The Speculation:

Just a jam we had at a studio, probably going to turn into a new song, probably going to go on the new album, new album will probably be called "Just the Base".  

https://www.facebook.com/Battlesmash666


The Studio:

https://thejambooth.wixsite.com/music
https://www.facebook.com/JamBoothMusic/
https://soundcloud.com/user-428018928

Just The Base

Trying out new tones and working on a new song...

Draw an upside down heart
Put some spider legs on it
So many spider legs on it
Draw a tree trunk out the point
then draw a peach on top of it

I just made you draw a dick...

Draw a rounded "W"
Put two dots inside the U's
Draw two circles round the dots
we just made you draw some boobs

Drawing Class

YOU CANNOT CONTEND
WITH MY FOLLOW-
ING OF TRENDS
I'LL BE AS STONG AS 20 MEN
WHEN I START MY SIX MONTH JUICE CLEANSE
PREPARE FOR STOMACH QUAKE
BATTLESMASH IS WHITE PEOPLE DRAKE
JUST IGNORE, THE SICK IN STORE, THAT YOU ENDURE
TO INCREASE THE STRENGTH OF YOUR CORE;
JUST SLEEP ON THE FLOOR
YOUR TUMMY'S RATHER SORE?
WELL DON'T SAY NO MORE
YOUR BEING SUCH A SNORE AND IT'S MAKING ME REAL BORED...

diarrhea bends 
SIX MONTH JUICE CLEANSE 
stronger then your friends
SIX MONTH JUICE CLEANSE
take notes with your pen
SIX MONTH JUICE CLEANSE
better time to spend?
NO!!!

Six Month Juice Cleanse

Six Month Juice Cleanse (***Sneak Peek, NEW SONG***)

Surviving in the arctic; not much of a conundra.
I rely on penguins: the turkey of the tundra.
One thing for em: they haven’t got much meat,
but the one thing against em: not fast on their feet.

A penguin spear, a penguin net, a penguin holding pit.
All you P.E.T.A. piss flaps can fucking eat my shit.
I cook em up and cut em down and put em in my cellar,
but I don’t always do it in that particular order.

PENGUIN HUNTING IS MY FAVOURITE PASS TIME; FOR THE NIGHT...
WHEN THEY'RE SPICED JUST RIGHT!
...

Surviving frozen tundra is easier to do;
with the salted penguin meat; that I keep in my igloo.
I’d be lying, if I said they didn’t suffer;
I need something to do while I wait for porn to buffer.
Killing them I find most cathartic…
When it angers me TO LIGHT FIRES IN THE ARCTIC.
Penguins are quite smaller then I thought:
I got five or six in this motherfucking pot!

WHEN THEY'RE SPICED JUST RIGHT!

Turkey of the Tundra

Turkey of the Tundra (Official Version [LIVE @ The National Arena, Independence Park.  Jamaica])

Did you attend the Battlesmash Reunion Tour?  If the answer is "no" ; wait a second before you go kill yourself for being such a poser.  Here is the actual stage intro that was used before they took the stage for the first time in one 2 decades... so you can listen to that at least...your welcome.

Reunion Tour Live Show Disclaimer

Battlesmash has somewhat reliable multiverse, time travel abilities.  The secrets of which...currently haven't been revealed.  Here is an extended conversation that was intercepted.  It is between Will the medieval water delivery man and a member of the kings guard...

2023

Outtakes of yelling at the English water delivery man...

Live Recording of Dick's old band "The Fuck Guns".  After Dick left they would go on to find moderate success as the "Sex Pistols"...

Wake up in the mornin
Kick the door with a "bam"
It's the medieval water delivery man
Door still closed
Cause it's stuck in the jamb
He's the medieval water delivery man
Going out the window
Now part of his plan
Medieval water delivery man
To shorten up the walk
He fills jugs with sand
He's the medieval water delivery man

He's not an expert but he's not a total loss.
Contaminates the water with his special sauce.
takes his orders from the king, into the royal chalice he dips his thing.
Medieval water man you better watch your back.

And the king decreed
To hell he be damned
He's the medieval water delivery man
Send a word of bounty
Across the land
For the medieval water delivery man
His wife's a whore
and his marriage a sham
It's the medieval water delivery man
Now he's underground
Eating cans of spam
Medieval water delivery man

Medieval Water Delivery Man - Dick & The Fuck Gunz (Live: Wrigley Field, Chicago, U.S.A.)

Unfortunately the good doctor had to sit this show out as he had just recently tried to remove his own kidney.  So it's just Dick and the boys live in Japan from the late 80's.  Fear not however; they will be rerecording this song for the new album.  Also, if you missed "The Art of the Epic Fumble" album release party in Ajax last month... you suck...but also; the fellas are hard at work on the next album and are hoping to have it done in time for the next show.  So hopefully you can make it to the next show which will also probably be an album release show.

