Ken Doll In Hide and his various projects over the past few years have helped me discover my love for writing. Every time I feel like giving up, I'm inspired by his tenacity to simply keep creating content.

Playgroud Peril - Twisted Metal Small Brawl

Composed by Adam Bond and Michael Manning

Arise Legend

Marble Madness

A remix in celebration of The Dick Show podcast.

The Dick Show Remixes

Every Moment Of Your Life

Power of the Dragonflame

Steelgods of the Last Apocalypse

Sünde

Herzdieb

As heard on:
The Ralph Retort - #Killstream (10/29/18): https://www.bitchute.com/video/s5FZ6CIgmRYN/
The Dick Show - Episode 126 (0:56:00): thedickshow.com/episode-126

Cuckness falls across the land and our latest track is now at hand!
So down that last shot of Soylent and hold your Switch close as the Alphas draw near.  Please enjoy this cover of Michael Jackon's Thriller - the latest in our "Cuck the Eighties" series.

Cover Art: @CalloftheDeep (Twitter)
This track is brought to you by our Big Dick Patreon sponsors (Oct 2018):
🍌 688as
🥒 Antoids
🌽 Dyc3
🍒 No_Nuts
💩 Poo and pee III

Drill-Her

Dick Masterson is bluepilled

What are NPCs? Hmm, how can I explain it?
Herds of blue-haired sheep, easily manipulated
Their kryptonite is comedy, yeah they fuckin' hate it
So late at night at UCB is where they've congregated
Now UCB's a group of geeks and women who won't date 'em
These guys avert their eyes from thighs because it is degrading
"But hey I might get laid if they applaud this chick on stage and
laugh at her generic jokes and join in the complainin'"

"Knock-knock" Who's there? "Trump's a jerk, I hate him!"
"Blahblahblah vagina stuff" How have you not made it?
Hey, uh, I once owned a girl with a vagina
She made my cry, bruh "Did you get her fired?" I tried tuh
She wants a man I guess that's why we didn't work out (heh)
Three years later, still obsessed still so I sperged out...(hey!)
Because this ex left a wedding with my best friend (what?!)
They told me nothing happened but I'm pretty sure they held hands! (NOOOOOOOOO!)
Now they they all call me a C to the U to the C to the K
But UCB sided with me because I might be gay
Dick's so straight and white, let's face it
He must maintain a rape list

[chorus]
Hi I'm an NPC from UCB [x3]
You know what offends me? It's comedy!
Hi I'm an NPC from UCB [x3]
You know what offends me? Dick's comedy!

UCB Dean here, Dick I have to tell you
These jokes are too spicy, so I have to expel you
The Uptight Citizens Brigade just had a vote and
Unanimously decided we just can't take a joke man
Shoo! Vamoose! Skedaddle! You gotta go man!
Some bitch from Conde Naste has fuckin' got me by the gonads
Wait not so fast, one more thing I must ask 
Dick could you remove your profile pic? Yo that'd be so fab
Safespace comedy, we're real trend-setters
Look 'cause of your book we've been bombarded with letters 
"Dick hates women! Kick him out, you'd better!
Sincerely, a totally real journalist, Heather"

At first I wasn't sure 'cause you're usually just chillin'
But hey you sure do play a quite convincing Disney villain
"No one trolls quite like Dick, gives no fucks quite like Dick
No one eats the damned souls of dumb cucks quite like Dick"
Yikes! Delete all videos with Masterson's performances
There's nothing I find more offensive than enormous dicks
"I flaunted my big gorgeous tits once and he looked at me!"
"Oh my god!" "That's not okay!" "It's masculine toxicity!"

[chorus]

You dumb dipshits, job lynch mob kids
Have no business running comedy clubs, shit
One cunt's ticked off
Quick! Let's shoot our dick's off!
Anyone who jokes about the following will get doxxed
Chick politicians, non-Christian religions
Jokes at the expense of those who honor honor killings
*3 hours later* Is there anything we're missing?
Stupid balding cucks who took a vicious legal fisting
Gay bears, wheelchairs, fat guys with red hair
"What about free speech?"
....Don't care!
Please just love me, I'm dead inside :(
Oh I'm Mike, do you like my vocal fryyyyyyy?

Diversity is great but at UCB, it's skin deep
These pricks will get you fired if they do not like your comedy
"No one wants to book me!" Get a job "That's not happenin'!
"Alexa, what's the average salary for LA Activists?"

