Alice Gross Memorial Song Writing Award 2023-2024

This City

Lyrics: 
I told you
I don’t want another repeat of what happened last time
And yet I know you
So I don’t know what made me think I’ll be surprised

Find me a place where I belong
And I’ll gladly sit in the corner out of your way
can’t stand to write another song
about all the empty promises that you made

and ohhh
no one wants the shame, but its still there
and ohh
you cut me off but i know you still care

you told me
that we’d go to all the places we’d never been
but it’s only 
a matter of time before the truth settles in

Find me a place where I belong
And I’ll sit in the corner and stay out of your way
can’t stand to write another song
about all the empty promises that you made

and ohhh
no one wants the shame, but its still there
and ohh
you cut me off but i know you still care

compromise 
and fake pity
loneliness has got to be
the worst thing you can find
in this city

This City

Let Go

This song is about the struggles of accepting that you have lost feelings for someone you once had a strong connection with. I have been writing songs for nearly 6 years now, but this is the first song of mine where I have tried to write in a bossa nova style. I was also very eager to incorporate a key change in this song - something which I have never even tried to do because the concept of it seemed quite daunting to me. I have been playing classical guitar for a couple years now, so wanted to apply some of my fingerpicking technique in this - as heard in 3:45. There are a couple moments in this song where I sing some improvised runs in a higher range than I am comfortable with, so my biggest challenge was probably practicing my vocal and breathing technique in order to hit the high notes and make the runs sound smooth. For a couple months I went through a writing block, so struggled to express my musical creativity and didn't write any songs for ages, when usually I write on average about two songs a week. However, challenging myself to write a song in a genre that I am not used to writing in helped me to break away from my mental block, so I will forever be thankful that this song helped me to feel inspired and motivated again.

Song lyrics:

Once upon a time 
we created something so magical,
Never-ending conversations,
Pouring out our teenage souls.

Elliott Smith played on repeat,
as we'd fight over which album
was the best he released,
And giving you lists of my top films,
so that someday you could watch them all
and think of me.

The long days when I'd stare for hours
at my phone for your reply,
The only thing on my lost mind was you
I struggle to deny.

So tell me how did I suddenly get
so tired of simply asking how your day was,
So much in common,
yet are we meant for each other at all?

Chorus:
So can I confess,
I'm not hypnotised by your eyes anymore,
'Cause when we talk at night,
the stars don't give us the spotlight we're asking for.
Those butterflies that took control,
they left my soul long ago.
Maybe it's a sign that I should finally let go.

Feel like I'm being chased
by a swarm of bees,
and I'm fighting for life.
But time is running out,
I'm getting out of breath,
and it's clear in my mind,
that company isn't a necessity.
Funny I say that 
'cause I'm doing everything to
avoid conforntation -
not my cup of tea.
I'm slowly drowning in these feelings,
I can't hold in anymore.

(CHORUS)

Let Go

Short Statement:

While growing up, change is inevitable. I wrote this song about being in a new place, uncertain about your surroundings. The main theme in the song is identity and the sense of displacement you feel as people and places shift as well as the struggle to understand who you are at a young age. I made and produced the track from home and tried to capture a feeling, I hope, would resonate with a lot of people my age. 




SONG LYRICS -  ‘i don’t know’ 

i don’t know who i am
feeling lost again
the city lights aren’t turned on it’s just the air 
and no one to call 
it’s quiet here where wind blows through knowing eyes that stay closed cuz they all know what i don’t 
everything is new to me 
and i don’t know what i’d do if i was here again
and the clouds are ready for the rain that comes ahead but is it all in my head?
am i meant to forget
the home i once knew 
cuz time doesn’t slow down when i’m in this small town so get me out 
i don’t know who i am feeling lost again
i don’t know who I am 
it's all just a memory someday i will learn to leave 
it’s all just a memory someday i will learn to leave 
leave 
i wanna grow from this place and never look back

I Don't Know

This song is called “I’m Fine” and it was written as my GCSE Music Free Composition. It is a song that details the internal struggles and anxieties that come with mental health issues, but most importantly, “I’m Fine” is about the need to deny your true emotions and act as if everything is ok – even when your life is slowly falling apart. I already had an idea in mind when I started writing this song: last year, I was listening to Liquid Drum and Bass and Hyperpop, as it was already a part of my music taste. I loved artists such as Rudimental, who worked with vocalists like Ella Eyre on the song “Need Me”, however I also listened to Charli XCX, 100 gecs and PinkPantheress, whom I created the instrumental around a 3-chord progression from her song “Reason”. I added a breakbeat to the instrumental by following a tutorial that I found on YouTube (it was on Logic Pro, but the concept is still applicable to any DAW, I use Soundtrap to record my songs). Then I added the synthesizers, included an 808 baseline and a fade in and a fade out.  As I got to writing the lyrics I wanted rap for my two main verses. Although I do not rap in every song, I do like to slip in a verse once in a while. As soon I got the lyrics checked and recorded, I knew it was ready for submission.

