Yes Drax, I got a penis. And it’s not half bad.

Sinistar's effects really felt faithful to the game!

Bro I like the beat it’s like somebody is about to breakdance and then they do another dance and gets sturdy

LYRICS 

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1IFxWiWDrXj3XxGluxvStjCPF8Z-rqinNu9JTOK-NYsU/edit?usp=sharing

CREDITS

Vladimyr P. as Red
https://soundcloud.com/vladimyr-p
Lexi M. as Charizard
https://soundcloud.com/user-650786333-593076861
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfRZUTOJL1qAbDorCjlhGYQ
Light as Venasaur
https://soundcloud.com/ducky808
Raichous as Blastoise
https://soundcloud.com/kingraichous

Rabi As Kris
garbageGothic as Susie
https://soundcloud.com/garbagegothic
Tuna as Ralsei
https://soundcloud.com/tunattic
GamingPlush64 as Lancer
https://soundcloud.com/gamingplush64
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtWX7jJ5lodM_poQuXMTqjQ

Written by Rabi, B O R K, & GamingPlush64
https://soundcloud.com/borkrulesok
Mixed by Light
Beat by Dansonn
Thumbnail by Rabi

Red vs. Kris - Rap Battle

In the 3rd installment of Lame-Ass Rap Battles, It's a battle of the art programs! We have Microsoft Paint vs Adobe Photoshop. Enjoy!

Snakebite126 as Paint
Eric the Audible as Photoshop
Written by Commander Jacob
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Produced by George Georgia of Audio Network
Beat arranged by Commander Jacob
Thumbnail by Commander Jacob

Paint (0:20):
I’m opening the Windows, so scram off of my lawn
Don’t try to rhyme, dog. Even my palette’s a icon
You charge 30 a month for a learning curve that's straight doo-doo
Must've dropped the opacity, I can see right through you
I’ll grab a brush, swap the color: make this kid black out
Because I bet your raps aren’t even a Bitmap-ped out.
I'm the godfather of digital art, there’s no denying me
I’ll get to sinking your ship if you wanna whine about piracy

Photoshop (0:41):
If you'd like to start war, let's open an artboard.
Got a liquefied flow to claim the place that I’ve fought for
Look, like anything made with you, all your raps will fall flat
We’re already two different types. No need to up the contrast
Sketch all the sloppy shapes you want, I’m rocking the house
Your users likely don’t have internet and draw with a mouse
Mark this, my bars got a hardness of eight hundred
You’re even sucking at fillers. I’ll make you kick the paint bucket

Paint (1:02):
Falling flat? Check the thumbnail. You can’t scold me
Coming at me with those lines, you might wanna ctrl Z
Painting skies since ‘85, style pouring like rain
I draw the line on this mic; call me MC Paint (ha)
You can’t mask your overratedness. It’s hurting, isn’t it?
Hold ctrl and scroll up; maybe you’ll find a shit I give

Photoshop (1:17):
I’m known to burn tools when I’m spitting a rhyme
You can’t make a drop shadow, so keep living in mine
Look, you want some layered disses and blending modes? I got plentiful
For programs rough 'round the edges, I’d recommend the feather tool
Masks? I’m clipping you. No brown, but your pallet’s shitty, dude.
Get back to the junkyard. GIMP is less of a bitch to use

Paint (1:32):
You can’t recover from this with a healing brush, how sad
I’ve had more fun using an SNES mouse pad
Use your magic wand to select good lines, ingrate
Or continue making YouTubers’ slimy-ass clickbait

Photoshop  (1:42):
I’ve had to deal with dudes tryna do me like a clone stamp
So let’s crop and slice the comic sans of art programs
That’s how you lasso a win, no way MS Jank beat me
You'd be better off opening a verse in Paint 3D

Microsoft Paint vs Adobe Photoshop | Lame-Ass Rap Battle #3

??? as HOLLYWOOD LEGENDS PRODUCTIONS
adroitwizzzzz as Ben
seth as the man of moles

Ben Shapiro: 
Say, theoretically somebody’s gay for Moleman 
--May--be if this were plausible you wouldn’t be so sad 
Though we should note that, this is hypothetical 
Opposed to the set in stone fact that I’m gonna throw Hans 
Despite making up 50% of the lines:
you only take the dub 0% of the time
My 2 cents as to why you’re bad and actively losing 
is because you’re rapping Grandpa whereas I’m making music 

