journey of attachment

Most people I work with (myself included) are always in a hurry. We are in a rush to mentally “get it” and intellectually categorize so we can move on; check the list then throw it away. As a result, we rashly label other people or situations as bad so we can wash our hands of it and step away. By doing that, we think we solve the problem. We don’t. When looking at someone else as the problem, we’re not really moving forward. We’re stuck. And sometimes you have to go backwards to see how you showed up and what you’ve created before you can release yourself.
 
The problem is, we’re in such a rush to keep progressing forward that we miss the important work that comes from slowing down and looking back. We can’t be bothered, and for some reason, we think forward is always better. Like a car on a track with no reverse. But wherever you go, there you are, and cleaning up the past will propel you forward faster than forcing yourself to get there. Listen in to find your reverse gear. In the long-run, you may be surprised to find it’s actually the shorter route.

Going Backwards To Go Forward

Many people fall into a mental trap when working on themselves. They think, “If I know it, I can change it.” Yes, self-awareness is critical because you can’t change what you’re not aware of, but nothing really changes if it stays at the level of the intellect. When you have a mental understanding, that information fits within your existing belief system, becoming a strategy. Many of us in insecurely attached relationships tend to take this new information and apply it to the object of our desire. We don’t necessarily apply it to ourselves emotionally.
 
Change comes from feeling, not thinking. It’s like listening to this podcast. Either you’re going to take an emotional risk or you’re going to say, “Oh, yes, I get it. That makes sense! Maybe I’ll try that later when it’s safe.” Unfortunately waiting for “safe” means waiting forever. If you don’t embrace the fear and discomfort that comes with emotional risk, you’re just playing a game of mental ping pong. Intellectualizing your life leads to repeating the same things over and over. In an insecurely attached relationship you will go over the same dynamic when you intellectualize or strategize change. And change is an illusion when it remains in someone else’s hands… not your own. 
 
Many of us are willing to take mental risks, but not emotional ones. So what’s an emotional risk? Speaking your truth; showing the real you; expressing what you’ve been repressing; detaching from outcomes. The greatest job, relationship, etc. won’t matter if you mentally manage your life. That isn’t where fulfillment stems from. If you do it emotionally, it will be different.

journey of attachment

Amanda