I'm thrilled to share a recent interview that I was able to do with Lizann Lightfoot aka The Seasoned Spouse.  It was such a pleasure to have her on my podcast to talk about her new book, Open When - Letters of Encouragement for Military Spouses.  

Listen in to hear our discussion about why this book is such an incredible tool to have readily available for military spouses anywhere in their military life journey.  These letters are a treasure trove of encouragement and valuable advice for military spouses on some of our hardest days.  Each chapter stands alone ready to be read in the moment you need it.  On the days when others don't understand military life or when you have questions about military housing or when you spend your first night alone or when your orders change on short notice or when it's almost time for homecoming or when it's time to retire.  

Check out this episode and read this book, then share it with a friend who you know could use it.  You'll be so glad you did!  Enjoy!

Episode 87 - An Interview with Lizann Lightfoot - The Seasoned Spouse

This summer I will be publishing my Summer How To Series which will be a series of mini-episodes addressing some topics that I know are on your mind and my client's minds. These shorter episodes will give you some quick, actionable, and deep tips and insights into things you are are struggling with or working on so that you can start making changes today!

In this episode we are talking about the difference between being physically alone and feeling lonely.  Sometimes, these two things go hand in hand, sometimes they do not.  Sometimes we enjoy being alone, sometimes we do not.  If you have to spend more time alone than you would like (and in the military that is the case), then you will want to listen to this episode.  Enjoy!

Summer How To Series - How To Be Ok Being Alone

In this episode we are talking about reintegration.  The key is to focus on managing your mind and your emotions and giving your partner the space to work through their feelings without adding a lot of extra hurt/drama/pressure/stress by making the way they are behaving mean something about you.  You are both going through this reintegration transition and it isn't easy, but when we give our partner the benefit of the doubt and focus on ourselves/our mental health/ our behavior rather than what you think they need to be doing so that you can feel better it goes so much better.  There are so many excellent resources available on reintegration and I recommend you seek those out as well. My main message is this is a time that we get easily offended and hurt because we're so excited they are home and whether we want to or not we have expectations that are often not met.  

The visual I use is whenever you catch your finger pointing out at your partner (he isn't doing this, he won't stop doing this, I cant believe he blank, why won't he blank) then you know you are SUPER focused on him and ignoring you.  The truth is that you both need to work through this. So if you're struggling during deployment then some of the problem is with you and some of the problem is with him which means that some of the solution is with you and some of the solution is with him.  But if your finger is pointed at him and you are focused on him and his behavior and you are feeling hurt and resentful, then you are trapped in thinking the whole problem is with him and the whole solution is with him.  The problem with that is it is not true and it makes us feel very out of control because we can't control him and make him change his behavior and "fix" the problems.  I ask my clients to turn the finger around and focus on themselves and what is in their control.  What you both need is time and love and space and grace to work through it in whatever ways you do that and that comes from focusing on the parts in your control which is you.  Enjoy!

Episode 104 - Reintegration

Raise your hand if you're a fan of those detective tv shows and movies where the expert detective is able to notice and pay attention to minute and seemingly insignificant details that are actually critical to solving the case 🙋🏼‍♀️ Me too!  Did you know that your brain is an expert detective as well and has the same super powers as these detective geniuses in your favorite shows?  Listen to this episode and I'll show you how.  I also show you how we use these abilities against ourselves and how with a couple of easy tweaks we can start using these super powers for good and to improve the way we experience our lives.  Enjoy!

Episode 108 - Your Brain is an Expert Detective

In today's episode I am sharing a session with one of my clients who is a military girlfriend.  This session took place about a year ago and was one of the first sessions that I ever had with this client.  It's so much fun to share this part of her journey with you (with her permission and it was fun for she and I to go back and listen to this and celebrate how far she has come this year.  She and her boyfriend (now fiance) recently got engaged and are getting married next year!  In this session we talk about her new job, her relationship, trusting herself, boundaries, the cupcake, grace, and so much more.  I love to include coaching session s on my podcast every once in awhile so that you can see the magic of coaching and using the model to manage your mind and examine your thoughts.  Listen in and enjoy!

Episode 109 - A Coaching Session With One of My Military Girlfriend Clients

Today we're talking about all things LOVE!  Who doesn't love love?  If you want to know more about how feeling love works in the model, then you're going to love this episode. We discuss what love is, what love isn't, loveability, unconditional love, our capacity for love, how we can love everyone in the equation including (and especially) ourselves and more!  

