endless dicks

Y'all cum back now, hear?

One Dick - Drums, backup vocals
Two Dick - Bass, guitars, lead vocals

Bivverly Hellbellies (Demo)

From the forthcoming second Endless Dicks album, a tender love song about taking the time to appreciate the joy that others' loves bring them.

UPDATE GO GET IT NERD: https://endlessdicks.bandcamp.com/album/endless-dicks-2-the-dickening

One Dick - Everything

LYRICS:
When I see you holding hands
And when you kiss so sweetly
That is when I know for sure
You love each other completely
Flowers bloom and birdies sing
Heaven smiles above
As the two of you walk hand-in-hand
Through the garden of love

How I wish I had a love
Just like the one you share
I'd hold my love through rain and shine
And love her everywhere
Such a lovely love between
A lovely girl and boy
The lovely smiles upon your faces
Fill my heart with joy

You And Your Girlfriend Make A Cute Couple (Demo)

BIGBALLS.MP3

DEEPSOUT.MP3

Shows evidence of a dual-guitar riff that was not featured on the album due to Red Dick's absence, but which was performed live.

One Dick - Guitars, fingersnaps, urge for crunkness

Get Crunk (One Dick's 4-track demo)

Demo of a song 'bout jerkin' it.  Also going to be on our next album.

One Dick - Drums, second guitar, bass, vox
Red Dick - Guitar, vox, super fuzzy solo that I had to turn way down because of how fuzzy it was

The Masturbation Sensation That's Sweeping The Nation (Demo)

Punk re-envisioning of the classic dance anthem that's taking the internet by storm, by your old pals Endless Dicks!

LYRICS:
I GOT BIG BOOTY BITCHES BIG BIG BOOTY BITCHES
LITTLE BITCHES GET OUT
WE DON'T WANT NO SKINNY BITCHES

One Dick - Guitar, vocals, slide whistle, Chinese megaphone
Two Dick - Bass, vocals
Red Dick - Lizard shaker, duck call, vocals
Jew Dick - Drums, liking dicks and not caring

Big Booty Bitches

Definitely not a cover of "A Horse With No Name" by America.  Nope.  For one thing, the name is different.  Also, that song doesn't produce the strange tingling sensations deep in your body that this one does.

One Dick - Vocals, Christmas Caroling, Balinese Jew's Harp, Dual-Oscillator Noise Box
Two Dick - Vocals, Inaudible Guitar
Red Dick - Vocals, either the duck call or the egg shaker
Jew Dick - Really loud vocals, either the duck call or the egg shaker depending on which one it turns out Red Dick was playing
Unnecessary Metronome - Itself

My Whores Have No Names

So this happened.

One Dick - Fem bottom looking to party
Red Dick - Amanda & Alyssa

Oh god I'm so sorry

He's gonna do it!

From a recording session last summer where we were supposed to record two (count 'em!) new albums, but just ended up dicking around for like four hours until Ringo left to play Counterstrike.

One Dick, Two Dick - Soulful vocals
Ringo - Drums
??? - Piano man

I'll Cut My Penis Off

A cover of the heartwarming British sea shanty popularized by such music-making individuals as The Sex Pistols and... that one guy...

One Dick - Drums, lead guitar, tambourine, vocals
Two Dick - Bass, super-happy rhythm guitar, vocals
Red Dick - Rhythm guitar, British vocals
Jew Dick - Vocals, racism prevention, BIG OL' DICK

LYRICS:
LA LA LA LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA LA LA LA LA
LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA

On board The Good Ship Venus
By Christ you should have seen us
The figurehead
Was a whore in bed
Sucking a dead man's penis

The captain's name was Morgan
By God he was a gorgon
From half past eight
He played 'till late
On his reproductive organ

The second mate was Andy
Dear Lord he had a dandy
'Till they crushed his cock
On a jagged rock
For cumming in the brandy

The captain's daughter Charlotte
Was born and bred a harlot
Her thighs at night
Were lily white
By morning they were scarlet

