Wake up Tuesday time for Dick's Show
Will it be a gunty shit show?
Or a classic for the ages?
Have to wait and hear the rages

Starting strong with Dick & co-host
Mocking mom who lost her mojo
Find out news is coming up soon
Switch from Libsyn link to Youtube

Who's this news babe in the corner?
She's a cutie I adore her
Modest beauty thin and pretty
A/C's cranked it's getting nippy

So you wanna be a news babe? Well here's a little tidbit
No one cares what you say just show a little tit nip
While Vito's fanboying over pedophiles
Your nipples start growing and THE CHAT GOES WILD!

Don't mask it with your hair hun there ain't no need to hide it
Now you're not the only one who's getting quite excited
You got me going "oOOo don't need huge boOOobs
just wanna be hugging you in an ice-cold roOOom"

Your boobies' peaks look like Boogie's teeth
Chiclets gum I want some give this dude a piece
Can we just get married? Why are you avoiding this?
I could be your Larry and you could be my pointy chick

Canuck shitposter seeking arrangement
Check your freedoms at the border leather purses the payment 
No sperm shortage here watch me pump out litres
As we Netflix and chill in my walk-in freezer

You'll be begging "get inside me"
When I take you mountain climbing
Don't need tools with such a nice rack
Use your sharp boobs as an ice axe

My front lawn we're nude sunbathing
'Cause it sure could use aerating
Come inside we'll cook a nice meal
Use your boobs to tenderize veal

Whether you have nice tight lips or saggy ship sinkers
Don't care just get those nips in my fingers
Wear my heart on my suit I've been hurt in the past
So I burned all my chairs now I'm looking to smash

Stacks of chicks massive tits 
old news babe just after nips
E-beef? No I rap that's it
Only nipple rubbing I insist on 
Are yours in my mouth I'm a pacifist
With passive fists won't flaunt my ass crack and spit
On a chick I'll just buy you new spatulas

I won't huff your poo (unless you ask me too) 
Plus I've over 4'9" MASSIVE dude
I won't whisk you away to a drug commune 
You won't ever find a loli poster in my room
A mix between Kian and Sean - quite hunky
Never made a sex tape as a suicidal monkey


I'm well-adjusted I make good choices
What? 200 songs about cucks in dumb voices?
Just a little hobby babe I swear don't got the 'tism
It's just laser focus now it's on your nipples wanna lick 'em
100% safe sex let's do it
My bullet proof vest will protect me while we're screwing

From those full metal jackets in your jacket going BLAM BLAM
Hit me in the heart ma'am now I got my damn hand
Working on my hard glans got you breathing heavy like 
A pandemic get the hand sanitizer 
I'm like Pfizer now you're feeling my effects
Go lay down and have a rest got the chills your nipples wrecked
My leather couch you made a mess bad bitch yeah you're the best
Gotta get this off my chest I keep staring at your breasts
Look at that they're staring back at me baby #feelingblessed

"Two for one? RIP OFF! Damn dude that hurt.
Paid for one tit fuck got two Prince Alberts."

"Met her last Monday took her on a shopping spree
Never came back to suck me off properly"

8 AM met this lady down
at the ATM (for some atm)
Took my 18 grand put it in her hand
Then she switched the plan and that bitch just just ran
It's now 9 pm I'm still waiting ma'am
(You're stupid) did I just get scammed?!?!

I'm a scammer too baby I appreciate the hustle 
But no IOUs for you until I get my suckle snuggles

(Sexy boy) I'll meet you at your place
(We need to go in the shower) Sure babe sounds great

Now I'm tapping that ass and I got her coming fast
Cold shower bent over up against the frosted glass
Diamond tips *squeak squeak* those nips cut deep
Break the glass and my fall in a sudsy bloody heap

Still I have to finish oops leaning on her neck
It was only 9 minutes! How can she be dead!?
I'm wearing leather gloves who's gonna believe me?
So I pick up her phone call Christopher Kiwi

(Based on Tom's Diner DNA remix)

100%

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Not Low Anymore

Download available at: https://www.orfium.com/track/622709/cucks-in-the-wind-ft-samglaze-lakembra/

Piano by Samglaze: https://soundcloud.com/samglaze
Lyrics written by /u/688as (lyrics below).

From Episode 39 of The Dick Show:
https://soundcloud.com/dick-show/episode-39-santa-cuck-diy-glow

Asterios clips from:
http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-77/
http://thedickshow.com/episode-21/
http://thedickshow.com/episode-31/
https://soundcloud.com/user-667747853/060-intrigued-hesitation

*Now with 50% less fade out!