Moleman:
Who ya callin Grandpa? I’m 31 actually 
Old fashioned and impractical-- you’re a faulty facts machine 
Give that minute of my life back to me, 
Even a ball to the groin didn’t put me in this kind of agony 
(ow) I can see how you’re Matilda’s cousin 
You’ve got the power to make people leave the room with your discussions 
You lean far right?-- well, there’s what i got this cane for 
Ben Shapiro just got destroyed by *oof* 

Ben Shapiro:
Sure eeyore  

Moleman:
Aw 

Say for the sake of debate, uh, that your lines meant shit to me 
I’d save them all for my book and name it: “The Wrong Side of Dissery”
I’ll put my foot up your balls, you crippled, commie creeper
Studies show they call you Moleman ‘cause you’re digging yourself deeper

Moleman:
Oh I was lead to believe that I was Bart Simpson
But, you couldn’t brainwash me to follow your way of thinkin’ 
Yeah, I've got such a pristine flow when I drop a rap
I can bring down the house and sell it all to Aquaman

Ben Shapiro vs Moleman RAP BATTLE

(CONTEXT: https://i.redd.it/sxgappnq4mw11.jpg)

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of the goofy mutilated murderers: MDHHCD vs Hash-Slinging Slasher

-LYRICS-

Man Door:
(Yo) whatcha gonna do, wave at me with your nub singed?
I got a handle on this battle; Man Door is unhinged
Oh look, more slime to spill down the Krusty Krab walls as usual
Frying and firing this fry cook like a 2nd funeral
My bars have got that secret sauce that you're lacking, huh?
You couldn’t flip a line if both of your hands were spatulas
Speed of Gary when you’re rhyming. Try to run from my sickle
You’re bout as scary as a pirate tryna come for my pickle (ugh)
Hop back on your bus, cuz you best be retreating
Don’t need Nosferatu, I’ll knock your lights out neatly
Let’s hope your verse is like your phone calls: no speaking
I’ll leave you in the dumpster, so good luck… sweaty

Hash-Slinging Slasher
Staying up… at night with THAT verse? Bad decision
But to be fair, it was longer than your story to begin with
How’s a guy with no name or design think he’s not losing?
Both raise our eyebrows: you with fear, me with confusion
Either learn better English or get slayed hard, bitch
If I let you in, be ready for a graveyard shift
And with your hook lodged in the door, it’s time that I sped up
I’m looking to see red like “dude, can I get some ketchup?”
I got your ass sprinting backwards like a gas-thieving bastard
Yo, you’re a trash-flinging rapper, and I’m the Hash-Slinging Slasher
Go back to stealing steres, you copypasta wannabe
I stopped the voice cuz I was nervous you’d keep spitting awfully


Light as Man Door hand Hook Car Door
Commander Jacob as Hash-Slinging Slasher
Zawesome as Ketchup Requester (cameo)
Written by Commander Jacob and Zawesome
Edited and thumbnailed by Commander Jacob
Mixed by Light
Prod. by 2Deep

Man Door Hand Hook Car Door vs Hash-Slinging Slasher | Half-Ass Rap Battles

Video dropping Halloween!

Light as Guts
Fightmarker as Doomguy

Beat Produced by: Audio Network
Written by: Dani Frias
Mixed by: Dani Frias
Thumbnail by: Rabi
Old Thumbnail by: SonicSmash
Flow Test by: Dani Frias

Lyrics:

Guts:
This ain’t the hell you’re used to, so I suggest you back off
The Black Swordsman is up against Master Chief only half off
I’m those spider demons you fight and you’re just a simple house bug
So tell me who stomps in this match if your NASA shit pulls the plug
You like easter eggs? Well go have a crack at this
I’ll John Romero this when I get a-head with all your hits
So step to me if you dare, just know it’ll be your last trip
Since my sword will hit the same lips that you’ll use to kiss my ass with

Doomguy: 
East verse west, Guts meets the best
It’s a gunfight, yet you bring swords to compete against
Soundtrack from Mick Gordon with songs that he made from his lip
up fighting worse english than Chinese bootlegs? This’ll be a trip
So let’s get the party going, I won’t leave this battle floored
Griffith fucked your girl first since your dick ain’t big as your sword
Followed by your 2016 show that shouldn't have left the station
I’d say to walk away if I didn’t have to see that animation
Rip and tear through tactics, Guts’ guts will sure be bleeding, 
The ugliest one-eyed motherfucker since the Cacodemon
and it seems you lack cohesion with a new swordsman to switch to
So don’t call yourself the goat, kid, I’ve history killing him too
 
Guts:
My back hurts, but I don’t think I got it from those lines
It’s from carrying my team while yours keeps dying all the time
and keep my name out your mouth like you think you’re some kind of bruiser
Named Doomguy, marine, and slayer, but I’ll truly call you loser
You’re on Falcon’s territory, I’m so fly when I go diss you
Fight with no breaks while you fight Snake over a little shih tzu
You don’t know jack about me, take your vengeance somewhere else and fade
Too bad you’re stuck in hell with none to say you fell down to my blade

Doomguy:
Aww, don’t cry now. Your fans might make that meme again, dude
Sword Art Online took your name and now you’re mad I’ll take your shit too
I’m glad you took your research but let’s note down something well
Between us, who’s the one that actually surpassed through hell?

