NUMB

Songs from earlier in my catalog, redone with competently played guitars/bass drums (Matt Rendon is that competent player).

Redux

Spice Lads is Jim Waters - the inspirational spark, center, and sculptor of these songs. Blunt Objects is Bill Owens.  We have fun working together!

Rising Tide

Rendezvous Lovers

Falling Down The Stairs

Beatrix Treazy - Commuting

Beatrix Treazy - Japanese Boyscouts, Whistling Their Way Up Mt Fuji

You say the world's left you behind, and it's hurt you so
And it shows, and it shows
You say that nothing's any good, and you want no part no more
You should know, you should know...

How could they know?
All of the things you've kept hidden for all these years
How Could They Know?
The reasons behind all your wide-eyed fears
How Could They Know
The nights you spent crying your shameless tears
How Could they know
All the things they've said wrong to one that hears

Well, it's always what we could be that we never really are
You're not a star, not a star
And you think you've had enough of it and you're wishing for an end
It's not far, it's not far...

How could they know...?

How Could They Know?

there's too much between us - your love is untrue
Too much between us - you're flouting the rules

The people who see us think we're luck to be us
Looking so good together --- birds of a feather

There's too much between us --- we're fighting a duel
Too much between us --- a tarnished jewel

The people who see us think we're luck to be us
Looking so good together --- birds of a feather

Too Much Between Us

I forgive you now, but still don't understand
How we could be together, yet so far apart
As we learn to play our cards,  learn not to tip our hands
Trying to mend this broken, messy heart
Who's watching out for me now? 
(No one's watching out for me now...)
I don't want to be the guy who let you down...

And now I try to figure out just what went wrong
And waste my time to find the moment it turned south
Had the feeling that I was in for disappointment
It was already here --- I just didn't know it then..

You're not happy, I'm not happy even though we co-exist
I find myself wondering where you've gone,
And then I remember I'm not supposed to care anymore
Who's watching out for me now? 
(No one's watching out for me now...)
I don't want to be the guy who let you down

And now I try to figure out just what went wrong
And waste my time to find the moment it turned south
Had the feeling that I was in for disappointment
It was already here --- I just didn't know it then..

(I don't wanna be the) Guy Who Let You Down

I need to sleep
Please --- if there's a God --- Just let me sleep
I can't get no REM
Dreamland's out of reach
I haven't slept so long I'm crazed 
Please, Please, Please

I lay down, check the clock at ten
then 11, then 12, and then 1-2-3-4-5 
When will it end?
Thank goodness there are only 12 named hours...
I need to Sleep

I can't fall sleep, I'm trying everything
I can't stay awake much longer without some sort of break
I was just a little kid, praying “Now I lay me down to sleep”
It seems now like a cruel joke
I know lots of BAD words
And I want to say those bad words
Also, want to sleep


I can't go to sleep, “I pray the lord, my soul to keep”
but jeepers freaking cripes, I can't even go to sleep
Am I gonna die while wide awake?
Jesus, Mary, Joseph --- even Satan!
I'd sell my soul right now for 50 cents ---
I'd pay someone to take it
If I could score just 40 winks...

I need to Sleep!
You know that falling off a cliff feeling as you're dropping off to doze?
I don't --- not anymore --- can't even find the cliff
I know lots of BAD words
And I want to say those bad words
Also, want to sleep
Just want to fall asleep

Dream just like I used to dream I'm tired, I'm ready to sleep
I just lie awake...
I  may never dream again, I my never sleep again
Never quite asleep, Never quite awake

(I need to)Sleep!

Maybe you don't listen when I tell you what I feel
But you, you can be certain that I really have a thing about sex appeal
Do what you like but don't expect my smiling face, smiling face
A charmed life is a luxury and I hope that you can still afford me

If I had a script, I'd show you the part you'd play in my scene
When you told me your life story it read an awful lot like True Confessions
Here's a little secret (I've got my own confession for you)
Everytime I see you, I fall in love all over again
Everytime I see you, I fall in love all over again

So hold on, I'm gone to cover the distance
And if I'm right and you're wrong, we'll split the difference
Always great, and sometimes better
Alway red, and sometimes redder

