Do you ever find something so tasty that you wish you could just keep eating it forever and ever until the universe collapses?? This is it for me

lyrics:

dealing with creation under winter skies
alone in my apartment, I bathe in bodies of liquor
a pack of cigarettes, wasting fumes and exhalation
spitting on the dog-ends, I still hesitate to burn 

you watch me as I chew on my cheeks
I watch you with your arms to your side
using indolent slurs as psychological healing
you tell me I’m mean, but I hope you don’t mean it

-----
are you sure i’m acting my age
you lead me to a quiet place, forcing me to spit on your face
or maybe i’m just looking for ways 
to be seen as the skin-deep work i am

dog-ends

I Live In The Vents

The sun is high and scorching the streets. Swarms of gnats swirling in the field. The heat is too much. The flowers in the breeze. The constant chirp and buzzing chatter of the woods. The hum of the flies. The blood. The stink of the rot. The body. It all feels like home to him. He's never known anything else.

July

asi es siempre

two women sit in armchairs. a small table with a lamp atop it separating the two. the light cradling the wrinkles on their face and the white of their hair. “i’m not ready to go yet, mabel.” one says to the other. “think of all the fun we’ve had together” she says back. “we did have a great time together, didn't we?” sylvia chuckles after some silence and her voice breaks through tears. “will i ever see you again?” 
“of course you will. we’ll see each other in heaven for all eternity. you’re my sister, god would never keep us apart.” mabel explains, fighting tears of her own. mabel knows what awaits them at the very end and it’s no eternal paradise. rather an infinite void. a void that she knows all will fall victim to one way or another one day or another. but, her sweet sister sylvia deserves more and for the first time since she was little, she prays. she prays that her sister will see her again with all the rest of their family. maybe they'll even see mr. charles who lived down the block when they were in middle school with his old dog bronco. they loved that dog and mr. charles loved them. they went to visit him one afternoon after school and there they witnessed a team of paramedics carrying mr. charles away on a stretcher. school wasn't the same after that, there was nothing to look forward to. that was when sylvia truly turned to christ and let his hands bear the burden of her grief. mabel, however, wasn't so convinced. she worried for mr. charles. she figured being dead was the same as being asleep. except you don't get to wake up anymore. she wished mr. charles could wake up again. she figures it'd be horrible to be asleep forever. despite all her heartache, there was nothing she could do then. so here she sits beside her sweet sister sylvia, hands clasped and raised to her mouth. she prays, and prays. she hopes to anyone that may be listening that something awaits at the end for them and just like all the times she had prayed as a child, there was no answer and nothing ever got better. was she doing it wrong? did god never hear her prayer, does he care at all? is he there? she thought back to all those nights when daddy got too drunk and he’d fight with mama. she prayed he’d make more money so the two could love each other like they used to. but nothing ever got better and a week later mabel watched misty eyed with her sister stood beside her bawling as their fathers casket was lowered into the ground. now mabel lies in wait, comforting her sister until nature runs it’s course and that void she had been running from her whole life finally catches up with them both. “i love you, sylvia.” 
“i love you too, mabel.”

Bless Her Heart

caliban (demo)

lyrics:

there's a ghost that stands on the edge of the lawn and
he tells me that im so far gone from reality, as he's watching me
he never comes inside but i know that he's out at night
cuz i hear his cries like he's in front of me, in front of me

he says i'll drown in the mississippi when i'm all alone
running from my history, i don't believe
i don't believe
until he showed me what he means, mud on my teeth as i'm sinking
sinking

i push the earth around me
to make way for all i'm bearing
and i'm strung up from the highest tree
and he watched as it all was happening

dog-ends

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