We have listened to this dozens of times over the last several weeks and can't get enough. SO funny.

Game Over

A parody of Heart Shaped Box that I wrote back in 2016 when Stugotz from the Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz was on a horrible streak of gambling losses.
Produced by https://soundcloud.com/radicalbiscuit

Stu Shaped Gotz

A tribute to the laziest radio host in America. To the tune of "Flagpole Sitta" by Harvey Danger. 

Lyrics:


I had visions I would be a big time host like Mike or the Mad Dog
Called 911 on a bullfrog
It scared the living bleep out of me
Roy typed up a read and I’m not confidently sure I can read it
And no I’m never defeated
I’ll try to shift the blame off of me
Hope it’ll work, but no, it never does

I can’t read & I can’t spell
Am I Art Briles? Cause I’m in Hell

Had it up to here with all the Zappos boxes piled at my front door
I only looked at the box score
But I’ll pretend that I watched the game
I procrastinate and then I wind up texting Chris, Mike or Billy
To come up with something silly
And write my Weekend Observations for me, bleep you

I can’t read & I can’t spell
Am I Art Briles? Cause I’m in Hell
I can’t read & I can’t spell
It’d be a sin, to do my job well

I wanna be on screens
And take away some rings
I wanna have my Sundays with my wife it feels fine
I wanna play the back nine
Over at Pembroke Pines
I wanna guess some lines...
Take the Jets plus-niiiiiiiii-iiine...

Hell we doin’? Hell we doin’? All my teams are trying to annoy me
Or they embarrass or bore me
It makes me wanna break my TV
We made plans for golf and then I didn’t show; I’m sorry I missed ya
I had a lacrosse-mitzfa
Someday my lies will finally catch up to me (oh no!)

I can’t read & I can’t spell
Am I Art Briles? Cause I’m in Hell
I can’t read & I can’t spell
It’d be a sin, to do my job well

Show Poll Reada (A Stugotz Anthem)

A short but delightful little ditty about the legendary backup Center, Michael Doleac. To the tune of "Rocket Man (I Think It's Gonna Be a Long, Long Time) by Sir Elton John.

Lyrics:


Miami’s quite a place to play pro ball
In fact, it’s dope as Hell
Even with limited minutes, off the bench

The second unit really ain’t so bad
It’s just my job 3 games a week
For a back up fiiiiiihiiiive
Named Doleac

And I think it’s gonna be in garbage time 
When I get fouled and go to the free throw line
And unlike Shaq, I’m gonna make ‘em both
Oh whoa whoa whoa

Michael Doleac...
DOLEAAAAAAAC
Been around the league 10 years or so
But I’ve been coming off the bench a long, long time

Doleac (I Think It's Gonna Be In Garbage Time)

A tribute to the best darn sportswriter the Miami Herald has ever known. To the tune of "Maneater" by Daryl Hall & John Oates.

Lyrics:


Showkiller

He’s only on once a week
Musty and oblique
He’s had a cough since 1994
Watching and waiting... for his moment to bring things to a screeching halt

Whatever is interesting
He’ll relay the opposite thing
Sometimes he’ll bring a relic from his room of curios
Quality matters... but it doesn’t to Greg, that much we know for sure...

•
Whoa-oh here he comes
Cue the loser game show sound
Whoa-oh here he comes
He’s a showkiller

Whoa-oh there he goes
Missing the hard network out
Everybody knows
(Watch out) He’s a showkiller
•

He’s his own biggest fan
Lives to annoy Dan
He’s deadly, man — instantly just tears the show apart
Mindlessly blathers
He’s been coming for years, but he still doesn’t watch the clock

•
Whoa-oh here he comes
Cue the loser game show sound
Whoa-oh here he comes
He’s a showkiller

Whoa-oh there he goes
Missing the hard network out
Everybody knows
(Watch out) He’s a showkiller
•

Showkiller

This one's for the lovable Christopher Cote, and his recent dalliance with Australian horse race betting in the wake of a global pandemic that has halted all major sporting event...

To the tune of "Pony" by Ginuwine

Lyrics:

I'm just a gambler
Looking for some action
Real sports have been gone too long...
Who knows when they're coming back; so:

Chris Cote
Is betting
Australian ponies
Friend gave him
Tips and
Daddy jumped on 'em

(Australian) Ponies

This one's for Finny... kind of?

To the tune of "Back That Azz Up" by Juvenile.

Lyrics:

Shut That Dog Up

Stu we’re all workin' from home, yeah, you know, yeah
These aren’t like regular shows, yeah, to host, yeah
We’re just talkin’ on the Zoom, yeah, in our rooms, yeah
Things aren’t always running smooth, but it’s all good, yeah
‘Cept I keep hearing your dog, yeah
He’s loud, yeah
Gotta do something about it, it’s like he’s shoutin’
Hire somebody to walk him, or somethin’
You just ain’t doing enough, yeah
Ruff ruff, yeah
You could tie him to a post, yeah
While you host, yeah
Maybe throw a bone outside, yeah
Rawhide, yeah

We’re tryna do a show, can’t you shut your dog up
How come you have no control? Won’t you shut your dog up
You got a big house, can’t you shut that dog up?
We’re all in this together, #ShutThatDogUp

We’re tryna do a show, can’t you shut your dog up
How come you have no control? Won’t you shut your dog up
We all love Finny, but please shut that dog up
We’re all in this together, #ShutThatDogUp

Shut That Dog Up

You're my fat angel in the morning, angel
My gravy vampire in the evening, Danny
You're my fat angel in the morning, angel
A chunky baby boy for me, yeah

A Snack panther on a Mission: Empanada
My Uncle Fatty ate the whole enchilada
Tequila Mockingbird, diamonds in your belly
John Thicc with a booty full of jelly
Pie Hard, and you're feeling quite splendid
You try to run, but you were gone with the winded
Ate all the honey buns in the gas station
give the whole chunky nation sugar salvation

You're my fat angel in the morning, angel
Ate all the peeps you gave to me, Danny
You're my fat angel in the morning, angel
A cupcake cowboy on the beach! Yeah.

