(April 4th, 2022) lyrics:

all the air i breathe, every book i read, has a hint of you. i’ve never been so blind, never been so fine, aside from how i’d die for you. 

dearest beloved, there’s something i don’t want you to know. you are my clean slate, my safe space, you give me vertigo. dearest beloved, i love it when you act like you don’t know. dearest beloved, i’ll never let you go. 

when i close my eyes, you fill my mind up to the brim. and though i’m scared, i’ve never cared about anyone like this. 

dearest beloved, there’s something i don’t want you to know. you are my clean slate, my safe space, you give me vertigo. dearest beloved, i love it when you act like you don’t know. 

dearest beloved, i’ll never let you go. you are the sun when i am cold, i’ll love you till i’m gray and old. if you say goodbye, i’ll lose my mind. you’re all i want, how are you mine? 

dearest beloved, there’s something i don’t want you to know. you are my clean slate, my safe space, you give me vertigo. dearest beloved, i love it when you act like you don’t know. dearest beloved, i’ll never let you go.

dearest beloved

(October 7th, 2023) lyrics:
oh, green eyes. i’m only safe when you’re around, my green light. now that i see him, clear and loud, so many signs. i have been waiting for you, concentrating on you, fascinated every time i pass your house. and every night, i swear i’m haunted by your doubts. i sleep all right, cause in my dreams, you’re always down. why aren’t you dating me? you’re intimidating me. let’s just negotiate until you come around. like the sky clings to light, i know i’m found. it’s you, or i’m alone. i’ll love you till we’re grown, green eyes.

ojos de verdes

(July 7th, 2023) Lyrics:
Stolen sunlight piercing through blinds. Chase you mile-by-mile, whatever it takes to be by your side. I haunt the disturbed, cars parked along the curb. Doorbell’s been cold for a while, time flies by when you’re in denial. 

When the days all fold. When you feel so far from home, know you can find me wherever you go. And I’ll be there to hold your hand, take you to your promised land, and you can find me wherever you stand. 

When the birds start to sing, you know I’m listening. Your pillow lay cold, I lay unconsoled. 

When the days all fold. When you feel so far from home, know you can find me wherever you go. And I’ll be there to hold your hand, take you to your promised land, and you can find me wherever you stand. 

And when the days all fold. When you feel so far from home, know you can find me wherever you go. And I’ll be there to hold your hand, take you to your promised land, and you can find me wherever you stand. 

And whenever you decide to stay, just tell me you made a mistake, and everything will be okay.

Promised Land

Lyrics
You lead me around the corner just to kiss me
And there’s no greater moment than when we’re kissing
And you tell me things you can’t say to anybody else 
And you’re the one person I can’t get enough of 
I watch you leave again for a week long vacation
My eyes get all hot and I feel my heart start racing
But you tell me you love me and you hate to be away
It’s been a year and a half but I can’t get enough of your face 
Waking up is overrated
I never dreamed of such a big break
I can never start again with anybody new 
There’s a gap in my life shaped like you
You sing my songs in the car
I never dreamed we’d get this far
I’d cross the sea to be with you
I’d move away if you asked me to 
Everything is better with you

Lead Me ‘Round The Corner

You’re out of town now
But you’re worried about me
You say when you’re home
You’ll get me lots of protein to eat
And you say you miss me 
When you’re falling asleep
You stare at pictures of me at prom
You hope nothing ever goes wrong with me
You’re never vindictive always insistent 
Always insisting there is nothing wrong

Out Of Town

This has been the worst week of my life 
I went to bojangles and got me a sweet tea
Before I left the drive through 
I spilled it in the front seat of my Honda accord
I’ve had a lot of bad moments lately but this is a record
I held my breath 
And I counted to ten

Worst Week

And that was when I kissed him
I kissed him so hard, it was a restart
And I knew it was you
I woke up in a tomb
And I was renewed
I woke up in a tomb
I woke up in his room
In the house I was born in
I won a fortune 
I am a winner
Though I am a sinner
I’m sinning with you
But I’m winning too
I’m winning you
Jesus is important 
But He’s a forgiver 
So I am a winner 
Jesus forgives 
And so I will live

I Woke Up In A Tomb

Lyrics:
I say this with a loving attitude 
No more everclear for you

You got too drunk and you took it too far
And I cried in the dark as I walked through the woods 
by myself past trees and cars
I loved you as much as any woman could
And I’d by lying if I said I weren’t alarmed 
My phone was dead, so I couldn’t call my friends 
Now tell me what I’m supposed to think
You never told me you turn evil when you drink 