Everytime I see you, I fall in love all over again
Everytime I see you, I fall in love all over again

Every Time I See You

Want to take you when you're soft & shy
Want to see you in the morning light
I want you in the best sort of way
I want you every night and day

Can't give you diamonds
Can't give you brand new cars
But I'll give you anything I have
I want your love
I want your love
I want your love

Want to take you to exotic places
Want to show you lots of different faces
Want to share with you the things I've seen
Want to take you where tomorrow's been

Can't give you diamonds
Can't give you brand new cars
But I'll give you anything I have
I want your love
I want your love
I want your love

You can hang those nice silk stockings
On my bedpost, any night
You can gently rock me baby, 
till the stars all call it a night

Can't give you diamonds
Can't give you brand new cars
But I'll give you anything I have
I want your love
I want your love
I want your love

I Want Your Love

I can't count, but I can spot the diff'rence 
between one, and more than one
Zero has no mass or volume
Occupies no space
Between zero and infinity 
is where we all exist

Nothing from nothing equals nothing
Nothing plus nothing is the same

Multiply or divide by zero
And Zero takes that number apart
Sends it to infinity...
The dot in the middle of an X is zero
As any Cartesian knows

Zero is an integer, not a counting number
When you start counting, the count begins with one
One is the first brush with physical reality
One is where things start to appear

Nothing from nothing equals nothing
Nothing plus nothing is the same

Multiply or divide by zero
And Zero takes that number apart
Sends it to infinity...
The dot in the middle of an X is zero
As every Cartesian knows

Zero

So now I’m left just standing here with nothing but my name, again
Been through this before
And it always feels the same
Maybe this will someday be my only claim to fame?

Things change and sometimes have to end
And what you get you gotten
This song is dedicated to my best friend, 
Whose name I’ve since forgotten..

I took a sad song today, tried to make it better
But things don't always work that way
I heard some sad talk today, that winter's here to stay
And there's no more month called May

Things change and sometimes have to end
And what you'll get you've gotten
This song is dedicated to my best friend, 
Whose name I’ve since forgotten..

Learned a few new games I never thought I'd have to play
Thought my time of leisure was here to stay
Ignorance is bliss, I'm told --- that's probably so
Maybe I'll never be happy

Things change and sometimes have to end
And what you get you gotten
This song is dedicated to my best friend, 
Whose name I’ve since forgotten..

My Best Friend

Boyscouts Whistling Up Mt Fuji

“In the beginning...” is just the start of a fairy tale
To scare you and control you
When I understood Santa isn't real
I realized that God is made from that same stuff as Santa (yeah yeah yeah)
he's just not as fun (no no no)

there's no great father in heaven looking out for us
Take a look around --- no proof 

The bible is a giant game of telephone
Over thousands of years (a long, long time)
through millions of mouths (blah blah blah)
You know it's all made up, right?
A fable devised by popes and kings
to pacify the masses (a-men)
How is that the word of God?

there's no great father in heaven looking out for us
Take a look around --- no proof 

Too much singing, too much hypocrisy (why why why)
Too much that requires suspension of logic (makes no sense)
Mythologies are the failed religions of yesterday (mercy me)
The dogmas of today all share the same destiny

there's no great father in heaven looking out for us
Take a look around --- no proof

No Proof

I don't know the things you know
I can't do the things you do
I don't hope for the same things you hope for
But I like spending time with you

A diagram reveals 
that we share a lot of common space
Rather be with you than without
Let's enjoy the ride together
See where it takes us
I like spending time with you

I can't see the things you see
I don't hear the things you hear
I don't celebrate the same things as you
I know we share some fears

A diagram reveals 
that we share a lot of common space
Rather be with you than without
Let's enjoy the ride together
See where it takes us
I like spending time with you

Time With You

I want more
Than what I've got
Can't seem to get ahead

I want more
Than what we get
According to the rules

I don't like that game
I want more... I want more

I can't move
I can't forge ahead
With all my well-made plans

I can't choose
The things I want
No free choices any more

I don't like that game
I want more... I want more

I Want More

Life is getting harder
Magnifies the pains and aches
Seems like every month lasts longer
Than the money I'm paid

We're all watching
We're all waiting
For the the storm to break
Everything's so difficult these days