Lyrics:
I close my eyes
As I prep the bull for my wife to fuck  
I open wide
Wrap my lips around and give a hearty suck

Cucks in the wind
All we are is cucks in the wind

Same old song
I hide in the closet 'til my wife is done
I call up Dick
And ask him if he wants to hear my latest bit

Cucks in the wind
All we are is cucks in the wind
Kokonuts!

My wife's son
Tells me I'm not funny, and I yell too much
My patreon
Is the only thing in life that keeps me going on


Cucks in the wind
All we are is cucks in the wind (all we are is cucks in the wind)
Cucks in the wind (everything is cucks in the wind)
Everything is cucks in the wind

Cucks In The Wind (ft. Samglaze)

If you wanna be my patron, you gotta go to https://www.patreon.com/kendollinhide
LYRICS 
Yo, I'll tell you bought I bought, what I really, really bought
So tell me what you bought, what you really, really bought
I'll tell you what I bought, what I really, really bought
So tell me what you bought, what you really, really bought
I bought a, (he) I bought a, (he) I bought a, (he) I bought a, (he)
I bought a $30,000 shitty voting website

If you wanna hurt your brain, listen to sadcast
If you wanna get with Jane, you just have to ask
Now don't go wasting this cuckold's time
Buy a couple madbucks we could be just fine

I'll tell you what I bought, what I really, really bought
So tell me what you bought, what you really, really bought
I bought a, (he) I bought a, (he) I bought a, (he) I bought a, (he)
I bought a $30,000 shitty voting website

If you wanna be my lawyer, you gotta sue all Dick's friends
Goss can't last forever, let's sue them 'til it ends 
If you wanna be my lawyer, you have got to skim
My e-mails are quite lengthy, but that's the way it is

"$20,000.00 per plaintiff"
Wow that's such a good deal
"Says here you're suing Madcucks, are you for real?"
Here's my first payment, I'll give you a try
But if you get too yappy #landaubites

I'll tell you what I bought, what I really, really bought
So tell me what you bought, what you really, really bought
I bought a, (he) I bought a, (he) I bought a, (he) I bought a, (he)
I bought a $30,000 shitty voting website

If you wanna be my lawyer, thank me for the snacks
Don't bite the hand that feeds you, here have some crackerjacks
If you wanna be my lawyer, you have got to skim
This lawsuit is a doosey, it's 53 pages

So, here's the story from ants to aids
You wanna sue with me, you better listen carefully
We got "Ken in the place with leather in your face"
Heather's real bored "I type on the keyboard"
Jane D. stays here for free "Is she a real lady?"
Hehe...you'll see ;)

Slam your lawsuit down, sue everyone in town
Slam your lawsuit down, sue everyone in town

If you wanna be my lawyer, you gotta risk getting disbarred
Don't worry about typos, apostrophes' are hard
If you wanna be my lawyer, you have got to fib
Quote satire out of context 'cause that's the way we'll win

If you wanna be my lawyer
You gotta, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta, you gotta
Sue, sue, sue, sue

Slam your lawsuit down, sue everyone in town
Slam your lawsuit down, sue everyone in town
He, he, he, he, he
Slam your lawsuit down, sue everyone in town
Slam your lawsuit down and hehehe *scoff*

If you wanna be my lawyer

[Parody of Wannabe by Spice Girls]

Wannabe My Lawyer

Put this in the lolsuit.

Hear more: patreon.com/hmwh
Cover art by CalloftheDeep:
https://twitter.com/CalloftheDeep

Lyrics:
Here in my car
I am starting to drink
And I'm feeling alright
Hey, is that a dog bite?
In cars

Here in my car
Won't you please take a seat?
I know it's cold on the street
But hey, the rent's cheap
In cars

Here in my car
Where my life is breaking down
Will you blow into this please?
'cause I just drank Listerine
In cars

Here in my car
I feel the wind in my face
I can't eat any chocolate
But liquors A-OK!
In cars

Here in the car
I hope my owner comes back
Because the windows are up
And it's getting quite hot
In cars

Here in this car
I don't have a license
I can't even drive cars
I am just a dog
In a car

Dogs

Nobody Knew I was Heather - Peach Saliva

This extended version was made possible by the suckers paying me to have too much fun at www.patreon.com/kendollinhide