VBW

Sitting here with a glass of fine sherry
Gets me thinking my ass is quite hairy
No time for all of this relaxing
GUNNA GO GET A VIGOROUS BUTT WAXING
Hair on the cheeks and hair in the crack
And hair everywhere the colour of black
Having ass hair is getting mighty taxing
SOMEBODY HAS TO PAY FOR MY VIGOROUS BUTT WAXING!

It's getting pretty noticeable to the touch
I'm pretty sure there was never this much
I don't understand how this spa is acting
I'LL PAY GOOD MONEY FOR A VIGOROUS BUTT WAXING!!
Doesn't even distract me with a quip
Just reaches down and rips off the strip
Feels like my assholes protracting
GUNNA REGRET THIS VIGOROUS BUTT WAXING!!!

Vigorous butt waxing
Vigorous butt waxing
Vigorous butt waxing
Vigorous butt waxing

V.B.W. (Vigorous Butt Waxing)[Live @ Tokyo Dome, Tokyo Dome City. Japan]

We had to write "cover" for legal reasons... but BattleSmash actually wrote this song with the objective being to sell it to Michael Jackson.  Michael bought it but sat on it as if it were a dragon's hoard.  

After his death one of his illegitimate sons known only as "The Weeknd" came into possession of the rights and the rest is history.  This is the original demo version from the 90's, it also features "Jorge" from "Alex Is On Fire" before he was in that band (@ 1:40).

Uh huh huh
Uh huh huh
Uh huh huh
heaheaheahea
Your man on the road, he doin' promo
You said, "Keep our business on the low-low"
I'm just tryna get you out the friend zone
'Cause you look even better than the photos
I can't find your house, send me the info
Drivin' through the gated residential
Found out I was comin', sent your friends home
Keep on tryna hide it, but your friends know
I only call you when it's half-past five
The only time that I'll be by your side
I only love it when you touch me, not feel me
When I'm fucked up, that's the real me
When I'm fucked up, that's the real me, yeah
I only call you when it's half-past five
The only time I'd ever call you mine
I only love it when you touch me, not feel me
When I'm fucked up, that's the real me
When I'm fucked up, that's the real me, babe
I'ma let you know and keep it simple
Tryna keep it up don't seem so simple
I just fucked two bitches 'fore I saw you
And you gon' have to do it at my tempo
Always tryna send me off to rehab
Drugs started feelin' like it's decaf
I'm just tryna live life for the moment
And all these motherfuckers want a relapse
I only call you when it's half-past five
The only time that I'll be by your side
I only love it when you touch me, not feel me
When I'm fucked up, that's the real me
When I'm fucked up, that's the real me, yeah
I only call you when it's half-past five
The only time I'd ever call you mine
I only love it when you touch me, not feel me
When I'm fucked up, that's the real me
When I'm fucked up, that's the real me, babe
Hills have eyes, the hills have eyes
Who are you to judge?
Who are you to judge?
Hide your lies, girl, hide your lies
Only you to trust, only you

BattleSmash@Outlook.com
https://www.facebook.com/Battlesmash666/
https://www.youtube.com/@BattleSmash666
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https://www.instagram.com/battlesmash666/

Here's how The Weeknd did it...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yzTuBuRdAyA

The Hills

The Hills - BattleSmash "cover" (demo version)

A lost track that just re-surfaced.  Recorded sometime in the 80's by the original line-up, every BattleSmash fan knows which song this jam would evolve into...

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https://www.instagram.com/battlesmash666/
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https://open.spotify.com/artist/7F6tUqBYWja2erEFJ1TswY

Unmastered, lost... then found, instrumental track from the 80's.

Live from The AccorHotels Arena in Paris France.  This song's guitar style, tone and especially the distorted outro solo is widely regarded as the inspiration for the sound of the band "Sublime".

"I know everything about everything about something;
and that thing is ska you know!
only one thing can prove me unwrong:
Battlesmash generic ska song!

first we skank, skank, skank, skank, skank, skank…
Then we pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, here we go!
first we skank, skank, skank, skank, skank, skank
and then we pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, here we go!

Boom bam and a pow wham a snap crack!
I’m singing the contents of the drum track.
It’s ska music’s feeling of Y.O.L.O.
and now one of those whistling solos…

First we skank, skank, skank, skank, skank, skank, 
and then we pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, here we go!
First we skank, skank, skank, skank, skank, skank, 
and then we pick it up, pick it up, picket up, here we go!"

Boothocalypse

Generic Ska Song (Live: The AccorHotels Arena, Paris.)

Luckily; the FOH tech that night had a line coming out of the main mixer into a small recording device,  or this gem may have been lost forever...