I keep looking for the magic
For the trick that ends the fight
But by the end of every evening
Nothing's ever right

We're all watching
We're all waiting
For the the storm to break
Everything's so difficult these days

At the end of my dark alley
the charred remains of someone's life
Nothing left to claim but ashes
It's not nearly right

Difficult

I read the news this morning
All violence and and atrocity
I wish I hadn't read that
What an awful day to know how to read

Sitting here
Sifting fact from fiction
Wondering how to stem the tide
Before we break and run

It's all part of God's mysterious plan
It's a bad plan - time to make a new one
God's not the problem here
But his fan clubs have some issues

Maybe I can summon 
One last ounce of courage
Call on a reserve that does not exist
Salvation comes at such a cost
Sometimes paid in souls, always in blood

It's all part of God's mysterious plan
It's a bad plan - time to make a new one
God's not the problem here
But his fan clubs have some issues

Mysterious Plan

I don't yet know
What I don't know
But I'm finding out more
Every single day
I don't think I know
What you think I know
But I think we'll be ok

You're in my thoughts
You're in my dreams
I think about you all the time
Not just in the morning
Not just at night
I think about you all the time

I'd like to see you again
Maybe we can meet somewhere and share a glass of wine?
I'd like to know you better
Share some conversation
I think about you all the time

You're in my thoughts
You're in my dreams
I think about you all the time
Not just in the morning
Not just at night
I think about you all the time

All The Time

All things considered, 
doing ok is ok by me
Good enough 
is good enough for me

We're human
Humans make mistakes
Often paid in grief...

Dangers facing us
No one can quite pronounce
Silence is an overwhelming weight
The silence is so loud

And even when we win
The memory of a close call
Casts a shadow
on every choice we make

Dangers facing us
That no one can quite pronounce
Silence is an overwhelming weight
The silence is so loud

Dangers facing us
That no one can quite pronounce
Silence is an overwhelming weight
The silence is so loud

Loud Silence

I don't know what's going on
but I know that something's really really wrong
I don't have a plan for it
I don't know what to do at all

It's not easy here for me
To pretend that I'm who I want to be
Once I could be anyone at all

There's no map to shine a light
On where to go or how to sleep at night
No native scouts to guide us
No cover here to hide us now...

It's not easy here for me
To pretend that I'm who I want to be
Once I could be anyone at all

We learned what we did not know
And never guessed where we could never go
I don't have a word for it
Tried one on, but couldn't make it fit

It's not easy here for me
To pretend that I'm who I want to be
Once I could be anyone at all

This was originally released in 2020 on Safe at Home.  Redone recently to clean up some parts that weren't coherent...

Uncharted V.2

Never saw that one coming
One day it just arrived
Living now on borrowed time
We left it there for everyone to see
But no one cared to look...

Poets who can't rhyme
Dreamers who can't sleep
Misdemeanors jealous of a felony
Drummers with no beat


Living now in the space between atoms
Never really touching anything
As far as anyone's observed
Time just flows the one way

Poets who can't rhyme
Dreamers who can't sleep
Misdemeanors jealous of a felony
Drummers with no beat

One Way

Who needs science? Our guy has a hunch!
Who need Facts? Opinions are in big supply!
Who needs truth? Lies are more convenient!

Insist on the truth, and everybody's fine
Dirty tricks and misdirection
These are guys with bad intentions
Insist on the truth, or everybody dies

Who are the adults in the room? Who’s looking after us?
A shepherd, with no remorse, leads his flock to the brink
Groping and staggering forward
While thoughts and prayers produce the usual results...

Insist on the truth

Truth does not compromise
Truth does not temporize
Truth doesn’t vaporize upon inspection


It’s a Kingdom of Lies

Who needs science? We have religion!
Who needs Facts? A miracle is on the way!
Who needs truth? ...unless you want to die


Insist on the truth, and everybody's fine
Dirty Tricks and misdirection
These are guys with bad intentions
Insist on the truth, or everybody dies

Where do we go from here? Who do we listen to?
Who can we trust? Who do we believe in this circus of distraction?
If ignorance is bliss, then it’s wasteful to be wise...
Who cares what’s true when I feel fine?