Guts vs. Doomguy - #6

Oh yeah we going to space for this one
Mancha as Sinistar
King Mewtwo as Ego the Living Planet
Beat produced by Tristan on the Track
Thumbnail by Trakked
Mixed by Dani Frias 
Written by Trakked, Kamren, ColeDaCole and WDRB

Battle:

Sinistar:
Beware coward, this small villain will fall victim to my hunger 
I’ll throw Sini-bombs at this planetoid; lightyears asunder!
You better Run Run Run! Not even your Alter-Ego can stop me
For my Eternal power shall destroy this puny planet's Galaxy 
It’s a travesty that such a being couldn’t be a strong foe
Beat by a space pirate? That’s what I’d call a fragile Ego
You're a sick minded fraud, went out a Boomer like your status
Not even glitches could rebirth since you've already turned to ashes

Ego:
Tried to scare in the 80’s, yet even with that, computer,
You’re the “star” of a forgotten game; an unoriginal space shooter
If a spacecraft can beat you, then you’ll revel to my power,
Decimated into decimals, never played beyond an hour

Sinistar:
Beware, I live!; And you claim my game is infamous?
I may be the metal boss, but you’re sure picking up rust!
I’ll bust into your core, before you dare fathom to wreck this,
How come you try to take risks when I eat planets for breakfast? 

Ego:
You're just an underpowered entity, a frail-minded Galactus
So I'll trash this scrap metal; I could destroy you with magnets!
Barely shoddy, with my Anti-Bodies swarming 'round this virus,
Deleting all weak-shelled copies of this pathetic bot who’s mindless
Your claim to fame's only a game, while my legacy evolves
No glitches can save you, watch you while all of your lives dissolve
A win trapped in Imaginationland; this pathetic feud is over
And it concludes with me having this star meet a supernova

Sinistar vs Ego - Rap Cypher: REBOOT #12

Light as Roronoa Zoro
Malina Rose as Erza Scarlet

Beat Produced by: Anywaywell
Written by: Dani Frias and Dargon
Additional Writing Help by: Henry, Oookm, and Creep Switch
Mixed by: Dani Frias
Thumbnail by: ColeDaCole

Lyrics:

Zoro:
I feel that I gotta inform those, if you mess with Roronoa, you get torn slow
and Miss Erza Scarlet right here looks like she could just be another dojo 
It's Zoro, me and the Straw Hats finna pull up at your home, so drop the tension
I won't lose to a girl who tries to carry her team by the power of...friendship?
I save trains, so you know I'm running a track,
While you're training now so you can run and attack
I'm better off goin' on without parents than ending up related to a parasite so wack 
Can't destroy the beat without destroying your town
You're lucky that you have me since I'm doing it now
Changing your armor but still look like a clown
While I just need a durag so shit can go down 
So let’s make it clear that I'm Zoro, Miss, leaving my mark like El Zorro, Miss
Should've made your ugly ass the many monsters that you were you able to go solo with
But if you want a match,
Let our swords clash, 
One shank to the chest and your breath's traveled
and in case you still wanna think you'll leave alive, you can check the Death Battle

Erza:
I won't allow getting an inch near me, call me Sanji, I'm gonna cook this man
This vice captain got nice cappin', though, get back on your ship and fix a plan
Got so lost, you showed up on Fairy Tail, I'm just keeping it real between us
I'm firing shots like a Jupiter Cannon, can't be that godly when strung up like Jesus
Don't think you're slashing blades against an S Class to your Worst Generation
I feel pity so you could take my Requip and go turn into not a disgrace and
Get out my sight, please, it's obvious that you'll fall when you fight me, I'd say to bite me
But with that weapon in your mouth it seems that your teeth are the only thing mighty
Got 1, 2, 3 swords but be warned, 'cause you still can't get through me
Don't matter, though.
You'd be too busy using the forth one in your pants to go swordfight Luffy
Like your manga name, you'll take the L, Zolo. But I know you would otherwise
'Cause I'm no girl you can par with, 
I put the scar in Scarlet; 
Best keep a lookout for your other eye

