summers over so now its time to really get numb!

Exit Here (demo)

discontentment with how i interpret life+emotions and the way i never learn fuels a stream of shame and rage, flowing slowly but surely deep inside the lowest depths of my soul. can you tell?

Deliberation is Pain but Push Through it

i woke up this morning
sortof knew what i would see
i felt so unexcited by the fact
that u were sent off- you were freed

i dont wanna point the obvious out with you
it hurts for me and when you find out
it’ll hurt for you too
so as for now

youd be better off without me
youd be good with someone else

shivered when your hand touched my arm
what can i say…
i let you in my vacant headroom
feelings rushed to make you space

but i’m still paralyzed with fear:
know it took all i have to get here.
re-assured by a love that i
still think i cheated to deserve,

i fear
youd be better off without me-
another man stuck in a shell

what can i do for you?
i’ll cook turtle stew for you
from my insides, or perhaps
starve you emotionally instead?

what can i do for you?
well i would change your serpentine
or keep wearing you down
till you can’t even make the sad sound

youd be better off without me
dont deserve a living hell

that’s about it
im not even that smart
you’ll talk philosophically
i guess i could play the part

but i cant stop myself 
the only feeling that stays
is the lonely one i know like wine
and i drink it for the taste

youd be better off without me
but it tastes good with someone else

is it all in my head? shit’s too hard
wish i were dead, because

youd be better off without me
youd be good with someone else

once the bottle’s on the shelf
ill call you back
i wish you well
i wish you well

i wish you well
i wont call you back
i fucking hate phone calls
i just hope u know:

still ill hold on to you tightly
till you wise up ’n find someone else

better off without Me

a couple of verses over a guitar and me hitting my thigh along with the chords

lyrics:
shades of blue
the same dark
pressed on u
might leave a mark

i forget my own name
but ive got to hold on
bear it a little longer
to make a better song

create better than before
what has fallen through the floor
named the fear so it’d belong, but
hold me close and i wont be gone

hold me close and i wont be gone
hold me close and i wont be gone
hold (and its ending soon)

hold me close and i wont be gone
hold

wake up friend
fan the spark
chased lose ends
disrespected my heart

i forgot my own name
but ive got to live on
bear it a little longer
find out how to be more strong

create better than the last
what has broke me in the past
named broke and unmended
only wait until it’s ended

& its ending
only wait until it's ended
and its ending soon
and its ending soon

hold me close and i wont be gone
hold

its ending soon

fake smiles and shallow conversations
make me want to km$
...but they are all i know

Move on - or dont

theres another verse this is just a demo. full lyrics:

1:
if you want love
call me back
just see through
this heart attack

if your alone
call my phone
ill show up ill
drive you home

don’t run away
if you stay
we’ll get through and
find a way

to a place
we belong
patience darling
it won’t be long

just let me know
just let me know

~
2:
this heart attack’s
a bad dream
your blood’s red but
i’m a blue moonbeam

i’ll quench your fire
when it’s dire
like right now - i’ll
be your sire

don’t run away
if you stay
we’ll get through and
find a way

to a place
we belong
patience darling
it won’t be long

just let me know
just let me know

~
3:
i apologize
i lost your trust
star please leave me
if you must

ill be missing
sad- just wishing
you dont vanish like
a bad magician

say goodbye with
heartattack eyes
i understand them-
just don’t lie

if we weren’t meant
meant to be
well that's life. she
needs to feel free

just let me know

Heart attack (just let me know) [demo]

drowning (demo)

2 bass tracks, a guitar track, 3 vocal tracks, and the glockenspiel. once again i didn't want to add drums... though this track needs them cuz its rhythm gets a little strange.

demo became i want a few more verses and i have more guitar to record that isn't ready yet. wanted to share the progress. hope you enjoy. let me know if you have any tips. thanks.

-qtjay

ps dont forget traffic lights and highways are social constructs in our ways

lyrics:
come––
come home soon
come home soon
come home soon
cuz i needed
somethin too

qtjay

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