Are you a fan of Gary Chapman's The Five Love Languages books like I am?  Well in this episode, I discuss how to apply the cupcake concept to this incredible resource and tool in your tool belt to take it to the next level.  I know you are going to LOVE it!  Enjoy!

Episode 111 - The Love Episode

It is my pleasure to introduce you to Lizzie Merritt!  She is a 20 year military wife and weight loss life coach and I'm thrilled that I had the opportunity to interview her on my podcast.  We were able to discuss weight loss as it relates to military life and deployments as well as talk about what makes it hard and what makes it sustainable.  One of my favorite nuggets from Lizzie is about being willing to lose weight imperfectly and about finding ways to feel good in order to maintain motivation.  Lizzie also has an awesome podcast and a new book all about these topics.  I know you are all going to love this episode. Enjoy!

Episode 112 - An Interview with Weight Loss Coach Lizzie Merritt

In this episode we are using the analogy of lanes on the highway of life to know what's our responsibility and what isn't our responsibility.  It's so important in our relationships to know what we're in charge of (our own emotions, thoughts, and actions) and what we're not in charge of (everyone else's emotions, thoughts, and actions).  It can be so easy in our closest relationships to get these things tangled up and stray into other people's lanes.  In this episode we talk about the cupcake concept, requests and boundaries, and ownership. Enjoy!

Episode 113 - Stay In Your Lane

I decided that it was time to give you all a little snap shot on what's going on in my life these days! Enjoy!

Episode 116 - Life Update

In this episode I'm teaching you a new tool I learned this summer from my coach called the 4 N's Tool.  The 4 N's stand for:

-Notice
-Normalize
-Neutralize
-Next Thought

This tool goes so well with the model and helps you with your daily self coaching. It's simple and powerful.  Enjoy!

Episode 117 - The 4 N's Tool

In this episode I tell a story from my personal coaching to illustrate the power of one coaching session on a problem that has been troubling me for 5 years and how my super computer brain solved it and offered me the solution.  Enjoy!

Episode 118 - Flight Simulator

In this episode I am discussing many aspects of the concepts of relief. It's interesting to understand that relief is typically the contrast of the absence of the negative feeling you were just experienced.  It is also typically short lived and we often experience relief in response to our body or brain demanding us to do something to get the relief NOW.  Nothing wrong with any of that, but it's helpful to understand it and to learn that there are lots of ways to experience relief a little more intentionally and in a lasting way.  The most powerful part about this episode is for anyone in a phase of life that they are dealing with a long term negative experience (like a deployment) that will not resolve on it's own quickly and how we can find ways to get that more intentional relief during this time without it coming at a cost or just needing to escape and without needing the circumstances to change. Enjoy!

Episode 119 - Relief

This episode is just in time for the holiday season!  My favorite trick to get less annoyed with the people in my life whom I love but we're all human and we do things that bug each other is to think of their undesirable behaviors like babies spitting up.  Listen in to see what I mean and how it works. I know it will help you. Enjoy!

P.S. For more on this topic please listen to episode 24 "What to Do When Your Loved Ones Are Driving You Crazy"

Episode 120 - The Spit Up

I know you've heard of Taylor Swift's Eras Tour...in this episode I share with you what it can look like when you are in your Grace Era or your Grace Period.  We are used to thinking about this term, grace period, in business terms or financial terms or contractual terms.  It basically means that there is a set period of time that the penalties of not doing something are alleviated.  I would like to invite you to work on the skill of giving yourself a grace period and people around you a grace period when we are going through something.  The penalties we are going to alleviate when we apply this grace period concept to people is the penalty of criticism, judgement, harshness, etc.  Listen to this episode to see how this works and what it looks like and find out more about why I'm obsessed with the word GRACE! Enjoy!

Episode 121 - Grace Period

In this episode I explain why the perfect environment for working on our mindset and trying to make changes in our life is to think of it like conducting a science experiment in a laboratory.  This is so good to know and can be really fun and exciting to spend time in this space.

The problem is that we are human and accessing this space in our minds can be difficult when it comes to many areas of our lives...and then actually spending time there can be even more challenging.  The reason it can be so challenging is because as humans we tend to think dramatic, heavy, painful, discouraging, sad thoughts about our lives and when we're thinking that way the laboratory can feel very far away.

Tune in to hear more about all of this and how you can work with your incredible brain to have more success getting to the laboratory and to know exactly what to do when you're not ready to spend time in the laboratory and why that's ok.  Enjoy!