Thumbnail by https://twitter.com/geistpolizei

LYRICS

(Intro)

Y'all act like you never seen a proud cuckold before
Jaws all on the floor, like me when 80s girl busted my door
Poor me, I get PTSD 
When I image search ""The Dick Show 76""
It's the return of the "Oh wait, no way, your kidding,
He didn't just sue who I think he did, did he?"
What's Rucka Rucka say?
Nothing you dullards! Rucka ran away, he's hiding in the UK
Caitlin loves Maddox man, "spilla spilla spilla Dick's such a dick *snort* I'm so sick of him
Look at him, walkin' around gossin' 'bout you know who
"Maddox is a huge pussy" "Yeah but he's so progressive though"
I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose
I'm upside down and backwards like the flusher in Dick's bathroom
Sex is the best, so much humping in my bedroom
(Please keep it down you two I'm trying to do my Youtube news)
Pim Tool's my little bitch, Pim Tool's my little bitch
And if I'm lucky he might just give me a little kiss
He's diversifying though, not just a journalist
Now on WikiHow like "here's how you taxidermy dicks"
Of course I never learned what intercourse is
I asked my guest the other day
"Girls pee through their clitorises, don't they?"
Sex like a samurai
I have a thing for handsome guys, I lose myself whenever I look in their eyes
Invite 'em to the crib like "Bang my girl please, yo"
"Take my hairy tush when you're finished up with Jane Doe"
If they say no, I got the antidote
Grab my wig and pantyhose, dim the lights, "Threesome, bro!"

(CHORUS)

Dick don't gotta steal I-Tunes feeds to make money
Well I do, so fuck him and fuck you too
You think I give a damn about a fanbase?
Y'all just have bad taste, my Patreon's almost as small as Dick's face
"But dude we're gonna lose this lawsuit here"
Well only if #dicklies and tells the judge I'm weird
And now this Ken Doll fuck is singing Britney Spears?
His only song that doesn't suck is about stacking chairs
Now I run the best debate in the universe
But I still watch TDS, oh that show's the worst!
Sean and Layc, will they won't they? That's some chemistry
They should probably just hook up...with me (hehe)
Sean come back and fix the audio on TBD
You could be my junior zinger slinger deputy
I'm sick of stupid TDS groups all you do is annoy me
My foster lawyer will destroy you
And there's a couple fans who still like me
Who shill like me, who creep women out like me, who pout like me
Lie and imply like me, they might just be the next worst thing
But not quite me!

(CHORUS)

I'm such a weirdo to listen to
Subscribers are leaving confused, when I'm spewin' Tide news 
Straight from my living room
The Biggest Problem is I have the gall to try to sue you all
Fling spaghetti from my brain and see what sticks to the wall
I just get on the mic and shit it, though I don't like to admit it
I'm worse than all 3 dozen Asterios podcasts out there
Now you guys are all discussing shady edits on reddit, NOT FUNNY
Cause at the rate I'm going when I'm fifty
I'll be cooking cricket burgers with my roomates cause I'm thrifty
Spying on my crazy neighbor lady while I'm jerkin'
Money's tight, cancelled all my preggo magazine subscriptions :(
And in every screwed up person is a fake Heather lurkin', could be at Pacific Dining Car
like "you don't know what good steaks are!" 
Or in the parking lot cycling,
Screaming "Don't call me a cuck!" with a dopey frown while he keys your truck
So will the real Heather, please shut up
Where the hell does Trevor live?  This sucks!
Now it's clear that I'm outta my mind and outta control
So  one more time, loud as I can, here I go!

(CHORUS x2)

"Hehe.  I guess there's a little Heather S. in all of us.  Let's all call CPS on each other."

The Real Heather S. (extended)

Bicycle Boys 2  Lost in New York

Music by Todd Seidel
Lyrics / Vocals by Ken Doll In Hide ( https://soundcloud.com/user-786056730  https://twitter.com/kendollinhide )
Additional vocals by Madcucks ( https://soundcloud.com/user-455384913 https://twitter.com/madcucks )
This song was made for The Dick Show Podcast featuring Dick Masterson with Sean the audio engineer.  ( http://thedickshow.com https://soundcloud.com/dick-show ) 

Lyrics:   
Check my homepage, it's the Dick Show Reddit
"Haha" Don't you dare... "maddox lost" uh he said it
Now they're shouting from the rooftops "maddox lost, maddox lost!"
It's Dick's fault he stole my fans and served them piping hot goss