This is the first ever recorded "hearing" of this song by the public.  Battlesmash preformed it as an encore at their show in New York, it is not composition-wise the version that would later appear on the studio album.  It is theorized that they played it on this occasion as purely an improvisational jam, that would later become the song we know.

"Surviving in the arctic; not much of a conundra.
I rely on penguins: the turkey of the tundra.
One thing for em: they haven’t got much meat,
but the one thing against em: not fast on their feet.

A penguin spear, a penguin net, a penguin holding pit.
All you P.E.T.A. piss flaps can fucking eat my shit.
I cook em up and cut em down and put em in my cellar,
but I don’t always do it in that particular order.

Penguin hunting is my favourite pass-time for night!
Penguin hunting is my favourite pass-time for night!
They taste so great when they’re spiced just right!!
They taste so great when they’re spiced just right!!

Penguin hunting is my favourite pass-time for day!
I laugh at them as they try to get away!!
I laugh at them as they try to get away!!
Penguin hunting is my favourite pass-time for day!

Penguin hunting is my favourite pass time for night!
They taste so great when they’re spiced just right!!
They taste so great when they’re spiced just right!! 
Penguin hunting is my favourite pass-time for night!

Surviving frozen tundra is easier to do;
with the salted penguin meat; that I keep in my igloo.
I’d be lying, if I said they didn’t suffer;
I need something to do while I wait for porn to buffer.
Killing them I find most cathartic…
When it angers me TO LIGHT FIRES IN THE ARCTIC.
Penguins are quite smaller then I thought:
I got five or six in this motherfucking pot!"

*FUN FACT: The song is clearly in reference to D. Dickerson's sojourn into the Arctic Tundra. *

Turkey of the Tundra (Live: Forest Hills Stadium, New York City, America.)

A live recording of the song written about the man who provides 1/2 the vocal, 1/2 the guitar and 100% of the substandard healthcare of Battlesmash!

"He’s one messed up guy,
Been around for a real long time.
stealing meds, he’s always getting high.
His diploma came in a box of tide.
Doesn’t like blood so he has a bib,
instead of a scalpel he uses a shiv.
Doctor Battlesmash he’s a hell of a guy.
Forgot his scissors in you, now you’re probably gunna die!

If you are referred to see this dude;
you better be prepared to lose a limb or two.
DR BATTLESMASH: HEAVY METAL DOCTOR!
Graduated straight from the bottom of class,
ever since then; ya, he murders in mass.
DR BATTLESMASH: HEAVY METAL DOCTOR!

No he’s not too shy of a guy,
Removes your lung and also an eye.
You lose some blood and you stumble about:
Dr Battlesmash doesn’t clown around.
You came in just for a routine check,
and now your half dead with a tube in your neck.
His answers always cut it off, burn it or cleave it.
His educations poor and middle name is Cletus.

If you ever come across this man; 
you better hope you have a good medical plan.
He’s DOCTOR BATTLESMASH: HEAVY METAL DOCTOR!!
He’s got himself a kiosk down at the mall;
where he cuts limbs off for no reason at all.
He’s DOCTOR BATTLESMASH HEAVY METAL DOCTOR!"

Heavy Metal Doctor (Live: The Manchester Arena, England.)

Shark Trainer

We’ve come for all you humans,
Sharks from outer space!!!
It’s just the early evening…
But thats still relatively late in the day.
Don’t you worry: I’ll grind the gears.
Oops; I mean I’ll grease the gears.
Whats that falling down from there?
You’ll be surprised when sharks appear…

Sharks are falling from the sky,
I cannot believe my eyes.
Everyone is gunna die,
unless we release the Unipi. 
ALIEN SHARKS;
released by Battlesmash to fight the bees!
ALIEN SHARKS;
we need a Unipus to fulfill our needs!
ALIEN SHARKS;
looks more like a space snake to me!
ALIEN SHARKS;
the Unipus will handle all you fiends!!
 
The Unipus only has one arm.
DID I MENTION SHARKS FROM OUTER SPACE!?!
..Still he’s pretty deadly.
Suction cups right to your face..
These sharks are getting anxious.
Unipus is filled with rage.
These sharks are pretty tasty,
when you cover them all up in sage…

Sharks are dying everywhere.
The Unipus doesn’t seem to care.
Things are getting crazy here.
No mercy will he choose to share…
ALIEN SHARKS;
released by Battlesmash to fight the bees!
ALIEN SHARKS;
we need a Unipus to fulfill our needs!
ALIEN SHARKS;
looks more like a space snake to me!
ALIEN SHARKS;
the Unipus will handle all you fiends!! (burp) …fiends

Shark Trainer (Live: The Hollywood Bowl. Los Angeles, California)

If you don't know who we are...ask ur mom

*warning listening to Battlesmash may cause you to forget math.

Battlesmash

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