Truth does not compromise
Truth does not temporize
Truth doesn’t vaporize upon inspection

Kingdom Of Lies V.2

What I'm hearing
Might not be quite true
Might not be quite false
Diligently choosing 
the words that come my way
Relentlessly confusing, 
all those letters every day

When it's way past midnight
A distant light appears
When you're in the darkness
Every light is a beacon of hope

Experts largely agree
But still debate the fine points
The work is generally round
Despite extensive flat spots

When it's way past midnight
A distant light appears
When you're in the darkness
Any light is a beacon of hope

I was once an able, clever man
Inclined to feats that looked a lot like magic
All of my good humor and snappy repartee
I wish I had been brave...

When it's way past midnight
A distant light appears
When you're in the darkness
Any light is a beacon of hope

Beacon

I don't know how to stop the cycle
and I'm running out of time
Cynicism can look a lot like wisdom
But everything seems foolish 
If you zoom out far enough

Speaking without listening
Speaking without thought
I don't care what anybody thinks of me
So rarely people think at all

Human history is a rounding error
In the timeline of the earth
It's a lot more saying it
Than it sounds
The thing that makes it current is 
Is now someone's paying attention

Speaking without listening
Speaking without thought
I don't care what anybody thinks of me
So rarely people think at all

Without Thought

It's hard to be bothered
With things I can't perceive
The sun rose in the west today
I deal with things I can see
I don't have a problem
I only drink when I'm awake
These days I'm not sleeping so well...

I won't set myself on fire
Just because you think it's cold
What someone thinks of me
Is none of my business
But now I fear the face 
That's standing next to me

Every accusation, a new confession
Black and white and shades of gray
The colors of disaster, nuance wiped away
Graveyards filled with people 
who were “technically” correct
And everyone else (who were never right at all)


I won't set myself on fire
Just because you think it's cold
What someone thinks of me
Is none of my business
But now I fear the face 
That's standing next to me

None Of My Business

I'm finding these days
that memories are hard to tell from dreams
And those keep changing every day
Tangled up in history and what once might have been

The things I want to remember, 
I tend to forget
I'm shadowed by the things
I thought I left behind

I just wanna be with you
I just wanna show you how I feel
I just wanna hold you in my arms
Just wanna hold you in my heart

Hard to know if anything's ok
Hard to think of planning past today
Hard to tell what's real anymore
I just have to say

I just wanna be with you
I just wanna show you how I feel
I just wanna hold you in my arms
Just wanna hold you in my heart

I Just Wanna V.2

People will always disappoint you
I will disappoint you
Bad things can happen
that are not new opportunities
Sometimes things just turn out wrong

The train is closer, wider, and faster than you think
Get off the track!

A constant drip wears a hole in a stone
Silent dogs always give me pause
Tongues are loose, but ears never hear
You cannot waken someone
who pretends to be asleep

The train is closer, wider, and faster than you think
Get off the track!

Get Off The Track

Lately I get most of my clothes
from bands at shows
My look may be disheveled
But sheveled was never my goal

The rhythm of daily work is gone
I fill my days with drilling holes
In an empty bucket of happiness

If everything communicates
One might conclude that I despair
That's not quite correct ---
I don't really care

I don't have much hair anymore
And it never stays where I meant it
Headphones, beds, hats and wind and more
I never know what it looks like
The mirror's not my friend

If everything communicates
One might conclude that I despair
That's not quite correct ---
I don't really care

There's a new mess on top of my old mess
New dust on top of my old dust
My dust bunnies now have
multi-generational families

Everything Communicates V.2



You say the world's left you behind, and it's hurt you so
And it shows, and it shows
You say that nothing's any good, and you want no part no more
You should know, you should know...

How could they know?
All of the things you've kept hidden for all these years
How Could They Know?
The reasons behind all your wide-eyed fears
How Could They Know
The nights you spent crying your shameless tears
How Could they know
All the things they've said wrong to one that hears

Well, it's always what we could be that we never really are
You're not a star, not a star
And you think you've had enough of it and you're wishing for an end
It's not far, it's not far...

How could they know...?