Chorus:
Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin'
Friggin' in the riggin', there was fuck all else to do

The bosun's name was John
He loved to get it on
He'd shove his skroat
Right down your throat
If you so much as yawned

The second mate was Cooper
By God he was a trooper
He jerked and jerked
Until he worked
Himself into a stupor

The steward was O'Malley
He didn't dilly-dally
Sat down to wank
And with just one yank
He whitewashed half the galley

The third mate's name was Chuck
One day he pushed his luck
Whipped out his tube
Forgot the lube
And got his stiffy stuck

CHORUS

The captain's son was named Chris
He was an anal rapist
More sodomy
You ne'er did see
From anyone but papists

The cabin boy was Kipper
By Christ he was a nipper
He stuffed his ass
With broken glass
And circumcised the skipper

The cook's name was Freeman
He was a dirty demon
He fed the crew
On menstrual stew
And hymens fried in semen

The other cabin boy was Penis
He had a great big penis
He fucked and fucked
And fucked and fucked
Me in the ass with his penis

CHORUS

When we reached our station
Through skillful navigation
The ship got sunk
In a wave of spunk
From too much fornication

REPRISE OF FIRST LINE
CHORUS x4 OR MAYBE 5 I FORGET

Epilogue:
If you want more of this serial
There's plenty more material
I wish you luck
Wherever you fuck
From all disease venereal

The Good Ship Venus (Friggin' in the Riggin')

Written and recorded in the spirit of Fucked by the Deathbadger, this B-side to Hell is Being Forced to Sit and Listen to My Parents Talk About Sexual Deviancy for Five Hours Straight is a celebration of all the special ways different people have found to love each other.

One Dick - Vocals, cigar-box electric piccolo balalaika, clarinet, tolerance
Two Dick - Vocals, guitar, bongos, tolerance

Kinky Love Song

I PUT MY PENIS INTO THINGS

One Dick - Drums, super-detuned guitar, vocals
Two Dick - Bass, guitar, keyboard, vocals

FUCK OF LOVE

Endless Dicks jam super nasty on the catchiest Christmas song - if not the catchiest song, period - ever penned, "Hava Nagila."  They didn't realize it was being recorded, but it totally was, luckily for Jewish Christmas music enthusiasts the world over.  This track also marks the first appearance of guitarist/percussionist/vocalist extraordinaire Dik-Dik Dick!
One Dick - Drums, vocals, organ
Two Dick - Bass, vocals
Dik-Dik Dick - Guitar, lead vocals
Jew Dick - Intro vocals
Drum Machine Built Into the Bass Amp - Itself

Hava Nagila 1A (Hava Na-DEMO-gila LOL)

One Dick, Two Dick, and Dik-Dik Dick once again attack the meaty musical sausage that is "Hava Nagila," this time in stereo!

One Dick - Drums, whiny backing vocals
Two Dick - Bass, vocals
Dik-Dik Dick - Guitar, Russian vocals

Hava Nagila 1B (A-Wee-ner-Rub-da)

T'ND'LUOHS YEHT LLEW TNETNOC DOOG D'NA SREPAPSWEN DOOG REHT-E-GOT TUP OT YENOM FO TOL A SU S'TSOC I EMIT EHT LLA EERF TI DAH EVAH TI WON KY D'NA HU PEELSA NEEB EVEW KNIHT

H'codrum Trepur

To help get you into the holiday spirit, Endless Dicks have prepared this album of classic Christmas tunes - with a twist!  Tap your toes and snap your fingers to this rock 'n' roll reinvisioning of three classic songs, plus an all-new original Endless Dicks composition in honor of the holidays!

Silver Bells

Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer

Jingle Bells (Radio Edit)

A brief preview of the wacky fun in store on Endless Dicks' long-awaited Self-Titled Debut EP, Endless Dicks!  Now available for downloadin' at endlessdicks.bandcamp.com!

endless dicks

Hi-C