I’m Fine 

You feel that you do nothing, right?
Tired of fights of what a girl’s supposed to be like
Said some things I shouldn’t say now that I realise
I wanna run and hide, can’t face the real life
Tired of pity parties, tired of being lazy
They tell me “Just be happy”, ain’t what I’m feeling lately 
My mind will get impatient, when I’m supposed to change
What if it gets worse, what if it stays the same

You should know when I don’t wanna say a single thing
I like being alone, don’t wanna play these simple games

Won’t you notice that I’m fine, fine, fine fine
(Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine)
I’m going out of my mind
You will never see me cry 
I don’t lie I’m just fine

I eat food just to face my denial
Every time you see me in my bed I’m still crying
Used to be the quiet kid, now I just he wildin’
Wipe off al my tears to survive the silence (silence)
Apparently, I’m meant to take it or leave it
Accept every single scar no matter how much I’m bleeding
I’m practically leading my old life when demons are seething 
Through my teeth, they’ll kiss up to you but looks are deceiving, uh
You should know when I don’t wanna say a single thing
I like being alone, don’t wanna play these simple games

Won’t you notice that I’m fine, fine, fine fine
(Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine)
I’m going out of my mind
(Ooo)
You will never see me cry 
I don’t lie I’m just fine

The problem is I cannot see 
What I’m struggling still to believe
Why I get angry easily
I slowly lose my sanity
Even on weekends I can’t fall asleep
Cause my feelings are in too deep
That hill’s way too steep
In an abyss so low it makes it hard to leap

Won’t you notice that I’m fine, fine, fine fine 
(I’m fine, I’m fine yeah)
I’m going out of my mind
You will never see me cry 
I don’t lie, I don’t lie (I don’t lie I’m just fine)

I'M FINE

I composed, recorded and mixed Know Me using my school studio. The lyrics are quite meaningful to me. They are about how I felt after getting out of a relationship. I started feeling very mentally and emotionally low and I was losing myself because I felt no one really knows the true me and who I really am. I then later sing about how as time goes on, I begin to feel a bit happier and I start to make good use of this setback in my life. I begin to focus on working on myself and learning that whenever possible, you should try to use your losses as a way to improve yourself and become a better you. Writing this song has allowed me to reflect and heal from a difficult situation.




Know Me

Oooo know that im’ alright but I’ve been feeling so low,
Stacking the money up now we running them notes,
Never gonna lie I do it all for my bros 
Go and get a Milly push to start it on the roads

Hitting up my phone I’m alone can you hold me
Feel it in my bones when you know about the old me 
I don’t wanna go, going home with the whole team, 
Giving you my all but you turned to a phonie.

I be grafting everyday with the homies,
Making all the cash I’ll be out with the brodies,
But I don’t wanna go b, come and take it slowly,
You say that you know me but nobody really knows me

Nobody really knows me and I’ll say that ___ again
I’ll be feeling you I’ll be feeling all your bends,
Come and join the crew we be swerving up in a Benz
And I don’t have a clue if you love me or wanna pretend,

Me and bro we all on go know we bout all the cheddar,
Call up bae I tell her she be scheming you know what I fed her 
In the night feel alive calling but I’m acapella 
Fantasise all them times me and bro up in a sweater 

Stepping with my brodies and we on go
They be talking like they know me they really don’t 
I I be stacking with my dargies I’ma act broke 
Baby pull up like a Barbie, she in my zone she in it for me 

Really balling with the team, 
Stepping with a Barbie she be short and 5’3
I don’t let her go to parties she just throws it back for me,
Them boy tryna play like carti tell em count to 123 

I be grafting everyday with the homies,
Making all the cash I’ll be out with the brodies,
But I don’t wanna go b, come and take it slowly,
You say that you know me but nobody really knows me

Nobody really knows me and I’ll say that ___ again
I’ll be feeling you I’ll be feeling all your bends,
Come and join the crew we be swerving up in a Benz
And I don’t have a clue if you love me or wanna pretend,

Know Me

This song focuses on the grief and denial that comes with a failed relationship. I wanted to focus on this topic specifically because I find it’s a relatable topic amongst my age group. I wanted to be able to express strong feelings through music and lyrics and that’s what I intend to do. 


C Amin F G 
It’s true that the clocks have changed 
But I’m still here where you left me that day 
You said that you loved me 
But now im holding onto the words you say 
The cold winter breeze brought me down to my knees 
But the pain inside my heart can’t take it 
When you said she’s the one the one that you really love but the tears in my eyes can’t fake it 

Amin G F 
And I’m sure she’s just the one for you 
But I’m just hoping that you might see me too 

C Amin F G 
When you hugged me 
And you looked at me 
It’s like I couldn’t breathe 
But we left it all behind 
So I’m sorry 
That you let me 
Walk out one thing that I brought happiness in life 
And I know that it’s sad 
But I wish that I had fought a little bit harder 
For the times that we shared when we both really cared 
Nothing but each other 
And I know that you’re not mine 
Is it too much to ask for more time 

Bridge 

Chorus 
Is it closure or it never really ended in my mind 
Or has the time just slipped away from the stars from my cries 
The scars give me pain but the bruises when you left cut the most deep 
But they can be stitched back up if you come back to me 

Bridge chords: 
Dmin Amin F G 
Dmin Amin G 
So please see me 
Because i see you 
And I’ll remember the times when you were mine

Alice Gross Memorial Song Writing Award 2023-2024

Ealing Music Service