"saline cascades
descending to oceans
flooding bedsheets
drowning, sinking
into nonexistant dreams
fickle memories
a slaughterhouse
is it just me?"

neptune

// about coffee shops and timeless sanctuaries for people to connect

"dim yellow, invitations out
subtly drooling, out unto steel expanse
a parallel mirage, hidden from the sea
a standstill in time, bleeding warmth

within monochrome,
within, within concrete,
marbled overcast,
looming over me,

a terrestrial sun."

solstice

solace

represents the present displacement of my mental, and fuzzy memory. this is the best audible representation of who i am as a person now, and the cityscape ive painted as my coffin.

pretty much all credits for this track go to jefre-cantu ledesma from his song "diamond star" (permission was granted !!!)

"a world
a brutal world
of flowing, concrete expanse,
and suburban tiles laid upon open field,
a world of powerlines dangle, trapsed across voltage towers.
of azure, neptunian seas lingering above,
and fleets of tiny ships, scratch-marking upon blue canvas,
a lucid world,
a world of dreams,
of poems,
of emotions,
a world of feelings felt, of meaning
a world of cloudless skies,
of foggy beaches,
a world of lapsing highways
of empty, lifeless metro
of glass block windows,
a world forgotten,
just trickling in and out of memory,
of mere reflections of itself,
a world of glass pillars
of obelisks, emerging beneath,
a world of mystery,
of pure confusion,
a world so fickle, its barely remembered, as a faraway dream.
a world of monochrome,
of greys, and blues,
a world beautifully ugly,
of steel beams tethering slate towers,
of dense smoke, flowing in reverse
of harsh brutalism.
a world of revelations.
of recalling the world as it once was,
of recalling what should be,
of recalling what was promised.
a world dissipating, and crumbling before eyes,
a world of lonesome,
of solitude,
of belief,
of hope,
a world of simply waiting for change to happen,
a world of sonic, helpless cries,
and diamond stars, ringing the same tone eternally,
a world confined, infinitesimally dense,
a singularity of lapsing towers,
a cocoon of grief,
a colosseum"

colosseum

the one i held dear to me, someone who thought so little of me, despite being the only thought prevalently on my mind for the past two years. what i will never be able to provide anymore, and what i will never end up getting in return ever again.

this documents the night i killed my internal child, displaced my own provider, and ran away to seek comfort from someone who unfortunately thought of me no more than a friend. the days i felt safe again, and was able to live in true comfort for the first time in a significantly troubling amount of time.

i will always love you J

"i forgot my passport
walk Sheppard, again
the train by the water, awaits
and anothers warmth
the subways at Greenwood,
but Yonge line ascend
crumbling as i walk,
to your arms

but little did i know, oh

2 hours across
near, SW lines end
your face at the station
within heartbeats, again
youre saying goodbye
and branding my chest
to feel a lovers blue sigh
and just leave me dismissed, again

and again

-

*im so dissappointed
disappointed in you*

i didnt even need my passport.."

ouroboros

the monotony, delirium and borderline complete isolation of the past two years. ive split this track into 3 hidden tracks, shall i say. the first being "limbo", the stark, barren wasteland of a desert, sprawling with highways and subway rails. then transitioning into "nomad", a wistful travelogue, where the water comes flooding in and revives our oceanless beach. finally closing off with "buoy", a hazy, untamed ballad, displaying the grief and standstill of my internal, trying desperately to move and drift off somewhere, being chained down and anchored for all eternity, finishing our mental image of my evercrumbling landscape

limbo

a subway station on toronto's line 1 yonge-university line. just on the rift between the sweet, gentle neighborhoods and the bustling, raging city. lodged in between "summerhill", the loneliest stop along the entire system, and "bloor-yonge" the most densely populated station per day, averaging around 200k passengers paying fare. i thought id give homage to the gentle verdant sanctuary it is, someplace i find myself standing still in time whenever passing through, along my way home.

"..and suburban tiles laid upon open field,
lay rest here, momentarily within the mossy cracks of diamond
blooms, flourishing from between tracks
granting us one final glimpse of what we once knew,
completely serrating us from the eternally moving city,
before delving deeper and further from comfort
the storms of pillars, lapsing into itself, perpetually
whilst underground skim, just barely beneath all your feet
our vessels pulsating through tunnels
the veins of the tempest, bleeding out from the underpasses.."

rosedale

an unending loop of crashing towers and demolition, as glass shatters and particles rain down unto broken ground, they levitate back into place, ready to be dismantled once more. lives and passerby continue to walk by without concern and proceed about themselves, meanwhile every day, something new is being demolished.

