a song i wrote for my girlfriend in the first few months we were together.

lyrics-
you make it easy to remember everything you say to me
your own eyes pull in the water that i can’t escape at all
you paint the room purple and i’d stay there if only i had nothing else to do

claw marks in a nightstand, pillow on the floor
night time and a click and locking up the doors

holding on to you and watching ppl on the street talking quietly
glasses and a corkscrew we’ll never get back, i’ll always be sorry for that
kissing in the kitchen and washing up and sitting on the floor listening to you

listen to the birds babe, they only sing for you
picking all the flowers that only grow for you

sleeping in your shirts and making the bed
i love you the most and the case is closed

pillow on the floor

angel numbers

lyrics-

holy light
birthright 
love me
feed me
beautiful sight
i have never prayed like i do to you
i have never cried like i do to you
i have never died like i do to you
i have never ever lied to you
i have always ever cried for you
i have always loved you in my heart

never always ever

this song is about dealing with grief and watching people you care about grieve, i’ve lost many people close to me in the past couple of years and so have people close to me. it was a really hard summer. 
 
lyrics-

it’s around the time that david died
i hate to watch your father cry
he loves so hard and he loves too good
he loves you so and i love you too

it’s hard knowing that simons gone
i didn’t know it would be too long
to see him and now he’s dead
i think about them when i get out of bed

in the kitchen at the stove 
i stand just as a blubbering child
the water boils

my problems are suddenly so small
lost hope and sadness of it all
loss of life beckons and weeps
i now only know i’m grateful this week

on east green street theres the unitec
i spend my mornings and i sweat
silently crying as i pack a shirt
burn my hands so much it doesn’t hurt 

in the kitchen at the stove 
i stand just as a blubbering child
the water boils

the water boils

i’ve struggled a lot with depression, this song is about trying to get better. 

lyrics-

you cry without reason
okay well, not an open one
there will be a change in season
your war is not yet won

you should smell the daylily
it’ll make you feel good 
attempts for care aren’t silly
you should try to feel good 

sunlight leaving
soak it in
lifelines waning
take it in
will you be okay?

bathroom floor sitting
try to breathe soon
can never tell if you’re kidding 
try to talk to the moon

try to talk to people more
do you deserve it?
i don’t even know anymore
in my head now, shit

hit till your knuckles bleed
wait till the house is empty
and sit till they think you can breathe

sunlight leaving
soak it in
lifelines waning 
take it in
will you be okay?
will you be okay?
not sure if i’ll be okay

note to myself

song about a bad relationship i was in

lyrics-
you made me cry before
maybe a hundred times
it was bad it made me want to die

i lied to you before
i cut open my thigh
it wasn’t in the fall it was last night 

please don’t
don’t yell at me
don’t make it all turn around on me
i just wanted to believe
you’d never wanna hurt me

at night my eyes are sore
i wonder what i’ve done
that was so bad to make you call me dumb

the hillside was alright
except for times when you
you blew up on me and spit you blew a fuse

please don’t 
don’t call me that 
don’t make me the victim of your act
i just wanted to believe
you’d never wanna hurt me

get away from me

stop calling me

mountain 74

folksy song about past feelings and a weird dream

lyrics:
sometimes you stand in
the middle of a big wide ocean
you look over the mountains near by
you just cry

she hurt me real bad
she cut my hands off my wrist
i bled out but then i came back to life
i just cry

she had a dream where
a colony of ants had run
rampant over her and she died
she was alive, she was

and i used to think
that everyone was naked if i couldn’t see them
how childish of me, i just didn’t think it through

dream

lyrics:
i wanna roll in the mud
i wanna get all dirty 
wipe it all off in your place
wipe it all over your face

i don’t know how to feel
i don’t know i’m just twenty
i know whatever the case
i’ll get to see your face

the trees are so tall 
when you lay down to look at them
yeah trees are so tall

do i go back to jersey
wisdom teeth growing in
gums open up at a slow pace
they cause me pain in the face

the baseball cap is sweaty
beads up on your top lip
wipe it all off it’s a race
wipe it all over your face 

tie up your laces
tie up your shoes

the trees are so tall
when you lay down to look at them
yeah trees are so tall

trees

song about old friends
lyrics:

i had to go lay down in his room
oh i wanted that
and the god fearers fear god
why do they fear me too 

mmmmmm
save me north star

im trying hard not to wake you up
i’m brushing my teeth
the door creaks in the morning
my gums just keep on bleeding

mmmmmm
save me north star
save me north star

his eyes are sunken down in his head
how high are the clouds
really forcing it on himself
we don’t have to worry, 

he’s not in our lives anymore

north star

skeleton demo

music written by someone with untreated mdd and gad
i have an lp out and an ep coming out on dec 20 on streaming services

shut_up_voula

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