Zoro:
I'm a pirate hunter, while your crew can't pass the sea nor step to me without a beach episode
I won't look out for what you swing at me 
I should be written out of here too like the arcs I'm not in 'cause I'm best in flow
Took Luffy's pain, it didn't hurt as bad as hearing you, it's apparent
Rockin' a wedding dress but we both know you and Jellal still fucked before marriage 
It's best you stop and put those eye jokes to rest, pretty sure yours is faker than your breasts
Straight out the Marines 
So you don't want a war against someone who could leave one giant mess
Must be a slave again 'cause you're not making any cents. 
At least when you were, you weren't asking for this
So I'll help you thinkin 'bout your own funeral again 
‘cause the only dub you'll take is the Miss Fairy Tail Contest

Erza:
Rapping is one of your weaknesses, go kneel down to me and pay respects
Giving you the boot when I'm kicking your nuts 'til your voice ends up higher than Pica's is
I wouldn't say you’re a genius,
It's pathetic that you'll make like Natsu after you've been checked
Give it a rest, I could call you Kuina once you take some steps
Sit down and best watch your language, ay
Slice you like a Jersey Mike's sandwich, ay
Me and my guild won't fall down and give up the crown 
to someone who's been playing outlandish games
But I guess this is where you fail, as it seems that it's too late give me at least some peace
Ironic, I'll have you die to my sword and then you'll be anything but One Piece

Zoro vs. Erza - #7

This is a super passion-oriented project that has been in the works for literally nearly two months, so much so that I wasn't sure it'd release. Partially because I wanted to do these amazing games--especially Phasmophobia--justice, and had a very specific artistic vision that I wasn't sure if I could pull off effectively in the way I'd want.
I'm happy to say that this is finally out. Not to mention I am pretty damn proud of how it came out.
Special thanks to EVERYONE involved in this project. Y'all really carried this shit, not me. If it weren't for the help of amazing VAS, Jacob for the thumbnail and some early beta feedback-givers, this wouldn't be here in the state it is.
And thus, I give you my boldest project yet. Hope you guys like it. :)

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1HyPrmUdW_4P_gRTv5HOIBKNKqmRidNx9hWaWggp4-hA/edit?usp=sharing

Phasmophobia vs. Sign of Silence // Alex's Rap Battles #9

Yo MAMA!!!
Alanon as the announcer
Eric the Audible as Ryu 
JordanShowish as Liu Kang
Written by Trakked, Snakebite and WDRB
Beat by The Unbeatables
Thumbnail by Trakked
Mixed by Jordanshowish

Battle:
Ryu:
Came in search for someone worthy, yet a killer monk appears
Raiden's lackey's lacking sense if he chooses to come near
The Satsui no Hado plagues me, but your thoughts plague yourself
You're an outdated copy, a cartridge stuck on the shelf
Best escape with a Bicycle, cause no kick can subdue me
A personality even worse than the ratings on your movies
You should see that fatalities aren't in the wise path
Seems though, you've already succumbed to your side's wrath
Its evident this Revenant's just a blight on fighters
A pestilence that meddles with his fire like a lighter
Killed by your enemy and protector, it's clear you're unworthy
Put down your mic and fight; for no words can hurt me

Liu Kang:
Serving Earthrealm is my duty, but there's no saving your series
All bark and no bite, so you can't battle, clearly.
Droning on isn't my style, I lost interest Mid-Way
Thought I became a zombie again; your raps dulled my brain
While this homeless orphan’s left roaming the world, searching for fights
I’ve won the trophy in every tournament I’ve been in with sheer might
Against the likes of Scorpion, sorcerers, and soldiers of ice
And now I’m scorching this corpse with a fatality on the mic
You've rapped wrong, Capcom's mascot's a disgrace
No impact on other media so you have to save face
I’m the chosen one, a holy son, before you wanna dance
Change your catchphrase to "You must defeat Liu Kang to stand a chance"


Ryu vs Liu Kang. Fighting Game Rap Battles.

