This song is a sloppy piece of shit dedicated to a sloppy piece of shit.

Lyrics
Ted Cruz yr a dog
Ted Cruz yr a dog
This country is a toilet and yr an unflushed log
Ted Cruz yr a dog
Ted Cruz yr a dog

We neuter dogs so they don't multiply
And I don't see a reason why
We don't do that to this fuckin' guy
So he doesn't feed another fly

Ted Cruz yr a dog
Ted Cruz yr a dog
This country is a toilet and yr an unflushed log
Ted Cruz yr a dog
Ted Cruz yr a dog

Toilets are technology
That keep us healthy, safe and clean
If you don't use them properly
You're gonna need an antihistamine

Ted Cruz yr a dog
Ted Cruz yr a dog
This country is a toilet and yr an unflushed log
Ted Cruz yr a dog
Ted Cruz yr a dog

Ted Cruz Yr A Dog

In this little town, I cause lots of trouble
The preacher tried to drive me out on the double
But the lawman- he’s my pal
So try as he might, that preacher never shall
Pays to have buddies in the right places
Don’t gamble with me- I’m holdin’ pocket aces

To the girlies round here I’m real well known
Mailbox full on my cellular phone 
I make a good business for another friend 
His line of work- OBGYN 
Pays to have buddies in the right places 
Don’t gamble with me- I’m holdin’ pocket aces

Afternoon cruisin’ in my Coupe LeMans
After spending the morning perfecting my bronze
Sun goes down: free drinks at the bar
On the way back home: free gas in the car
Pays to have buddies in the right places
Don’t gamble with me- I’m holdin’ pocket aces

Pocket Aces

The first single from Cindy Crawford Cult's forthcoming LP titled 'Romance'

You don't know sexy but you're tryna screw
You don't know lovin' but you're shootin' your goo
Don't know seduction but you're stayin' out late
You don't know women but you're tryna date
You wonder why the girls keep walkin' away
Can't comprehend why you ain't gettin' no play
You're lookin' desperate
Actin' a fool
You don't know sexy but you're tryna screw

Well if you could only love yourself
You'd be nude in the sheets
Not catchin' dust on the shelf
What's a lady supposed to do
When Hannibal Lecter reminds her of you

Out at the bar with your big boy stance
Mean muggin' people and refusin' to dance
You want the slizz but you don't want romance
You get excited then you jizz in your pants
You might be brainy and you might have money
but you're too edgy when you try to be funny
You're lookin' desperate
Actin' a fool
You don't know sexy but you're tryna screw

Well the secret is transparency
It's a guarantee
Least it's been workin' for me
Instead of what you think they want to hear
Tell 'em what you need and make it crystal clear

You're bringin' darkness when it should be sunny
You're servin' vinegar when you need honey
You're aimin' high scopin' out all the tens
And straight ignorin' all their kinkier friends
And yet you want a good woman who won't mess around
But still you wanna put your pole in every hole in town
That's a double standard you know that ain't right
No wonder you can't get a girl to spend the night

So quit lookin' desperate
Actin' a fool
You don't know sexy but you're tryna screw
I said quit lookin' desperate
Actin' a fool
You don't know sexy but you're tryna screw
I think you're lookin' so desperate
Actin' a fool
You don't know sexy but you're tryin' to screw
Yeah

Music and Lyrics by Tyler Ravelson
Acoustic guitar and Vocals by Tyler Ravelson
All additional instrumentation by Jefferson Riordan

Produced by Witchwood Music
Mixed and Mastered by Dave Locke

You Don't Know Sexy (But You're Tryna Screw)

If John Waters directed a pulpy sci-fi horror flick about cannibalistic lovers, this would be the song that plays at the school dance scene.

Cannibal Curse

Straight Pepper Diet's remix of this classic CCC stem.

In this little town I cause lots of trouble
The preacher tried to drive me out on the double
But the law man, he's my pal
So try as he might that preacher never shall
Pays to have buddies in the right places
Don't gamble with me
I'm holdin' pocket aces

To the girlies 'round here I'm real well known
Mailbox full on my cellular phone
I make a good business for another friend
His line of work: OB-GYN
Pays to have buddies in the right places
Don't gamble with me
I'm holdin' pocket aces

Afternoon cruisin' in my Coupe LeMans
After spendin' the mornin' perfectin' my bronze
Sun goes down, free drinks at the bar
On the way back home, free gas in the car
Pays to have buddies in the right places
Don't gamble with me
I'm holdin' pocket aces

Straight Cindy Crawford Diet

Pocket Aces (Straight Pepper Diet Remix)

The dance version of Cannibal Curse produced and performed by Tyler Ravelson entirely on his iPhone using GarageBand. treat it as outsider art. Tyler has no fucking clue what he's doing when he's using a DAW.

Cannibal Curse (Club Demo)

Pocket Aces written and performed by Tyler Ravelson
Produced by Jefferson Riordan/Witchwood Music

Full Lyrics
In this little town
I cause lots of trouble
The preacher try to drive me out
On the double
But the lawman
He's my pal
So try as he might
That preacher never shall
Pays to have buddies in the right places
Don't gamble with me
I'm holding Pocket Aces

To the girlies round here
I'm real well known
Mailbox full on my cellular phone
I make a good business for another friend
His line of work
OBGYN
Pays to have buddies in the right places
Don't gamble with me
I'm holding Pocket Aces

Afternoon cruising
In my coupe LeMans
After spending the morning
Perfecting my bronze
Sun goes down
Free drinks at the bar
On the way back home
Free gas in the car
Pays to have buddies in the right places
Don't gamble with me
I'm holding Pocket Aces

Pocket Aces Party Mix

Written and performed by Tyler Ravelson
Produced by Jefferson Riordan/Witchwood Music

Your Peach

Lady Killer

I am the world famous supermodel Cindy Crawford, easily recognized by the iconic mole on my upper lip. You are a member of my cult.

CindyCrawfordCult

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