How Could They Know

Time never runs down, only out
But we always hasten, though sometimes slowly
It's more tragic than anybody knows

One day this will all be gone
I can't live all my dreams
But I think they'll be ok without me

Death doesn't frighten me
It's the dying part I fear
Hoping it won't take too long
Hoping it won't take years

One day this will all be gone
I can't live all my dreams
But I think they'll be ok without me

I have an anger deep inside of me
I didn't choose it, and I don't want it
But it's there --- I wish it'd go away

OK Without Me

Here's to all those emails I wrote late at night but never sent
Here's to all the things I wish I'd said but never did
Some things are better left unsaid

I've got a thumb drive full of emails never sent
Full of pain and outrage, replete with disappointment
Some things are better left unsaid

(pre-chorus)
Even with this herd of elephants in the room
I know that I preferred it when no one said the quiet part out loud

Chorus
Some things are better left unsaid
All the cold cruel things I might have otherwise said
Pregnant with those awful words that now will never be born
Things can look so different in the cold light of day

I've been a fool, most each and every day
I think of things I want to say but I turn and walk away
Some things are better left unsaid

All those things set right, if only in my head
All the awful things I wrote, but never sent
Some things are better left unsaid

Even with this herd of elephants in the room
I know that I preferred it when no one said the quiet part out loud

Some things are better left unsaid
All the cold cruel things I might have otherwise said
Pregnant with those awful words that now will never be born
Things can look so different in the cold light of day

Unsaid Things V.2

Yesterday is gone
Doesn't matter what happened
All that matters now
What happens next

I don't want that burden
Or the things they've left behind
I don't want to sing
That song of sorrow

Oh, woe is me
It's a common song
Everybody has a personal version
With different verses, tailored perfectly
But the chorus is always the same --- 
Oh, woe is me
Woe is me...

No one wants the burden
Of someone else's trouble
It's more interesting to know
What they intend to do about it
I already know the tale

Oh, woe is me
It's a common song
Everybody has a personal version
With different verses, tailored perfectly
But the chorus is always the same --- 
Oh, woe is me
Woe is me...

Woe Is Me

I'm seeing a girl
She's really the rage
Says she's real vinyl
I think she's real front-page
Claimed by another
So we're real undercover
Meeting discreetly
Rendezvous Lovers

She said not to worry
My story's just fine
But we gotta hurry
There's never much time
Climbing up back stairs
We're real undercover
Meeting discreetly
Rendezvous Lovers

Rendezvous Lovers
Rendezvous Lovers
Rendezvous Lovers
Rendezvous Lovers

No halls to wander
Walls encase me
Floors and ceilings
Shrink to fit

Light and shadow 
Once resolved
Night light now deceptive
Blurry lines askew

Time's a funny thing
Folding and bending, twisting and stretching
To accommodate us all
Time is very personal that way

As it turns out
I may die after all
For most of the past, 
And more of the future
I'll be gone
As if I never were

Time's a funny thing
Folding and bending, twisting and stretching
To accommodate us all
Time is very personal that way



Personal Time

I expect nothing anymore
I'm rarely disappointed
And sometimes even surprised
I take things as they come these days
They're coming whether
I'm ready or not...

I'm not smart enough for so many people
To be dumber than me
But we're all just doing our best

The sky and ocean share the same colors today
There is no horizon to be seen
I already know what I need to do
But it's nice to hear it from someone else

I'm not smart enough for so many people
To be dumber than me
But we're all just doing our best


No Horizon

Sometimes I'm surprised
At the things I think I remember
I'm certain that some of those things
Never happened at all
Just a product of my evolution
Since that memory was made

Sometimes you just have to limp away
Fold your hand and live to play another day

Words, pointed and sharp
Can soon turn into arrows and swords
Repeating the past
Just like rewind on a movie
Expecting something new to happen
When nothing else has changed

Sometimes you just have to limp away
Fold your hand and live to play another day



Another Day

Some days I can't recall
If I just said what I was thinking
Some days I can't tell where my body ends
and the outside universe begins

When it's gray I always think it's cold outside
I'm always surprised when it's not
Things are just beyond my fingertips
No amount of stretching gets me what I want

Some days I can't be called
By methods, tested and true
Some days I can't tell where I begin and end
Some days not connected to anything at all...