And I was inebriated, too
But I sobered up quick 
When I discovered I loved you 
way more than I thought I did 
I felt like my mother’s kid 
When your grip was on my arm,
I felt like my father’s kid
When you couldn’t see how it was wrong,
I felt like I always did
When I was a kid
When I was my fathers kid
Living in Rhode Island 
Or in that apartment 
He said I was his favorite 
Then he’d hit me like all fathers did
He’d give me ice cream as repayment 
He said he didn’t enjoy it 
Like all the fathers did

But I knew I’d stay, And you’d never drink again,
I knew I’d flinch the next time you raised your hand 
I felt so bad for all your friends 

Who stood up for me so chivalrously
And ushered me out the door
And called to say sorry 
That’s when I sat and I cried on the floor

On the sidewalk beside a building
My favorite band practiced in before
back in 2002, before there was me or you
When my parents were engaged in the north 

And yours dreamed of meeting you
Raising you to be a gentleman
Kind and sweet, and sober, too
Never hurting girls under the influence 

But I knew you’d never drink again
I knew you’d learn your lesson 
I knew the weight of eighteen months
I knew we loved each other enough
To forget how everclear burned my throat 
I only drank it cause you told me so 
You drank it straight from the bottle
You were so drunk, you couldn’t taste it at all
You must’ve forgotten how much strength you had,
Falling back and forth against the bed,

Smacking the desk to the beat of the song
You didn’t realize it was wrong
And I knew you wouldn’t till the next day
But I was concerned so stayed
I couldn’t leave you alone with yourself
I didn’t mean to fall into your warpath 
I stayed to make sure you were safe
I didn’t know when it was too late 
I had to leave to look after myself
I knew your roommates would keep you in check 
Better than a woman could try
I knew you loved me in spite of being violent
I forgive you
I forgive you
I just miss you
I forgive you
I came to your rescue
No more everclear for you 
There won’t be a strike 2
No more alcohol for you
You’re just a baby, look at you
You’re learning limits + I love that for you
I love you no matter what you do
No more everclear for you
Maybe on spring break,
But never again on a weekday,
No more everclear for you
Maybe when you’re 22 
But for now
No more everclear for you

No More Everclear For You.

private drive, private property

When I Fall Down

i remember

nicholas mahler (acoustic)

Lyrics:

Mordecai, every night, we were in bed by nine. we fought when we hung out, every time. you lived on mordecai. our eyes were bright. that house was haunted, i was terrified. you lived on mordecai. we learned how to laugh and  how to lie. We learned how to talk and  how to cry. You lived on Mordecai. 

I loved you Like a sister while I hated my own
My Mom would kick me out so yours became a second home
And you Were older than me so I thought you Were sophisticated
You Were an obligatory friend that I thought that I hated

And time told, we grew older
You always had that matching weight on your shoulder
Our other friendships ended cause they called us insane and intense
But after school and nightmare recess games, I never had to teach you My name

Or what my dad did
Or where I hid is a kid
Or the kids that spread rumors about me
Or my bisexual awakening 
Cause you were there for all of it 

Like when I cut my hair too short
When we dyed it blue together 
Discovering your dad was a pervert
Discovering that not knowing was better 
And that we’d be sad forever 

Hiding under the covers
Always lying to our future lovers
About our lives 
Because the truth would terrify them

We have a screw loose than everyone else has 
We work so hard but we always finish last
No one ever understands us 
It just feels like we’re always out of luck 

And I’m grown now but I’m still
Afraid to be home alone 
afraid of the creaks on the porch 
It’s fine cause I’m too poor to ever buy a home 

you lived on mordecai, back when things were fine. they weren’t great but they were alright, you lived on mordecai. when we thought there was more to life than eat, sleep, then die, you lived on mordecai. We were miserable but it was divine. I said “don’t make me go near that swine” you lived on mordecai. I hated you with my whole life, don’t ask me why. you lived on mordecai.  We were broken inside. We had no other friends to bide our time when you lived on Mordecai.

my cousin is hard as bricks but i love her like a sister and she means everything to me. Our moms took us to bars at the end of the week, you could find us in the bathroom doing karaoke in downtown Raleigh. Andrew jackson was born down the street in the 1760s. I went to high school down the street in the 2020s. But in the year 2013, my best friend lived on mordecai street, and I slept over every week or three. We watched scary movies in 3D and ate sushi. I don’t mean to blame our gene pool for making us musical,  insane, and uncool. I don’t aim to be cruel but I blame our moms

abigail avenue

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