Alex the Beast as Machamp
Dani Frias as Galarian Farfetch'd

Machamp:
My opponent’s a lowlife alola- galarian?
Smoke it with no fists, my toe tip could bury him
Pokemon’s GOAT, leaving foes without any limbs
Won’t waste my focus on no vegetarian

Farfetch’d:
Sure, keep insulting me like I’m the weak fighter
Only thing you’re good at breaking’s mirrors, Meat Spider
But if you’re gonna just continue laughing when we brawl
Well, then we’ll see who’s the gag when I evolve
Sirfetch’d:
I’ll strike at this tacky undeveloped sore sissy
With his gigantamax form looking like a gormiti 
Looks to me like you missed boxing 101, so I’d better state
Strapping a geodude to your back doesn’t make you heavyweight
Heh, at this point, Frankenstein should just pack up
With that mug, not even my beak could match up
Don’t wanna get intense cause this feud is petty
I’ll put down my sword and I’ll give you a wedgie

Machamp:
So Flour Power wants to say he’s improved
He just turned into the bad ending of playing with food (ha!)
Face with the ride me eyes, lay down your dying hype
Flimsy and weak, a disgrace to the fighting type
Basically Flying, why you in the first place?
Close to my level? You belong in a bird cage
This joke in the game’s shot at smoking my fame?
Want the answer? You got it in your own fucking name
I’m peak performance, your leek’s your offence
So maybe think twice before you beef enormous
Muscles I’m rocking that make my foes shudder, stunned
Sport Bird’ll wish he accepted the other guns
Squirt you’re a runner up, look at you all huddled up
Ready up a thunder punch, decimate this rubber duck
Coming in to rumble with an onion and some puffing up
Living example of how to speedrun a couple punctured lungs
This is a wild tourney, can you touch me in this state?
I’ve seen more agile birdies on a fucking dinner plate
While I don’t hesitate to leave a foe bleeding grim
There’s a reason I’m the ace in your own region’s gym

Sirfetch’d:
You’ve got no bars when dissing me, quit the bitch fit
Thought your no guard ability meant you didn’t miss hits
I’m the example? Well that just drives me up the wall
If you were a role model there’d be steroids in lunchables
Ooh, bud you stand lesser, not even my ancestor
Bring out all four of ‘em, I’ve seen Hitmonlee throw hands better
500 punches per sec? That’s blowing my mind
Cause last time I checked, your attack’s lower than mine (ay)
I flow in my lines like the flow in my mind when I strike with precision and leave you a sad sight
You flail your punches and fail to touch this, your fighting position’s more fit for a slap fight
It’s a slight stretch to act like Registeel 
Maybe I’ll use your body as my next veggie shield
So you’d better yield, it was a good game though
But it didn’t take a flying move to leave this gym teacher K.O.’ed

Written by Psytube
Mixed by Dani Frias
Cover Art by Rabi
Beat by Marsad Men

Machamp vs Galarian Farfetch'd - Pokémon Rap Battle

Welcome back to Half-Ass Rap Battles! Today we have a battle of Nintendo's lesser-known parts of their handheld consoles; the Gameboy Camera vs Flipnote Studio. Enjoy!

-LYRICS-

GBC:
Yo. I point at you and shoot your bars down one-by-one
And when I snap, I don’t gotta ask Who You’re Running From
Off your store and went away, you’ll get erased from your separate page
I’m bringing hella flames on MS Paint with extra frames
I pioneered cameras leaving every face with smiles
While Hatena users were like “XD Gangnam Style”
Wait, I was more able to get on a console? Damn bruh
Smile! You got ass-whooped by Gameboy Camera!

Flipnote:
I ain't afraid again, I’ll keep on rhyming ‘til the end
I flow like water, I’m too fly. I’ll keep on dissing ‘til you die
A verbal drop kick is all I need to clap back
I didn’t frog hop on a track to fight monochromatic Snapchat
Ya know what’s sadder than a Shy Guy with no phone?
I’ll call Guinness to report “least pixels in a photo”
I only need three colors to beat ya red, blue, and black! Ouch
May be out of Print these days, but you still just got Stamped-out

Commander Jacob as Gameboy Camera
YouTube: www.youtube.com/channel/UCpjj...
SoundCloud: @commanderjacob
Twitter: twitter.com/commander_jacob

Fightmarker as Flipnote Studio
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCfRZ...
Twitter: https://twitter.com/THEFIGHTMARKER
SoundCloud: https://soundcloud.com/fightmarker

Written by Commander Jacob and MetaMachine
Thumbnail by Commander Jacob
Mixed by GamingPlush64
Prod. by Kustom

Gameboy Camera vs Flipnote Studio | Half-Ass Rap Battles

Art in the banner by Grenade, Banner made by SPM
Owned by Trakked
Discord: @trakked

Sinistar vs Ego - Rap Cypher: REBOOT #12

Rap Cypher

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