You're my fat angel in the morning, angel
My gravy vampire in the evening, Danny
You're my fat angel in the morning, angel
A chunky baby boy for me, yeah

Fat Angel

Not sure about you, but I think six weeks is just about enough wall-to-wall Michael Jordan documentary coverage/content for my liking (sports desert or not).

To the tune of "Mambo no. 5" by Lou Bega

Lyrics:


Twenty-three (and forty-five)
In a content desert, so come on let’s ride 
on the docuseries 10-parter
You know we gotta squeeze out all the juice
‘Cause right now we got nada
This thing ended just last night
But there must be more to analyze 
We’ll talk Jordan, MJ, Michael, The Greatest!
The Worldwide Leader’s got the latest:

A little bit of Michael on First Take
A little bit of Mike for Michael’s sake
A little bit of MJ on Will Cain
A little bit of Mike on Stephen A.
They’re gonna talk the GOAT on PTI
A little bit of Jordan, all the time
A little bit of MJ’s all we’ve got
A little bit of Mike, like it or not

Maybe a little MJ on GetUp
A smattering of Michael on The Jump
The GOAT debate again on Around The Horn
It’s gonna make ya wish you were never born
A little side of Michael with your lunch
I bet you wonder when this will be done
A little more Jordan in your face
I think I’d rather watch a NASCAR race

Jordan: All The Time

Dan Is Fat

The Show

Lies Yourself (Stugotz Remix)

A song from Dan's perspective about every Tuesday with Greg Cote.

Lyrics:
Ladies and Gents, this is the moment I'm bracing for
Ten seconds till the show and he's walking all around the floor
He's gonna say some things that are so useless that I can't ignore
Wasting his breath, stealing my time, and all of my calm is left behind.
I can't fight it he's coming for me every Tuesday
I'm almost certain that he will not have a Back in My Day
I wore a clock! Can't he see the end is getting closer.
I give up as his incompetence is taking over!
For some reason, I will keep the invitation open.
It's a wonder; why I've given him so much devotion.
He only comes to get a click! His egos overloading
and I know that Cote's gonna kill the show!

When he's in front of a few hot mics and his headphones are nowhere in sight!
No matter what we do, he's taking over you.
He's gonna kill the show!
We set him up to be a clown, and his son can't stop him now!
Try to say something new, he's talking over you.
He's gonna kill the show!

He's never gonna see the clock. He's not too good at listening.
Was he high at the MegaCast? We'll have to ask McGillicuty.
Either way, it makes me smile every time I see his face.
Then he takes it all away with another Lobos update!

When he's in front of a few hot mics and his headphones are nowhere in sight!
No matter what we do, he's taking over you.
He's gonna kill the show!
We set him up to be a clown, and his son can't stop him now!
Try to say something new, he's talking over you.
He's gonna kill the show!
(You never know! You never know!)
He's gonna kill the show!

The Greatest Showkiller

[Hook]
Stu on another lie, Now I’m out another hundred
What’s he’s doing? Hidin’ money
What’s he’s doing? Hidin’ money
What I’m doing? Waitin’ on em
But he’s got lacrosse
Sports Bang is the company
And Weiner’s the boss
 
And I be buntin’ like I’m Billy
Buntin’ like I’m Billy
Buntin’ like I’m Billy
I be buntin’ like I’m Billy
I'm the, young Bunter
Buntin’ like I’m Billy
Buntin’ like I’m Billy
I be buntin’ like I’m Billy
 
 
[Verse]
Here's the thing, Roy hates it when I say
Can't start a single sentence without rambling for days
 And I’m, I’m standin’ by, Opening day
Tried to call a big fly but Dan swallowed my play
I gotta eat, yea eating like I’m eight
And on my birthday Donny T-Ball came to hate/
I ran track, if ya mans wanna race
I’mma run around and put Amin’s shame on the cable/
Paws Up!, and let me say
Where I’m from we see an Afilador every day
What’s that sound? Mike is back it
Throw a demon at me, I throw an angel back at em
And I’m Pipo, Miami Fanatic 
If I had that same boat, I could have paddled the Atlantic/
I got receipts, Dan you never know
They may come an audit taxes, I’m a psycho with a neuros(is)...
 
 
[Hook]
Stu on another lie, Now I’m out another hundred
What’s he’s doing? Hidin’ money
What’s he’s doing? Hidin’ money
What I’m doing? Waitin’ on em
But he’s got lacrosse
Sports Bang is the company
And Weiner’s the boss
 
And I be buntin’ like I’m Billy
Buntin’ like I’m Billy
Buntin’ like I’m Billy
I be buntin’ like I’m Billy
I'm the, young Bunter
Buntin’ like I’m Billy
Buntin’ like I’m Billy
I be buntin’ like I’m Billy

Suey Dan Lebatard

Buntin' Like I'm Billy [Gil] - (Stuntin Like My Daddy Parody)

Yeti Blanc, Fleminem & I were asked to contribute to the "long version" of the stat of the day; a massive segment for the final episode of the Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz that aired on ESPN Radio. 

This is what we came up with. Enjoy!

Dan Is Fat

Yeti Blanc

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Austin J. Beattie

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