Episode 122 - Science Experiment

Do you feel like you are frequently feeling overwhelmed or frustrated? Do you ever ask yourself what you wish you were feeling instead? If you have, my guess would be that your answer to that question would be peace. Feeling peaceful is amazing and a very desirable feeling and I want that for you too.  However there are a few ways to feel peace and the main one feels like the absence of chaos which is mostly not available.  Listen to this episode to learn how to create a more powerful version of peace in your life rather than just trying to create the absence of chaos. Enjoy!

Episode 123 - The Power of Peace

When we slow things down and step back we can see that we are almost always wanting peace to think what we're thinking, feel what we're feeling and do what we're doing and unfortunately we are often not giving ourselves that permission.  One problem is we think we need to wait for permission from others, but what we really need is permission from ourselves.  Listen to this episode to learn how to switch this around so that you primarily go to yourself for permission and not others. Enjoy!

Episode 124 - Permission

A very common piece of advice that we are given as military wives to get through deployment is to just "stay busy."  This can be a good thing but it can also be overdone and you can use it against yourself if you're not careful.  Listen to this episode where we focus on productivity and processes and less on the end result.  I will also show you how to watch for what you're using to motivate yourself to be productive and to make sure you aren't trying to earn your worth by getting things done each day. Your worth is complete and whole always and can't be earned.  So alternatively let's just get things done because it's fun and feels good. Enjoy!

Episode 125 - Productivity and Processes

Have you ever felt really drained or stuck and didn't know why? Chances are you were experiencing a lot of resistance about something and maybe didn't even know it. You might be resisting your current reality, your emotions, the actions of others, yourself, etc. After all you can argue with reality and lose the argument...but only every time.  Our brain tends to resist things that are different from our plans or expectations or things that are happening that we don't prefer or we wouldn't choose...and the problem is that our brain does this by default. Once we understand this and practice doing it less by intentionally creating a mindset of acceptance, we can experience all of the benefits of this shift such as extra energy, feeling less stuck, experiencing more compassion and understanding and less self judgement, and learning to have a more healthy relationship with negative emotions and processing them, and more.  Enjoy!

Episode 126 - Resistance and Acceptance

This week I am celebrating one year of being the coaching client.  I started working with Lizzie Merritt in March of 2023 and today she is coming on my podcast to help me share our top 12 takeaways from a year of working together.  Listen to the episode to hear the most impactful lessons we've learned as we've worked on weight loss, mind management, healing, my business, my relationships, money, time management and everything in between. Enjoy!

Episode 128 - Top 12 Takeaways From One Year of Being the Client

One of my favorite mind management topics is understanding the difference between needs and wants and staying clear on who is responsible for what.  My favorite way to illustrate this concept is the Cupcake Concept (see episode 42). In this episode we take a look at this concept again and spend a little more time understanding what needs are and what wants are and how to keep them from getting mixed up. Enjoy!

Episode 127 - Needs vs Wants

Do you remember being young and in love? Do you remember what it felt like to be so into someone that you may have even been a little obsessed? Now full on actual obsession is not necessarily healthy, but what I'm talking about in this episode is how to add a dose of obsession to things in your life that are important to you and you want to think about more and feel more strongly about like yourself, your spouse, your life, your kids, your responsibilities, your choices, your future.  You guys! I'm obsessed! Enjoy!

Episode 129 - Obsessed

There are so many fascinating layers when it comes to experiencing disappointment.  In this episode we get into what it can be like to be willing to feel disappointed and to even get good at feeling this common emotion that accompanies so many of our regular daily experiences. Enjoy!

Episode 130 - Disappointment

There are many ways to think about the word ownership, but in this episode I'm referring to taking ownership or responsibility for the parts of your life that are in your control and that are your creation.  There are a few sneaky traps that we can fall into in this area where we accidentally categorize things that are in our control as out of our control. Also, we may not realize when we are not owning something in our lives that is our fault or our doing and when we make that shift to ownership we get unstuck in that area. In this episode you are going to learn how to ask questions like: "In what ways is this my fault?" and "How is it being my fault good news?" Remember that we are not taking ownership or accepting fault for things that are other people's responsibility (another sneaky trap), just our own. Enjoy!

