when the party ends (glvck + soulzii)

leave that bitch SCARED freestyle

Prince Jefe - GO (prod. PrinceJefe)

The Low

11. Where Is My Thank You

indecisive.

enlightening and uplifting 
my words can be 
degrading and demeaning as well

‘twas my choice to speak life into another 
and not give it back to myself

constant dedication to outputting mere guidance 
self defiance 
led to self sabotage and internal conflicts

i told him he was hurting me
i begged for him to stop
i tried to teach him how to love me
and he left me to rot 


hear me!
do you hear me?

typical response 
his answer was yes
and that’s where issues start

yes you may hear me
but listening you are not

for granted taken my words were 
less and less i would talk


i would scream about his cycles
which landed me the psycho title

if i’d  yell my concerns 
he’d say others did me worse

God Forbid i cried 
cuz if i cried he’d hide his snickers 
just to pick at me, provoke, degrade, taunt, tease and bicker 


over time my voice felt worthless
my advice felt like burdens 
silenced my self
and he hardly even noticed 


i stopped expressing my needs along with my desires
oh how i was sick of speaking 
for now i’m human and they get tired 


the silent war within me was once easy to maintain 
but blow after blow 
i started going insane

no one to confide in 
for he blocked the paths of kinfolk 
as i drowned in my thoughts 
being taunted by his demons 

i learned a lot in the deep end 
the darkness; the shadows 
i wallowed in my unconscious mind 
and prepared myself for battle 

he brought no sense of security 
so i learned to secure myself 
and to anyone else 
my power shall not go

as he neglects my inner child 
detachment becomes easier 
triggers and flips switched 
makeshift concerns he shows 


he says  
“i don’t feel you as strong as i once did 
drifting from me are you?”

concern heard in his tone due to the thought of separation 
anxious for loosing, not me, but my admiration 
the games of a narcissist to elicit one’s defense 
then play victim and act innocent invoking rage immensely

“is this not what you wanted?” 
i say

“do you not appreciate my silence 
for when i spoke on my passions or concerns you either got quiet or violent “

“that’s not true” he starts 

but i cut that thought short 

i say “you will not gaslight or manipulate me anymore” i’m sure

his confident glare morphed into a panicked look in his eyes 
mortified 
slowly he realized he truly messed up




messed up with someone who gave endless love 

messed up with someone who took pleasure in his joy 

messed up with someone who seen his best in his worst

messed up with someone who actually gave a fuck 



aren’t you the one that begged for my tranquility 
so tell me what is the issue with my reticence 
he begs for my forgiveness 
and to hear me speak again
  

oh what a shame it is 
for i refuse to let you in 
endless nights that i’ve cried 
and all you had to do was listen 


“i love you” he says 

“is that what you think ” i say back

he responds with “you know i love you”

“bullshit” i say

“if you loved me, then you’d stop hurting me so i could save my tears

if you loved me, you would make these accommodations so i could save my breath

if you loved me, you’d understand why i am truly frustrated 

and if you really loved me, you would let me go.”

you led me on for so long 
convincing me you’d do better 
i overstayed and settled 
somewhere my soul couldn’t grow 

i gave chance after chance 
filling you with my faith 
we fed each other pain
as teardrops ran down my face 

you preach i want another and that for me you were not enough
truth is, all i wanted was you to do right by me and your love 

it pains me to say this but 
Nothing Lasts Forever
thank you to the heavens 
that we met on my endeavors

you were all i wanted 
your presence your touch 
you won’t be forgotten 
but too much damage was done

don’t worry about me 
i can handle myself
thank you for reminding me 
to not depend on anyone else
 
amidst this khaos and all the pain
i find it in my heart to forgive 
though it may not seem it’s true now 
my love for you is long lived  

ase

ukiyo freestyle

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