"crumbling
already crumbling
help it out
a pillar unto itself, again
turns nothing to rubble

a dust cloud exhale,
as a boulder collapse, again
upon me

♪

a muted blast
a shatter
a metro train
emerge from underpass, still

yet colossus rebuilt,
as it turn to glass shards, again
into rain

♪

and again, and again
into rain"

monument

the process of awakening, at least what mine feels like. booting up all the pre-requisite and unfinished thoughts from the night before, whilst simultaneously sifting through the madness of initial delirium. having to move yourself internally in order to fully move physically to a place of unending contradiction.

"footsteps towards
a place to be looked down upon
familiar
the only place thats safe:

amphitheater

remastered, more instrumental focused version of orbit, the final track off of my full length, solstice. since the original release omitted vocals, but still had lyrics, i wanted to tell the story easier through sonics, and really pursue the ambient route i unintentionally originally went down. beginning with the permeance through the ozone, and drifting from inner to outer orbit, until finally being dislodged out into the cosmos. i wanted the end of the orbit sequence to really emphasize the loose circling of being thrown out of orbit, while also still remaining relatively chaotic and disorienting, leading up to a significantly more spatial sounding exit to the track, of which i must say i now consider my best work.

orbit

orbit (remastered)

ive always been connected somehow with killer whales, but ive especially seen them as being so terrifying and unforgiving - not only regarding their name - simply for the fact that they are deemed some of the kings of atlantic waters, the apex predators of the oceans, having nothing preying on them, and being some of the smartest and most intelligent animals on the planet, yet having what seems to be nothing but warmth and desire to help human beings. whether that be out of fear of their power and ultimate submission to the race, or simply out of pure compassion, it is something i resonate with deeply and wanted to put into sonics. the brutal mindset of the neptunian oceans' apex predator, having an almost gentleness with the dominant species surrounding swimming past it, despite knowing fully it is in control

(instrumental)

orca

the first track recorded on the album, and an interlude of the toronto skywalk. a momentary place connecting the cn tower and rogers center - the most notorious points of the city, to the subway lines central rail station. being positioned directly above the regional and airport train lines, you can hear the chimes and clicks of the rails from the trains passing by as they leave on their voyages. a place of warmth and emptiness that i find myself standing still in time as i proceed into union.

(instrumental)

skywalk

this track depicts a sonic walkthrough of toronto's union station, at the near epicenter of the south core downtown. one of the busiest places in the city and will almost never be empty at any time of day. its a place ive returned to time and time again to see people off on a train back home, a general meeting point for venturing around the city, reconnecting with people coming into the land of reflections by locomotive, or in refuge away to other faraway lands myself. nonetheless, its been a place of longing, and has always had a lingering feeling of severe abandonment coveted by the glare of the eyes of public passerby. i wanted to make the emphasis of feeling constricted of simply *feeling*, and show how hard it is for me personally to grieve departures, when im simply supposed to look gleaming and sunny in the public eye, despite it feeling like i may never see that person ever again. i wanted a lot of these vocal and guitar takes to be very homemade sounding, so i almost always stuck with the first one i did. i wanted to be very unapologetic and abashed about the performances in this track, as well as #9.

[great hall]
"returning to the place
where all ends meet
and my eyes make it feel
like its the last ill see, of you

but your eyes
seem so empty
you said, "this feeling will pass in time"
but it never did

and this heartache
will remain in this place

(seated at the departure gallery
waiting for a locomotive; my very own guide
the train that will take me home,
that will lead me to the way i felt that night
take me to my true place
surrounded by chilling tile pillars, yet soon just your warmth
but this isnt my train.)