Episode 131 - Ownership

Have you ever wondered why you are stressed or worried about something that you logically understand is not that big of a deal?  Do you have things in your life that you totally know what you could and should be doing better, but you just can't seem to do it.  In this episode, learn about the amazing way that your primitive brain works and how some of it is incredibly helpful and how lots of it is more like the way a toddler throws a tantrum.  The key to understanding all of this is that having that awareness creates authority.

Episode 2 - The Primitive Brain

Want to learn about the model that I use in all of my coaching?  My teacher Brooke Castillo developed a self coaching model that is at the foundation of all that I do as a life coach and I teach you in this episode how it works and how you can use it to solve any problem in your life.  

C-Circumstances
T-Thoughts
F-Feelings
A-Actions
R-Results

Episode 1 - The Model

Hello everyone!  Welcome to the Simply Resilient Podcast.  My name is Jessie Ellertson and this is life coaching from a military mama who is in the trenches of life with all of you.  This is a podcast for military wives who know how to handle the challenges of frequent deployments and trainings, but want to stop feeling mentally miserable in the process.  You know what to do and you’re doing it, all while holding down the fort at home, but you are weary from living in survival mode and battling with your brain.  You are ready to thrive and you are in the right place!  Listen to this episode to learn more about me and how I got started, learn about why my life coaching practice is named Simply Resilient, and much more.

Episode 000 - Introduction

Relationships are simply our thoughts about another person and relationships exist in our minds.  The reason this is such good news is that when our husband is away and the usual ways that we believe are what make it easy to create connection (like going on dates, flirting, enjoying shared interests) are not available, we can feel very disconnected.  Listen to this episode to see what you can do to create crazy amounts of connection and love in your marriage even in the most challenging circumstances.

Episode 14 - How to Feel Connected to Your Husband While He's Away

Meet Karyn.  She is an incredible military wife (her husband recently retired after a 30 year career).  She has newly become a military mom (her youngest daughter recently joined the military).  She is an educator/librarian who recently completed her Masters degree.  She is a mother of three adult children (she recently lost her oldest daughter).  She is fellow mind manager and lover of thought work (she is a member of Jody Moore's Be Bold program).  She is a loving, independent, and faithful woman who loves God.  Join us as Karyn shares with us experiences and lessons learned from all of these areas of her life and what has gotten her through the hardest parts.  Enjoy!

Episode 52 - An Interview with Karyn Halverson

January is here and the holidays are all wrapped up, which usually means that a lot of us have started thinking about weight loss.  I decided to share with you a coaching call that I did last year with a client who wanted to talk about weight loss.  This will show you what it is like to do an introductory weight loss call with a life coach.

As military wives we often have weight loss goals that are motivated by knowing our husband will be home from their deployment soon, or that a promotion ceremony or military ball is coming up. 

As a certified life coach through The Life Coach School, I graduated with a life coach certification and a weight loss certification.  Losing weight is something that I love coaching my clients on.  Losing weight through mind management is unlike anything I've ever tried before when it comes to my own weight loss experience, and I love it!   

Listen in to get a taste of what working on weight loss this way can feel like.  Enjoy!

Episode 75 - A Weight Loss Coaching Call

It's 3 pm and your kids are driving you crazy.  I'm talking bananas.  Like every little thing they do is too much.  You put on a show for them and go to your room for a 5 minute breather so that you can cool down and stop getting so frustrated and annoyed by their typical childish behavior.  

It's so hard to get it under control and it feels like the only thing that will fix it is a new day (but it's not bed time yet) or your husband coming home from work and taking over (but that's not happening because he's on the other side of the world).  So it's got to be you.  You know you can do this.  It's time for a pep talk.

Solo parenting is hard...like really hard.  A lot of days you do ok and a lot of days you REALLY struggle to make it to bed time.  Tune into this episode if you're needing some tips and tricks (aka new thoughts) on how to love the mom you are a little more and how to love your kids even when they are being kids and driving you crazy.

You can do this.  You are enough.  You are the best one for the job.  Your kids are so lucky to have you.  Let's clean up your thinking just a little bit and get you back out there!

Pep Talk Series:  When Your Kids Are Driving You Crazy

Hello everyone! Welcome to the Simply Resilient Podcast. My name is Jessie Ellertson and this is life coaching from a military wife who is in the trenches of life with each of you. This is a podcast for military wives who know how to handle the challenges of deployments and frequent trainings, but want to stop feeling mentally miserable in the process. You know what to do and you’re doing it, all while holding down the fort at home, but you are weary from living in survival mode and battling with your brain. You are ready to thrive and you are in the right place!

Jessie Ellertson

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