I met her at a Hooters, right outside of Yonkers
She likes my nose, cause she’s really into honkers
We talk about the Yankees, we have some Jello shots
I’m thinking that she likes me and I’m tied up in knots

She rubs me on the leg as she looks me in the eye
I eat my chicken wings, so happy I could cry,
I can’t believe it’s happening, I can’t stop grinning
A loser all my life but now I’m finally winning

But everything I know is wrong, everything I know is wrong
Hey bartender, pour me another, everything I know is wrong

I’ve never been in love, I don’t know the signs
I  always felt  like a porcupine
But she seems different, I’m a lucky boy,
I think that I’ve finally found the real McCoy

I can see it all now, our pretty little place
Nice car, big dog, baby’s happy face
I’m getting carried away but it feels so right
I order us a pizza and a couple Miller Lights

chorus

She says she really likes me, she says that I can trust her
Just a bit of paperwork for the claims adjuster
A simple fender bender, nothing to it
Just sign it here and here and here and here, and that will do it

I really like this girl and I think she’s really hot
And I know this is the only chance I’ve got
So I sign the paper and she kisses me and laughs
She goes to the ladies room and never comes back

chorus

I see that I’m an idiot, another stupid mope
A big-nosed small brained drunken little dope
A ball of confusion, a sad sack of woe
A little bag of nothing wherever I go

So tell the judge I’m sorry that I signed that affidavit
I’ll pick up my loser flag and wave it
broke my heart in Hooters, brought me to my knees
Should have spent the day drinking beer at Chuck E Cheese

chorus 2x

Everything I Know Is Wrong

Family’s not always what you hope
Sometimes you feel loved, sometimes you don’t 
First love just has a way of sinking in 
The lessons that you learn become your skin 

My love is old 
My love is tired
My loves been told
Too many lies 

So can I rest 
Inside your heart 
Cause my love needs
Somewhere that’s safe to fall apart 

Cause stories never really come to end 
There’s always room for rewrites and amends
And one thing that I know is that I want things to be different
So maybe,  oh my love, you could lend me some assistance

My love is old 
My love is tired
My loves been told
Too many lies 

So can I rest 
Inside your heart 
Cause my love needs
Somewhere that’s safe to fall apart

Everything I Know Is Wrong

Andy Judkis

Related tracks