When it's gray I always think it's cold outside
I'm always surprised when it's not
Things are just beyond my fingertips
No amount of stretching gets me what I want

Some Days

Just pass me by, like you’ve done it before
Just pass me by, I won't be asking for more
Every day I’m down on my knees
Praying to god for somebody please to help me
You know?

Just pass me by, someday I’ll get up off the floor
Somebody to love, if not, then what is it for?
Every day I go down on my knees
Praying to god, won't somebody please help me
You know?


Money & love, both nice, but what is it for?
When you can’t find the key to open your front door
Maybe then I'll get off of my knees
Praying to god for somebody please to help you
You know?

Just Pass Me By

I'm learning to love
The sound of my feet
Walking away from
Troubles I don't need
I'm not gonna do it any more

All I have to give is love
And I'm not sure that's ever enough
All I have to do is walk away
From things that look too tough
I'm not gonna do it any more

I don't like the way things are headed
Complication setting in, need to simplify my life
I don't want to be told what to do
And I'm not gonna do it any more

I've built a pile of stuff
I never needed in the first place
I guess I won!
I never even knew the score

Everyone acts to protect 
the things they have
Until they find there was
So much more to be had
I'm not gonna do it any more

I'm fed up with the way things are
Complications setting in, need to simplify my life
I'm sick and tired of being told what to do
And I'm not gonna do it any more

I'm Not Gonna Do It Anymore

I know what you’re doing hanging out downtown
I know what you’re doing now that I’m not around
Down on the corner, hanging out on the street
Down on the corner, all the people you meet

I know what you’re doing and I know it’s not right
I know what you’re doing, but it’s not worth the fight
I know what you’re doing, you can’t fool me
I know what you’re doing, I don’t like what I see

I see you
You may not want me to
But I can’t help see through
You, me, who?
You can’t have it both ways,
I just have to say

I know what you’re doing, I know what you’re doing
I know what you’re doing, I know what you’re doing
And I know
What it’s doing to me…

I know what you’re doing and it can’t last long
I know what you’re doing, and it’s feeling so wrong
I know what you’re doing, and it’s something to see
I know what you’re doing
I don’t like what I see

I know what you’re doing, got my eyes on you
I get reports every minute, every hour on the hour
Every day of the week.

I see you
You may not want me to
But I can’t help see through
You, me, who?
You can’t have it both ways,
I just have to say

You know I know what you’re doing
You know I know what you’re doing
And I know what it’s doing to me

I Know What You're Doing

I drew a line around a space
A circle formed to take it's place
When I turned around to flee
The circle had encompassed me

Walking on a tightrope with my head in a noose
Dancing on the tension, trying to shake loose
Everybody says it's not a great place to be
But now everybody wants to be me

Moving forward way too fast
People say that it can't last
But if you were me and I were you
I'd wanna be you...

Ain't it cold how things get old
And fade away before their due
Ain't it sad when things got mad
To find I couldn't depend on you

People ask me, “Bill, how does it feel
to be under the wheels of a moving train?”
Everybody says it's not a great place to be
But now everybody wants to be me

Moving forward way too fast
People say that it can't last
But if you were me and I were you
I'd wanna be you...

Everybody Wants To Be Me

Nothing's perfect
Things are rarely personal
Nothing is permanent

Where does a thought go
Once it's passed 
through your head?
A silence bruised by friction
Of any moving parts

Never make permanent decisions
Out of temporary emotions

I can do anything
But I can't do everything
Please don't feed this animal inside
Will I be tortured for information
I don't have?

In relationships
I've begun to be certain
I'm the crazy one
At work 
I've been equally certain
To be the lazy one

I can do anything
But I can't do everything
Please don't feed this animal inside
Will I be tortured for information
I don't have?

