Although I’m not sure I ever liked it anyway
I think You’re stupid
All dumb
You can’t think for one 
You need to hop on new trends
So you start to pretend
You’re sick
So bold, soul cold, so bold, soul cold 

When affliction is the cool club 
Your tics and sicks are so foolish 
Because you feed 
on fucking drama
With your fake
Fucking trauma

fuck you and fuck them
And every generation
The world online the individual dies
It starts a hive, its mind
Corrupting mankind
An infection in our lives
Our ambitions all on decline
Because you feed 
on fucking drama
With your fake
Fucking trauma
Trauma dance, 
trauma dance, 
trauma dance, 
trauma dance

Dirtry Monkey - Trauma Dance

Toy Box is another look in the soon to be released full length (Feral Heart)

Feral Heart

ToyBox

the follow up E.P. to Genesis, Division has 2 sides or atmospheres. A light or Yin side and a Dark Yang side. Written the same way as Genesis, but expanding on the vokill side. It sums up a person being at war with themselves while also dealing with the "Division" and current climate of the world and online world.

04 - Pleasure

03 - Creep

02 - Pestilence

01 - Division

Dirty Monkey is a outlet for emotional and creative aggression. Bringing scores of Audio Scum, and visuals of torment and struggle. You're not alone. 
(Videos to all published tracks on my YouTube channel)