Chaos Cowboys and Indians, giggling Argentinians 
Piss-soaked Loli pricks and figbatdiggernicks
Liberals, conservatives, ankle-biting furry kids
Yeah we're all degenerates but Dickheads are diverse as shit

Top autists, top gays, post-op vajayjays
Consensual, bisexual, cocaine-fueled fourways
Facebook civil warlords, fedora-tipping redditors
Sorry no Titos allowed, we're not a fan of predators (fuck you Tito)
Otherwise it's all good, come one, come all
Liam Neeson give that penis back to Scott Zoloft (deep cut! https://www.reddit.com/r/TheDickShow/comments/aakvj9)
The NPCs at UCB are lacking creativity
Why can't they see we all just need to hate each other equally?

[If you want me to keep making songs on a regular basis, please consider throwing me a buck at patreon.com/kendollinhide]

NPC from UCB

Welcome to the podcast, I have a huge announcement
So many weekly voters, dude I had to stop countin'
Still I can't compete with that bunker atop a mountain
Plus Ronny wants to leave so I'm finally fuckin' bouncin'

Legal debt's stalking me, I'm constantly hounded
I still haven't paid for those typos Landau did
The weight on my grave as Dick dances? Astoundin!
But when it comes to talent IN my body? Zero ounces

Now Dick and his Morlocks are toasting their beers
Boasting, shitposting and roasting their peers
It's me you should thank for your online careers
As you guys monetize all my blood sweat and tears

I've tried through the years but just keep getting staler
Another nerd podcast? It can't be a failure!
New co-host has boobies I can't wait to nail her
“I'm in Ooga Booga, see? Here watch the trailer”

Now Haley's so starstruck, out meeting at Starbucks 
went so well I think that I'll be her new star cuck
So much in shit in common - careers are both dyin
Both think we're still young, both love Degrasse Tyson

Let's hop into my shower girl, it doubles as a science lab
It's also great for sobbing when life's troubles have you kinda sad :(
Lights, camera, goggles oh, it's totally safe babe
Let's see if you can block the stream using only your face, k?

B==D~~~~~~~~ "Yeeeeah I fucking love science. You fucking love sicence, bitch? Gargle this science you bitch. It's not degrading if I'm a feminist."

Goodbye Maddox, Hello George
Dismantle Militia, assemble "G-Force"
Still havin' fuckin' trouble fixin' this damn door
Landau's in the back yard pukin' on all fours

Goodbye Maddox, Hello George
Haley sounds like, a dumb whoooore
But hey don't be sad it's not like I'm done for
Just say goodbye to Maddox and say hello to George

Now the name mighta changed but this brain's still the same
And the name of the game's make you say “what a shame
Man I loved all his shit checked his site every day
Now he constantly begs" "Run a train on my dame!"

Now I got real sneaky, took a page from that Greek book
Found a writing partner from UCB see look
Looks like Jodie Foster, sounds like Jodie Foster
Told her she'll be famous, asked what's it gonna cost her

Let me spread the hips then you hold my hand
“K” she says “My grandson's a real big fan”
You're welcome, now time for more experimental showering
This time you swallow all the piss “oooooo that sounds empowering”

God, you're so hilarious! Dave Clegg is gonna lose it
Hey, you read that email regarding the new bit? "Which One?"
Where we just watch movies and I touch all your nude bits
Then gently blow air on your hole like a flutist

I'm king, you're queen let's do some kissin
Fuck you, Karl! These podcasts are bitchin'
Babe I'll make you famous but dude, just listen
If you ever try to leave I'll have a new ex mission

These Dickwarts on Discord still think that they hate me
But they're mad at Maddox! I'm George "and I'm Haley! :)"
(She thinks that she's talented...bitches be crazy)
Hehehe George you're just killin' it lately!

Thanks Maddox so true, no need to debate that point
Where's Haley live? Let's find out then we'll case the joint
Late at night, flashlights on, search through her garbages
“Look! A used condom!""I'm jealous""I'm hard as shit"

Shit! Yo she woke up! I scurry like a cock-a-roach
Hit her with some glitter then run off like I'm Apostrophos (https://www.patreon.com/kokopuffs)
Fuck I think I blinded her! "Phew guys, that was awfully close"
Heather, why are you here? “I'm stealin' Haley's pantyhose”

Sean in the bunker on Sunday, please help me
I'd like everyone to think our friendship's still healthy

When I say "Bye Maddox", SEAN say "Hi George"
Bye Maddox  _____________

Now when I say Bye Maddox, DICK say "Hi George"
Bye Maddox  "Hi George!"
Bye Maddox  "Hi George!"

Hello George

K

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