Anything/Everything

The future seems more awful than the past
Where every day is better than the next
If looking closely, it's not hard to see
How we got here, and how it came to be
If you're not outraged then you don't understand
And I don't suffer “stupid” very well

Wishes disguised as facts
Too much is never enough
Standing, stunned, staggering
The illusion of safety is a trap
If you're not outraged then you don't understand
I've never suffered “stupid” very well

I want to believe in hope
But hope does not believe in me
I'd try to change things, try to mend
But first I need to know if the world is gonna end

deluding ourselves with hope
Hope keeps us paralyzed
Hope helps deny what's right in front of us
If you're not outraged then you don't understand
I've never suffered “stupid” very well

I want to believe in hope
But hope does not believe in me
I'd try to change things, try to mend
But first I need to know if the world is gonna end

Hope V2

Startled to realize I was staring when we met
Surprised when I realized
You were staring back at me

I'm not looking to be with anyone but you
To live life as we choose
Whether personal or shared
And if I had a preference for anything I do
I'd prefer to end my evenings with you

We borrow from each other for comfort
Each of us sharing what we have
Toward what we want to be
And what we'd like to do

Evenings With You

There've been days when I could not find a friend
Get no replies to the letters that I send
All alone on empty streets, no one between  my sheets
Here I am again --- I'm still my own best friend.

And I know it's a simply awful thing to have to say
But people mostly bore me, anyway
With all that idle chit-chat noise, designer clothes and luxury toys
Here I am Again --- I'm still my own best friend.

There've been days when I could not find a civil thing to say
And certain times I have to push everything from my way
I rarely ever take advice (although I've thought about a few things twice)
Here I am Again --- I'm still my own best friend...

Here I Am Again V.2

Maybe I said too many things
Too soon before the facts
And if I promised you the world
I was joking --- it's not mine
Guess I showed my hand too soon 
there's no encore for my act
And if you think that life's too cruel
Please don't blame me - it's for you

I'll write you into my history
But that's the only place you'll hold with me
I'll be on my way
Time to say goodbye

I'd love to have you in my world
But there's not enough to share
And if I promised you the world
I was joking, I take it back
Guess I showed my hand too soon 
there's no encore for my act
And if you think that life's too cruel
Please don't blame me - it's for you

I'll write you into my history
But that's the only place you'll hold with me
I'll be on my way
Time to say goodbye

Time To Say Goodbye

I can't look after myself
Can't imagine looking after someone else
Though I've done it, it's not easy
You learn things you probably should know

It's ok to be selfish
It's ok to be alone
It's ok to want what you want
It's ok to stay at home

Got a case of black hole vertigo
Leaning over an edge too far
I can feel gravity tugging at me
The allure of falling weightlessly

It's ok to be selfish
It's ok to be alone
It's ok to want what you want
It's ok to stay at home

Its OK

I wrote a letter to my future self
But I've never heard back...
Standing between 2 mirrors
to gaze upon infinity

I learned today there's a lag
to everything I think I see
Always living in the past
No matter how hard I try
To live in the moment

I wonder if it's even possible
To see the current version of myself
Is “now” even a thing?
The dance between where I've been
And who I am right now

I learned today there's a lag
to everything I think I see
Always living in the past
No matter how hard I try
To live in the moment

Moment

Bad starts to look good
When worse shows up at your door
Falling down the stairs might be fun
If it didn't hurt so much

Some things we learn by watching
Some things we learn by doing them ourselves
Some things we learn by listening
Some things we learn by waiting to see what comes next

I have a mirror that shows me what I look like
Instead of who I am
Sometimes the only way to learn is to survive
The things we learn help keep us alive

Some things we learn by watching
Some things we learn by doing them ourselves
Some things we learn by listening
Some things we learn by waiting to see what comes next



Falling Down the Stairs

Disappointments

Walking in the darkness
My shadow hiding inside
The face in the mirror looks the same
But the pictures don't lie

Just another setback
In a string of disappointments
Each of them more daunting

In the end, we're only what we've done
Not what we thought
Not what we said
What we've done is our truth

Just another setback
In a string of disappointments
Each of them more haunting...


Disappointments

A good day in the sky today
Takeoffs equaled landings
The only thing between me and my future self
Is time – will I have enough?

We take it as  it comes these days
It often comes relentlessly
I've realized I'm not praying to God
I'm praying to myself

Suicide seems so deliberate
Things might magically improve
Hoping to sleep each night, rising every morning 
Hanging around, expecting nothing better...

We take it as  it comes these days
It often comes relentlessly
I've realized I'm not praying to God
I'm praying to myself


Blunt Objects

Pinned to spotlight

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