[concourse]
and the next time
we returned here, in hand
i dumbed down the feeling,
just like you said i could

but deep down i know
the floodgates were seeping through the cracks
and little did i know,
that that would be the last time
we ever saw eachother
face to face

now every time i return
to this earthen place
i picture your face
that im starting to forget with each passing day

but your sentiment
and the feelings that you made
and the longing i suppressed
from that final day
never fails to spark
even after ive left the door

(seated at the departure gallery
waiting for a locomotive; my very own guide
the train that will take me home,
that will lead me to the way i felt that night
take me to my true place
surrounded by chilling tile pillars, yet soon just your warmth
but this isnt my train.
in fact im not waiting for anything at all
while this locomotive traverses lands forlorn
i remain here
forever awaiting no arrival)

[PATH]
now i return back
with someone new
i see myself in them
and i see myself in you, now

i couldnt feel that break, hell
i barely feel anything nowadays
and i wonder if this is how you felt, that day
when i clung onto your arm

and i dont know which train
will take me to your arms
that you will never hold open, again

never hold open, ever again."

union

white oaks mall is a relatively smaller shopping mall in the southern portion of london, ontario. a place i found myself nullified to the piercing gaze of passerby, when i was accompanied by the one i called my lover, a place i can only dream of going back to within his palm, and that i always find within my dreams. despite only going there for some dinner foodstuffs, a funny bath gel we shared in the shower a few times, and to try taco bell for my first time, it will be a place i will remember always as somewhere i felt truly safe all out in the open, yet within the embrace of another.

the toronto path system is an underground metroconcourse network of offices, facilities, services, shops, food courts, and connects to transit networks, hotels, and tourist attractions thats spans over 30km in walking space. a place that is nearly empty at all times on weekends, and has trickling people in past noon on the weekdays. a place that looks like it should be deemed abandoned, but is very much moving and alive, just in a different time and space. a place that i consistently find myself wandering after i take out all of my energy at work, and need to explore somewhere, and within myself. my second home with just how much time i spend there, how much id love to stay there forever, and just how much it reminds me of that place i will never be able to return to again.

(intro)
"i dream of a plateaux.
of ascensions in ridged concrete,
and reminders to stay in our own lane.
a damp external to the vast, warm expanse of exploration.
two sets of doors, awaiting simple pressure,
to be fully rectified as a monument in your mind, or at least mine.
fully surrounded by the chilling unknown,
yet encompassed in your warmth; despite just two feeble palms.
fickle gazes dont torment me now,
now that youre here.
an abandoned sanctuary to stabilize this rampant lion.
yet just an illusion before i knew it."

pathways

about a conversation i had with a friend a couple months ago when i was elaborating just how unsalvageable ive become, and i started to compare myself to a moth, with just how much i keep on coming back to the thing that will inevitably hurt me, knowing that its exactly what i need and what i will never not want. i wanted to make it into a song with just how deep my metaphors went and how much i connected with it. (fun fact: i used a delay pedal to replicate the sound of fluttering wings!)

"the opening grows wider,
and im forced to fly above the clouds
and the midnight weight grows denser
on these wings that have yet to unfold
while my glass-block eyes, are fixed on the sun
its refracted rays, turn me into one

through the overcast.
this meteorite crash
past the monolith peaks,
through the cracks, between
a blazing fury
descend into barren ground
and these wings are embered, just as theyve become full

drifting through the winds
just below coverage
struggling to keep
the cinders dormant
oxidizing these fragile wings
as i proceed on my voyage
and just as they finish their burn
im engulfed into flames

barely levitiating
above concrete
wings of live coal
a nudge away from flaking, off
a lit match in front of me
and no place to go but onwards
and my now lifeless pod
plunge into cement
fully ablazen, once again

"ive got no wings left to fly"

now as i lay here
a wriggling pile of ash
and people come along,
with their lighters and their matches
touch their cold flames
to the urn without a vase
and sit and watch
as i become one with the winds

and i still glimmer."

moth

spacewalking upon a lonely seabed, devoid from the peaceful, pleasant memories of comfort i once had, now fully out of view from the deepsea haze that i reside below; that weighs me down fully. drifting along solely with the oceans current, listening to the empty screams of my lost opportunities and failed happenstances reverberate off of the walls of the oceans trenches and the waters thin surface, and having the displeasure of being able to hear nothing but my restless writhing within my own skin; within this dense flow of water.

seafloor

the sound of sinking

drifting away from the ones you love; your only source of comfort and reassurance, and watching as they slowly dissipate from view and become one with the haze.

slinky

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