I was counting on that money, Landau's invoice is due now
And Tyrone wants new sneakers, what am I gonna do now?
I stood around and watched my empire crumble and fall down
I need the legal deets, guess I'd better call Landau

Where were you today? Court started at six
I got lost okay? New York's confusing as shit!
t Where are you my phone's low I think we should meet
I'm drinking with that kid from Home Alone down the street

Wait did I win? Are you two celebrating?
No you lost we're toasting to the invoice you're paying
STAY! I'll be there soon I want a good explanation
"Did Landau rip me off"'s the topic we'll be debatin'

"Excuse me ma'am, I'm looking for my lost lawyer, have you seen him?
Oh he's about 5'5", possibly wearing handcuffs. He has trouble breathing.
Reeks of booze. He answers to "Last Call".
He went that way? You're welcome. Now get outta my way!"

Red Rover, Red Rover, I call Landau over
What happened? Ramos crushed you like a legal bulldozer
It's not my fault you tried to sue Cope, Baker and Boser
I might have stood a chance if you could friggin stay sober

Chill out and have a drink my Armenian friend
I'll peddal to LA and we can sue them again!
Just pay me for my travel time $2000 an hour
And here's my bill for breakfast (toast and 3 vodka sours)

I hate Dick but wow, this is getting expensive
You can't quit now, man they're on the defensive
Come on, let's sue it
Okay, I'll do it
Call Landui for all your legal needs
Put some rye in that soy milk, we'll turn this around
Bicycle Boys, yeah we're back in town!

We're better win this time.
No problem, but how are you gonna pay me?
Oh, don't you worry about that. Lord Matthew has agreed to build my a jetpack for a very reasonable price.
Who are we suing again?
...Everyone >:) hehehehehehehee

The Dick Show

Bicycle Boys 2  Lost In New York - ft. Ken Doll In Hide

Music written, performed and produced by MCMC ©2018

Lyrics written and performed by MCMC and Kendollinhide ©2018

As heard on episode 108 of The Dick Show (36m52s): thedickshow.com/episode-108/

Big thanks to all involved: Kendollinhide, Samglaze, Asterios, Madcucks, 688as & Hazencruz

Lyrics

Hehe hehe's the master of blasting hard bars faster
Outsmarting and outclassing all past MCs like me
What a bastard, feasting on carcasses of bars that I speaked
On a fat narstee beat made for me by < < < Aciou > > >
He's on a train of inspiration and Ken's speeding away
What a waste of my time going out my way to write lines 
While this guy's got the balls 
To make me cry laughing with two syllables (hehe)
God damn fam this motherfuckers fuckin' me up, 
Thinking I'm shit out of luck, thinking all my stuff sucks,
I must say the way he lays down these premium yucks
Has even got me monthly giving ten bucks!
It's not enough, this guy deserves obscene amounts of green
You must just trust me you're gonna see what I mean
I'm sorry Sean, I've got a new mancrush, I've seen the light
Support his songs at Patreon.com/kendollinhide

Chorus: 

He makes me wanna give up and kill myself
With the lyrics he's got going on in his mind
No wait, I won't give up, I'll just shill myself
To patreon.com/kendollinhide

Ken: You give me too much credit, what I do is quite easy
"Blah blah blah CUCK blah blah blah HEHE"
Can't sing like Lakembra, Strand or Anthony Charles
I can't splice nice like Cuckcux and Mr. Seidel
I can't make a theme song, my body's not a space station
Can't conjure up a beat like Vistas' wizardly creations
I can't play an instrument like Savestate Myroom
"Can't Handle criticism like" "Fuck off Hazencruz"
24 songs and counting, 6 hours each
Let's do some quick accounting, hmm...carry the 3
Minus the equipment, expenses and fees
I'm only losing 4 US dollars a week
Yeah business is hard but I can turn this around
A beef would bring some traffic to my humble Soundcloud
So meet me outside if you hate these damn verses
I'll skin your ass alive and make a couple manpurses

He makes me wanna give up and kill myself
With the lyrics he's got going on in his mind
No wait, I won't give up, I'll just shill myself
To patreon.com/kendollinhide

He makes me wanna give up and kill myself
With the lyrics he's got going on in his mind
No wait, I won't give up, I'll just shill myself
To patreon.com/kendollinhide

Patreon.com/kendollinhide (featuring Kendollinhide, mastered by Samglaze)

Best Debate My Way

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXyPidbxmnc

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